The Countries NOT to Move To

I love the Simpson's episode where Abe Simpson after saying something to the effect "These damn kids today don't work any more!" walks into the Social Security office and yells

"Gimme, gimme, gimme!!!!"


Ah, generational unity.

You Will Buy This Shirt

GO! Do it now!!!! Quick!!!

Besides, chicks will dig you.

Medicine for Recession #2

You are the corn beef and I am the cabbage!

Medicine for the Recession #1

Sorry I have not posted more cartoons. I find it necessary to post cartoons to force you people to laugh and enjoy life rather than worry about an economy, a country and a career that is largely out of your hands;

Radio Free Nation

Tune in tonight if you don't have a date!

Besides which have a date with the Captain, Erik, Dr. Mo and Marty. 4 men and no women. How can you ladies resist!?

730PM!

Post post-Here's the podcast

Windfall Profits Tax

Remember when Big Oil was making all that money? Well, not anymore.

You see when the market price of the stuff you're pumping out of the ground falls by 50%, then so too do your profits. However, what also falls is ignorant, populist mentality when the price collapses and thus demand for taxing the "windfall profits" of the "evil oil industry" collapses as well. Even if Congress were to tax the evil oil companies, what profits are they going to tax? Besides, I thought everybody was bitching about bailing out companies and industries who WEREN'T profitable. Or is it the leftist's right to be an intellectually dishonest child bitching about it being to cold and then bitching about it being too hot? Precisely, my little spoiled brat child, what would be the "optimal" temperature or level of profits for these firms and what is your logical adult rationalization for that level, or are you just whining on a whim and crying like a vapid, crabby little infant for the sake of doing so?

Regardless, the point is "big oil" doesn't control the price of oil. The world economy went into recession, demand for oil tanked, and now prices have gone down. A more classical textbook example of supply and demand in economics does not exist.

But, wait, let me guess. When oil breaks $2.50 a gallon, we're going to start complaining again, aren't we?

You want a quick question to find out whether the person you're dating has the intellectual temerity and maturity to be in a long term relationship with you, ask them who controls the price of oil.

Child Abuse

You want to know what one of the most subtle yet vicious forms of child abuse is? Having a child out of wedlock.

Now I'm no big fan of children, but if you really want a child and REALLY want to LOVE a child, instead of having an accessory to go with the SUV and the drapes, maybe make sure s/he has BOTH a father and a mother. Heck, I've even go so far as to say having two parents, gay or straight, would be better than one.

I will not tolerate any criticism on this issue. Unlike most people on the left, I actually do give a damn about the children and don't just use them as a hostage to negotiate more money;
Source: OECD

For the Baby Boomers in the Newspaper Business

Yeah, that about sums it up.

But then again, you didn't listen during the Dotcom Mania. And you didn't listen during the housing bubble.

What makes us think your heads will finally come out of your New York Time's asses and listen this time around?

So here's a little simple formula for all you newspapers out there to assess your current market value;

The value of a newspaper = salvageable book value of assets - market value of debt

So in other words, you're all insolvent.

AM 1500

Hey, it's AM 1500!

The Captain Needs Some Female Advice and Help

Beloved Captain Capitalismites of the Femme Fatale persuasion,

I have entered a sort of "Most Eligible Bachelor" competition here in Minneapolis and as luck would have it, I made it past the first round.

The next step is to go in for a photo-shoot where I was instructed by the photographer to show up with the attire for TWO THEMES. I asked her "what kind of themes?" She said, "The themes where you are at your best."

I have decided one theme, which will be my standard Cary Grant/Frank Sinatra classic suit and tie. I shall also perhaps bring a cigar as they are very evil, and well, frankly, girls even though publicly they may "claim" they don't like cigars and cigars are "icky" they can't help the fact I'm being a "rebel" and breaking the rules which will of course help me win.

However the second theme I am having trouble with and thusly would appreciate your opinion.

Option #1 - The Rugged Indiana Jones Fossil Hunting Paleontologist - I will wear my hiking gear, trim my beard down to a rugged 5 o'clock shadow, my patented fossil hunting hat (kind of like Indiana Jone's has his hat, I have mine) and whatever else I can think of that I bring whilst conducting my expeditions

Option #2 - Old WWII Fighter Pilot Motif - I have an authentic WWII fighter pilot uniform, bomber jacket and all that I use when I go out dancing at the annual hangar dances. I fear it is too similar to the suit and tie, Cary Grant classic attire, but it was a theme recommended by friends.

In any case, I have to go in on the 13th. Any preferences or opinions would be appreciated. Also part of the judging will be done on the internet, so of course I'll be calling all economists of the
femme fatale persuasion to come and vote for lil' ole me once I find out the details.

Post Update - OK, here's some pictures, hopefully this will provide some reference;

You Will Enjoy This Recession

Besides which, if there's something I've tried to convey to my recently laid off Gen-X friends;

"DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CONTROLLED ANY ASPECT OF YOU GETTING LAID OFF?"

Now IS the time to relax, take it easy and enjoy. And the reason why is that you do not control the fates. Middle aged losers who so mismanaged this country are to blame. And to my friends, who are largely in the Gen X category who actually feel guilty in getting laid off, let me ask you this;

Are you really to blame for this economic collapse? I'm sorry, but were you in control of AIG, Lehman Brothers, Goldman Sachs? Does somebody know Bernie Madoff personally? I didn't think so. It's not "young punk kids" in charge of this nation right now. It's the old, burnt out, pot smoking 1968 hippies who never had any talent anyway who are in control. Spoiled brats that had everything handed to them that never had to go and work or toil or suffer to build up the mantle that would make them real adults. Yeah, the "Jim Moronson" generation who (if you REALLY think about it) never had any hope of ever becoming anything near approaching their previous generation's stature, morality, honor, integrity or capability simply because they lived off of the previous generation's (and future generation's) labor.

No you weren't, you were not to blame.

The previous generation was.

And if you thought you could do something about it? Oh, you fool. They weren't going to let you take command either, no matter how much more informed and superior leaders you may have been. It is a system, a system to keep those who are outdated and obsolete in command and control. Ergo, there is only one thing left to do whilst the country crumbles as it's currently incompetent leaders flail, hopelessly to turn the country around;

WATCH CARTOONS:

Pepe Le Pew - Odor Of The Day
Uploaded by davidknight2.

Because watching cartoons ensures you don't piss away any more of your valuable and FINITE life working to contributing to social security and medicare.

They Were With Us Even Far Back as 1919

I have a theory about leftists, socialists, etc., and that is they don't have any employable skills and thus find crusades that take little to no work. In other words there aren't a lot of nuclear engineers that are socialists. But there seems no limit to the number of sociology majors who are socialists. Or PETA protesters that vote left (what does animals rights have to do with fiscal policy? Nothing, but it's not about the animals). Or environmentalists (again, logic would suggest there would be equal amounts of environmentalists between capitalists and socialists, indicating it's not about the environment, but their egos). Regardless, people who plain just don't want to work will go and find a crusade and join it so they feel good about themselves. And you must understand a crusade to create something of worth (a business, jobs, a work of GOOD ART, a new technology, etc) takes REAL effort, while a crusade to destroy something or simply protest against it takes no effort. Ergo why you will never see a leftist cause or crusade designed to build or create something of worth. It's always "against" something that already exists. Ergo, why I found this poster from 1919 very interesting;



Again, I doubt the women who were in the prohibition crusade were in it to get people to stop drinking as much as they were to make themselves feel better. Besides, if they really wanted to get men to stop drinking they wouldn't have made themselves the POSTER CHILDREN TO STOP DRINKING.

With those mugs it would only DRIVE men to drink.

Beaten to the Punch by Mark J Perry

Let me tell you about Mark Perry. He's this guy out in Michigan who does this thing. Thinking he's the chart master, teaching over at the University of Flint, while he pointlessly cheers on the Detroit Lions. No, I'm just kidding, he's a good guy, but he does irk me when he posts about something I was thinking about before I get the chance to post it.

In any case, I had noticed on the University of Minnesota's web site that they were going to boost the GPA necessary for getting "honors" to 3.67. I recall my mother had gone to the U of MN back in the 70's and back then a 3.0 was required to get an "honors" notation. For me it was 3.5 back in 1997. Regardless, it shows that while grades have inflated, the deans and academic management have decided not to change the academic rigor needed to graduate with honors. Of course MJ Perry has to go and ruin my fun by posting a chart closely enough related to make my post obsolete;


You can read his post here.

That being said, he has allowed me to simply link to his chart, thereby giving me the opportunity to ride my motorcycle around today and fish instead of make an original blog post.

Ah, the benefits of plagiarism.

Michael Savage vs. the Pakistani Cleric

Mike's not allowed in

but best I can tell a terrorist is (though he may have subsequently been kicked out).

Regardless, yet another reason not to visit the UK...not that I was planning on it anyway.

Entrant # 14- Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Competition!

From Scott

THE COMPETITION IS NOW OFFICIALLY CLOSED!

Today's Word is "Inured"

Inured

Of the many reasons the Captain does not want children, one of the more highly ranked ones is that I very much appreciate and like my current lifestyle.

I go home and the only noise I hear is the security alarm go off notifying me I opened the door. I then type in my little code and the system is de-armed. After that....silence.

Beautiful, wonderful silence.

From that point on the only noises I hear are the noises I make. Typing on the keyboard. Opening and closing doors. The uncorking of a wine bottle. The ruffling of paper work. It is a calm and serene bachelor pad and only unless I through on some Beastie Boys or Cypress Hill is that serenity PURPOSELY disturbed.

Now the problem is that if you are over 30 and have never had a child, you start to take this calm, serenity for granted. You don't appreciate the order and clock-like regularity and stability of your life. That is until of course you visit fools that have decided to have children and are starkly reminded just how good you got it.

My girlfriend and I visited two poor souls that were friends of mine last night. We hopped on the motorcycle, took advantage of the near 70 degree day and with some spare time in our schedule, decided to drop in on this married couple. Upon entering the house all seemed in order until one of the children decided to come down stairs and visit with us. She was about a 2 year old child and while her parents and I tried to have an adult conversation the child then started screaming and yelling and making noise. Now the child was not upset or angry or crying, she was actually quite ecstatic to see new people. So this was jovial yelling and screaming, but none the less, still yelling and screaming.

I thought that after a certain amount of time the kid would stop, but it didn't. Certainly, I thought, my friends would intervene and take the child away and put her in the garage or the basement or something. But they didn't. It went on and on and on, to the point that I soon realized my friend who I was talking to did not show signs of this even affecting her. She could continue on the conversation without even skipping a beat, no matter how loud or piercing the screeches were from her little child. Once I realized this I couldn't really believe these screeches were not affecting her, which behooved me to interrupt our conversation and sincerely ask her;

"Wait, wait, wait. Doesn't this bother you?"

To which she responded, "What?"

I said, "The screaming? Doesn't this affect you? Why haven't you put the kid in another room or something?"

"Well she had a long nap and has a lot of energy."

Which didn't of course answer my original question and made me realize what had happened.

My friend and her husband had become "inured" to the noise. They had become "inured" to the children. No matter how loud, nor how outlandish the behavior of the child, my friends had grown accustomed to it and it no longer fazed them. And it was scary because what had happened was really nothing short of brainwashing.

For example, I had a buddy once whose girlfriend was a very attractive girl. He was an honorable and caring man, but perhaps too caring. He was one of those guys who still believed in chivalry and taking care of the women and being the knight in shining armor, blah blah blah. In other words he was a sensitive 90's man. Sure enough his "girlfriend" who didn't really want to spend that much time with him some how convinced him that spending 2 HOURS A WEEK together was more than enough for a relationship. His original, darwinistic, genetic code-programmed response was,

"BS, 2 hours PER WEEK? We're not boyfriend girlfriend, we're kind of maybe seeing each other a little."

Naturally a battle of "how much time is the appropriate amount of time" ensued, but he lost as she constantly wore him down AND ULTIMATELY CONVINCED HIM THAT HE WAS BEING SELFISH AND JEALOUS FOR WANTING TO SPEND MORE THAN 2 HOURS A WEEK WITH HER!

The point was he became "inured" to her unrealistic definition of a "relationship," inevitably capitulated and has ever since been treated like sh!t.

It was the same thing with my married friends. They had lost the battle. They had given up. And instead of having any semblance of self-respect for themselves, they now let their kid run their lives and it could only be obviated by it being seen by an outside observer who deems screeching children socially unacceptable.

Regardless, the event did re-teach me a lesson. Be happy with what you have if you have no children. Sure the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want is great. And of course the largest of all reasons not to have children; ALL the income in "income PER CAPITA" is spent on you, because you are the only capita. But, boy, after last night, I really started to appreciate the nothingness serenity and calmness known as silence.

Go Listen, Now!!!!

I'm not as hip and programming savvy as you kids out there, but I think if you just click the play button you'll get the download.

One Way to Solve the Housing Crash

Destroy supply.



Though mold and regular lack of upkeep will do that too.

Regardless, it is beautiful. I would just love to see the faces of the bankers, mortgage brokers and real estate developers that help piss away the resources on those homes that would only be destroyed.

ht

Radio Free Nation

I will again be broadcasting on Radio Free Nation tonight. 730 Central Standard Time.

To quote an old song from the U of MN PD;

"It's Wilson Gate, Yeah Wilson Gate.
Tis Saturday night and you've not a date
Start your shift at quarter past 8.
We'll fire your ass if you be late.
Now life is grand and life is great
Cause it's Wilson Gate, yeah Wilson Gate."

Tis Saturday night, and you've not a date.

So tune in!

Brainwashing Little Children

This is why I absolutely refuse to give "teachers" a free pass when it comes to criticism. I know it's unpopular to bash "teachers," it's like bashing nuns, and I know there are "good teachers" out there but some are no where near as honorable as nuns. They are on the front line of this battle and have no moral qualms about brainwashing little children. And while some may be good teachers, I remember most of mine to be pathetic, inept 20 somethings that didn't give a damn about educating children, but rather were looking for an easy career path than didn't involve calculus;

C R I P E S