I had the great misfortune of being in a Trader Joe's this weekend. The experience and my observations of the people are enough to merit their own post, but there is something much more important to write about -
How to go grocery shopping "bachelor style."
And by "bachelor style" I mean "the most efficient and correct way."
Understand BOTH men and women have no strategy or organization on how to go shopping for groceries. They merely enter, follow the way the marketeers of the grocery store have laid out your path for you, and dare you leave that path you wander aimlessly, down aisles, looking for something.
So let me help you save time and money doing things "The Bachelor Way."
First, stop it with lists. The only people that should have lists are chefs because they're making something specific and need ingredients. Even if you ARE a chef, the Bachelor Way is still most efficient. Besides, true bachelors don't do lists.
Second, get rid of the coupons. Yes, I know you save money. But you will lose that money in time nitpicking around looking for that 32 oz box instead of the 27 oz box not to mention holding up the entire US economy, double dipping us into another recession as you hold back 40% of the local labor force in your check out lane.
Third, your goal is TIME. Most specifically, efficiency. To get ALL the groceries you need in the shortest amount of time.
Fourth, employ the "Cappy Cap Method" of shopping.
This is a method or technique I developed in college when time was of the essence.
You grab a cart.
You place that cart at the end of an aisle. You RACE up one aisle, looking right and then left, grabbing everything you need in that aisle. You then U-turn into the adjacent aisle and do the same thing as you head back to your cart.
Drop all the items into your cart that you picked up in the two aisles.
Move the cart down to the next two aisles.
And repeat the process until in (what should be) 5 minutes you have covered ALL the aisles in the ENTIRE grocery store with EVERYTHING you need. (I will permit you to get a Red Bull as a treat whilst in the check out lane).
The main point of the Cappy Cap Method of shopping is NOT to bring your cart into the aisle along with the rest of the obese 50 year olds scanning each square inch of the shelving as you create a grocery store traffic jam. You cover as much ground as quickly as possible, positioning your cart at a strategic drop point which allows you to get everything you need and get out.
This has been a public service announcement from Cappy.
Sounds rather frantic. Keep a running list on the 'fridge. Go only to the aisles that have something on your list, and buy only the things on the list. Also, never "go shopping" but hit the store on your way home from work (grab the list as you go out in the morning) or while running other errands. You'll be in and out in minutes and will always have what you need.
ReplyDeleteI used to do a modified form of that, until someone commandeered my cart because it only had one item in it and looked abandoned. She even took my item out and reshelved it randomly.
ReplyDeleteI disagree about the lists. Individual items often slip my mind.
Over the years I've drawn up a general shopping list that has everything I routinely buy on it.
Because the general list is complete, it helps me remember to check if I'm running low on other items that are easy to overlook, like bathroom stuff.
The general list is sorted in the order the products are encountered in the store, so before I go shopping I read down the general list, jotting down what I need on a scrap. Once I'm in the store the items on the scrap are serialized like stops on a train line. I march through the marketeering like a T-1000 through a fiery crash.
I used to do a modified form of that, until someone commandeered my cart because it only had one item in it and looked abandoned. She even took my item out and reshelved it randomly.
ReplyDeleteI disagree about the lists. Individual items often slip my mind.
Over the years I've drawn up a general shopping list that has everything I routinely buy on it.
Because the general list is complete, it helps me remember to check if I'm running low on other items that are easy to overlook, like bathroom stuff.
The general list is sorted in the order the products are encountered in the store, so before I go shopping I read down the general list, jotting down what I need on a scrap. Once I'm in the store the items on the scrap are serialized like stops on a train line. I march through the marketeering like a T-1000 through a fiery crash.
Cappy, that's a great idea:
ReplyDelete"Supermarket Idiot Classification"
Let's see now. There is the "Aisle Blocker", the "Anal Retentive Label Reader", the "Produce Section Sneezer", the "Non-Wiper", the "Side-Gawking Cart Smasher", etc.
Homer: And it doesn't stop in the bedroom. Oh, no. I'm taking
ReplyDeletecharge! Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right
way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!
[turning and walks face-first into a giant cactus]
Lisa: We should really put that in the corner.
Not bad, but where does Day Game fit into this?
ReplyDeleteWhile the SWPLs that infest it annoy me to, for some of us, TJs is the only source of reasonably priced groceries that are not marked up to support unions.
ReplyDeleteIt's about 1/4 less than any other grocery store around where I live. Unions fight tooth and nail to prevent new locations from opening.
I realize that that is not true for many other sections of the country.
Bah! I keep my shopping list on a computer. When I want groceries, I check it over, make one or two changes as necessary, and then phone it in to the appropriate store. A few hours later the groceries are delivered. No muss, no fuss.
ReplyDeleteQuicker method? Go to the nearby convenience store. Buy beer. Buy four cans of canned stew, four cans of Vienna sausage. No muss, no fuss. The canned stew is fine eaten cold and the Vienna sausages are meant to e eaten cold.
We have a private family owned company of grocery stores, and they offer some nice savings with their store coupons.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, their managers had the good sense to put the additional 'free' items within arms reach of the main product. Some of the deals are pretty good.
OR you could eat the same set of relatively healthy meals every single day. This means that you can buy most of your food bulk and freeze it, making for one (relatively) long visit to the store every month or two. When you take your normal weekly trip to the grocery store (which you should do on a Sunday morning when there's the least traffic both in and out of the store), you only have to buy immediately perishable goods that are generally in the widest, most accessible aisles: bread, turkey, lettuce, milk, and occasionally eggs if you're baking something that week.
ReplyDeleteEating the same basic meal day in and day out has several interesting side effects to your efficiency. You get VERY good and efficient at making that meal. Meals then become merely a time of day when you put food in your mouth, not something you waste time thinking about or a form of entertainment. This also leads one to eat at the same time of day and in unchanging portion sizes; also good habits.
You need a relatively high tolerance for repetition to do this.
My Bachelor shopping style was to use grocery delivery service. $10 for fees + tip to never have to drive to the grocery store.
ReplyDeleteThe grocery store I go to is hottie central (upscale, 2 blocks from a major university) so there is no point in rushing through what is often the best moment of my day. In fact, I try to purposely spread my grocery shopping out among as many trips as possible.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I agree with you that there's no use for lists.
Screw that.
ReplyDeleteGive the old lady money, tell her to go get groceries and be done with it.
It's women's work.
No Cappy. No. No. No.
ReplyDeleteThe most efficient way is to start with a basket. No carts.
Take the basket and move briskly up the aisle scanning for what you need or really want. We are creatures of habit, so you largely know what you are going to eat in any given week: the same thing you had the week before. Sometimes you can mix it up, but simplicity is elegance.
No need to travel the aisle twice; one pass of each aisle will do. Skip the aisles that don't have things you need. You probably aren't going to bake a cake, so the baking aisle is pointless.
If the basket is full, you've bought too much. This means that you are spending valuable resources buying stuff that you probably won't use before your next trip to the store. If you can't guess when you are going to use something, don't buy it - you aren't going to use it. That's inefficiency.
The only time you need a cart is if you are buying multiple cases of beer and/or are throwing a party. However, consider making other people bring beer and food. Then make sure they take the leftover food with them, so you don't have to figure out how to disposition it. Keep their beer.
That's efficiency. BAM!
Are you nuts!
ReplyDeleteWhy do I want to miss the fun of ramming these idiots with my cart (Pardon me, you should watch where your going, or, Hey, give the rest of us room & this won't happen.)
I like the lists, I do cook things I like & can't always remember what to get. No coupons is the way to go & save time.
I thought you ate mostly paleo, Cappy? My paleo shopping trip doesn't even involve 'isles'. Swing through produce back to meat over to dairy (cream+butter). Done.
ReplyDeleteOK, maybe canned salmon and coconut milk/oil on occasion, but I'm not spending 20 minutes trying to figure out which variety of wheat product will kill me quickest.
Normally you are spot on in things.
ReplyDeleteYou missed the boat here.
First of all Time is Money only works if the time you are spending on shopping is time NOT being spent earning money. Otherwise the time spent using coupons and shopping wisely is money in your pocket. Coupons...if used wisely are the equivalent of cash... the same as if you found a fiver on the ground and picked it up.
Second.....shopping lists are useful. They allow you to get what you need without forgetting something. Unless you live right around the corner from the store the time and money spent going back to get something you forgot is not insignificant.
Shopping does not have to take a lot of time...especially if you do it at the right time of day.
I used a list, but my list was in order by aisle. I would get a full cart and be out in 20 minutes. Now at the time I was self employed workign from home, so i could go in the middle of the day when the store was not very busy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, always shop on a full stomach, you buy much less crap that way.
ReplyDeleteWorks for me. Although, I'd take one of those baskets since I can't carry two rows worth of stuff without bouncing some of it off the floor.
ReplyDeletehow to shop like a man
ReplyDeletego to costco
get a cart
fill said cart with beef, bourbon and charcoal
hit the check out line
Shopping for groceries is only one step in the process. Better results are achieved when the entire process is streamlined instead of one step.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a bachelor, I had a good system set up with respect to food. I ate well, cheap and healthy. The time spent on both cooking and cleanup were kept to a minimum to maximize the time and money available for other (more fun) activities.
Before grocery shopping, a dinner list would be made consisting of up to six meals. With practice, the list can be ordered according to where items are found in the target grocery store. This reduces the grocery store to an in-pick up-check off-out sequence.
The major time saver occurred at home. Instead of wasting time putting groceries away, I would immediately set to work making meals over the next two hours. The meals (which would last two to three weeks) were made in parallel and as each completed, it would be doled out and put into containers in the freezer.
Lunch and dinner would consist of picking two different prepared meals from the freezer. Lunch would thaw on the computer monitor at work (when it was CRT) to minimize the time required to warm it later. Dinner would thaw on the counter at home, and be ready to warm upon return.
This system saved me both countless hours since I only had to do the prep-work once every couple of weeks, and each day there would be minimal cleanup. As meals were portioned out in advance, there was both minimal waste and overeating (which I am otherwise prone to do). I could also take better advantage of sales to save some extra $$$ to spend on more fun activities/adventures. Plus there was the added pleasure of seeing my co-workers salivate over that which I brought in for lunch.
The process would repeat every two to three weeks.
I get pretty much the same thing every time. I'll write down one-time purchases if I have any, which I usually don't.
ReplyDeleteI don't have to worry about crowds or lines or traffic because I go shopping at three in the morning. No kids running around, either. About the only thing I have to worry about is employees dragging pallets of stuff around; getting out of their way is easy and you're a jerk if you don't.
I fill a whole cart. If you're shopping with a basket, you're stopping by the store and going through checkout far more often than you need to.
Keep your receipt until the next time you go shopping. Check to see how long you lasted on what you bought to get a good idea of what your food budget actually is, and what kind of food goes a long way for cheap (spaghetti, eggs and bananas are huge winners here). My last trip cost me $67 and lasted me 16 days.
The stuff about coupons has me thinking that they are a form of negative externality. The person who collects the savings gets all of the benefits and pays the cost of collecting them in the first place, but the time it takes to actually use all of those coupons at checkout is also pushed onto everyone in the line. There is a word for people who exploit negative externalities like this: "assholes."
Sorry Cappy. Total disagreement with you here, but rather than type it all out I'll refer your readers to The Art of Manliness.
ReplyDeletehttp://artofmanliness.com/2012/08/27/how-to-grocery-shop/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheArtOfManliness+%28The+Art+of+Manliness%29/
Cappy, think about this for a minute:
ReplyDeleteI LIKE coupons. Not because I can't afford to shop otherwise or like eating up the cashier's time scanning odd sized pieces of paper, but because it is the ONE time I feel that I can pay the absolute minimum, maybe even less than someone else for the same item. I am tired of paying more in income taxes on the front end because I make more, only to then pay more on the back end too in the form of subsidized low income electricity and whatnot. When I hold a fistful of coupons I feel like I am personally giving the finger to everyone who thinks I should pay more for consumables "just because I can" IN ADDITION to paying more in income tax "just because I can". Until I can get all of my food from gardening, foraging, and the grey market, coupons are all I have.
Here is my groceries list:
ReplyDeleteQuaker Oatmeal
Powdered Milk
Tang Orange Punch