An obscure question, but I figured I'd find out sooner asking all my readers than searching for it on the internet, but does anybody know of any Norwegian banks you'd recommend?
I've gone online and tried to find different banks in Norway, but they're either all in Norwegian and I can't read it or they have offices in the US. Looking for a 100% Norwegian bank. Any recommendations/contacts/links?
Thanks,
El Capitan
Monday, March 09, 2009
Down and Down I Go
Play "That Old Black Magic" below;
And listen to the lovely lyrics as the stock market tanks;
And listen to the lovely lyrics as the stock market tanks;
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Feeding the Poor So that They Might Be Able to Afford Nicer Cell Phones Than Mine
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Friday, March 06, 2009
My "Pigtail Day" Story
Many years ago if you had ran into the Captain, you would have seen an idealistic, happy young man. Eyes would have been wide open and hopeful like a young and energetic puppy. Of course, life has a tendency to turn even the most innocent and happy of boys into the dark and sinister men that we've become today, but back then the Captain was just a fresh-off-the-assembly-line happy private. And during those days the Captain would entertain foolish notions of coming up with little romantic and charming gimmicks to woo girls into courting him.
Things like bad poetry;
"I like you babe, I like you lots
It's for you I've got da hots
Date a man, for get the tots.
I like you babe, I like you lots."
Taking girls to look out points to awe them with the awe-inspiring views of the city with a bottle of wine tucked in the back pack.
Buying them corsages that matched their dresses if we made it to the fourth or fifth date.
And other stupid things I inevitably learned were futile and were simply just a waste of good beer money.
Of course, now "wooing" girls is no longer priority number one and currently ranks somewhere behind "cleaning the house" and "going to church," but allow me to share with you one of the more charming little gimmicks I came up with;
The (True) Story of Pigtail Day.
You see, when in my youth I was chasing after this young lass and I let it slipped that I had a soft spot for pigtails. Not the "catholic school girl" pigtail thing, but I just liked pigtails and still do to this day because they look cute and girly. Sure enough the girl I was trying to woo started sporting pigtails and I, foolishly, thought this was a good sign. Ergo, to capitalize on this preliminary-successful wooing, I wrote The TRUE Story of Pigtail Day.
Of course, despite its genius it failed and I had since forgotten that I wrote it, BUT upon cleaning out my computer files I rediscovered it and deemed it worthy of a little more attention. Thus, I give you The TRUE Story of Pigtail Day:
--------------
While most people believe Pigtail Day to be some sort of ruse or trick to get girls to put their hair in pigtails, simply for the amusement of men, the origins of Pigtail Day can be traced back to ancient Rome where all truly great holidays come from.
The success of the Roman empire is largely attributed to great military might and conquests, however, this is only partly true. Savvy historians and experts on Rome point to a strong and efficient economy as the backbone to the Roman empire’s success. Preceding the peak or glory years of the Roman empire, a military excursion into the northern isles, now known as Ireland, brought back an Irish slave called Eringobrough McClarey. Seemingly an ordinary sort of fellow, he was quickly assigned to poo shoveling at the Caesar’s greenhouse. But how misjudged he was, for McClarey was an insanely intelligent man, and soon he soared through the ranks to become Chief Poo Shoveller.
The Ceasar noted that his plants were doing much better, better than ever in the greenhouse and so he asked his aide,
“Aide, why are my plants so green and lush.”
The aide said, “Sire, it is the renowned poo-shoveling talent of an Irish slave, we brought back a couple years ago.”
“Bring him to me,” said Ceasar, “for I wish to speak with him.”
And so McClarey went to see Ceasar. And upon his arrival, the Ceasar awarded him not only a legion of poo-shovellers, but citizenship and a new title.
“From hence on, Eringobrough McClarey, you are now known as…
And the chicks did dig him.
And so Clarius Maximus and his poo shovellers set out to conquer many lands for the Roman Empire. And the empire grew under his command.
But while conquering, the insanely intelligent (and good looking) Clarius noticed all the logistics and management involved of transporting, feeding, supplying and quartering troops. Soon he developed a new science to help achieve the maximum effectiveness with his limited resources; economics.
The battle of Liberalius Pansius (a town full of artists, counselors, and public sector employees) is a perfect example of the ruthless efficiency of Clarius’ economics.
With no more than 20 poo shovellers, armed with potatoes, he managed to topple the city of 60,000 in 15 minutes and bring it under the heel of the Roman Empire.
Soon, rumor (and fear spread) of Clarius Maximus’ economic tactics. And when the results of his military campaign reached the Ceasar, the Ceasar said, “Bring him to me! I wish to apply this “economics” to matters here at Rome.”
Upon his return to Rome, the Ceasar awarded Clarius the much coveted Leather Gauntlets, which he donned upon his hands and thus made him 110% sexy.
Soon, in addition to waging war with his poo-shovelling legionnaires, Clarius was made “Grand Pooba of all Things Economic” in Rome. And under his wise leadership, GDP per capita increased 800%, unemployment dropped to record levels and Alanus Greenspanicus was put in charge of the newly created Roman Federal Reserve.
But something bothered Clarius. For despite all his success, he had no time for chicks.
And the Ceasar noticed something was wrong, so he said, “Clarius, why do you look so down?”
And Clarius said, “I have no time for chicks and video games have not been invented yet.”
And the Ceasar said, “Well, you’re in luck, because for all your service to the Roman Empire I will allow you to choose any girl from the entire Roman Empire.”
And so a decree went out that all totally hot and fine babes journey to Rome so that they may have the honor of courting the former poo-shoveller.
Millions came and were put under great scrutiny for Clarius Maximus wanted not only looks, but intelligence too! And after months of interviews and discussion, he had limited it down to 40,000 totally hot babes.
He then said, “All chicks who majored in engineering, physics, accounting, economics, or some other subject requiring math may stay.”
39,990 left, leaving only 10 of the hottest and most intelligent Roman babes. But sadly, Clarius was unable to tell who was the hottest one, they were all totally hot.
But then, out of nowhere, came two dirty Massachusetts senators, with the intent of absconding with one of the totally hot Roman chicks. Unfortunately, they chose the same girl and a tug of war match ensued. Each senator grabbed one half of the girl’s hair, pulling in opposite directions. They tugged and tugged, until Clarius Maximus dispatched his highly trained and tippy top secret elite poo-shovelling legionnaire ninjas! Within a millisecond the two senators dropped under the heavy hits of ninja shovels.
And what was left after the ruckus was a totally hot roman chick with her hair pointing in opposite directions, exactly like what today’s pigtails look like!
Clarius Maximus was stunned, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen!!! And he saw a million of them, so this babe was like totally fine! He said, “You, chick with the pigtails. You’re hot! Let’s go out.”
And how could she refuse, for he was wearing his 110% sexy leather gauntlets.
The Ceasar, upon seeing this totally gorgeous babe with the pigtails, immediately said,
“I declare this day, January the 29th to be Pigtail Day. And I decree that every January 29th all women should put their hair in Pigtails!”
And the people were jovial and happy and the chicks were like totally hot…but not quite as hot as Clarius Maximus.
Things like bad poetry;
"I like you babe, I like you lots
It's for you I've got da hots
Date a man, for get the tots.
I like you babe, I like you lots."
Taking girls to look out points to awe them with the awe-inspiring views of the city with a bottle of wine tucked in the back pack.
Buying them corsages that matched their dresses if we made it to the fourth or fifth date.
And other stupid things I inevitably learned were futile and were simply just a waste of good beer money.
Of course, now "wooing" girls is no longer priority number one and currently ranks somewhere behind "cleaning the house" and "going to church," but allow me to share with you one of the more charming little gimmicks I came up with;
The (True) Story of Pigtail Day.
You see, when in my youth I was chasing after this young lass and I let it slipped that I had a soft spot for pigtails. Not the "catholic school girl" pigtail thing, but I just liked pigtails and still do to this day because they look cute and girly. Sure enough the girl I was trying to woo started sporting pigtails and I, foolishly, thought this was a good sign. Ergo, to capitalize on this preliminary-successful wooing, I wrote The TRUE Story of Pigtail Day.
Of course, despite its genius it failed and I had since forgotten that I wrote it, BUT upon cleaning out my computer files I rediscovered it and deemed it worthy of a little more attention. Thus, I give you The TRUE Story of Pigtail Day:
--------------
While most people believe Pigtail Day to be some sort of ruse or trick to get girls to put their hair in pigtails, simply for the amusement of men, the origins of Pigtail Day can be traced back to ancient Rome where all truly great holidays come from.
The success of the Roman empire is largely attributed to great military might and conquests, however, this is only partly true. Savvy historians and experts on Rome point to a strong and efficient economy as the backbone to the Roman empire’s success. Preceding the peak or glory years of the Roman empire, a military excursion into the northern isles, now known as Ireland, brought back an Irish slave called Eringobrough McClarey. Seemingly an ordinary sort of fellow, he was quickly assigned to poo shoveling at the Caesar’s greenhouse. But how misjudged he was, for McClarey was an insanely intelligent man, and soon he soared through the ranks to become Chief Poo Shoveller.
The Ceasar noted that his plants were doing much better, better than ever in the greenhouse and so he asked his aide,
“Aide, why are my plants so green and lush.”
The aide said, “Sire, it is the renowned poo-shoveling talent of an Irish slave, we brought back a couple years ago.”
“Bring him to me,” said Ceasar, “for I wish to speak with him.”
And so McClarey went to see Ceasar. And upon his arrival, the Ceasar awarded him not only a legion of poo-shovellers, but citizenship and a new title.
“From hence on, Eringobrough McClarey, you are now known as…
And the chicks did dig him.
And so Clarius Maximus and his poo shovellers set out to conquer many lands for the Roman Empire. And the empire grew under his command.
But while conquering, the insanely intelligent (and good looking) Clarius noticed all the logistics and management involved of transporting, feeding, supplying and quartering troops. Soon he developed a new science to help achieve the maximum effectiveness with his limited resources; economics.
The battle of Liberalius Pansius (a town full of artists, counselors, and public sector employees) is a perfect example of the ruthless efficiency of Clarius’ economics.
With no more than 20 poo shovellers, armed with potatoes, he managed to topple the city of 60,000 in 15 minutes and bring it under the heel of the Roman Empire.
Soon, rumor (and fear spread) of Clarius Maximus’ economic tactics. And when the results of his military campaign reached the Ceasar, the Ceasar said, “Bring him to me! I wish to apply this “economics” to matters here at Rome.”
Upon his return to Rome, the Ceasar awarded Clarius the much coveted Leather Gauntlets, which he donned upon his hands and thus made him 110% sexy.
Soon, in addition to waging war with his poo-shovelling legionnaires, Clarius was made “Grand Pooba of all Things Economic” in Rome. And under his wise leadership, GDP per capita increased 800%, unemployment dropped to record levels and Alanus Greenspanicus was put in charge of the newly created Roman Federal Reserve.
But something bothered Clarius. For despite all his success, he had no time for chicks.
And the Ceasar noticed something was wrong, so he said, “Clarius, why do you look so down?”
And Clarius said, “I have no time for chicks and video games have not been invented yet.”
And the Ceasar said, “Well, you’re in luck, because for all your service to the Roman Empire I will allow you to choose any girl from the entire Roman Empire.”
And so a decree went out that all totally hot and fine babes journey to Rome so that they may have the honor of courting the former poo-shoveller.
Millions came and were put under great scrutiny for Clarius Maximus wanted not only looks, but intelligence too! And after months of interviews and discussion, he had limited it down to 40,000 totally hot babes.
He then said, “All chicks who majored in engineering, physics, accounting, economics, or some other subject requiring math may stay.”
39,990 left, leaving only 10 of the hottest and most intelligent Roman babes. But sadly, Clarius was unable to tell who was the hottest one, they were all totally hot.
But then, out of nowhere, came two dirty Massachusetts senators, with the intent of absconding with one of the totally hot Roman chicks. Unfortunately, they chose the same girl and a tug of war match ensued. Each senator grabbed one half of the girl’s hair, pulling in opposite directions. They tugged and tugged, until Clarius Maximus dispatched his highly trained and tippy top secret elite poo-shovelling legionnaire ninjas! Within a millisecond the two senators dropped under the heavy hits of ninja shovels.
And what was left after the ruckus was a totally hot roman chick with her hair pointing in opposite directions, exactly like what today’s pigtails look like!
Clarius Maximus was stunned, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen!!! And he saw a million of them, so this babe was like totally fine! He said, “You, chick with the pigtails. You’re hot! Let’s go out.”
And how could she refuse, for he was wearing his 110% sexy leather gauntlets.
The Ceasar, upon seeing this totally gorgeous babe with the pigtails, immediately said,
“I declare this day, January the 29th to be Pigtail Day. And I decree that every January 29th all women should put their hair in Pigtails!”
And the people were jovial and happy and the chicks were like totally hot…but not quite as hot as Clarius Maximus.
"Heaven, I'm in Heaven."
Open this in separate window and read the article below whilst listening to the music.
Article.
Is it wrong for me to be taking such joy in the collapse?
To quote Jason Lewis "You give me 6 months and I'll have us out of this recession."
Of course, nobody wants to take the medicine those evil free marketer economists recommend. They just want to pop the Obama-socialism pill and "POOF!" the recession will end!
Oh, you people have no idea how much emergency invasive surgery the economy needs.
And what's beautiful is you think there's some kind of "option" or "choice" in the matter.
Article.
Is it wrong for me to be taking such joy in the collapse?
To quote Jason Lewis "You give me 6 months and I'll have us out of this recession."
Of course, nobody wants to take the medicine those evil free marketer economists recommend. They just want to pop the Obama-socialism pill and "POOF!" the recession will end!
Oh, you people have no idea how much emergency invasive surgery the economy needs.
And what's beautiful is you think there's some kind of "option" or "choice" in the matter.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Why the Stock Market is Crashing
As you know, I like to make economics simple, because frankly, that's how economics is.
It's not complicated.
It's not difficult.
It's simple.
And those that try to make it difficult or complicated are just trying to make it look like they're smart.
So let me explain to you why the stock market is collapsing.
Aside from Obama pursuing nothing short of a socialist agenda, there is an overall and more "overriding" reason the market is collapsing;
People and investors are starting to realize the true potential economic productivity of this nation and it's pathetic.
Now I don't know how many times I've explained why sociology degrees or liberal art degrees are worthless. I don't know how many times I've explained that if you want economic productivity you have to first incentive people to be productive by allowing them to keep the vast majority of the fruits of their labor. I don't know how many times I've explained how a critical mass of the population of the US has basically become spoiled, corrupted, individual labor units or cells of society akin to cancer to the point they produce nothing and will thus trigger organ failure. And I don't know how many times I've highlighted the risks of relying on increasing asset prices for retirement, especially if their underlying rents or profits do not keep pace. But it seems now the market is finally starting to realize this and the consequences are the near 60% drop in stock prices.
You see, stock prices are basically a barometer of people's expectations of the future. If the future looks bright, the economy is humming along, prospects look good, and people believe they will be free in the future, then profits will probably increase in the future, thus increasing stock prices. But if the future looks bleak, people lie around and expect to be taken care of, corporations are vilified and their profits are threatened to be taken away, and in short economic freedoms are taken away from both individuals and corporations, then not only do you disincentive people to start companies and pursue profit, but stocks drop in response because there it is unlikely the economy will produce anything of value or wealth in the future.
The second scenario is the case we face today. Nobody wants to work for a living anymore. People expect a hand out from the government. The concept that self-supportation is laughed at as the children (both of the adult and child variety) of this society not expect, but demand to be at minimum taken care of and paid for by the government. America has become so far removed from the principles of independence, individuality, rugged individualism, excellence, achievement and freedom that made it great and drove the stock market up to 14,000, that it is now suffering what can only be described as the natural consequences of pursuing the opposite and the economic reality of it is a Dow Jones trading at 6,500 (soon to be 5,000 by my estimates).
Now America does have a choice. We can go back to the roots of freedom, capitalism, independence, innovation and individuality to restart the massive economic engine that made America great, or continue going down the road of collectivism, parasiticism, conformity and totalitarianism which has TIME AND TIME AGAIN ruined nations before our very eyes. However, sadly this choice is really more of an "academic" one than one we will really have to make in that the cancerous masses have become so corrupted and so numerous that the choice has already been made.
Alas, until those masses get their heads out of their asses their 401k plans will still be worthless and a Dow Jones of 10,000 will be the stuff of social security and Obama's stimulus plan; a fairy tale.
It's not complicated.
It's not difficult.
It's simple.
And those that try to make it difficult or complicated are just trying to make it look like they're smart.
So let me explain to you why the stock market is collapsing.
Aside from Obama pursuing nothing short of a socialist agenda, there is an overall and more "overriding" reason the market is collapsing;
People and investors are starting to realize the true potential economic productivity of this nation and it's pathetic.
Now I don't know how many times I've explained why sociology degrees or liberal art degrees are worthless. I don't know how many times I've explained that if you want economic productivity you have to first incentive people to be productive by allowing them to keep the vast majority of the fruits of their labor. I don't know how many times I've explained how a critical mass of the population of the US has basically become spoiled, corrupted, individual labor units or cells of society akin to cancer to the point they produce nothing and will thus trigger organ failure. And I don't know how many times I've highlighted the risks of relying on increasing asset prices for retirement, especially if their underlying rents or profits do not keep pace. But it seems now the market is finally starting to realize this and the consequences are the near 60% drop in stock prices.
You see, stock prices are basically a barometer of people's expectations of the future. If the future looks bright, the economy is humming along, prospects look good, and people believe they will be free in the future, then profits will probably increase in the future, thus increasing stock prices. But if the future looks bleak, people lie around and expect to be taken care of, corporations are vilified and their profits are threatened to be taken away, and in short economic freedoms are taken away from both individuals and corporations, then not only do you disincentive people to start companies and pursue profit, but stocks drop in response because there it is unlikely the economy will produce anything of value or wealth in the future.
The second scenario is the case we face today. Nobody wants to work for a living anymore. People expect a hand out from the government. The concept that self-supportation is laughed at as the children (both of the adult and child variety) of this society not expect, but demand to be at minimum taken care of and paid for by the government. America has become so far removed from the principles of independence, individuality, rugged individualism, excellence, achievement and freedom that made it great and drove the stock market up to 14,000, that it is now suffering what can only be described as the natural consequences of pursuing the opposite and the economic reality of it is a Dow Jones trading at 6,500 (soon to be 5,000 by my estimates).
Now America does have a choice. We can go back to the roots of freedom, capitalism, independence, innovation and individuality to restart the massive economic engine that made America great, or continue going down the road of collectivism, parasiticism, conformity and totalitarianism which has TIME AND TIME AGAIN ruined nations before our very eyes. However, sadly this choice is really more of an "academic" one than one we will really have to make in that the cancerous masses have become so corrupted and so numerous that the choice has already been made.
Alas, until those masses get their heads out of their asses their 401k plans will still be worthless and a Dow Jones of 10,000 will be the stuff of social security and Obama's stimulus plan; a fairy tale.
Big Oil Didn't Require a Bailout
The thing I love about the left is that the hypocrisy inevitably catches up with them.
No doubt they are livid (as am I) over the bailouts the finance, insurance and auto industries are receiving. Ergo, by default this means leftists do not like it when corporations are run so poorly that they lose money and therefore require a taxpayer bailout. By default then, they would prefer companies that make enough money so as not to parasite off the taxpayer. Companies like, oh, I don't know, the big oil firms maybe perhaps?
You see, Big Oil is coming out looking stellar doing what corporations are supposed to do; run a profitable operation. Not one penny in bailout money has been given to big oil, because, well they have their heads out of their asses. And unlike pretty much every other industry with a cup in their hand begging the taxpayer for money, good ole big oil has more or less stayed away from parasiting off the taxpayer.
Of course, if we were to be logical and INTELLECTUALLY HONEST about it, the left would love Big Oil. But of course they don't because they MAKE MONEY.
Thus, what is big oil to do?
If they make a profit they're evil. If they lose money and get a bail out, they're evil. Perhaps they should just aim to break even and that would make the left happy?
You know what I think? I think big oil should just move their corporate headquarters overseas as their operations truly are global and not deal with the left anymore. They could HQ in a tax haven, and instead of pay 40% taxes (not to mention deal with incessant bitching and whining) pay 0% and actually boost the value of the stock and the value of millions of peoples' 401ks...of course they could stick around like Bacardi did back in Cuba....and realize they should have moved to Bermuda a long time ago.
But then what do I know? I'm just a dumb video game playing economist.
No doubt they are livid (as am I) over the bailouts the finance, insurance and auto industries are receiving. Ergo, by default this means leftists do not like it when corporations are run so poorly that they lose money and therefore require a taxpayer bailout. By default then, they would prefer companies that make enough money so as not to parasite off the taxpayer. Companies like, oh, I don't know, the big oil firms maybe perhaps?
You see, Big Oil is coming out looking stellar doing what corporations are supposed to do; run a profitable operation. Not one penny in bailout money has been given to big oil, because, well they have their heads out of their asses. And unlike pretty much every other industry with a cup in their hand begging the taxpayer for money, good ole big oil has more or less stayed away from parasiting off the taxpayer.
Of course, if we were to be logical and INTELLECTUALLY HONEST about it, the left would love Big Oil. But of course they don't because they MAKE MONEY.
Thus, what is big oil to do?
If they make a profit they're evil. If they lose money and get a bail out, they're evil. Perhaps they should just aim to break even and that would make the left happy?
You know what I think? I think big oil should just move their corporate headquarters overseas as their operations truly are global and not deal with the left anymore. They could HQ in a tax haven, and instead of pay 40% taxes (not to mention deal with incessant bitching and whining) pay 0% and actually boost the value of the stock and the value of millions of peoples' 401ks...of course they could stick around like Bacardi did back in Cuba....and realize they should have moved to Bermuda a long time ago.
But then what do I know? I'm just a dumb video game playing economist.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Now THAT'S Funny!
Yeah, move your business to DETROIT!
North Korea might as well have placed an ad in the same paper.
U2 Sucks
Yes, sorry to inform you, U2, does indeed suck.
I realized this NOT after the US Bureau of Labor Statistics came out with a study that empirically proves that U2 sucks, but after having to listen to it non-stop for 30 minutes in an Irish bar.
"SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!
SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAYYYYYYY!!!!"
Please, somebody out there tell me how in god's name U2 became so damn popular? Is it the bland suburbanite masses who find Ruby Tuesday's chicken quesadillas too spicy the same people that somehow think this incessant, non-stop blathering, droning of whinny Irishmen (and just so you know I'm Irish, and yes, they are whinny) is "unique" sounding? Or is it just the socio-political standing of U2 that compels people to "say" they like U2, when deep down inside they know they suck. Their singing is about as good as their ability to stay poverty in Africa.
I remember being in middle school I think and there being advertisements for "Rattle and Hum." Truly, and I mean this, Huey Lewis and the News was way better.
Now, if you want an aging band of boomers that still has some talent left in them, I'll give you Aerosmith. But come on, U freaking 2? Hang on while I watch this Viva Viagra commercial.
I realized this NOT after the US Bureau of Labor Statistics came out with a study that empirically proves that U2 sucks, but after having to listen to it non-stop for 30 minutes in an Irish bar.
"SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!
SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAYYYYYYY!!!!"
Please, somebody out there tell me how in god's name U2 became so damn popular? Is it the bland suburbanite masses who find Ruby Tuesday's chicken quesadillas too spicy the same people that somehow think this incessant, non-stop blathering, droning of whinny Irishmen (and just so you know I'm Irish, and yes, they are whinny) is "unique" sounding? Or is it just the socio-political standing of U2 that compels people to "say" they like U2, when deep down inside they know they suck. Their singing is about as good as their ability to stay poverty in Africa.
I remember being in middle school I think and there being advertisements for "Rattle and Hum." Truly, and I mean this, Huey Lewis and the News was way better.
Now, if you want an aging band of boomers that still has some talent left in them, I'll give you Aerosmith. But come on, U freaking 2? Hang on while I watch this Viva Viagra commercial.
Link Fest Extravaganza!
OK folks, time for another round of link fest. Again, I DO genuinely and sincerely appreciate everybody that links to me and in return I make an attempt to link back to them. So if you like Cappy Cap, then you should at least pay these hombres (and hombrettes) a visit;
Excellent and sometimes dark/cynical cartoons. I wouldn't say "cynical" because in today's America where everything is peachyhappykeendaddybuysmeanAudiletsgotoapplebeesandmajorincommunications, no doubt society has strayed from reality. And reality is much more harsh and ergo what is "cynical" in America passes for SOP in most other countries;
http://benjamin-politix.blogspot.com/
Then there is Save Capitalism. I disagree with the premise that "capitalism" needs saving. It's like saying "save gravity." Capitalism, as you will find out, IS A NATURAL LAW. It is more powerful than gravity. It is more powerful than light. It is the strongest most basic operating law of human nature. And (PLEASE PAY ATTENTION, BECAUSE THIS IS GOLD I'M GIVING YOU HERE) the simple secret to success for societies and nations is that the more you abide by this natural law the better you will do. The more you try to institute an economic system that is not capitalist, the worse you will do. Look at North Korea vs. Bermuda or the Cayman Islands. Wow, "crazy." Who ever thought letting people be free and keeping the majority of the fruits of their labor would result in the masses going out, day in day out, kicking ass to produce GDP because it would be to their own benefit. Of course, Obama doesn't realize this, but that's because he's a moron when it comes to basic economics (and oh yes, all of you who voted for him are going to realize how crushing this natural law of capitalism is) In the meantime enjoy his bailouts, flowers, puppies and ponies. I'm sure it will turn around the economy.
I appreciate capitalists who come to America and wish to produce and carry their own weight. Ergo, visit David, a Ukranian immigrant who (sadly) I think is going to be let down by the road America is going down. He may actually decide to head back to the Ukraine and I frankly wouldn't blame him. Regardless, if any of you are employers, hire this guy. What more do you want than somebody willing to contribute to GDP and hates socialists (simply because unlike most of the socialists here, he's actually lived through socialism).
I don't speak Spanish, some of you might. But capitalists abound no matter where you go. Support them.
There's also Joie.
Look, you all know me. I hate kids. I hate sappy sh!t. But all that being said, the yin that must counter the yang is Joie. She's a nice mother and has children and though not socially the same, we're on the same team. Visit her because she visits me.
There's also the Gay Patriot. It's not because I loathe religion. It's not because I try to score points to seem more "moderate" and gain favor amongst those across the isle. It's because of principle I support gay marriage. Who in god's name is anybody else to tell two people what to do? You want to smoke cigars? You want to be able to kiss blonds, brunettes or redheads? You want to do whatever YOU please as an individual and NOT have your preferences dictated to you by the state? Well, stay the hell out of other people's business as long as they're not hurting you and expect people to expect the same from you. The gay issue is in my opinion one of the least political issues in that it really has nothing to do with the government, nor should it. End of discussion, topic over, no it has nothing to do with you.
And then there's working class conservative. You see, we all don't drink cognac and oppress minorities and women daily (perhaps weekly, but not daily). Matter of fact, if you're a minority, you'll find you have more in common with a blue collar conservative than Barack Obama because aside from skin color, you really have nothing in common. Did you have everything paid for since you were born? No? Oh, wow, 1 for the working class conservative and 0 for Obama. Did you have to work in high school to build the funds for college? Yes? Oh, 2 for working class conservative and still 0 for Obama. Did you have mommy pay your way through Harvard? No? Oh, well, 3 for working class conservative and 0 for Obama. You can keep going and you'll find the score to be about 483 to 0. Do yourself a favor and visit people who actually care about you and not your skin color.
Finally, because he sent it and reminded me (my book marks are not that greatly organized) the British Columbian Iconoclast.
Visit him, now, do it, NOW!
That there be all dem der links. Visit them and do it now!
Excellent and sometimes dark/cynical cartoons. I wouldn't say "cynical" because in today's America where everything is peachyhappykeendaddybuysmeanAudiletsgotoapplebeesandmajorincommunications, no doubt society has strayed from reality. And reality is much more harsh and ergo what is "cynical" in America passes for SOP in most other countries;
http://benjamin-politix.blogspot.com/
Then there is Save Capitalism. I disagree with the premise that "capitalism" needs saving. It's like saying "save gravity." Capitalism, as you will find out, IS A NATURAL LAW. It is more powerful than gravity. It is more powerful than light. It is the strongest most basic operating law of human nature. And (PLEASE PAY ATTENTION, BECAUSE THIS IS GOLD I'M GIVING YOU HERE) the simple secret to success for societies and nations is that the more you abide by this natural law the better you will do. The more you try to institute an economic system that is not capitalist, the worse you will do. Look at North Korea vs. Bermuda or the Cayman Islands. Wow, "crazy." Who ever thought letting people be free and keeping the majority of the fruits of their labor would result in the masses going out, day in day out, kicking ass to produce GDP because it would be to their own benefit. Of course, Obama doesn't realize this, but that's because he's a moron when it comes to basic economics (and oh yes, all of you who voted for him are going to realize how crushing this natural law of capitalism is) In the meantime enjoy his bailouts, flowers, puppies and ponies. I'm sure it will turn around the economy.
I appreciate capitalists who come to America and wish to produce and carry their own weight. Ergo, visit David, a Ukranian immigrant who (sadly) I think is going to be let down by the road America is going down. He may actually decide to head back to the Ukraine and I frankly wouldn't blame him. Regardless, if any of you are employers, hire this guy. What more do you want than somebody willing to contribute to GDP and hates socialists (simply because unlike most of the socialists here, he's actually lived through socialism).
I don't speak Spanish, some of you might. But capitalists abound no matter where you go. Support them.
There's also Joie.
Look, you all know me. I hate kids. I hate sappy sh!t. But all that being said, the yin that must counter the yang is Joie. She's a nice mother and has children and though not socially the same, we're on the same team. Visit her because she visits me.
There's also the Gay Patriot. It's not because I loathe religion. It's not because I try to score points to seem more "moderate" and gain favor amongst those across the isle. It's because of principle I support gay marriage. Who in god's name is anybody else to tell two people what to do? You want to smoke cigars? You want to be able to kiss blonds, brunettes or redheads? You want to do whatever YOU please as an individual and NOT have your preferences dictated to you by the state? Well, stay the hell out of other people's business as long as they're not hurting you and expect people to expect the same from you. The gay issue is in my opinion one of the least political issues in that it really has nothing to do with the government, nor should it. End of discussion, topic over, no it has nothing to do with you.
And then there's working class conservative. You see, we all don't drink cognac and oppress minorities and women daily (perhaps weekly, but not daily). Matter of fact, if you're a minority, you'll find you have more in common with a blue collar conservative than Barack Obama because aside from skin color, you really have nothing in common. Did you have everything paid for since you were born? No? Oh, wow, 1 for the working class conservative and 0 for Obama. Did you have to work in high school to build the funds for college? Yes? Oh, 2 for working class conservative and still 0 for Obama. Did you have mommy pay your way through Harvard? No? Oh, well, 3 for working class conservative and 0 for Obama. You can keep going and you'll find the score to be about 483 to 0. Do yourself a favor and visit people who actually care about you and not your skin color.
Finally, because he sent it and reminded me (my book marks are not that greatly organized) the British Columbian Iconoclast.
Visit him, now, do it, NOW!
That there be all dem der links. Visit them and do it now!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Municipal Poverty Pimps
Now you know why cities insist on having such poor public schools;
Because only morons would vote people in time and time again believing it's "outside forces" keeping them poor and not piss poor management on the part of inept socialist mayors and city councils.
Such a simple solution to the poorest people in America and they won't have any of it simply because they've been brainwashed to hate capitalism, free markets and independence.
Sad.
Monday, March 02, 2009
My Pot Rack Story
Let me tell you my pot rack story and then I’m heading out to teach dance class for the day.
I was about 24 or 25, I can’t remember which. I was a younger guy and had met this older guy, all of 29, who was also into finance and economics. I looked up to him as he was also conservative, much more successful than I was and kind of tolerated my younger, cocky ass.
Through the course of the next year we became good friends. We’d all go out swing dancing, we talk shop, he was a runner and so was I, all in all a great guy and everybody loved his company.
Then he found himself a girl.
She was a neurotic grad student, getting her doctorate in psychology not to go into practice, of course, but to go and re-teach what she learned 2 years previous to presumably girls in her exact same situation. Obsessed with her looks she was constantly working out, eating sticks and twigs, forcing my buddy to do the same and basically sank her teeth into this guy immediately. He lasted about a whopping 3 months before she moved into his house and then the metamorphosis began.
I saw my friend go from a carefree bachelor guy, to a guy who was otherwise spoken for, to a guy who was committed, to a guy who was condemned. And whereas previously I could call him up and say,
“Hey, John, let’s go for a run.”
Or
“Hey, John, let’s all go out dancing and scope out some chicks.”
Or
“Hey, John, let’s get the crew together and go see a movie.”
I found myself progressively running into “scheduling conflicts” he had that prevented him from going out with his old chums.
The end came on a Saturday evening. It wasn’t late. It wasn’t too early and I called him up. I said, “Hey, John, let’s go down to the Dubliner and get a beer.”
The Dubliner being an Irish joint literally 3 blocks from his house.
Over the phone he said, “I don’t know, it’s Saturday night and I’m pretty busy.”
“Busy!?” I said, “What do you mean busy?! Come on, it’s 3 blocks from your house, it’ll take all of 30 minutes to have a beer. Let’s go.”
“Hang on, let me ask my fiancé (he liked to call her his fiancé)”
So in the background I hear his lower toned male voice mumbling, asking his beloved if he could go out and get a beer, “Murmur murmur murmur murmur?”
And in return I heard her Beaker-eqsue (from the Muppets) high pitch voice respond;
“Neener neerner neener neneer neen?”
Then I heard my friend say,
“The Captain.”
And then in vehement response the girl saying;
“THE CAPTAIN! NEENER NEENER NEENER NEENER NEERNER NEEEEEEE!!!!”
Soon he came back on the phone and said, “I’m sorry, we’re hanging a pot rack tonight.”
I sat there thinking to myself, “Woooooow. This guy is completely 100% castrated.”
I said, “Pot rack? A pot rack? Can you postpone the great hanging of the pot rack?”
“No, we’ve been meaning to hang this for a while, and you know how long these projects take.”
I decided it was futile to try to get him to go and get a beer. I also concluded it was pointless to even try to maintain a friendship anymore.
I never knew what happened to them thereafter. They moved somewhere and that was the last I heard of them, but this taught me a very valuable lesson;
Friends are not there to bide the time away until you find somebody to marry, by which you dispose of your friends like you do used toilet paper. Your friends are arguably more important than your spouse as they hang out with you for you and all your faults and don’t give a damn what you do or how much money you make and never lay aim or have ulterior motives in hanging out with you. They are the most pure and decent people you will ever run into which can only be rivaled by the loyalty and friendship provided by dogs. And to shed them like you would an old skin once a cute piece of tail walks by is a testament not to their disposability but to your personal caliber.
Now I know that women are just as prone to do this as men, my story is only about a guy, but regardless of sex, it angers me how people just drop their friends once they find, not even somebody they’re going to marry, but somebody they just become romantically involved with. And sure as Obama destroying the
Ergo, I think a “repatriation of friends” tax should be in order. Not necessarily some kind of monetary tax, but like a celebrity roasting or hazing where you make the traitor beg and plead for re-acceptance back into the fold of friends. Where you make your buddy profess to the guys why you and the guys were infinitely better than the girl he ran off with who took him for half, left him with a kid that wasn’t his and made off with his house. Or the girlfriends make the girl admit that dating the loser who took her money to buy drugs, ended up getting another girl pregnant and racked up $40,000 in credit card debt was indeed the most boneheaded move she could have ever possibly made. I would also go so far as to enforce a level of “indentured servitude” upon them where they have to go and buy the beer, they have to be sober cab and they have to help friends move for a period of a year to earn their way back into the system.
Of course, this is all dreaming and poppycock, but when I am king. Ohhhhhhh, when I am king. There are going to be some really new and weird laws being made.
Holy "Let's Change the Subject Because I'm Getting My Ass Kicked on the Porkulus Program" Batman
Hey O,
Oh, is reality getting so tough for you, you resort to this kind of petty BS?
Pathetic.
You are proving to be the pathetic, preppy mama's boy who had all the advantages of rich, upper class folk upbringing who had his ass pampered and paid through Harvard that we all knew you'd prove to be.
No real experience. No real private sector experience. No real true man experience.
Loser.
In the truest sense.
Oh, is reality getting so tough for you, you resort to this kind of petty BS?
Pathetic.
You are proving to be the pathetic, preppy mama's boy who had all the advantages of rich, upper class folk upbringing who had his ass pampered and paid through Harvard that we all knew you'd prove to be.
No real experience. No real private sector experience. No real true man experience.
Loser.
In the truest sense.
The Republicans Should Take 2 Years Off
The "official" republicans, the ones who do nothing for a living but run political careers and never worked a day in their lives, should take 2 full years off. They should leave the legislatures, both state and national and leave the country in democrat hands so as to provide a clear and distinct difference between them and the socialists. Then they could claim "Hey, we were sitting on a beach and had nothing to do with it. We weren't even there to vote."
Of course they won't.
They are career politicians. Just as worthless and parasitic as their democratic counterparts and no more honorable. And thus why they won't listen to logic, sanity or any kind of reason. They will still try to make themselves seem like "team players" so as to get elected next round.
But the beauty of reality is that whoever ties their lines to the democratic/Obama party will sink with them. And those that don't might actually stand a shot at some semblance of not only a future in politics, but (GASP) some kind of morality.
It doesn't matter to me. I've already made my decision. I will just watch the two parties flounder about one another.
Of course they won't.
They are career politicians. Just as worthless and parasitic as their democratic counterparts and no more honorable. And thus why they won't listen to logic, sanity or any kind of reason. They will still try to make themselves seem like "team players" so as to get elected next round.
But the beauty of reality is that whoever ties their lines to the democratic/Obama party will sink with them. And those that don't might actually stand a shot at some semblance of not only a future in politics, but (GASP) some kind of morality.
It doesn't matter to me. I've already made my decision. I will just watch the two parties flounder about one another.
"TARP" as a Verb
We were sitting at Perkins, me and my crew (yes, I have a "crew." Ask any one of them.)
And Brian, arguably the older, wiser one of the crew says, "I have a new word."
Naturally ears perk up (cause we're at Perkins, get it? Perk? PERKins? You see, the same sound? Makes it funny? Get it? huh? The pun I mean?!)
In any case he says, "Tarp."
Smiles show on all the guys faces and Brian says, "Oh, crap, I left my wallet at home. Tarp me a couple bucks."
Ergo "tarp" took on a definition similar to "give" but that it wasn't optional. That when someone says, "Tarp me a couple bucks" they're not asking you. They're telling you much like the loser boyfriend tells his girlfriend to give him money. Thus, "tarp" is never used as a question, it's used in a declarative statement.
Of course "tarp" also implies you are never getting your money back. Thus adding to its definition a bit of understanding you're not going to see you money any more.
I'm trying to institute the word into my speech now, but haven't found the appropriate opportunity to use it. Regardless, everybody start using it.
And Brian, arguably the older, wiser one of the crew says, "I have a new word."
Naturally ears perk up (cause we're at Perkins, get it? Perk? PERKins? You see, the same sound? Makes it funny? Get it? huh? The pun I mean?!)
In any case he says, "Tarp."
Smiles show on all the guys faces and Brian says, "Oh, crap, I left my wallet at home. Tarp me a couple bucks."
Ergo "tarp" took on a definition similar to "give" but that it wasn't optional. That when someone says, "Tarp me a couple bucks" they're not asking you. They're telling you much like the loser boyfriend tells his girlfriend to give him money. Thus, "tarp" is never used as a question, it's used in a declarative statement.
Of course "tarp" also implies you are never getting your money back. Thus adding to its definition a bit of understanding you're not going to see you money any more.
I'm trying to institute the word into my speech now, but haven't found the appropriate opportunity to use it. Regardless, everybody start using it.
Not So Dumb Afterall
I remember in college they would mock the Greatest generation for hiding cash under the mattress and "wow, imagine if they invested that money in just an average-returning mutual fund."
Well those old fogeys and their old fashioned ways of working up the money to pay for what you buy and eschewing debt and spending within their means don't look so stupid now do they?
It's called "wisdom." Meaning they've been down that road before and maybe you should shut the hell up and listen to them so you don't make their same mistakes. Oh, never mind, Obama's gonna fix it all, ponies and puppies for everyone!
Well those old fogeys and their old fashioned ways of working up the money to pay for what you buy and eschewing debt and spending within their means don't look so stupid now do they?
It's called "wisdom." Meaning they've been down that road before and maybe you should shut the hell up and listen to them so you don't make their same mistakes. Oh, never mind, Obama's gonna fix it all, ponies and puppies for everyone!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
The Revolving Door of the Banking Industry
Most bankers and executive management should be fired for the debacle they had brought upon the US. Oh, yes, I know, there's plenty of blame to go around, but let's not kid ourselves, for years people who were undeserving of credit never got a loan simply because banks did their job and turned these people down. But since banks threw assessing and ascertaining risk out of the window (which was their primary freaking job) and decided to loan money to everybody because they could score on some commission checks, it should be no surprise the financial system melted down, "necessitating" a taxpayer bailout all the while forcing the economy down the toilet.
Now one would think that the heads of these banks would be fired and then banished from banking altogether, soon to be replaced with more talented, moralled and skilled youthful counterparts.
One would think.
And there you go again "thinking." "Thinking" somehow "logic" and "sanity" rule this talentless, worthless industry headed up by parasites and charlatans.
For the truth is yes, the majority of the banks I've worked at and worked with have purged their executive and senior managements since this debacle occurred, but what nobody is pointing out, and what the dirty little secret is...
they simply go to and work for the bank next door.
So let me tell you some tales about a couple people I know, names of course shan't be mentioned, who by all practical measures should never be allowed to set foot into a bank again, but because the system is so hopelessly corrupted, they are now gainfully employed, some with promotions, steering completely new banks into completely new ice bergs.
My favorite I would have to say was "Pat." Pat was a president of a commercial lending division. No skill, no game, no experience. Well at least not experience in banking. Pat was previously a gas station manager.
Now, one would ask "How does a gas station attendant become president of commercial lending?"
And that is an excellent question to ask, for you see, while Pat may not have had any experience in commercial lending, he was married to someone who did. A vice president of one of the holding companies that owned the firm Pat worked for. Surprise, surprise, surprise, Pat becomes a president of an entire division within a subsidiary.
The results were only those that can be achieved by nepotism:
Pat was so bad at managing risk and making good loans even before I got on board they had made a loan to a real estate development that was already being investigated by the FBI in 2005. I should have taken that as a bad sign, but opted instead to keep working at this particular establishment. Over the course of the next 2 years I worked on loans that I knew were never going to be paid back, only to see Pat override my objections and approve the loans anyway. In the end Pat left the bank he was working at, but not without having 1 in every 2 loans go into default!
Now, one would think with a 50% default rate, it would be impossible for Pat to find a job ever again in the banking industry. Later I came to find out Pat didn't get fired, but quit so he could go and work for another bank where he'd start, again, as a president of commercial lending. I asked my contact "How in ef's name did he get a job there?"
"I think he has family there."
Ah, nepotism. It's more important to employ familial losers and screw over society than to have a stable financial system.
There was also Jessica. I had interviewed with Jessica at a bank a while ago, but didn't get the job. It wasn't until a year later I received a call from that same bank asking if I was interested in becoming a senior analyst there. I went in and interviewed thinking it would be that same Jessica person again, but she was replaced by Sven, the new head of commercial lending. Apparently Jessica had left for greener pastures.
Of course not without leave me her manure to deal with.
Never had I seen a portfolio of such outright sh!tty deals. You literally could not believe what loans had been approved and were now starting to fall apart. It was almost as if Jessica had purposely undermined the bank by making such horrendously bad loans and now it was time to start cleaning them up. The real estate developer who somehow failed to notice the 500 other town homes going up in the same town he was planning on putting 20 of his (the town of course had a population of 350, but that's aside the point). The guy who had a credit score of 500 and we still gave him an unsecured (meaning no collateral) line. And worthless financial deadbeat trailer trash after worthless financial deadbeat trailer trash contractor who if he could just show up sober for once he might have actually gotten a contract to roof a house or sheetrock a building. But no, sober contractors were too high-end client for Jessica, we'd go after the deadbeats.
Sure enough, I wanted to hunt Jessica down and I did track her down. Why, she was president of commercial lending at a bank literally just down the road.
I wanted to go to their CEO and say, "WTF!? Are you kidding me? Did you bother to look at the bank's financial statements where she worked previously? Are you all a bunch of morons?"
Of course, that was Jessica, her replacement was just as inconceivably stupid.
Here it was, late 2006 and the housing market was already starting to suffer. Showing my boss report after report showing the housing market to be oversupplied with a glut of housing, I was amazed to see this latest "leader" tell me straight to my face "21 months supply is about right." 5 months supply is when a market is deemed to be "balanced." 5 months supply is where it would take 5 months to sell out of the current level of housing and neither buyers nor sellers have a particular advantage. But there, right in front of him was a chart showing 21 months supply and he looked at me and said, "Well, 21 is about right." He was delusional.
Now I've written about this moron in my book (which of course you should buy), and naturally his stupidity cost the bank millions of dollars (to the point they have now applied for TARP money-hurray, you're bailing out these morons), but no matter how inept heads in the banking industry were, I could have sworn there could not possibly be a job for this moron. That there was no way any bank, after doing even the slightest bit of background check and research into this guy would give him a job.
Sure enough he got a job. But not just any job. A job I applied for (at least I was being considered a viable candidate for the same level of work, and at least I was starting to gain ground on these incompetent middle age managers).
But if you want to talk about sheer, jaw-dropping, unbelievable stupidity, Mike is your man.
Mike ran a bank into the ground. No, he really did. He made so many bad loans as a VP there that the bank was not only approaching insolvency, but earned itself a nice little cease and desist order by the FDIC. As in "cease and desist" you're costing the taxpayer way too much money you morons. I had the "honor" of contracting for this bank to help it deal with its cease and desist order and you could not believe the utter garbage that would pass for a loan. Real estate developer after real estate developer with no absorption study conducted to finance 20,000 condos in a market that already had 32 years supply of condos. The son of the father who was going to buy his uncle's house, but needed his dad to co-sign the loan because the son's wife had a spending problem and tanked their credit score, etc. etc. And of course, horses. Ah yes, horses. A never-ending line of horse wives who don't do a damn thing in their lives, live off their surgeon husbands, but because the husband is now broke paying for her horse hobby (and jewelry and riding lessons for her daughters - each one from a different marriage of course, and lexuses and spa treatments, etc.), he needs to borrow money AGAINST THE HORSE. Yes, these were the high quality and caliber loans Mike made and the Feds did not like it.
Now, certainly, CERTAINLY, of all the people in the world, you would not hire a guy who was responsible for bringing a cease and desist order upon his previous employer. You know, that there might be something "bad" about this guy. That maybe he wasn't too bright. That maybe he was a bit amoral. That maybe not only was he amoral and not too bright, but matter of fact a full blown, galactically stupid retard.
Oh, but you know how this story is going to end. Yes, you do. For a bank did hire him and put him in charge of CREDIT. And in a bit of irony, was the same bank I used to work for (the one now apply for TARP funds).
Now, I could go on and on and on, but what it simply boils down to is that the banking system in the US is corrupt. Not because of the banks themselves, or the institutions or laws we have in place, but because of the culture banking has.
Above all else, it is more important to be nice than right in the banking industry. It is no surprise that when an executive so horribly manages a bank that they are forced to leave, that you don't see in the newspapers, "Freaking moron who ran bank into the ground and cost Minnesota taxpayers $40,000,000 leaves for another bank." You see "Long time executive who served local community well WILLINGLY resigns from post to spend more time with family." And the reason why is that in banking it has to be superfriendlyMinnesota nice all the time.
Nothing can go wrong in the banking industry.
Nothing can be impolite in the banking industry.
That we never turn people down. We never lose money. We never fire people. We never do bad things. We're the superhappyfriendlynicepeoplebanks and birds and chirping and everybody's happy.
The problem is this is not based in reality. Reality is much harsher. Reality is much more brutal, as evidenced by the spectacular financial crisis we're having. But when they put on a face like the Bonfire of the Vanities, to make it seem like the perfect-happy suburbanite couple, it seems nobody knows (or perhaps, nobody cares) about all the chaos and fire left in the wake of the applicant now applying to be their new president. The collapse, the losses, and federal investigations seem to magically not matter when this new applicant applies to become chief of credit.
Of course until that changes, then the banks will never change as they are still being headed up by the same morons that got us here in the first place. And until that real change takes place it's still OK in my opinion to loathe bankers, at minimum tell these morons at the ABA to shut the ef up ( I love how he tries to pin it on investment banks).
In the meantime, enjoy bailing out these deadbeats.
Now one would think that the heads of these banks would be fired and then banished from banking altogether, soon to be replaced with more talented, moralled and skilled youthful counterparts.
One would think.
And there you go again "thinking." "Thinking" somehow "logic" and "sanity" rule this talentless, worthless industry headed up by parasites and charlatans.
For the truth is yes, the majority of the banks I've worked at and worked with have purged their executive and senior managements since this debacle occurred, but what nobody is pointing out, and what the dirty little secret is...
they simply go to and work for the bank next door.
So let me tell you some tales about a couple people I know, names of course shan't be mentioned, who by all practical measures should never be allowed to set foot into a bank again, but because the system is so hopelessly corrupted, they are now gainfully employed, some with promotions, steering completely new banks into completely new ice bergs.
My favorite I would have to say was "Pat." Pat was a president of a commercial lending division. No skill, no game, no experience. Well at least not experience in banking. Pat was previously a gas station manager.
Now, one would ask "How does a gas station attendant become president of commercial lending?"
And that is an excellent question to ask, for you see, while Pat may not have had any experience in commercial lending, he was married to someone who did. A vice president of one of the holding companies that owned the firm Pat worked for. Surprise, surprise, surprise, Pat becomes a president of an entire division within a subsidiary.
The results were only those that can be achieved by nepotism:
Pat was so bad at managing risk and making good loans even before I got on board they had made a loan to a real estate development that was already being investigated by the FBI in 2005. I should have taken that as a bad sign, but opted instead to keep working at this particular establishment. Over the course of the next 2 years I worked on loans that I knew were never going to be paid back, only to see Pat override my objections and approve the loans anyway. In the end Pat left the bank he was working at, but not without having 1 in every 2 loans go into default!
Now, one would think with a 50% default rate, it would be impossible for Pat to find a job ever again in the banking industry. Later I came to find out Pat didn't get fired, but quit so he could go and work for another bank where he'd start, again, as a president of commercial lending. I asked my contact "How in ef's name did he get a job there?"
"I think he has family there."
Ah, nepotism. It's more important to employ familial losers and screw over society than to have a stable financial system.
There was also Jessica. I had interviewed with Jessica at a bank a while ago, but didn't get the job. It wasn't until a year later I received a call from that same bank asking if I was interested in becoming a senior analyst there. I went in and interviewed thinking it would be that same Jessica person again, but she was replaced by Sven, the new head of commercial lending. Apparently Jessica had left for greener pastures.
Of course not without leave me her manure to deal with.
Never had I seen a portfolio of such outright sh!tty deals. You literally could not believe what loans had been approved and were now starting to fall apart. It was almost as if Jessica had purposely undermined the bank by making such horrendously bad loans and now it was time to start cleaning them up. The real estate developer who somehow failed to notice the 500 other town homes going up in the same town he was planning on putting 20 of his (the town of course had a population of 350, but that's aside the point). The guy who had a credit score of 500 and we still gave him an unsecured (meaning no collateral) line. And worthless financial deadbeat trailer trash after worthless financial deadbeat trailer trash contractor who if he could just show up sober for once he might have actually gotten a contract to roof a house or sheetrock a building. But no, sober contractors were too high-end client for Jessica, we'd go after the deadbeats.
Sure enough, I wanted to hunt Jessica down and I did track her down. Why, she was president of commercial lending at a bank literally just down the road.
I wanted to go to their CEO and say, "WTF!? Are you kidding me? Did you bother to look at the bank's financial statements where she worked previously? Are you all a bunch of morons?"
Of course, that was Jessica, her replacement was just as inconceivably stupid.
Here it was, late 2006 and the housing market was already starting to suffer. Showing my boss report after report showing the housing market to be oversupplied with a glut of housing, I was amazed to see this latest "leader" tell me straight to my face "21 months supply is about right." 5 months supply is when a market is deemed to be "balanced." 5 months supply is where it would take 5 months to sell out of the current level of housing and neither buyers nor sellers have a particular advantage. But there, right in front of him was a chart showing 21 months supply and he looked at me and said, "Well, 21 is about right." He was delusional.
Now I've written about this moron in my book (which of course you should buy), and naturally his stupidity cost the bank millions of dollars (to the point they have now applied for TARP money-hurray, you're bailing out these morons), but no matter how inept heads in the banking industry were, I could have sworn there could not possibly be a job for this moron. That there was no way any bank, after doing even the slightest bit of background check and research into this guy would give him a job.
Sure enough he got a job. But not just any job. A job I applied for (at least I was being considered a viable candidate for the same level of work, and at least I was starting to gain ground on these incompetent middle age managers).
But if you want to talk about sheer, jaw-dropping, unbelievable stupidity, Mike is your man.
Mike ran a bank into the ground. No, he really did. He made so many bad loans as a VP there that the bank was not only approaching insolvency, but earned itself a nice little cease and desist order by the FDIC. As in "cease and desist" you're costing the taxpayer way too much money you morons. I had the "honor" of contracting for this bank to help it deal with its cease and desist order and you could not believe the utter garbage that would pass for a loan. Real estate developer after real estate developer with no absorption study conducted to finance 20,000 condos in a market that already had 32 years supply of condos. The son of the father who was going to buy his uncle's house, but needed his dad to co-sign the loan because the son's wife had a spending problem and tanked their credit score, etc. etc. And of course, horses. Ah yes, horses. A never-ending line of horse wives who don't do a damn thing in their lives, live off their surgeon husbands, but because the husband is now broke paying for her horse hobby (and jewelry and riding lessons for her daughters - each one from a different marriage of course, and lexuses and spa treatments, etc.), he needs to borrow money AGAINST THE HORSE. Yes, these were the high quality and caliber loans Mike made and the Feds did not like it.
Now, certainly, CERTAINLY, of all the people in the world, you would not hire a guy who was responsible for bringing a cease and desist order upon his previous employer. You know, that there might be something "bad" about this guy. That maybe he wasn't too bright. That maybe he was a bit amoral. That maybe not only was he amoral and not too bright, but matter of fact a full blown, galactically stupid retard.
Oh, but you know how this story is going to end. Yes, you do. For a bank did hire him and put him in charge of CREDIT. And in a bit of irony, was the same bank I used to work for (the one now apply for TARP funds).
Now, I could go on and on and on, but what it simply boils down to is that the banking system in the US is corrupt. Not because of the banks themselves, or the institutions or laws we have in place, but because of the culture banking has.
Above all else, it is more important to be nice than right in the banking industry. It is no surprise that when an executive so horribly manages a bank that they are forced to leave, that you don't see in the newspapers, "Freaking moron who ran bank into the ground and cost Minnesota taxpayers $40,000,000 leaves for another bank." You see "Long time executive who served local community well WILLINGLY resigns from post to spend more time with family." And the reason why is that in banking it has to be superfriendlyMinnesota nice all the time.
Nothing can go wrong in the banking industry.
Nothing can be impolite in the banking industry.
That we never turn people down. We never lose money. We never fire people. We never do bad things. We're the superhappyfriendlynicepeoplebanks and birds and chirping and everybody's happy.
The problem is this is not based in reality. Reality is much harsher. Reality is much more brutal, as evidenced by the spectacular financial crisis we're having. But when they put on a face like the Bonfire of the Vanities, to make it seem like the perfect-happy suburbanite couple, it seems nobody knows (or perhaps, nobody cares) about all the chaos and fire left in the wake of the applicant now applying to be their new president. The collapse, the losses, and federal investigations seem to magically not matter when this new applicant applies to become chief of credit.
Of course until that changes, then the banks will never change as they are still being headed up by the same morons that got us here in the first place. And until that real change takes place it's still OK in my opinion to loathe bankers, at minimum tell these morons at the ABA to shut the ef up ( I love how he tries to pin it on investment banks).
In the meantime, enjoy bailing out these deadbeats.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
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