Part 4 of the Capitalism vs. Socialism Seminar

To My Reader from Toronoto Dominion Bank

Shoot me an e-mail. I need to ask you a question;

CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com

The Worthless OECD

I was going to write a lengthy piece, but I think my readers are smart enough to already understand the inanity of this image here;


This image comes from a report on Ireland from the OECD.

The OECD, presumably the largest and best database for economic data and research in the world, suggests that because of Ireland's tough economic times, to get out of its recession it must do several things. One of which being "INCREASE TAXATION."

Now what this shows you is how the OECD puts the government first and foremost above all other entities in a country. Not the people, not the private sector, it's the GOVERNMENT that needs more money to make up for its financial shortfalls.

Now this is sad, because this flies in the face of even the simplest of economic lessons you learn in grade school and that is...(you ready?)

YOU DON'T F%CKING RAISE TAXES DURING A RECESSION!!!

Again, the OECD, like man of its other NGO/Non-profit counter-parts fail to realize that the solution to society's problems, reside within society. The government is not the end all, be all solutions to society. It's not the most important thing in society. Matter of fact, it ISN'T SOCIETY. It SERVES society. I don't know how many more years and how many more countries and how much economic history we need to prove this, but government has always been and always will be the problem.

But for people at the OECD, who no doubt have similar trust-fund-baby backgrounds that the majority of our politicians have, they have no experience in industry, commerce or just plain real life. Their only experience is working at institutions where they arrogantly assume these institutions are what makes society run? Little do they realize these institutions RELY, if not, PARASITE off of society as they produce nothing of worth or merit of themselves.

But don't listen to me. I'm just some dumb guy. Not an esteemed "colleage" or "fellow" at the OECD.

In the meantime, let me know how raising them taxes works on getting you guys out of the recession.

You Know It's Bad When SNL Takes a Swing

oval office message
by postertube

Capitalism versus Socialism Speech Part 3

Durable Goods

Whilst your Captain prepares for an interview, I happened upon a rather shocking chart.

Not that I didn't know it was this bad, but again (as you understand my affinity for charts) until you visually see it, words don't really help the severity of this recession register with your brain.

Regardless, there is an economic lesson of the day with durable goods!

Much like housing starts predict the economy and employment into the future, durable goods is also a good leading indicator in that people usually hold off on these "large ticket items" if their future looks uncertain and buy them when they have faith their economic future will be bright. Things such as washing machines, microwaves, lawnmowers, etc.

If you look at the chart people certainly do not think the future is bright.

Or as I like to say, "REAL hope does not exist. Only faux hope of the socialist variety does."

Enjoy the recession!

The Banker that Will Be Killed

For he did not conform.

He did not comply.

He thought independently.

He actually is a real man and made his own money and didn't have to go grovelling to the taxpayer like a trophy wife does her husband for more money.

And no doubt, according to his heavily bailed out contemporaries, he must be eliminated.

Why You Can't Get Refinanced or a Loan Modification

Being self-employed, in the banks' eyes, I make $0.

And the reason why you understand is that no matter how much money you make and no matter how long you've made it, if it is self-employed income, it's not "real" income. Banks don't consider it "real" income unless you're miserably slaving away for some other schlep.

Ergo if you are self-employed it's very difficult to get financed, refinanced, or any kind of financing from banks in general.

But for those of you who are trying to get refinanced, haven't missed a payment, or could make a payment if they just modified your loan, but are constantly getting turned down here is the explanation why.

Now it is somewhat of a detailed and mathematically lengthy explanation, but just try to follow through with it. Regardless, the larger point is notice how once again, the government solution has failed to bring about a recovery in the housing market. And not only failed, but made it more or less impossible to help those they claimed they were trying to help.

Hitler on Corporate Taxes

I've been toying around with microsoft movie maker more and more and have been putting together little tidbits of video. Thought this might bring some humor, as well as a lesson on economics, during this recession...that really could be ended within 6 months if I was in charge;

Part 2 of the Capitalism vs. Socialism Speech

Don't complain. You can watch this 9 minute, 45 second portion of the speech;

Bush to Blame for Failed Olympics Bid

Oh wow. How intellectually weak and dishonest can you get?

If this leftist take over of the United States has taught me anything, it's just how childish and weak a people can become when they're are spoiled rotten. Just what pathetic creatures humans are capable of becoming. BLAME BUSH FOR THE FAILED OLYMPICS BID????

It IS a mental disorder. It's not a joke. You DO have a mental disorder if you blame Bush for this.

Ht

Seminar in Bite Sized Bits

I noticed that on the You Tube version of my speech, the number of views go down with the later and later pieces of the seminar. Obviously people start off watching it, based on ratings, they enjoy it, but then never get around to the next section.

This is VERY SAD because the good stuff is in the middle, while the beginning is just the introductory part of the seminar.

Ergo I will be broadcasting each of the 14 pieces, bit by bit, one day at a time which should make it more manageable. Each part is roughly 10 minutes, so perhaps that should make it digestible.

Here's the first one;

Unemployment Hits New High!

Wait, wait, wait.

Let me guess.

This is Bush's fault, right?

But then, wasn't the stimulus package supposed to stop this?

Oh, but it would be worse if we didn't do anything, right?

Digging Ditches and Filling Them Back Up

This is why you need to educate the masses more in economics.

You would think that today, given even the most basic and elementary of educations in economics, the masses, LET ALONE THE ECONOMISTS IN THE GOVERNMENT would know that digging ditches to fill them back up does NOTHING for the economy. Yet this is PRECISELY what they are doing in San Francisco.

Here is the sidewalk before stimulus money;


Here is the sidewalk after stimulus money.


Here is the man who took the pictures and the research he dug up on the cost of this sidewalk.

All these geniuses in Barack Obama's administration are literally (not sort of, not "oh, the Captain is joking" sort of way) LITERALLY no smarter than Robert Mugabe printing off money to make everybody rich.

Get Sick, Get Pampered

I are sick.

I are very sick.

So sick in fact I could not sleep this morning and woke up around 6AM (whenst your Captain normally wakes up at 10AM).

But I made the mistake, or perhaps the best move of my life, when I posted on my Facebook account that I was very sick.

Soon, as various femme fatales of the Cappy Cap Crew got to work, logged onto the internet and saw I was sick, the offers to "take care of me" flooded in.

"Oh, is there anything you need?"

"Can I make you a sandwich?"

"Hi baby, you know you're spoiled, but if you need help with anything tonight, let me know!"

And now, despite being very sick, I have no less than 4 women coming to my house to help me with various chores tonight, including;

1. Electric work
2. Putting in a flue for a wood burning stove
3. General cleaning up of the Captain's Bachelor Pad
4. And the procurement and disassembly of some wood pallets that will make for great firewood this winter

Now many of you no doubt are asking, "where is the Captain going with this?"

And I will tell you.

I am doing nothing more than outright bragging right now.

That's right.

Pure and simple bragging.

I have some of the nicest, sweetest, hottest and kindest babes in Minnesota coming over to pamper my sick ass, and not only pamper my sick ass, but to do construction work on my house! And it would be just plain unAmerican if I didn't share this with the world.

The moral of the story is if you're a guy "get sick." I don't know why, but when guys get sick, women feel this odd compunction to pamper them. It may feel horrible, but the benefits are most certainly worth it.

The Affirmative Action President

It was, coming up on about 8 years ago that the US was coming out of our last recession, the Dotcom Bubble.

And I recall VERY starkly and clearly howls and jeers on the left that it was the "worst economy in 50 years" when;

1. It obviously wasn't
2. It wasn't even an official recession.

Regardless, this did not stop the left from defining "intellectual dishonesty" as they blamed Bush for the country's woes AND when the country DID start finally posting positive GDP growth figures, COMPLAINED IT WASN'T FAST ENOUGH. That it was the "slowest recovery" in the history of recessions.

Now I have one...

simple...

question

for those on the left;

Will you hold Barack Obama to the same inferno when the economy recovers at an even slower pace than the economy did under Bush circa 2000-2001?

I already know the answer, no you won't, because for the most part you are;

hypocrites

intellectually dishonest

and care more about the socialist ideology than anything slightly resembling giving a damn about economic reality and getting the economy genuinely growing again.

Ergo, I am going to make a prediction.

The economy is not going to recover as we all hope it will. We will not be seeing "6% RGDP growth figures" in the next decade. No, we're going to suffer a very L-shaped recession like Japan did and GDP growth will never exceed 1% positive, not even enough to keep up with population growth.

However, the veritable whores in the mainstream media are going to sing the praises of Obama and the democrats the NANO-SECOND GDP growth turns positive. It doesn't have to be 3%. It doesn't have to be 1%. It just can be a fraction of a percent in positive territory. .2%.

And instead of berating and lambasting Obama for sclerotic growth like they did Bush all of 8 years ago, they will cheer and give him accolades, praising how the "Messiah" steered the US out of recession and put them on the vanguard of massive economic growth. Despite his obvious failure, they will hold him to a new and lower standard, effectively making him the first "Affirmative Action President."

Now I say the "first Affirmative Action President" not because he is black, but because he is a leftist and (this is key, so grab your pencils and paper because the Captain is about to make a very important point), the left is MORE concerned about the socialist ideology than reality. They are more concerned about maintaining power than they are the rest of society. They put themselves and their beliefs AHEAD of the country just like some religious zealots have no problem putting their religion ahead of your own life if you don't agree with them and will find nothing wrong with bombing you for it. And rather than admit that in reality, economic growth is pathetic, they will CHANGE the definition of "reality" by changing the definition of success.

You see, "success" under George Bush would have to be 12% RGDP growth IMMEDIATELY and presumably butler monkeys for all. And I could even see some democrats complaining that wouldn't be enough.

However, "success" under Obama is incredibly dumbed down to standards that even a spoiled brat, trust fund elitist from Chicago can achieve. Not because the left wishes to make him feel good or because they're concerned Obama's feelings might be hurt if he doesn't "succeed," but because he "must" succeed otherwise the masses will see that he (and socialism) has failed. And once the masses realize that, those same leftists now have to (dun dun dunnnn!!!!)

FIND JOBS IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR!!!

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

And that, my friends, is what they're really afraid of.

Go Galt

Silly hard working single mom, work is for suckers!

I particularly like how you are in the "-80%" marginal tax rate if you make less than $10,000. So I'm paid an additional $8,000 for making so little?

Regardless. You will go Galt. You will conform. You will comply.

Hockey Stick in Global Warming: Dead

Oh, doesn't look like a hockey stick anymore now does it?

Once again, bloggers doing the job of the mainstream media.

The Cappy Cap Girls Are Crying

So I upgrade to the new blogger version and not only reprogram the original sidebar advertisements, but include new ones with NEW GIRLS!

And alas, the girls, who were so happy and inclined to volunteer their images to help your old Captain advertise his wares, are sad and depressed.

You want to know why they are sad and depressed?

Because you men (and notice I say men, because, well, in intellectual honesty I haven't really advertised towards the women) haven't made a purchase, a donation or, just plum plain well made ANY comment about them!!!

Now HONEST AND SINCERELY,

Yes, I will admit I put these RAVENING temptresses on my blog to make money because...well...that's how it's done.

But my evil capitalist, self-serving pursuits ASIDE, you guys MUST at least make some commentary about their beauty and how appreciative you are of them to grace and improve the aesthetic nature of this blog. Otherwise the Captain shall have to start posting pictures of himself in a speedo.

And none of us want that now do we???

Ergo, to add some light-hearted fun for these depressionary times, you will sing the praises of the girls of Cappy Cap by sending/submitting poems of praise to them.

The best one will win a signed photograph of ALL the Cappy Capy girls in somewhat "non-Christian poses."

You may submit your poems/odes by leaving posts here, or if you are too shy to make them public, e-mail them to me at CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com

The Cappy Cap girls appreciate it.

"Big Four Accounting Experience Required"

A public service announcement from Captain Capitalism.

Along the same lines as "Fortune 50 experience required" or "5+ years required" when the system they're asking you to work on only has been out 4 years, this is another pet peeve, particularly of accounting and finance majors;


"Big four accounting experience required."



Beacause you see, if you weren't an accountant at one of the "Big Four" accounting firms (Peat Marwick, Ernst and Young, Price Waterhouse, and Deloitte and Touche) you obviously weren't doing "real" accounting work and you obviously weren't a "real" accountant.


You see, the secret is that there is this whole NEW world of accounting that you morons, you schleps that work at "faux" accountancies such as Grant Thorton, Boulay Heutermaker, etc. , are completely unaware of.

Oh sure, you may have worked on FASB, GAAP, SOX, but that was really just a front. A whole pseudo accounting system where you're duped into thinking that's how the real world of accounting works.


You see in the "real" world of accounting, you have to learn how to falsify your client's financial statements so that the financial statements look a heck of a lot better than what they really are. You need to be like the now-defunct Andersen Accounting where your job is NOT to follow GAAP, but rather subvert GAAP, find ways around GAAP so that Dotcoms and telecoms look like they actually have value, as opposed to the insolvent entities that they really are.


Rippe and Kingston?

JD Cloud?

James Volz?

Oh PUH-leeeeze.

Those are just posers in the "real" world of accounting.


So, to recap.


If you are going to go to school for accounting or are going to get your CPA, remember kids,

it's all for nought UNLESS you work for one of the Big Four accounting firms.

Practice your ass-kissing skills for those interviews!!!

This PSA announcement brought to you by Captain Capitalism.