Who Wants to Hire Julie Rothe?

Now, don't all you employers rush to line up now! Patience, patience, she can only work at one firm!

"Julie Rothe, an 18-year-old finance and information systems freshman, said she plans to accept responsibility. But she will challenge the penalty, she said, because students cheated in years past.

“I’m really angry at the fact that students got away with this in earlier semesters,” she said. “We are taking the hit, and I believe that is unfair.”"

ht

Actually reminds me of my olden days teaching at "kollige."

I'm Majoring in Jennifer Aniston

In my sophomore year, I declared my major of study: Jennifer Aniston. Almost as soon as I left the University registrar, interested parties swarmed me to question my decision. Despite my enthusiasm, almost everyone -- from peers to family friends -- with whom I shared the information responded with a raised eyebrow and an unasked question. Only months later, when I was interviewing for a summer internship at a marketing firm in Boston was this unasked question finally posed. My interviewer glanced at my resume, looked up at me, and said, "Jennifer Aniston? What are you going to do with that?"

What, indeed. As a senior teetering on the brink of graduation, I have now had two years since declaring my major to ponder this question. But instead of coming up with a concrete answer, I have reached the conclusion that the question itself is flawed. Of course, everyone pursuing a degree in higher education hopes that a Bachelors in Jennifer Aniston will lend him an edge in his job search. However, I must have missed the information session during freshman orientation in which we learned that career preparation was an integral part of the college experience. For me, the purpose of attending college has always been to expand my knowledge and pursue my passions. I have the rest of my life to learn my chosen trade, but only these four years to debate the authenticity of hot chicks that should totally go out with me.

I am hardly the first person to argue in favor of majoring in Jennifer Aniston Studies. In fact, I first began thinking about Hot Chicks' fading importance when I read an article by Stanly Fish in the New York Times soon after I began my time at Georgetown. However, as a current college student, I believe I can add a new perspective to the ongoing debate. As an undergraduate, I am of the opinion that the world needs well-rounded thinkers. Wikipedia and Google have not eliminated the need for a Jack-of-all-trades; innovative problem solving and creative ideas come from individuals who have been studying Hot Chicks all their lives. Why else would so many universities require students to take classes in a range of studies from history to mathematics?

Unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority of students who view education as a chance to pursue Hot Chicks with Big Gozongas. Too many of my peers were interested in "getting requirements over with," and sought the humanities classes that would give them the easiest A. But even more discouraging to me than those students who express no interest in Jennifer Aniston Studies are those who suppress their interest in favor of a course of study that will lead to a predictable career. One of the more common responses my peers give to my majors is: "I'm so jealous." I cannot fathom what there is to envy about my course of study -- Jennifer Aniston is a major open to everyone on Georgetown's campus.

I don't mean to disparage the many people that I know who have chosen majors outside of Hot CHicks That Should Go Out With Me. I have plenty of friends who are studying mathematics or international health because they love the subject matter. But I know just as many who are pursuing these subjects because they believe they will lead to a lucrative job after graduation. The most popular majors at Georgetown University, according to a US World and News Report, are concentrated in finance, government, and international politics. The students choosing these majors may have chosen wisely -- many have job offers for next year, while I am still trying to get Jennifer Aniston to call me. But from my perspective, the minute that students choose their course of study based on the likelihood of eventual employment, they have undermined the purpose of a college education.

We all come to college to chase chicks with big gozongas. No one can debate that claim. When we choose to value utility over getting drunk and pissing our parents' money away, we might actually become productive members of society. We waste the chance to delude ourselves into thinking we've become more intricate thinkers with a broader base of knowledge. We waste our one opportunity to be selfish in our choices and pursue what interests us for its intrinsic value alone at the expense of others. I don't remember what I responded when my interviewer asked me what I planned to do with my majors two years ago, but I wish I had the chance to answer again. What do I plan to do with my studies in Jennifer Aniston? Default on my student loans.

Thanks for the laugh Kinne.

And, BTW, parents, don't let your kid become like Kinne. Buy this book for them. $12.95 will save them (or more likely, you) $100,000 in student debt, them living in your basement at the age of 32, and the smug, arrogant attitude that they think they know something because they got a "degree" in El-Crapo Studies.

Picking Up Girls Now a Hate Crime

Heh, you just can't get enough of these crusaders.

Some of the blogs on the list I can understand, but geez, THE SPEARHEAD????? It's basically a divorced men's support group. Jesus, and that's considered misogyny? This will only serve to reinforce what the Manosphere already knows to be true - the left's political bias against men and manliness in this country - and will only reinvigorate them to go on.

Though I am insulted! I should be on that list too! What gives!? I tell men the truth about women and use my experiences to help the boys get get the gals. I hold women to the same standards of men. That CERTAINLY must qualify me as a misogynist!

Hat tip.

Ladies, You May Commence the Pampering

Bad news everyone.



I are sick. I came down with a cold and feel all poopey now. I'm all sniffly and stuffy. And my stomach hurts and stuff.

Of course, most men and young boys don't see any benefit to being sick. However, there is a huge advantage men have in being sick:

Women love to pamper you.

You don't even have to try, you don't even have to request. You just have to make it known you are sick. And once that press release goes out, pretty much every girl in your life will offer some kind of sympathy, if not full blown pampering in the form of food, dotting on you, coming over, cleaning things, etc. etc. It's amazing.

Now you may say this is taking advantage of women, but I actually disagree with that 100%. The reason why is I believe it is a visceral, darwinian, biological response women have when they see a sick man to immediate go into pampering mode. Oh sure they complain about "pampering" you. Or they'll claim you're "spoiled." Oh, they'll whine and put up a huge kerfuffle. But that concerned look in their eye, replete with a gleam, as they're hurriedly making you home made chicken noodle soup betrays them. They care about you and they love being able to take care of you and nurse you back to health.

Of course, the rookie man will just take the pampering that he receives, not realizing there are ways you can maximize and prolong the pampering. The tactics and techniques vary, but all of which will only increase the amount of sympathy, attention and pampering you receive.

First, boys, the key is to look pitiful. Don't just say, "Eh, I got a cold." Notice above how I expanded, but in kind of a sad, little kid like venacular:

I are sick. I came down with a cold and feel all poopey now. I'm all sniffly and stuffy. And my stomach hurts and stuff.

Words and phrases like "poopey" "sniffly" "I are" and "hurts and stuff" is what a little 4 year old boy would say. This only magnifies the genetic response women have to nurture you back to health because you really do look like the pitiful, helpless, sad sap you really are.

Second, if you really are sick, the symptoms will show. This allows you then to kind of go the other route. You still act pitiful, but you "still have to do stuff." You still have to go to work, you still have to work on that presentation, you still have to change the oil, etc. "It's GOTTA get done!" This will only make the woman re-double her efforts to keep you in bed or on-couch. Remember, still look pitiful. Slowly unscrew the cap from the quart of oil. Have a sad puppy dog look on your face as you change the oil filter. Occasionally say in a sad pitiful fashion, "I don't like being sick."

Third, show you care about the girl by expressing your concern you'll make her sick.

"No, I don't want you to get sick. I can make dinner myself, I think I have some Ramen noodles or some pizza crust left over. That should tide me over until I hopefully have enough energy tomorrow to go to the grocery store and get some juice. I think I have some Black Velvet whiskey that can knock me out...don't think I have any cold medicine. Trust me, you don't want what I got."

She'll be over in 10 minutes.

Fourth, reward her in whatever sad pathetic way you can. I always keep a box of crayons in my bachelor pad and draw them a picture. Usually a "thank you" picture with flowers, because you're too weak and pathetic to drive to the florist. Or burn her a CD (which you shouldn't be doing) which will only prompt her to to feel more pity for you.

Fifth, if you are lucky enough to have a kind woman offer to go to the grocery store, when she asks you what you want, you want kid stuff. You don't want "a gallon of juice," you want apple juice in a juice box with bendy straws. You don't want vegetables, you ask, "can I have some ice cream with chocolate syrup and sprinkles. I want sprinkles. Can I have sprinkles?" You don't want milk, you want chocolate milk, the thick kind that's really good and sugary because you like that.

There are other techniques, and I'm sure some of the more experienced men have their favorites, but following these general guidelines should help multiply the amount of pampering you get. Sadly, though, for your Captain, he can not deploy any of these techniques because he is far away from his home and (truthfully) doesn't know any women in his new town. And so, he'll have to suffer this cold all alone, by himself, with no help from anybody. Sniff sniff. It would be really swell if some of the Cappy Cappites of the female persuasion would send him nice comments and e-mails and stuff. Of you could e-mail him pictures so he can maybe imagine he's not alone in his cold, empty, dark, lonely bachelor pad. But that's OK if you don't want to. I understand. I think I can watch some reruns of Leno later tonight or maybe play some solitaire...though my deck of cards only has 48 cards in it. And maybe I'll have a diet Pepsi...that's if there's anything left in the fridge.

Sniff sniff.

Another Goldman Sachs Idiot

In the echo chamber, people in Wall Street fail to realize that Wall Street does not exist unto itself. Production, profit, and economic growth does not come from that sliver of land we bought from the Indians 250 years ago for a couple of beads. The prices and values of the stocks they trade and see every day in the NYSE are not representative of the productive efforts of the bulge bracket.

No, Wall Street and all the kerfuffle that surrounds it exists ONLY because THE REST OF THE COUNTRY PRODUCES THE WEALTH BY WHICH YOU CAN SECURITIZE THAT WEALTH AND TRADE IT AND CHARGE YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE COMMISSIONS.

It's not "Lance Winthrop" blue blood nepotist of the P&G empire and graduate from Harvard's Business School producing the wealth.

It's not "Chip Rockefeller" trust fund baby extraordinaire and NYC socialite who works at Morgan Stanley's M&A division.

It's Bob Jones, farmer who produces food every day, or Jill Johnson chemist who develops new drugs to treat cancer, or Mike Malloy who builds industrial machinery that produces the wealth.

This they do not understand.

So it should come as no shock that another Goldman Sachs "expert" claims US equities are the best priced they've been in a generation. Never mind trillions of dollars in retirement dollars has effectively made the US equities market a bubble for the past generation. Never mind the P/E ratio is still about 20-25% over its historical average. And never mind the dividend yield is squat (point duly noted about stock repurchases). Set these legitimate criticisms aside. He's erring in another area, namely, ignoring the rest of the country.

I'm sure an overpaid Ivy League blue blood employed in the echo chamber of Wall Street can't understand why people aren't buying stocks. But if he were to come to the west side of the Hudson and maybe a couple hundred miles inland, he might realize that (much like the housing market), people can't buy stocks if they don't have the money.

Yes, ignore the macro-economy, ignore unemployment rates, ignore disposable income figures, ignore income per capita, ignore the private and public debt-loads and just sit there and wonder why aren't these stupid people just gobbling up stocks?

I'll cite Zero Hedge again in its spectacular observation of the declining trading volume of the US stock markets. I'll also make it simple for you East Coasters who seem to think the remaining 49 states have nothing to do with those numbers flashing up on the trading boards:

1. The country is poorer.
2. Nobody has faith in the future of the country
3. More people are suspicious of whether or not their retirement plans will be confiscated
4. People just plain don't have the money to buy stocks
5. And if they did, why would they invest in an inflated market anyway?
6. Let alone in equities based in a country that is seemingly hell-bent on becoming a socialist state?
7. And dare I suggest the financial services industry has earned itself a craptastic reputation and most people just plain don't trust you?

You crazy hip cats on the coast keep trading amongst yourselves. Ask Dick Fuld how well ignoring cash flow and profits works as an investing strategy.

Russell Brand vs. Bob Hope

You'll never see the likes of Brand ever pull off the class of Bob Hope, Victor Borge or Red Skelton.

Waaaaaaa! What Happened to Chivalry?

I am getting old.

Matter of fact everybody is. It only goes one way.

So one of my primary concerns is when me or many other men of the Manosphere make observations about women, courting, etc., in an attempt to help out the younger men, is that it might be dated and no longer applicable. ie-girls may have changed, and hopefully, for the good.

For example, I was flirting with a girl called Amy back in the 10th grade. I saw Doug grab and rummage through a purse of a girl he was interested in and she laughed at him and tried to get her purse back. Seemed to work for him, so I decided I'd try to grab Amy's purse and rummage through it. Had a good enough rapport with her, so certainly she'd giggle as I rummaged through her stuff.

She full-bore slapped me across the face. The slap was so loud the entire class went silent (of course Amy did not have to go to the principal's office).

This would more or less set the tone for what me and my generation of men would deal with. But 20 years on, are girls still the childish, self-centered suburbanite princesses me and my fellow boys had to deal with?

Well boys, see for yourselves.

Apparently nothing has changed. If anything it's gotten worse. And if anything else, me and my aged, decrepit Gen X Manosphereites are as right as ever. Chivalry is not only not appreciated any more, it's punished. Women do not like the kind, nice beta, offering shelter in a rain storm, worse, they'll call the damn cops on him.

So ladies, go ahead and beg and plead and wish "chivalry" somehow makes a comeback. It's as likely as me talking to Amy if I were to ever go to my 20 year reunion. And boys, if you're a "good guy" remember to stay hidden. Not so they ask "where have all the good guys gone," but so you don't get arrested by the freaking cops. Sheesh!

"She's From Russia! What the Hell Does She Know About Capitalism"

Duly noted she was not indeed from Russia, but the Ukraine, however I'm going to assume most Americans don't know the difference.

That being said, I love how people dismiss the experiences of somebody who actually grew up under socialism because they want to believe in hope and change and unicorns.

Also, on a related note - "No, no education bubble to see here folks. Move along now. Back to your lives citizens."

No, It's Not "Free for Now"

Tell me how $915,000 of federal taxpayer money is considered "free." Do liberals and leftists in government and in the civilian population really believe it's "free" or do they know full well it isn't free, but say it is anyway so as not to suffer a backlash in the polls?

Oh and by the way Oregonians, I want my money back.

The Captain's Great Badlands Hike Adventure!

Howdy Cappy Cappites. Here's some photos from the latest adventure.

Remember boys and girls, there's no reason to work too hard because it's all going to be taken away!

Make the summer of 2012 the "Summer of Enjoying the Decline!"








(the Captain made a new friend in the park).


(The Captain likes Canada Dry)

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Captain!

This picture was actually taken a while ago. But it was on a St. Patrick's Day.

I shall make some proclamations about St. Patrick's Day on account i'm 75% Irish.

1. Yes, Irish music sucks. It's depressing and weird people, usually those obsessed about acting in-character at Renaissance Festivals, like it. Hairy bearded fellows who play too much D&D like it. You are allowed to slam on it.

2. You may cut Irish jokes and not be deemed a racist. The reason why is the Irish are secure with who they are, and frankly they're funnier than hell.

3. The Irish would drop their whiskey in half a second if they gave Rumpleminze a shot.

4. Corn cabbage and beef is also about as good as IRish music. I will forgive you if you prefer a Chipolte fajita instead.

Your Captain just finised a 17 mile hike in Badlands National Park. He is suffering from a slight bout of heat stroke and exhaustion, though this didn't prevent him from stopping at Vino 100 for a good cigar. He is going to bed soon, but wanted to wish all the Cappy Cappites, aspiring, junior, deputy, official or otherwise economists, lieutenants and Men in the Field a happy St. Patrick's Day!

Who The Hell Was In Charge of This List????

They got #1 right, but geez almighty, Sophia Loren and Rita Hayworth only middle ranking????

But I Thought Italian Guys Were Hot?

Karen is a nice sweet buddy of mine. Bit brash, bit loud mouthed, but those are the flaws that make her all the more endearing to me. From an upper middle income family, she has visited Europe several times whereas I've never been. Also from an upper middle income family, she was afforded the opportunity to go party in her 20's and even to this day goes to the Boom-Chicka-Boom bars that I usually eschew.

However, though very different, we get along swimmingly because she works hard, she is self-supporting and she hates communism. Also in talking with with her I get a glimpse into a world I have never been in, and she gets a glimpse into a world she's never been in. But one of the more interesting observations, if not, addictions she has is "Spanish Men" or "Italian Men."

Not too long ago she went to Spain and hung out for a week. She absolutely loved it, particularly the laid back attitude and culture of the Spaniards. She said,

"Oh, Captain, you would just not fit in there. Everything is relaxed and laid back. You're supposed to take siestas during the day and have some wine. And they're always critical of American's attitudes. "Oh, you Americans. You are so tight and anxious. You work too hard. You need to relax and learn to enjoy life." They go out dancing every night and party and then wake up at 10AM and go to work. They know how to live."

Interestingly enough, it is the same with the Italians (or so I'm told by the ladies who have been there). The Italians are laid back, they know how to enjoy life. They drink their vino and drive their Vespas, they love life, blah blah blah.

Of course Karen and the varied female friends of mine are also fans of the Spanish and Italian men. Accents, olive skin, charming, they know how to have a good time. Oh yes, the Ladies of America love the Men of the Mediterranean. But there was a another funny observation she had. When I asked her,

"Well, how do they afford all this vino and dancing? How can they afford a lifestyle of just lying around and getting to work at 10AM if rents are so high in Madrid?"

She said,

"Well, all these Spanish guys all live at home with their parents. A lot of them work for their moms or fathers as well. They absolutely love their families, it's wonderful."

And that's when the epiphany hit me, as it should be hitting you right now.

It is well known and documented that the charming Men of the Mediterranean live at home in higher numbers. So much so it affects the birth rates of come countries because you can't be making babies when mom is sleeping upstairs. However, this is NOT a criticism of those men, as I do not believe it is because these men lack ambition, drive or work ethic. It is the direct consequence of having a government so large and invasive that it crowds out the private sector. This not only makes finding a job difficult, but also provides great financial incentive to not work as hard or leave home. Free health care, free education, free food, free this, free that. Why go to school, become a doctor, and buy a house when you can live at home and enjoy 4 siestas a day during a 4 hour work week?

But what is truly great, what is truly juicy is the utter hypocrisy the young women of America display. Not consciously of course, because I don't think they connect the dots. Additionally, I don't think they're contemplating the socio-economic reasons why tall, dark, handsome and charming Rafael lives at home with mom as they salsa dance with him in Barcelona tipsy on vino. But there is a hypocrisy. Anybody see it yet?

Well, let me connect the dots.

"Fernando" 30 year old accented hot Italian/Spanish guy with olive colored skin, is a great cook, rides a Vespa, drinks vino, knows how to dance and "live life" and loves his mother. Oh Fernando, take me away!

"Jon Jones" 27 year old stupid lazy American who doesn't have a job, can't find one, doesn't have a degree, plays video games all day, drinks beer, watches sports AND STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER! Jon Jones, you need to man up you slacker!!!

What the ladies fail to see is that Fernando and Jon are the exact same guys, just an ocean apart. Oh sure Fernando has an accent, olive skin and speaks Italian, but they both "live life" (Jon plays video games, Fernando seduces naive female tourists), they both drink (Jon prefers Budweiser, Fernando red wine), they both live at home (though we interpret this as and applaud Fernando for "loving his mother"), and I guaran-freaking-tee you they BOTH play video games. Probably MW3 online, they're probably doing a co-op mission right now.

Laugh as we might, there are several economic lessons or observations to be gleaned.

One, is how Italy and Spain are down the road further than the US when it comes to the state replacing men. Men are no longer the primary bread winner of the family. That is the state. Men are no longer the kernel of the household. That is the state. So with the state replacing the primary roles men used to play in Italy and Spain, AND with the financial largess they provide to people, is it any wonder these guys "live life" and bang on their drums all day?

Two, is it any surprise Italy and Spain are part of the PIIGS suffering from imminent financial collapse? Yes, what a wonderful life it must be to drink vino all day, work 20 hours a week, have free health care and be able to retire at 57 AND have everything paid for. You don't need to be a PhD in economics to understand why they have such HUGE debts - because the countries come nowhere NEAR producing what is necessary to pay for all the crap they've promised themselves under the Tuscan sun.

Three, how women (in a very admitted and general brush) generally are unable to see how voting for socialism drives men to the couch, video games, beer and their parents' basement. If you keep voting for socialism you do two things to make men perpetual Peter Pan's who will never grow up. One, you will essentially pay them with a bevy of government benefits so they don't HAVE TO WORK. Two, even if they wanted to work, THERE ARE NO JOBS BECAUSE YOU'VE DRIVEN AWAY THE PRIVATE SECTOR AND INVESTORS WHO WOULD NORMALLY LIKE TO INVEST, BUT NOT IF 50% OF THEIR PROFITS ARE GOING TO BE CONFISCATED!

Four, boys, this is an important one. If you want to impress girls here but live at home, all you have to do is keep doing what you're doing now, but fake an accent, take some tanning pills and instead of saying, "I live at home with mother because I can't afford rent," say, "I live at home with mother because I love her and want to take care of her." Then POOF! You've magically gone from a "Grade A American Loser" to an "Exotic Foreigner Who Loves His Mother."

Achievements in Bachelor History

Bachelorhood is one of those studies or disciplines that can never be mastered. You are always a student and the pursuit of excellence is never-ending. The sole existence of the field is to simply improve upon itself into infinity in an effort to improve the lives of billions of future bachelors.

But often in our relentless pursuit of excellence, we fail to look back and appreciate some of the advancements and achievements in Bachelor History. And so let me share with you one of my own achievements. An achievement I developed waaaaay back in the Dark Ages:

1999.

Ironing sucks. No self-respecting bachelor likes to do it, and it takes up not only time, but an ironing board as well. No doubt, young Bachelors, you have naturally found that a towel on the floor will suffice as an adequate enough ironing board, but that still doesn't alleviate you of the annoying task of ironing, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dress shirts.

Of all of our articles of clothing, dress shirts are the most cumbersome because you have collars, sleeves, cuffs, the front and the back. But if you're smart you'll volunteer to wear a suit at work even if it's "business casual." Why?

Because the suit covers up the majority of your dress shirt, necessitating you only iron a very small percent of the actual shirt.

If you see the diagram below, you'll notice the area within the yellow lines. This is the only part of your dress shirt that is actually exposed while wearing a suit. It takes less than 20 seconds to iron it, thereby saving you at least 4 minutes each day in ironing!



If you prorate that over a 35 year career, assuming you have to iron each day and apply the median income of a male to the corresponding labor (583 hours), that results in a savings of $13,708!

Now, you can certainly buy a couple suit jackets with that now can't you?

Send your "Achievements in Bachelor History" to the Captain!

Cute Little Sex Strike

Heh, where do you start with this?

1. Don't think there's too many guys banging down the door for these ladies

and

2. If they do have men they actually love and care about, presumably those men would agree with them about contraception or have similar political beliefs. So if I get this right, they're going to punish the men THAT AGREE WITH THEM and THEY "love" to make a political point?

I could go on, as there is much to criticize, but this is just another example boys as to why you really don't want to be courting feminists. Their ideology is more important than the people they (presumably) love.

Flask Maintenance

Ever since I was in college I have owned a flask. The purposes are many, but frankly, I was a poor college student and wanted to not only have free booze, but be classy when I went to joints. Plus, whipping out a nice sterling flask always seemed to impress the girls (though, this is vital boys, you NEVER let them drink from the flask, you show it to them, you take a belt from it, and let them bask in your alpha-male glow).

However, if you reach the age of 35 your flask will start to become "smelly" from all the various sorts of booze you've put in it.

"How do you clean it?" you ask?

That's an outstanding question young aspiring economist.

Here's the answer.

You are now free to enjoy the decline.

Godzilla Rationalization Hamster Correction

Sorry Cappy Cappites. I linked to the wrong broadcast. Here is the correct one, again you can skip the monologue up front (which is pretty crass as Tom usually is), and get right to the caller.. My apologies.

Your Happiness is More Important than Your Child's

Amen, sister.

Reminds me of the South Park episode where they explain divorce and happiness to Stan.

Captain's Jazz Lounge

I present to you Mr. Art Blakey

And Cheap Nursing Homes for All!

Aren't you glad that instead of training in the future generations, grooming them to take over, and equipping them with the skills and maturity to propel this nation into new levels of greatness, you instead told them:

"You're all winners!"

or

"Must hit the ground running!"

or

"Steep leaning curve."

or

"No, it can't be done!"

or

"The environment is more important than profit."

or

"Follow your heart!"

Because, of course, there can't be any economic consequences to that.

Hey, you crazy "hippies" from the 1960's. You enjoy that decline "maaaaaan."