Bachelor Pad Economics - Lesson #2

For the ladies.

I walk into what is arguably the finest, classiest place in all of the Twin Cities right now;

Matty B's.

Matt Burke's joint, for those sports aficionados, of the Minnesota Vikings.

Happening jump swing band, ample dance floor, score of people dancing east coast swing. Everybody having a good time and dressed very professionally.

Now I shall level with you, I don't bother asking girls to dance much any more because they largely fall into three categories;

1. Female friends that there is no romatic potential.
2. Swing "SNatzi's" which is a contigent of 20 and 30 somethings in the Twin Cities that value their entire lives on their ability to swing and not their ability to get a job.
3. Girls that rehearse the Minnesotan Women State anthem; "No"

So upon entering Matty B's my primary objective was to have a cocktail, listen to the band, and as an unkbeknownst bonus side show laugh at this Jesus Freak I know wearing false-advertising-provocative clothing get hit on and serenaded by the sax player 30 years her senior.

But as I gallivant to a table to talk to a couple acquaintances, I see in the back corner this drop dead gorgeous girl.

Now, there are girls that you look at and in a factual manner say, "Yes, that girl is VERY attractive."

But it is a statement of fact. An emotionless obsevation.

Angelina Jolie is hot, sure, but I'd rather skin myself that talk to her.

But every once in a while, the old man upstairs sends you something that is not only a factually "attractive woman" but an attractive woman that has something else about her that is so COMPELLING that you have no choice but to go and pursue her.

And in an odd way, even though you haven't talked, it is no longer an emotionless observation that she is an insanely attractive woman, but there is actually an unexplained and unwarranted emotion you have for this particular femme fatale.

Other non-economist people just call this "love at first sight."

So when you put your hand on a hot stove burner, I remembered from biology class, the pulse or pain does not actually reach your brain, it goes to the brain stem, where the brain stem in an automated response will immediately jerk your hand away.

It was the same thing as I immediately got up out of my chair and with unrivalled confidence I approached the table where her and her girlfriend were sitting and I asked her to dance.

Band playing.

Ample, yet populated dance floor.

Good lookin' guy.

Good lookin' girl.

Decked to the nines.

And then....

The "Ping Pong Game."

Ah yes, the Ping Pong Game.

Let me explain this to all you aspiring female economists out there so that this does not happen to you.

You see, there are a very limited, VERY EFFING LIMITED supply of men out there that know how to dance and can make you look like a billion bucks out on the dance floor. Furthermore, there are very limited men (bravado set aside) like me who not only know how to dance, but enjoy it and would like nothing more than to take you on a whirlwind tour of the different ballrooms in the world to trip the light fantastic.

So when a guy comes up to you and asks you to dance there is a correct answer.

And that answer is "yes."

Now there are other answers that we men, of unrivalled skill, culture and talent, will accept that are incorrect answers knowing full well you've passed up a great catch and realize it is you that has truly lost out. Such acceptable answers are;

No

Not now

I'm tired

No thank you.

I don't know how to dance.

I'm just here to drink.

I'm gay.

Etc. etc.

But what we men, of unrivalled talent and culture, one might even say Cary-Grantishness (and I'm not being arrogant here) will not tolerate is when you point to your friend and in a 7th grade way say whilst giggling, "No, you dance with him."

And then your friend, in an equally childish, immature and insulting manner, giggles and then points back at you and says, "no, you dance with him."

And then in a ping-pong like fashion, completely oblivious to the man who has taken his time to come over there and offer you what is literally a once-in-a-life-time-opportunity point at each other and say;

"No you dance with him."

"No you dance with him."

"Tee hee. I don't know how do dance. No you."

"Tee hee!!! No I don't know how to dance. No you!"

"Oh, she knows how to dance, but she won't admit it."

"No, stop, you should be the one to dance with him."

All the while and in front of the young man who had the courage and fortitude to ask you to dance.

There is no quicker way to go from;

-A woman who had the potential to tell her grandchildren that grandpa saw her and fell in love with her the moment he saw her and said, "that is the woman for me" while grandpa to that day still thinks she is the most gorgeous woman on the face of the planet

to;

- A woman who is 50, frumpy and fat wondering why she's alone and divorced watching re-runs of Sex in the City and will die alone with Jessica Parker

than playing that insanely stupid, childish and unacceptable Ping Pong game.

So all aspiring Junior, Deputy, Official and otherwise Female Babe economists;

Bachelor Pad Economics - Lesson #2 - DON'T PLAY THE PING PONG GAME.

Say "yes."