My buddy John hasn't bought a new shirt in about 20 years. And the reason he hasn't bought a new shirt in 20 years is because he buys used shirts at the Disabled Vietnam Vet store.
His logic is irrefutable;
"I don't care to find a wife. I don't go out to bars or clubs. So why spend $20 on a new shirt that will just go out of style in a year when I can buy a used shirt for $1 and help out the disabled vets?"
But his logic also applies to other wares and services, especially when you don't care to go to boomchicaboom bars and just want a beer or just want a burger.
God bless the VFW and American Legion.
For if there are establishments that stand to gain from a recession, it will be the American Legion and the VFW.
I've started frequenting the VFW's and American Legion's in the area simply because of three reasons;
1. I don't "go out" anymore "trying to meet girls" and therefore have no reason to pay $9 for a martini.
2. You can not only get a martini, but a burger, fries, a soda and tip for $9 at an American Legion or VFW.
3. I'd rather give my $9 to the vets than some young preppy putz on daddy's dime who thinks they're going to make it big by setting up a bar and charging $10 for a martini in down town. Additionally the conversation and company of veterans is insanely more intellectual and less painful than trying to converse with Bambi the cosmetology major about who should be voted off Teen Idol.
And that's why I like Jim.
I met Jim at the American Legion in town. He was an older guy, WWII vet and dapperly dressed for his age. We got to talking and I noticed after five minutes of conversation that he had a wedding ring on. The problem was it didn't add up. It was approaching midnight and he was at a bar sipping away at some kind of bourbon talking to my skinny Irish ass. Where was his wife?
Unfortunately I knew the answer, but thought an old guy like him might like to talk about it.
"Where's your wife?"
He paused and with no change or inflection in his tone said, "She's dead."
"How long ago?" I asked.
"Three years." he said.
I didn't want to make a comment about him still wearing his ring. Not that I wanted him to "go out and find another girl" or that "he should get over it and move on." Quite the contrary. If I would have said anything it would have been, "Hey, I respect that you're still wearing that ring and being loyal to your wife, even after her death." But I didn't deem my political observation necessary. Based on how many drinks he had, I figured he was bidding his time and numbing the pain until he could see her again.
That being said, I'll be damned if I don't applaud him here and now. For I could never figure out, for my self anyway, if I got married and my wife were to die, how I could re-marry. Maybe I'm too idealistic. Maybe I've watched too many American movies where the good guys win and there's some semblance of justice or honor. But if I lost my wife, I don't think, let alone see how I could marry another gal. No disrespect to all you other gals out there, but that concept of marrying "the one" (not to get all chicky on you guys) means "the one."
And I tip my hat to Jim for having such a lovely wife that he could accept no substitute.
I've always thought that if you find "the one" that you and she should talk about what to do if one of you bites the dust; me personally, I don't know if I would be able to move on to someone else or not, I would imagine if so, it would take some time though. I would however tell my woman that if I were to die to go ahead and enjoy life and find someone else, just please don't ever forget me.
ReplyDeleteNow I am feeling all Titanic, haha.
Wonderful post. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm so glad I'm not the only one...
ReplyDeleteWow, great post and story.
ReplyDeleteNow there's a man living on his terms without complication, pretense or guile. One of the many stories of middle American, salt of the earth people that the elites that run this country cannot possibly understand.
Now I don't generally buy shirts myself - my inventory of shirts and slacks are pretty much gifts, but I may look up the Salvation Army or Goodwill Industries in my neck of the woods.
In my small town the only place to eat is the Subway, the VFW Club and the golf course when it's open. I'm overdue to visit the VFW.
As for a replacement spouse, that's not going to happen either, although my wife has told me to go find a gal to hang around with if she goes first.
But I don't see that happening - you spend decades together weaving an intricate tapestry, albeit an imperfect one. Losing your mate violently rips the woven connections leaving torn and raggged threads of pain and loneliness that can never be repaired. There is no substitute for "the one" nor can there ever be.
A more rarional explanation given to me by a musician is that it prevents being hit on by gays (but I appreciated the sentiments)..
ReplyDeleteTotal props to Jim. There's nothing quite like a one-woman man. Well, except maybe a one-man woman...
ReplyDeleteBoth of my grandmothers survived their husbands by 20-25 years. Neither one of them ever so much as went on a date after. My dad even tried to encourage his mom to go find someone else - she was only in her 50s when she was widowed - and she said, essentially, "Why? I've already had the best relationship I could ask for. Anything else would be second-best."
Next drink I have is being raised to Jim.
I'm a Jim too. The difference is my two wives are still alive and happy!
ReplyDeleteWhat is missing in this story? He can go to the legion, down a few and still and drink to her health!
When my father was told he had terminal cancer at the age of 46 he gathered the whole family around him and told us all how much we meant to him. He also said how important it was that we support ourselves and find ways to make each other happy.
ReplyDeleteHe then turned to my mother and told her how sorry he was that he wasn't going to be there and that, should she find someone else special that makes her happy, she shouldn't suffer alone. He then turned to us, his children, and told us that whatever Mom wanted; we should support her and help her find happiness.
My mother never did find "someone else special" and passed away 3 years later.
If I learned anything from my parents, it was that true love is selfless and goes far beyond the feelings you have when together. The real test is how you deal when you know you are going to be apart and what sacrifices you will endure and lengths you will go to for your partner.
Jim, Cheers to you. Your silent action speaks volumes about something very personal.
Here here. Don't make me cry.
ReplyDeleteEven though it's a bit late.
I miss my baby too. She's alive just in another country.
Bless this man and his wife. Thanks for posting this.
Great article and comments.
ReplyDeleteIt's refreshing to know some people still hold real values.
This is a really sweet post.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to see I am not alone in my feelings about being married to "the one". I will be starting a job where the wearing of rings is not allowed, so I am getting my wedding ring tatooed onto my finger. I agree with Kasia's mother--why settle for something second-best, when I've had the best life could offer.
ReplyDelete