French Maid, Naughty Nurse, Dirty Librarian/Teacher, Catholic School Girl, Corporate Exec, Beer Frau Outfits

It is good to clean.

And because I am without a day time job, I decided to embark on a huge cleaning project. And not one of them cleaning projects where you clean the house, I'm talking one of those massive and thorough cleaning projects where you open up all those old boxes that have never been opened over the past three moves and organize all the crap that's in them while you scan cards and photos on top of the dusting and the Windexing and the laundry. One of "those" cleanings.

But an often unrealized benefit to this massive cleaning is that when you unpack these boxes you see all the mementos and keepsakes from as far back as a decade ago. You get to see where you were back 10 years ago, and even more importantly perhaps, through letters and e-mails what you were thinking.

I uncovered one such letter. A letter I had literally forgotten about, but once I started reading it, I remember specifically why I had saved it. I wanted to keep proof or evidence as to my sanity when it came to my decision about dealing a young lass from about 5 years ago or so. For you see I, as I'm sure many of you are, am quite hard on myself and unless I save documents, letters, notes, my brain has a tendency to blame myself as history goes on. But knowing this, I specifically saved this letter so if my future self ever started doubting himself this would starkly remind him he was in the right.

I'm not going to post the whole letter here, just an excerpt, because I think as Valentine's Day is tomorrow an important lesson can be learned. And that is a lesson in how the golden rule applies to relationships. The excerpt is as follows;

Of course, right now, every guy is saying "Sounds like heaven to me!"

Child free.

Retired early.

Sipping martinis

Playing X-box

In a warm climate

Whilst being served by your gorgeous, scantily clad wife.

It really doesn't get any better than that.

However, as you notice, the lass who wrote this found this revolting, oppressive even.

Now here is where I think a fair amount of women (and a couple of guys too) can learn a lesson in love, though, no doubt some women out there already know where I'm going with this;

There is a man in a relationship. It ain't all about you. And that man is just as much part of the relationship as you are.

Of course we consciously or "factually" know this, but I wonder whether some women out there intuitively know this. Of course you're not going to be scantily clad 24/7. Of course you're not going to be serving martinis to your husband/boyfriend 24/7. But why wouldn't you want to do this occasionally, let alone find it repulsive and oppressive?

It is here the golden rule must be applied. Do unto others as you'd have them to you. And though I am just a lowly captain, it seems to me that the point of being in a relationship is to make that other person happy.

For example, your beloved Captain may be courting a young lass as we speak. The Captain does not like cleaning. The Captain does not like laundry. The Captain does not like going grocery shopping (this the Captain REALLY doesn't like because it takes so damn long to find tomatillos, and he could have just as easily gone to Chipolte in 1/10th the time to get food, but no she wanted tomatillos).

HOWEVER

Because the Captain's lass is working during the day time, has a busy schedule and (pay attention now) BECAUSE THE CAPTAIN LIKES HER he does not find it degrading, oppressive or beneath him to do the laundry. Or to do the dishes. Or to clean for her. It makes him happy knowing he's eased her life a bit. The Captain also works out and stays in shape, not a particularly exciting thing running on a tread mill and lifting weights, but presumably the girl doesn't want to date some fat, slobby schlep.

Now while men cleaning is not the same as a woman in a French maid outfit, they are two sides of the same coin. It doesn't matter whether you "like" dressing up for your husband, it doesn't matter if you "like" to cook a good meal, it doesn't matter if you "like" the act of fixing him a drink, all that matters is if you like him. And if you like him these "chores" are just part of the relationship just as a man SHOULD be cleaning up occasionally or fixing you dinner (or in the case of an utter lack of cooking talent, taking you out for dinner).

Ergo, ladies, women, and economists of the female persuasion, lend me your ears!

Just buy the damn outfit.

It's Valentine's Day and as any happily married woman will tell you the outfits score BIG points.

Now since the dawn of time men have been debating which are the best outfits. And after many years of studying, research, calculations, and field tests we have conclusive proof which are indeed the best outfits. They are as follows and ranked accordingly;

1st - French Maid
2nd - Naughty Nurse
3rd - Dirty Librarian/Teacher
4th - Catholic School Girl
5th - Corporate Executive
6th - Beer Frau (preferably with beer)

If you don these outfits come tomorrow, it cannot but help your relationship forever.

However, there is one final benefit to sexy little outfits and making your man happy, and I've alluded to this before. You are actually doing some community service in that you are doing your part to help stimulate the economy. I don't care what Barack Obama says about his $900 stimulus package, a legion of American women in French Maid outfits would stimulate the economy 10 times more. And I mean that sincerely, I really am not joking, it would.

So yes, do it for your boyfriend. Do it for your husband. And do it for your relationship. But also, be a patriot. Do it for America!