I have a friend and I forgot how we got on the topic of conversation, but she said, "but don't you men like to chase the women? Don't you like it when we play hard to get?"
To which I answered her with a distinctive, "No, we don't."
Apparently the brainwashing she received from reading too many issues of Cosmo prohibited her from digesting and then installing the fount of information I just gave her and so she responded;
"Oh no, you guys like it."
To which I responded, "No, we really don't."
It took another couple minutes of conversation, but I finally convinced her that, no, indeed not, men do not like it when women play hard to get.
Alas, the difficulty I had in conveying this seemingly simple point to a rather intelligent friend of mine showed me that it is once again time for;
"The Captain's Dating Advice for Women!"
OK girls, here's the deal.
I cannot claim this analogy for it goes to another friend of mine (Spartan). Spartan said,
"You ever play a video game that was so incredibly difficult that after 15 or 20 tries you just inevitably gave up? Well, it's like that. After trying and trying and trying, and inevitably getting nowhere, you realize that it's not worth the effort to play the game any more, you turn off the Nintendo and you go outside and play."
And I think this analogy hits it right on the head.
No ladies, we don't like trying, infinitely and futilely to save the princess. And if it's too difficult we will turn off the video game and find something else to do. You've effectively made the game not worth playing and no amount of "points" or prospects of "conquering the game" will supersede the opportunity costs of doing something else.
Another aspect you must realize is how the patience for games precipitously drops with age.
I remember a video game when I was 13 called "Ninja Gaiden 2." It was a great game, but you got to this one point in the game where you just couldn't make this jump over a pit.
I tried and tried and tried, but inevitably, literally after 3 hours of trying, I gave up.
Now that was when I was 13. Today, at the ripe old age of 34, I don't give a game more than 5 tries. A perfect example is "Blazing Angels 2." You get to fly over Russia and fight off a Nazi invasion while co-coordinating not only a dogfight, but a ground assault and some Katusha rockets.
Good luck trying.
I tried about 4-5 times (each time took 10 minutes of separate game play), and after wasting effectively an hour, I said, "to hell with it" and sold the video game back to Game Stop.
The moral of the story?
The older men get, the less patience they have to play games.
Now, you can continue on reading books and magazines written by non-men about what men want and what they like. You can continue to play the games that were not only childish and NOT fun back in 1988, but continue to be just as childish and NOT fun AND have the added bonus of being "immature" today.
Or you can grow up, quit it with the mind/child/middle school-girl games and if you like the guy, go out with him.
As Keynes said, "In the long run we're all dead," and given the average life expectancy of a woman is 83 years, you really don't have the time in your finite lives to play something as stupid and childish as "hard to get."
A man's willingness to chase a woman is directly proportional to the value he sees in that woman; and the chase can be fun if the woman knows its "Hard to get" and not "Impossible to get"
ReplyDeleteTo make matters worse, a lot of women seem unaware of their "Value" and are completely oblivious that their value drops very rapidly with age; and (in contrast) the value of many men rapidly increases with age (to a certain extent). When some of these women hit 25 or 30 and can’t get the attention they used to get when they were 18 they decide to "Settle Down" with one of those "Nice Guys" who used to hang around without realizing that at 30 the "Nice Guy" who got an education and a good job is now far more rare and desirable than she is.
Nice post, Captain.
ReplyDeleteI'll add a subject for your next column on dating advice (I don't remember you covering this one):
Women, believe it or not, men are surprisingly simple. We do not do "hints" or "subtlety."
You know when we ask you "where would you like to go for dinner" and you say "Oh, I don't care"? We believe that you really don't care. When you ask us the same thing and we say "I don't care"? We don't care. Asking follow-up questions about whether we want Italian or Chinese won't necessarily help, because we just told you we didn't care.
And I know Christmas is a time of gift giving and we should pay attention to your wants to find that perfect gift. But we're guys, and we're simple. When you were complaining about your microwave being on the fritz but didn't have the money because of the holidays? Yeah, that was our "hint." Find a problem, fix a problem. Don't be mad when you get a microwave. If you wanted something different, you should have said "For Christmas, I would like this or this or that. Please do not buy me a microwave. Now, repeat that back to me so I know you understand."
We like neon signs to direct us. When you girls think you have given us a neon sign, make it twice as big and three times as loud. Trust me, you'll me much happier when we do what you want instead of what we think you want.
Keep up the great work, Captain!
OMG. I loved Ninja Gaiden 2 for the NES. Which pit are you talking about?... OMG AND THIS IS BRINGING BACK MEMORIES OF SIMON'S QUEST. OH THE NOSTALGIA.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have catapulted Anonymous into a fit of nostalgia. Funny, since I was listening to some Castlevania music on piano while I was reading this. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i2wGoRBvho
I would agree with the caveat that if they give it up too quick, I find them slutty and repulsive. That doesn't mean I'm going to wait much longer than a month to get laid, but two dates or less is questionable.
ReplyDeleteQuestion: When you talk about women needing to quit playing hard to get, what exactly is the IT they should quit making it so hard for men to get?
ReplyDeleteAre we talking about dates or are we talking about sex? Is it considered "playing hard to get" if you don't put out, or if you keep refusing to go on dates with a guy? Or is it more of a time commitment thing, coming up with excuses to not see the guy very often, that sort of thing.
Honestly, I am just curious, and you (and your readers) are one of the few guys who will answer such questions honestly and thoughtfully. So far.
Also, Captain, if you are not familiar with Bertie Wooster, you should get acquainted. Bit of a kindred soul there.
@Doug:
ReplyDeleteYou are so, 100% completely correct. I would just like to add the following.
Women complain that men are poor simple creatures and that we just don't get it. There is a reason. We ARE poor simple creatures that just DO NOT get it.
Women have something like 43 different emotions that are in the angry category. There's mad, upset, angry, pissed, etc.... This applies to every possible kingdom and class of emotion.
Men on the other hand have only four emotions. Total.
There's angry, hungry, horny, and gassy. That's the full gamut of male emotion. What about happy you ask? That's covered quite nicely in gassy.
As soon as women understand that, we will finally start to get along as a race.
Doug, never ever say you "don't care", even though you don't.
ReplyDeleteSuch questions as: "Where would you like to go to dinner is poorly sent and the response misinterpreted.
She is asking several questions at the same time: Does he like what I like? Does he remember what I like/what day it is? Does he know I am in a poor mood and need cheering up by being spoilt a little.
No, "I don't care" will not do sir, no way.
The best response is to suggest somewhere or something, as if you have given it due consideration (although you really don't care).
"Hey, how about Chinese tonight?" or "I was thinking maybe Finno-Ugaric, have you tried it"?
The last response is ideal, as it ends in a question of considered interest in her desires, although you know you don't care what you eat. You're just hungry, thirsty and ready for sex.
Why in the world would I want women to play hard to get? Woman are inscrutable enough as it is without adding mind-games to the challenge. For the record, we don't want a woman who is a "challenge" either. We want you to be hot, and to say "yes" when we ask you out, and eventually when we ask you to marry us.
ReplyDeleteMTGirl, from my point of view, I'm not talking about sex.
ReplyDeleteMTGirl
ReplyDeleteThe answer is conversation and dates.
We're tired of approaching a girl and getting an endless amount of her game-playing crap. Be friendly and engaging.
If we ask you out, recognize that it is not a marriage proposal. Yes, I know we aren't "your type", but be assured that you aren't "our type" either.
But we've decided to give you a try anyway.
I swear, the majority of women today are the most amazing narcissists. They assume that every guy is dying to have them.
Buy stock in cat food companies, and prepare to listen to an amazingly delightful chorus of wailing and gnashing as an entire generation of women 'hit the wall'.
After 40, instead of becoming more sensible, they will double down and insist that 40 is the new 20, and raise their standards even higher.
Then, passing 50, the light will begin to dawn that they brushed off an awful lot of "not their type" guys and now are staring down the last 20+ years of their life as an unloved spinster.
Here's a hint ladies:
Grannies are never sexy. Use what is left of your waning sex appeal to get the best deal you can. Don't complain if he isn't 'hot' enough for you. Wait a few years and soon you will more than hideous enough to be a perfect match.
Happy hunting!
We don't like the chasing. We like the "getting."
ReplyDeleteWomen are like visiting foreign countries. Each is a different adventure worth exploring.
Sometimes you like something familiar where they speak the same language; it's comforting. Other times you want something exotic.
Most are fun. Some are not, but you don't mind finding out by trying.
Some you visit more than once.
For some men, there's no place like home.
MTGirl,
ReplyDeleteFor myself, it was commitment to a relationship. The best (worst?) situation was after dating for several months, the woman needed "space." For what? Her ex. "Wasn't the reason you kicked him out was the way he treated you?"
Yeah, the old adage of "men who act like jerks get the girl" was true.
Which is fine, because the woman who is my wife wouldn't be my wife the I hadn't dated the crazy girl.
@ Robert - Yeah, I'm still working on that one . . . . Part of the problem is that I cook, so "going out" means eating overpriced food that isn't that tasty.
I shall endeavor to learn your way. :)
Hey anonymous,
ReplyDeleteYou said you think women are slutty if they give it up too soon
but you are giving it up right along with them
doesn't that make you slutty and repulsive,too?
hmmmm?
Just for the record, I like women who "Give it up too soon" It's more honest. I like the chase where we meet in the middle which is actually no chase at all. Join the club, if you find him attractive, go for it.
ReplyDeleteFINALLY AN ARTICLE WITH FACTS!! I personally hate the chase & don't have the time nor patience to play that game. I'm str8 down the line no fkn around, if she doesn't have the same personality it will never work, I move on happy rather than emotionally drained and raveged
ReplyDeleteGreat article with FACTS!!