I are sick.
I are very sick.
So sick in fact I could not sleep this morning and woke up around 6AM (whenst your Captain normally wakes up at 10AM).
But I made the mistake, or perhaps the best move of my life, when I posted on my Facebook account that I was very sick.
Soon, as various femme fatales of the Cappy Cap Crew got to work, logged onto the internet and saw I was sick, the offers to "take care of me" flooded in.
"Oh, is there anything you need?"
"Can I make you a sandwich?"
"Hi baby, you know you're spoiled, but if you need help with anything tonight, let me know!"
And now, despite being very sick, I have no less than 4 women coming to my house to help me with various chores tonight, including;
1. Electric work
2. Putting in a flue for a wood burning stove
3. General cleaning up of the Captain's Bachelor Pad
4. And the procurement and disassembly of some wood pallets that will make for great firewood this winter
Now many of you no doubt are asking, "where is the Captain going with this?"
And I will tell you.
I am doing nothing more than outright bragging right now.
That's right.
Pure and simple bragging.
I have some of the nicest, sweetest, hottest and kindest babes in Minnesota coming over to pamper my sick ass, and not only pamper my sick ass, but to do construction work on my house! And it would be just plain unAmerican if I didn't share this with the world.
The moral of the story is if you're a guy "get sick." I don't know why, but when guys get sick, women feel this odd compunction to pamper them. It may feel horrible, but the benefits are most certainly worth it.
You get pampered and spoiled when you are well too!
ReplyDeleteAlways worked for me. It's like pulling a biological trigger.
ReplyDeleteWho says women don't have inherent nurturing instincts!
I once worked with a woman who had been my friend but we had a serious falling out. She was basically manipulating men by batting her pretty eyes to get out of difficult work. It didn't work with me and she got bitter and spiteful. We didn't talk to each other at all for months. But when I got sick, she made me soup out of the blue. When I slouched over my desk with a headache, she spontaneously walked over and rubbed my temples.
Human gender behavior is very much hardwired into our physiology. This particular thing is related to the Florence Nightingale Effect.
I have to admit that I'm jealous.
ReplyDeleteSo take this in the spirit of green jealousy: I hope once they disassemble the pallet that they beat you senseless with the boards.
Must be some Minnesota thing. Maybe you got the flu from the chimney.
ReplyDeleteBa Dump, Ching!
Cap -
ReplyDeleteDarn, none of the females I run into are "femme fatales" and none of them can do anything remotely practical like being able to use a screwdriver, hammer or gasp! use an adjustable wrench.
First, you have an entire crew of them and secondly, have technical skills like doing electrical wiring and putting in flues. I suppose you have a plumber and carpenter in your crew too.
I'm really jealous, Cap. When I'm sick, as in so sick I can't get out of my bed, the best I can get out of my S.O. is a "get your lazy ass out of bed" or total ignorance. As least the dog comes up and cuddles to help keep me warm. The sign outside my house says "Beware of wife, dog is ok."
I assume the wood stove and scrap pallets are intended to support your "going Galt" without freezing to death.
You are indeed a fortunate man.
Oh Earl. I was feeling better, but that pun, just made me fall into relapse. THat was HORRIBLE!!!
ReplyDeleteColonel Rowe, yeah, tell me about it. I would almost bet that the fact you didn't fall for her wiles is what made her like you. Of course she didn't show it, but the fact you didn't respond to her advances is what set you apart and showed you were different and more manly than the other men. I think the temple rubbing was just an symptom of that.
Do not die.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. Among the women I know, the excuse of being sick will last you exactly one visit. After that, you'd better be missing a limb.
ReplyDeleteExactly Marvin, I have been sick for over a year after a viral infection devolved into chronic fatigue syndrome. Only one girl sent me an e-mail, after that nobody cared to visit or even give a damn.
ReplyDeleteSo I am very jealous of the good Captain.
What I would like to know, who are these girls, why are they such a fan of the Captain (seriously), and why the hell is he still single if he has such a fan base.