I can't believe I have to write this post, but here it goes.
I AM AN ADULT.
AND IN BEING AN ADULT I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!
Remember back when we were kids and our parents would say,
"Well, when you pay for your own food, and pay your own bills, and pay your own rent, then you can stay up will 4AM and do whatever you want?"
Remember that?
Yeah? Well guess what!
I
BUY MY OWN FOOD
I
PAY MY OWN MORTGAGE
I
PAY MY OWN BILLS
ERGO!!!!
I CAN EAT ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST!
Don't you remember that as kids? You wanting to do all this stuff that your parents would not allow you to do, simply because you were a kid?
Well, now that you are no longer a kid and now that you are supporting yourself (unless of course daddy is still subsidizing your college tuition, and paying for your car or insurance) YOU CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS YOU WANTED TO DO BACK WHEN YOU WERE A KID!
But what do I get instead?
I get my NOW-ADULT FRIENDS saying I "can't do this!"
It's like they got nabbed and brainwashed and turned into those old-stodigy adults we so feared becoming and traitored on me. No, no, I have to have "breakfast food" for breakfast. I need to eat muffins and eggs and tofu and bark and leaves.
So, let me explain to those of you who are my age and somehow think there's something wrong with me having ice cream for breakfast.
1. I can have ice cream for breakfast. There is no way you can stop me. I can go to the store, buy ice cream, come back home and you have no legal means or forcible means to stop me. Ergo it's not a question of "can" I have ice cream for breakfast, it's a question of "SHOULD" I have ice cream for breakfast.
2. YES I SHOULD HAVE ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST. This has been a communist plot of our elders to keep us ignorant as children. Studies show that ice cream for breakfast increases your IQ by 40 points. It also has immeasurable health benefits such as strong bones due to the calcium in the ice cream, endorphins are released early on in your day, and it's a well-known fact that ice cream cures the common cold and attracts members of the opposite sex. A whole plethora of health benefits come with eating ice cream. Ergo it is a moral imperative that you eat it during the morning hours.
3. Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do? Joseph Stalin? Mao Zedong? Barack Obama? And what do you care if I do these things? Not only do I have ice cream for breakfast, I have been known to have Rumpleminze for lunch AND stay up till 4AM playing video games on a school night (of course I didn't have school the next day, but I still stick my tongue out at you regardless).
So, the lesson we all need to learn from this is that it is OK for full grown adults to have ice cream for breakfast. If somebody can engage in vices where they smoke till they get cancer, drink till they have liver failure or marry so they lose half their net worth, then I can CERTAINLY have ice cream for breakfast.
You are going to get fat... simple as that.
ReplyDeleteYou could also put the liqueur on the ice cream, making a yummier and more filling lunch.
ReplyDelete"Studies show that ice cream for breakfast increases your IQ by 40 points."
ReplyDeleteYou have proof for this?
"and it's a well-known fact that ice cream cures the common cold and attracts members of the opposite sex."
My wife would agree with the second part, especially if it's chocolate fudge ice cream.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to want to have an ice cream sundae for breakfast and there isn't any ice cream or chocolate syrup in the house.
ReplyDeleteBut you're right. You're an adult, you control your own destiny and you can choose to do what you want.
One year, I asked my significant other for a Lego Mindstorms Robotics Kit for a Christmas present. She laughed. My kids laughed. Quite disrespectfully. And I still don't have the darn thing five years later.
I wanted to buy a roadster like a Miata, but I got accused of having a mid-life crisis, when all I really wanted was a car that was a bit of fun to drive. Another dream stomped on, berated and destroyed.
Sometimes others, particularly those most close to you, insist on denying you fun and the pursuit of happiness.
That is major suckage. They want to keep you in their box, denying you freedom, freshness, vitality and renewal.
YOU MUST RESIST, YOU MUST BREAK FREE FROM THOSE CHAINS AND JUST DO IT.
Hell Cap'n, I had ice cream for dinner just last night @ 11:00pm. Chocolate, of course. Mmm, mmm, good!
ReplyDeleteCaptain, there is nothing wrong with ice cream for breakfast! Nor is there anything wrong with pie, cake or leftover pizza for breakfast. Heck, when I was a kid sometimes we would have tomato soup with leftover macaroni in it or a hot dog or pork chop leftover from the night before. One thing we never ate in the morning was breakfast cereal (sometimes I like it for supper though.) Ice cream in the morning is probably not that bad for children either. What better time to consume sugar than in the morning when they have the whole day to work run it off. The worst time to eat such things is for desert at night right before bedtime. Sugar is brain food!
ReplyDeleteI agree. Once in awhile I enjoy a cold beer instead a cup of coffee. I enjoy the look I get from my wife when I do.
ReplyDeleteI think you raise a very important point for the health care debate.
ReplyDeleteLots of people in America live unhealthy lifestyles. They suffer consequences for that. If they are paying for their own liver transplant or coronary bypass, either directly with cash or indirectly through employer provided coverage they EARN, I think they have every right to live the way they want.
But as soon as people are getting treatment on MY tax dollars, e.g. Medicare, Medicaid, or some public insurance plan - then we do and should start telling people how to live their lives.
So that's why it's important to preserve private insurance and the freedom of choice it affords us. As soon as we are all on a "public option", government can and will dictate how we live our lives like in the military.
Captain;
ReplyDeleteWho exactly are you getting in these arguments with? You haven't started talking to the cat again have you?
and that means no more ice cream for dinner.
ReplyDeleteThere's milk! Milk in the Ice cream!
ReplyDeleteThat's nutrition!