Regardless, to show your love you can;
1. Buy Ugg Boots! - Yes, the only official sponsor of Captain Capitalism! Christmas is coming, what a better gift than a pair of Ugg Boots to keep warm!
2. "Better gift" did you say? Well it's hard to beat Ugg Boots, but you could always buy the gift of WISDOM and take a class from the Captain! Take "The Analysis and Valuation of Stocks" OR if you have a teenage son or daughter take an INVALUABLE class titled "Stocks, Bonds and Investing, Oh My!" This class is THE class you WISH you had back when you were 17. Well worth the money. You can sign up for classes here!
3. You know you're out there! You procrastinators! I know you're out there because most of my friends have procrastinated as well. But like my friends, I know you still care about me, so I forgive you. Regardless, get off your behind and buy the book!
4. Natasha has a calendar coming in November, BUT you can make her happy by donating NOW! All proceeds go to my favorite charity - ME! Below is a graph showing you our fund-raising progress to meet our goal of raising enough money to pay off my mortgage;
Only $299,767 to go!
5. Local folk are more than welcome to take one of my dance classes, but that's only if you live in the Minneapolis area. But fear not intrepid aspiring junior, deputy, and official ballroom dancers of far, far away lands, you can buy instructional ballroom DVD's! Men, you can hardly go WRONG with this for the lovely lady in your life. Shoot the ole Captain an e-mail at CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com and he can mail you whatever kind of instructional dance video you need (a different girl each video!)
And of course you can always;
6. Tell your friends about Cappy Cap. The Captain always appreciates you forwarding me to family, friends, enemies, and those you are generally indifferent about.
But no seriously, cash is much better.
Do not worry. At this rate, it'll only take you over a century to raise enough money to pay it off.
ReplyDeleteOh, no, didn't you hear?
ReplyDeleteI don't have to worry about my mortgage anymore.
Obama is going to take care of it!
A guy with (basically) no job and a poorly attended website can qualify for a $300K mortgage? Aren't you what's wrong with the US banking industry? ;-)
ReplyDeleteWeasel Farmer
and gas? Yes.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of the movie "21" where a college kid needs $300,000 for Harvard Med School and takes up black jack.
ReplyDeleteStart learning to count cards.
"Winner, winner, chicken dinner!"
Several times a year, some schmo dresses in a tuxedo takes everything he owns and puts it down on red or black on a high limit roulette wheel - a 47.37% chance of doubling up. 0 will save you half your money. Double up or get up!
We always hear about the winners. They usually get a free night in the hotel, champagne, etc.
The losers... nobody cares, not even them.
Rental property my dear weasel, rental property. Plus I do do other things as well that add up to a living.
ReplyDeleteRental property... in Minnesota. You are insane.
ReplyDelete