Let it be known that another milestone in Bachelor History has been achieved.
I, your beloved Captain, flew out to Las Vegas for a 3 day weekend. I then drove to Utah to visit Zion National Park and Bryce Canyon National Park. Along with Natasha we did some hiking and fossil hunting, but the pinnacle achievement of the trip was that I was able to pack ALL that I needed in…
one laptop case.
Yes, 3 days worth of clothing, hygiene products, a laptop, cell phone charger and cell phone, all packed in ONE laptop case.
The technique that made this possible is a simple one. The clothes that take up the majority of volume are clothes that needn’t be washed all the time. Jeans, sweaters, shirts, etc. Thus if you only bring one pair of jeans, a sweater and a shirt, and transport it by simply wearing it on your body, you only need to pack underwear and socks, both of which conveniently fit in a laptop case.
If things get dire, you can always wash the jeans in a hotel sink, or if you’re out camping, in a stream. However, this was unnecessary as our trip was so short.
Regardless, this new achievement reminds us bachelors about one of the Principles of Bachelortude – Minimalization.
Minimalization is arguably the most important tenet of bachelortude. Your goal is to be able to move anywhere, live anywhere and cheaply so. With too much stuff, you have to spend time hauling, moving and transporting physical assets, most of which have no real value, let alone even sentimental value.
Of course, as fair warning, you will get eyes rolled at you by any females in your life. And perhaps some will even lecture you about “why didn’t you pack more jeans? My god, you’re shirt is going to get dirty by the end of the trip. And what about blah blah blah blah blah….”
These criticisms can be ignored as you grab your one laptop case, sling it over your shoulder and walk effortlessly the 4 miles it is from the main entrance to the airport to the terminal. You will be the first to get through the security checkpoint as the Department of Homeland Security people salute you for making their jobs that much easier. And then people will start to ponder, “Why, if the whole population was as efficient as this one bachelor, imagine the increase in productivity. Imagine how short the lines would be. Imagine how much traffic would improve.”
Yes, all because of that vital principle of minimalization.
You can also use some light underwear shirt to control "armpit odours".
ReplyDeleteRe-using t-shirts really pisses my older sister off, so I gladly use them until even I can't wear them anymore.
cheerz!
Quite a few of us married guys travel that way all the time, also.
ReplyDeleteJust wondering about this "batchelordom" business - it seems like you have a "thing" going with Natasha.
ReplyDeleteOh you lucky guy... to have the companionship of the lovely Natasha without the confines of marriage.
And just for the record, how much did she pack? Is she into minimalism too?
Minimalization, regardless of marital status or gender, is one of the most important elements for life and happiness.
ReplyDeleteCongrats. But: I will never travel again with only one pair of pants. Here is the story of why.
ReplyDeleteIt was the first time I went to Europe, after graduating from college. I was going backpacking around England and France, staying in youth hostels. I was so excited.
I had been in England a few days, having a great time. One morning, at a small diner in some part of London, I had a breakfast that I can only think of as so stereotypically British: greasy, greasy sausage, eggs, and whatever else.
This meal was very satisfying at the time. It did not agree with later on that day.
That afternoon, I was visiting one of London's famous churches, when all of a sudden I had to go. Real bad. I tried to control it. I did the 'poop dance', had stomach pains, sat down on some ledge to try and force my bowels closed - and it worked, for a while. After several minutes, I was able to get up, go across the street, and find a building that looked to house a public bathroom.
I stepped into the building, and it hit me again - I had to go, pronto. So I followed the 'restroom this way' signs and ran down the stairs to the basement. Relief was almost in sight - I rounded the corner at the bottom of the steps and came face-to-face with the bathroom doors. There were a couple of them, and I wasn't sure which one led to the men's room. So I picked one.
And it if it hadn't been for the big African-immigrant janitor behind the door - who was very well-intentioned, but also very large and physical-obstacle-like - I would've made it to the toilet. As it was, I soiled myself with explosive diarrhea.
So I spent the next hour locked in a bathroom stall in this building in the heart of London, cleaning off my jeans with toilet paper. I was able to get off most of the liquid-y stuff, but one of my pant legs was indelibly stained brown. After I removed enough liquid and raw fecal matter that it was at least somewhat comfortable to walk, I went outside to where there was a little public square/park/grassy area, and laid in the sun for about another hour 'till my pants dried.
After that I had to figure out what to do. I opted to take the Tube back to my hostel and clean myself up. (Among other options I considered finding a store to buy a new pair of pants, but I wanted to minimize my time in public in my soiled jeans.) So I got on the subway, and I will say this: one of the blessings of this story is that for whatever reason, the particular time of day and direction I was going meant that the subway was mostly empty. In fact, I had a subway car to myself except for two attractive teenage British girls who sat down some distance from me. I realized after a while that they were gesturing and glancing at me, clearly whispering about me behind their backs. At one of the subsequent stops they got out and picked a different car to travel in. It was at that point that I realized I must have smelled worse than I thought I did.
So I made it back to my hostel, and got inside without really being seen. At this point, it occurs to me that I've forgotten to mention that I had only brought one pair of pants with me to Europe, since I was backpacking and wanted to lighten the load as much as possible.
What did I do next? I went in the shower, jeans on, soap in hand, and scrubbed and scrubbed those pants. I actually got them decently clean, and managed to survive the rest of trip in Europe with them. But the brown never wholly disappeared, and for a while after I came home I used them as 'junk' working pants. I eventually ditched them after I wore them as my lab pants one summer during a job as a tech working with chemicals at college.
And there you have it - that is the story of why I will never travel again with only one pair of pants.
I will also say this: for all the Europe-bashing that occurs (and I agree with a lot of it), it really is a great place to visit.
When the airfare portion of a trip exceeds a couple of hundred dollars, Walmart clothing becomes expendable - buy it, wear it once, abandon.
ReplyDeleteCaptain, My Captain,
ReplyDeleteI once lived for a week and a half with nothing but the contents of a Krogers grocery bag. And smelled ok.
I routinely travel for up to a week with a single backpack plus my shaving kit.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, carry an extra pair of jeans and a shirt, though I have used the purchase and abandon method as well.
My wife and I went for over two weeks in French Polynesia with a single duffel bag each. Mine was easy, a couple swim trunks, half dozzen t-shirts, sandles for the lagoon, 1 pair of pants, 2 "going for dinner shirts", cargo shorts, some underware and socks. Tons of room to spare in the bag for some books, cammera.
ReplyDeleteWife bag was crammed full, with what I didn't ask. Plus she had her giant purse.
I held strong none of her stuff was permitted in my bag, if it didn't fit in her's it got left behind.
Waiting at the airport in Tahiti we started talking to a nice lady from the states who had been stuck there for 3 or 4 days (hard place to get stuck) and she was towing 2 large suitcases, a carry on and a purse. She almost fell over when we told her this is all we had.
I'm always amazed when I travel at the amount of luggage people need to survive for a week or two.