Let me tell you about a foreign friend of mine. We'll call him "Jose" just to keep him anonymous.
Jose came to the US several years ago. Highly trained in computer networking, he stopped in on one of my dance classes to learn how to dance. At that time he was actively engaged in pursuing American women. While growing up in his home country, American women, as well as the American singles scene was so glamourized on TV and the movies that he too wanted to participate in this wonderful world. He started by going "clubbing" in Minneapolis' daycare center...err....I mean "hipster" area - Uptown. He failed miserably and thus changed tactics by taking classes from "pick up artists."
Here he had limited success. He did learn the basic rules of ignoring and being indifferent, "negging" and so forth, resulting in a fair amount of dates, but the problem was that he was at heart a traditional man. Yes he wanted to play the scene, but it was for the ultimate goal of finding a wife, settling down and having children.
Sadly the "singles scene" in Minneapolis is NOT designed to produce high quality marriage candidates.
Thus when he was stood up, 505025'd, strung along, or just plain dumped when he started asking about getting serious, he become frustrated. Realizing at the age of 35 what most American native males do around 25, that finding a quality marriable woman is laughably impossible, he sank into a deep depression as he saw his imaginary wife and little Joses fade away.
However there was an unexpected life line of hope. Jose flew to Eastern Europe to do some mountain climbing, where at a small motel he stayed there was a nice central European woman. She ran the bed and breakfast he was staying at, cooked him meals, EVEN CLEANED HIS CLOTHES, and well...you can imagine what happened from thereforth.
Now, after two years of semi-annual visits, and constant contact on the phone, Jose is on his way back to this former Soviet country to marry this girl and bring her back to the states. I was driving him to the airport and asked him, "So when she gets here, is she going to work, or are you guys going to work on a family right away?"
And he said, "Oh, no. She will not work. I will go and work and make the money. She will stay at home and keep the house in order and make meals and bring up the children. I will work all day, come home and then I will take her to the theater."
It was a beautiful statement because whereas today people have been brainwashed to believe a woman staying at home doing the "womanly duties" is nothing more than a slave to the man, the reality is that Jose really does love this girl.
And the reason why is that she is not going to be some "slave" that he comes home to and yells at, "where the hell's my dinner, woman?!" It's the beautiful division-of-labor idea that one person would work, the other would work at home, they would raise a family and then my buddy Jose would look forward to nothing more than coming home and taking his wife to the theater.
Of course, what do those stupid Latino's and dumb Eastern European morons know about love and marriage? Look at how neanderthal Jose is, let alone how naive his fiance is. Why, don't they know the pinnacle of marriage is to have TWO people working TWO, if not, THREE JOBS, while they outsource the upbringing of the children to the nanny, or pay higher taxes to the state educational system? They then rush home where no food has been prepared and the children are slowly alienated from their parents. Let's not forget that Mrs. Jones-Hyphenated-Smith needs to get her masters is child psychology so she can better understand why little Johnny set fire to the couch. And Mr. Smith better work really hard to buy all those toys his children want, not to mention baseball practice, volleyball, student council, debate and racquet ball. And he better work doubly hard to buy his wife that new SUV she NEEDS, otherwise, she may just have to file for divorce because there wasn't enough jewelry to reconcile their differences.
Obviously Jose does not know what he's doing.
"Obviously Jose does not know what he's doing." posted by Captain Capitalism
ReplyDelete...because ten years (or less) of exposure to American "culture" and she'll divorce him. Take him to the cleaners, get alimony, child support, and get him registered as violent against women.
It's sad to think, but it's going to happen.
Awe, Jose and his girl sound a lot like my man and me.
ReplyDeleteMy husband goes out and works everyday while I stay home and keep it, along with minding and educating my children. Then my husband will come home like he did last Thursday night and take me to the theater (and not the movie theater).
We wish him and his lady the best!
Ooh, did I mention that my man is Latino?!?!?!! YUM!!!! He is a wonderful husband and father, I couldn't ask for better (well, maybe he could dance?).
Take care!
Amen
ReplyDeletenice shooting, Cap'n. Well done.
ReplyDeleteMany Americans are brainwashed to think that they should go and climb the corporate ladder, treat the other gender like crap, and run away when things get difficult. It's even been codified in marriage law that encourages people to get divorced.
ReplyDeleteThe culture needs people who realize that all you need to do to be able to find an honest spouse is to be open and honest with others. That's pretty much it. All other problems can be overcome if 2 people love each other, respect each other physically, and try to communicate.
Woman ran a bed and breakfast by herself for years? I bet dollars to donuts she has some sort of side job going, WHILE also being a stay at home wife/mom, by the time the first kid is crawling. People either like working or don't, and any bed and breakfast worker who does the laundry for her guests has way too much get-up-and-go to sit still for more than 5 minutes.
ReplyDeleteIf I had to guess, I would say she will start out as a local day-care provider for other moms in the neighborhood. By the time the youngest kid hits kindergarten, she will probably own at least one business (daycare) and will be working on a second (language tutor? restaurant?).
Mr. Get-up-and-go-to-work Jose may end up working out of home quicker than he thinks, depending on how the businesses grow....
Check in with them in a couple years to see how they are doing. I'm married to a Central European woman myself, and everything is as great as you describe. But I know others in similar marriages where the woman used the man for the green card and soon started fooling around when they discover life in the US is not like they show on TV. Amongst those I know in similar marriages, the divorce rate is about 30%. Perhaps better than average, but not great either.
ReplyDelete"I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle. And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that?" - Capt. Vasili Borodin, Red October
ReplyDeleteThat's the real American Dream. Jose and Vasili have it right. But there are variations on that dream which don't include marriage, a house, or a pickup truck.
I'm quite sure the American Dream does not involve Option ARMs.
Realizing at the age of 35 what most American native males do around 25, that finding a quality marriable woman is laughably impossible...
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear from an independent source that the value of N (nominally N=25) hasn't changed any in, oh, 25-30 years.
This suggests the society largely stopped creating quality marriable women around the exact same time as the Great American Man Shortage started in the late-70's.
Excellent post. I think the moral of this story that in order to find a woman worth marrying, he had to find her OUTSIDE of America. I agree with the poster who asked what she will be like after 10yrs of our culture.
ReplyDeleteI realize that all women are not out to screw men over, just like all hand grenades don't explode. But the only way to find out is to pull the pin (marriage). Why take that chance?
They'll be asked to "show their papers" in Arizona.
ReplyDeleteYou notice he has to leave he US to marry her. She would have to wait years to be able to come to the US to marry him unless she lies when applying for a visa and says she is not here to marry him, then hopefully she is forgiven afterwards and not deported.