I was accidentally eavesdropping on a cell phone conversation at a cigar lounge I was at recently. It was a young kid (20 something man) talking to either a female friend or his mother (I could not tell which). And far as I could tell he was trying to figure out why a girl who had agreed to go out with him at the last minute the night before canceled. I could not hear what the other person was saying, but the conversation went something like;
Boy - "Well she said she wanted to go out, but when I called her, she didn't pick up. I tried texting, but she didn't respond either."
Person on other line - "Well maybe she was sick"
Boy - "Well yeah, but if she was sick the least should could do would be to text me back saying so."
Person on the other line - "Well there could have been an emergency of some kind. Maybe she's just really busy and hasn't been able to get back to you."
Boy - "How busy can you be to not call somebody for 4 seconds to tell them you're not able to go out?"
The conversation went on, but I needed not eavesdrop anymore because I could already finish the conversation myself. Regardless, it showed me there is a vital and necessary lesson needed to be passed on to the younger Cappy Capites of the male persuasion about the fairer sex, so please take out your note books and pencils and take note.
1. She was not "sick" or "in the emergency room" or "really busy." She just plain didn't want to go out with you.
Understand that women in their 20's and late teens will say yes to avoid the hardship of telling you no. Of course when it comes time to actually show up for the date, then they will bail and just not return any calls that could lead towards a cementing of a time or a place you pick them up. This is why the Rule of 505025 exists (look it up, I won't link to it).
2. How did I know the person on the other line was a girl? Because only women will go to great lengths to rationalize what is empirically and obviously a rejection. They will always try to make you feel better, even though deep down inside they know you just got stood up. Ergo the "well, maybe she got sick." Or " Well, maybe she's just really busy." Or, "Well, maybe she just forgot. You know, people with their busy schedules and all."
Honest to truth when I was a youth in college and had a similar such conversation with my mother she said in ALL SERIOUSNESS (no sarcasm intended) "Well, maybe she got hit by a truck and is in the hospital. You never know!"
Actually, you do, because I'm telling you now.
In every case, no matter what the excuse, the rationalization, explanation or theory, in the end the girl just plain didn't want to go out with you.
Now you have a choice. You can waste your time worrying about it, worse still you can somehow think it reflects upon you personally, or you can follow the Ole Captain's simple rule;
"The Why Doesn't Matter, All that Matters is What IS."
In short, what matters is the reality of the situation - she didn't show up.
You can rack your brain and burn out a 100 terraflop supercomputer trying to figure out the reason and rationalization "why she didn't show up," but in the end all the matters is you wasted your Friday night thinking you had a date. Not to mention calories of energy trying to figure out why she didn't show up.
And to come up with and opine about outlandishly pathetic excuses for her standing you up is foolish and frankly, self-DISrespecting.
Many a man has wasted untold amounts of time, psychological energy and fret/worrying about the "why she didn't show up" when the "why she didn't show up" doesn't matter (and should be self-evident). All that matters is what IS. And that "is" "is that she didn't show up."
The poor guy got stood up and instead of wasting time worrying about it he should instead just simply realize that he got stood up and move on. Perhaps next time being sure to have a back up plan and CERTAINLY NOT put any hope or faith in the fact he "might" have date the next time a girl agrees to go out.
Therefore men (of the younger Cappy Cappite persuasion), save yourself a LOT of stress and learn from the old man's experiences. Realize she didn't not get hit by a truck. She didn't forget to call. Her cell phone was not "not charged." And she was not abducted by aliens. Please have some self-respect, accept the fact she flaked, move on and hold your head higher with a little bit more dignity and simply remember that the next time a girl says "yes" to a date to have a back up plan, if not, fully plan on doing something else that night.
This has a been a public service announcement to the 20 Something Male Capposphere.
Let me add one thing:
ReplyDeleteThe simple act of removing her number from your directory and the call history on your cell phone and then chanting "she was a loser" three times is cathartic and puts responsibility on her where it belongs.
In the old days, I'd write her name and number on a piece of paper and use my Zippo on it.
Further education for young men:
ReplyDeleteMany, many times I have tried to carry on an intelligent argument/debate/discussion with a woman. I was always frustrated.
Once I learned the difference between emotional argument and factual argument, and learned to focus on the topic, rather than “chasing rabbits”, I found that female ideas and “contributions” lack foundation. They are just passing fancies or parroted from something they heard sometime from someone somewhere. (Damn, that was good phrasing! — patting myself on the back– LOL)
I have seen time after time after time where women get confused by the facts and overwhelming incontrovertible evidence, and instead fall back on emotional reasoning, in which the first rule is to NEVER hurt the feelings of another woman.
I value some highly intelligent women and often these women intuit things I cannot immediately fathom, but after thought, I realize that they were right on target. These things are relational insights. That does not carry over to general intelligence on financial issues, cleverness, creativity, problem solving or productiveness.
Less intelligent women seek to control and dominate their environment (and males).
Female intelligence is not measured by excellence in a (formerly) male dominated field and is not coincident with education. Education is often merely skill at parroting and verbosity. Such women gravitate to fields where their decisions cannot be challenged (law, HR, government, accounting, medicine). They may be book smart, but rarely wise.
By nature, women will disagree with a prevalence of information and a probable conclusion, by hamsterizing a circumstance, or relating an experience of another woman to refute the general premise, advocated by ANY man she has no attraction to, or does not respect (same thing). (sentence too long so read 3 times)
A woman has value when feminine and supportive, but is highly destructive when acting masculine.
The rationalization hamster is just an unflattering euphemism for the tendency for women to decide on something and then come up with reasons to validate their decision based on what they want to be true supported by some experience that would confirm. Contrary experience is disregarded. In this way cognitive dissonance is avoided.
It is quite easy to not take such things seriously unless the woman is in a position of power over you and children, for example family court.
Flaking and rationalizing are just part of the same female nature as described in my comments.
Spot on and really solid advice, but I'd just like to add that this sort of thing is also rampant among women well into their 30's and 40's. I've learned that this is not an age specific phenomenon.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the flip side. Sure women do this all the time. You even mentioned your mom telling you a sympathy story.
ReplyDeleteHowever, guys tend to be very direct. Just think how women feel when they are told straight up, why they are being dumped. Some guys even provide a list of bad points.
I think everyone has dumped someone at least once, and most guys are very happy to state their reasons.
So guys hate having the facts omitted, and girls get upset when they get presented with the facts.