Captain's Bible

In Saint Kathy's letter to the Torontoans, Chapter 3, Verse 213, "I thanketh the lord that I hadeth a vasectomy. For my non-existent offspring will not suffer the very existent offspring of others."

In Maggie's Second Letter to the Americans, Chapter 14, Verse 498, "Though the Captain had pointed this out, yea, verily, I shall do the same. For democracy hath doth degradeth to the point we merely vote to confiscate wealth from the few and redistribute it to the masses. The government is merely a wealth redistribution entity."

In Diane's 4th Letter to the Conservatives, Chapter 90, Verse 2, Subsection B, "Sadly, we are not funny, for you needeth to loosen upeth. Though, true humor of a classy variety may be found in Victor Borge, Bob Hope and "Some Like It Hot." Yeah, we suffer the likes of Margaret Cho."

And in Saint Vodka's Second letter to the Perma-Bubbleians, "You fools! Believeth in hope and change all you want. Inventories are up, as are gas prices. Prepare for the decline!"