Cleanliness Is Not a Sign of Superiority

In the never-ending battle of the sexes you will hear cries and tears that men never do their "fair share" of the house work.  Normally at this point the easily-predicted retort that men do the majority of the work outside of the household OR fixes "manly" things at the household (cars, oil change, lawn mowing, etc) is delivered. However, I'm going to ignore these arguments and instead focus on a different angle altogether.  I'm going to question the premise what constitutes "fair share."

Understand in saying "fair share" we are implying there is a certain tangible, measurable amount of house work that needs to be done in the first place.  Therefore when a man (or woman) completes "their fair share" of the work they have met their obligations and get a reprieve from nagging and lecturing (until the house is in need again of some cleaning).  But what is that "tangible, measurable" amount?  What are the standards?  And who gets to decide what those standards are?

Of course it's women.

And of course, they're wrong.

The reason I say so factually "they're wrong" is because there is no "right" or "wrong" way as to determining what is the appropriate level of cleanliness in a house.  Bachelors for millions of years have been living in veritable man caves with no major medical or health complications.  A shoe turned upside down, a shirt hanging on the chair, an open bottle of beer from the night before has never killed, injured, maimed or slightly peeve one man.  But women will claim it not only is the end of the world, but it is "wrong."  That that shoe CAN'T be turned upside down.  That that shirt CAN'T be hanging on the chair.

When men have decades of experience that proves, "actually, yes, yes it can."

Regardless, the empirical evidence that the world does not end because an apartment has a minimal bachelor level of cleanliness proves that there is no "standard" or "measurement" for what is ultimately going to be "their fair share."  And what it further proves is that women are the ones who have a PREFERENCE for a much cleaner place than men.

Therefore...

(anybody see where I'm going with this?)

(I'll give you a couple seconds)

(make your guesses)

(OK, here we go)

men's "fair share" should be the amount of housework needed to get it up to their standards.  Anything beyond that is a PREFERENCE of the women AND (dare I say) up to them to do it.

Ladies, we have cleaned our places in the past and survived this long.  We maintained our bachelor pads so we could go out and do things in life.  If you want to scrub behind toilets, vacuum underneath couches, scrub the floors and on a weekly basis, by all means go ahead.  We're not doing it because it's not only unnecessary, it takes away from more important things in life, namely life itself.  Additionally, our dumpy bachelor pads or CHOOSING (not our incapability to) not to achieve the same level of cleanliness does not mean we are somehow "inferior" or "less hygienic" than you are.  We aren't "helpless, sad, pathetic boys whose mothers didn't bring up right" we just prefer to knock out some more work (or in the case of Enjoying the Decliners) we prefer to go out and play and live life.

So, by all means ladies, clean the place up till your heart's content.  And men, if you're one of those anally retentive clean freaks, YOU get to do the majority of the housework while she sits outside and joins the rest of us guys enjoying the decline.  In the meantime I strongly suggest people start asking what's really important in life - a perfectly, spotlessly clean house OR 3 additional years saved not wasting your time cleaning to an anal retentive level and instead spent living life.

I'm glad I have resolved the "fair share of housework" issue forever for everybody.  You may make a donation to the Rumpleminze fund as a show of your appreciation.