Wednesday, July 25, 2012

"Help My Daughter"

I was at "the" bar in town last night.  I've been here long enough that I've established a rapport with different folks and one of them (a middle aged woman who I recognize the face, but don't know the name) was at the bar and beckoned me over.  Nice lady, we chit chatted and discussed, nice gal.

However, as the conversation continued (and I don't know how it happened) it came to the topic of her daughter who was 24 and was having trouble "finding a good guy."  She was quite animated about the topic so I could tell this was important to her as she pulled a picture of her daughter out of her pocket shoving it in my face,

"Here, here!  You see her!  What's wrong with her!?  She's beautiful!  Why can't she find a good guy!?  They're all boys, they all play games!  Why can't she find a guy!?"

The girl was, admittedly, very cute, I'd say almost old enough to approach "beautiful."  So it certainly wasn't her looks.  So I asked,

"Well, what type of gal is she?"

The mother said, "Well she's very sweet and very kind."

I interrupted, "Yes, every mother says that about her daughter.  Truthfully, is she a flake?  Is she arrogant?  Does she string guys along?  I'm asking not to be insulting, but to find out what's really going on."

The mom responded truthfully, "No, she's actually a straight shooter. I told her not to play games.  I told her to be herself.  She's the type of girl that wants to go mountain biking and can't find a guy who isn't hung over from the night before."

It was here I let some of my prejudice and guard down and was willing to give this lady and her daughter the benefit of the doubt.  Most 24 year old babes are arrogant drama queens, full of themselves and completely unaware of other people.  But when I heard "mountain biking," the fact her mother told her not to play games and be a straight shooter and her complaint was finding a sober mountain biking partner, I decided to accept as a premise this was indeed one of the rare "good girls."

I said, "well if that's the case, then what she's probably running into is that she's a victim of her own gender.  You have to understand that most girls aren't like that and when men are going to approach women IN GENERAL they have to employ a strategy that is based off of the majority of women, not the rare girl that is different like your daughter."

"But that's so wrong!!!" she said.

And it was here the lesson in truth vs. emotion began.

I said, "Well it's not right or wrong.  It is what it is.  I could be wrong, but if your daughter is all that and then some and she's having trouble finding guys, it's likely most guys are advancing and learning game.  If anything, they were treated poorly, or at least, psychotically by girls ever since they hit puberty, and since being nice and kind didn't work, now they're standing your daughter up, showing up drunk, or whatever other tactics they've found works on other girls."

"Well men shouldn't do that!"

"I know, but it isn't an issue of whether they should or not.  It is what it is.  Your daughter has to abide by that fact."

The emotion or human desire to ignore reality continued,

"But why can't men just be..."

I interrupted again.

"Ah, ah, ah!  Again, do you want me to lie to you so you feel better?  Do you want me to tell you to tell your daughter that she "just hasn't found the right one?"  Or that "the right man will come along someday?"  "The lord will provide?"  "Follow your heart and the money will follow?"  Or do you want me to tell you the truth."

She had an interesting response.  One that showed she was digesting the point I was trying to make.  One that made me happy to see that some women are capable of setting aside emotion or "how things should be" and appreciating that if anything is going to get done or if there's going to be any progress, truth, no matter how unpleasant, must be acknowledged and incorporated into whatever strategy is to be developed.

Also greatly increasing my appreciation for this woman was her ability to discern between me being "nice" vs. me being "helpful." (though I will always contend being helpful is being nice and being "nice" is really just being cowardly).  She genuinely wanted to help her daughter and cared about her daughter enough that not only did she listen to a blowhard like me, but she even accepted passing on links to Roosh V and Roissy to her daughter.

"She won't like these links" I said, "but they will help her understand the psychology of men her age."

"Why won't she like these links?" she asked.

"Because they're truthful and what real guys really think."

She gladly accepted them.

The point of the story is that while we here in the Manosphere like to highlight cognitive dissonance, delusion, and other forms of denial, it is nice to see and highlight the occasional instance where a person is capable of genuine intellectual honesty and capable of taking emotion out of it in order to focus instead on reality, thereby increasing the chances for genuine success.  And when I see somebody with that level of character I merely wish to point it out and salute them.

22 comments:

  1. nice (adj.) late 13c., “foolish, stupid, senseless,” from O.Fr. nice “silly, foolish,” from L. nescius “ignorant,” lit. “not-knowing,” from ne- “not” (see un-) + stem of scire “to know” (see science).

    I do so love studying the etymology of language (though I must hat tip this to one of the... meaner commentors on the Spearhead. Too rude, I think, for such a formal economics blog).

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's no mean feat for a middle-aged woman to learn how to THINK. It's good of you to recognize her effort; if she repeats what you told her she'll become a pariah among her peers. I hope she can take it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Melinda Romanoff7:10 PM

    You have mail.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous11:50 PM

    If this chick is into mountain biking then mountain biking, mountaineering and outdoor clubs are a good place to start.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Infantry12:15 AM

    Well done on getting her to take some very bitter medicine.

    I feel bad for the girls trying to do the right thing in this current SMP, just as I do the boys.

    It is what it is.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Craig from Belvidere4:37 AM

    Next time give her (or others) links to MarriedManSexLife and HookingUpSmart also.

    Great advice for men and women as well as giving an idea of how to be a successful wife in a marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous7:07 AM

    Women over 40 or so learn to see it all, just when it's all too late. Estrogen is a whore of a hormone.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well done Captain.

    I like the way you remained consistent on your message. "Live in the world the way it is, not the way it should be."

    Perhaps this girl will make a guy quite happy one day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I tell all women it would not kill them to ask a guy out for a cup of coffee. If not, they have no reason to complain they can't find a "good guy."

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous1:54 PM

    I`m sorry but your blatant rudeness to this woman is disgusting. Granted she asked you herself, but that a woman can`t be content with herself just to make it easier for guys who don`t have the guts to try something new is just ridiculous. Personally, if a man is going to do naught but the stereotypical, whether I`d still be single at the end of the day or not, I`d rather not discuss with him, simply because he is boring. Perhaps you`re not keeping up with the times; individuality is picking up and people aren`t afraid to be honest anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anon 154,

    I've approved your post because it truly does rank up there with about the top 10 dumbest, nonsensical gibberish posts of this entire blog and it will allow us to mock it merciclessly.

    I'd love to pick it apart, but I can't because I have NO CLUE what you're trying to say.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous3:04 PM

    "

    If this chick is into mountain biking then mountain biking, mountaineering and outdoor clubs are a good place to start."

    Snort. SURE they are, no jerks there.

    ReplyDelete
  13. beta_plus3:13 PM

    Captain - you have achieved the rarest of feats.

    You (at least temporarily) tamed the Rationalization Hamster.

    Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous4:09 PM

    Well done sir. To above comments..by 40...too late. I don't think women born after 85 have a clue. We are animals that are adapting to our environment. To do anything else is suicide.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous5:11 PM

    What you told that woman is perfect and spot on.

    I try to explain the same thing to my single female friends. Guys act the way they do because of women.

    Most guys I know would still like to live in a flowers and candy world.

    ReplyDelete
  16. If this chick is into mountain biking then mountain biking, mountaineering and outdoor clubs are a good place to start."

    Snort. SURE they are, no jerks there.


    I must have married a jerk, then. I met my husband through a mountain biking group. All in all, the group of riders was a very cool bunch of guys and gals who took their riding as seriously as the rest of their lives, which meant no partying hard the night before a ride (after, however, was often a different story).

    So, yeah, no jerks there at all.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wow, a girl like her can't find a decent guy?

    You're right, Captain. There is a decline!

    Then again, I've changed my strategy too. I no longer chase or put girls on pedestals. I live MGTOW now and may decide to seek a foreign, non-western woman as a partner later on.

    For now, I just find ways to make money and eventually scram.

    I'm smart, young, and college-educated.

    I guess my female peers are fucked in the long run.

    I'll enjoy the decline!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous4:24 AM

    Well you tried to be honest with this woman and yes she seemed receptive however I think you are being a tad optimistic that this woman who you barely know and her daughter that you do not know will actually visit Roosh and the Chateau and really take it in. Oh her mom might check it out, heck she may even pass it on (though I doubt this very much) but as soon as her daughter sees it she'll flake on it and loudly proclaim (drum roll please) NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT! Then she'll run right out and get knocked by the first dope peddling biker bad boy she finds.

    Don't get me wrong you gave her honest advice but honestly that wasn't what she was looking for. Women don't seek solutions to their problems, they just bitch about them hoping they'll feel better about it or some man will fix it for them. When a man says "I have a problem" he is seeking advice. When a woman says this she wants an emotional tampon. Likely she wanted you to go after her daughter or introduce friends or such - not give her good advice.

    Time will tell I suppose just don't be surprised if she never mentions the websites you gave her again as she probably won't visit them or if she does, definitely won't pass them on.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous6:48 AM

    Men have stopped acting like gentlemen because women have stopped acting like ladies.

    It's really no more complicated than that.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous11:08 PM

    Cappy, you know she was trying to set you up with her daughter, don't you?

    ReplyDelete
  21. I`m sorry but your blatant rudeness to this woman is disgusting.

    Telling women the truth instead of what they want to hear is rudeness now? Eh...okay, if you say so. Makes for a lot of rude women out there though.

    Personally, if a man is going to do naught but the stereotypical, whether I`d still be single at the end of the day or not, I`d rather not discuss with him, simply because he is boring.


    Fair enough, that's your privilege, just so long as you admit this is the choice that you are making and not a sign that something has changed or is "wrong" with guys--they need to grow up, etc etc...

    Perhaps you`re not keeping up with the times; individuality is picking up and people aren`t afraid to be honest anymore.

    Wait, what?

    /mind is full of fuck

    You don't get to have it both ways...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Nice work Captain. Although you may have left out an important part. Did you advise the mother to tell her daughter: Those bitches are trying to steal your man!?

    ReplyDelete