Accidental Alpha

I was sitting at my post late one night at the Electrical Engineering and Computer Science Building.  I was stationed there to protect the multi-million dollar super computers that were in the bowels of the building, even though it would take a crane, a wrecking ball, and other heavy industrial equipment to steal them from the premises.  In short, I was there to lower the insurance premiums of the building by sitting at a desk because I was "security" and according to the insurance company's idiotic actuaries, there was now officially a statistically smaller chance the 5,000 pounds of super computers would not be absconded with. 

Up came a friend of mine.  She was an east Indian girl.  The epitome of "cute," she must have had a British soldier inseminate her lineage 200 years back somewhere because while her skin was dark, her eyes were piercingly blue.  I appreciated her companionship, but she talked a lot, and I had a lot of studying to do while protecting the immovable supercomputers.  Besides, I know who she would talk about.

"Brian."

Brian was a guy she had a crush on for the past 6 months.  She would consult me about how to get Brian to go out with her.  How to get Brian to ask her out.  How to get Brian to notice her.

I appreciated her to death because she was a computer science major and was pulling her own weight in life.  But I was on such a crunched time-table, I didn't have too much time to consult her or advise her about her love life.  She would have to leave in 10 minutes, otherwise I wouldn't be able to finish my chapter and complete my assignment for "Advanced Financial Statement Analysis."

"Hiiiiiiii Aaron."

"Hello, Swatee."

"What are you doing????"

"Studying."

"Why do you study so hard?"

"Because I don't want to be poor anymore."

But soon enough "Brian" came up in our conversation.

I loved the kid to death, but I didn't have time to talk about Brian.  It was finals, I was under pressure, and my credit load was the heaviest I had.  And so when she asked for the 40th time about how to get Brian to talk to her I broke.  I said (though in a polite manner),

"Look, Swati.  I don't have time for this.  I'm too busy.  I need to get this studying done.  Just ask the guy out already.  I can't be your therapist."

She seemed hurt, as I suspected she would be. But then she sheepishly said,

"You're Brian."

I was perplexed and didn't get it at first.

"Huh?  Wha???  What do you mean, I'm Brian?"

She then confessed, telling me that she didn't know how to approach me and ask me out.  And so she made it seem that she liked this fictional character called "Brian" hoping I would somehow realize.

She then did the boldest move I've ever seen a girl make - she asked me to date her.

"So, would you want to date me?"

Without a skip I said, "No."

She didn't seem so taken aback by the answer, as much as she did the speed at which I answered.  She responded increasingly shakingly as she digested my answer:

"Wa...well...why not?"

Equally callous I said, "because you won't sleep with me."

Now on the verge of non-functioning she said:

"But...but...I would do a lot of other things."

I said, again, equally dispassionate, "No, I don't care.  I'm sick of girls not having sex and I'm not dating any more girls that won't have sex.  Your religion prevents you from it so I'm not going to waste my time with you."

She ran upstairs crying.

It wasn't until a full 15 years later did I realize just how devastating that must have been to that nice young girl.  She really liked me.  She really had an interest in me.  She even went so far as to do what less than .00001% of the female population does and live up to the truly equal reputation they claim to have and ask me out.

And I shot her down with the coldest of indifferent callousness.

However, I still managed to forgive myself and let me explain why.

One, life was tough.  So tough that girls were not on my mind.  What was on my mind was much lower and basal on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  I was starving.  I had no money.  And I could barely afford to live.  My entire life was work and school and sleep.  There was no fun, there was no "partying," there was no girls.  However, a close third to SURVIVAL and TUITION was "girls."  And so if there was any freetime I had, it was dedicated towards finding one and getting laid.

However, most girls within my "game-reach" would play their mind games, tease and joke.  They had parental finances, they had many more male suitors, they had all the advantages, and so when I had a rare 3 hours free on a weekend and was looking to close in that tight window, they were looking for me to merely begin the beginnings of an initiation to perhaps, maybe qualify later, to be considered a candidate, to perhaps at some point in time, maybe have sex with them.

The best I got was a girl who dry humped my leg (who was just the first of THREE) and then asked me to leave when she was done.

Between the biological-physical pressures of starvation, sleep deprivation, financial demands, tuition, studying, and the rare mind-fuck games girls played on me, I broke and remember, quite clearly saying to myself, "I do not have the time for this bullshit."

And so, you can understand why I was so callous and blunt.

My life was completely consumed with survival and school.  And therefore if ANY girl was going to insist on being in my Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs she better damn well be putting out.  Otherwise, get the fuck out of my life, you serve no purpose.

Two, self respect.  I didn't notice it at the time, but it was arguably the first time I stood up for myself and said, "No."  I was sick of busting my ass off, doing 10 times what the local frat boy douche was doing, and if he could get laid while daddy paid for him, his booze, his roofies, his rent, his insurance, and his condoms, then the least any girl that had an interest in me could do would be to fuck me.  I was by all measures and manners a better man than most on campus, but if any girl dared to insult me by saying,

"Lets you and me have a relationship where we cuddle, you pay for shit, spend what rare free time you have with me, but I'm not going to reward all your supreme-kick-ass-edness with sex, but merely my presence,"

sorry sweetheart.  Don't care how blue your eyes are.  Go fuck yourself.

And it was this transformation that made me the "accidental alpha."

Almost immediately after telling her I would not date her, my junior and senior years were a complete 180 from my freshman and sophomore years.  I was working just the same, but oddly enough many women starting popping up, nay, foisting themselves into my life.  I would be sitting at my station and several girls would flirt with me to the point I'd be guaranteed a date.  I would be walking a girl home (while working) and she'd give me her number.  I would be studying at the library and a girl would sit next to me to ask me a stupid question that was an obvious ploy to talk to me.

Of course, none of this mattered because I had to put food on the table, shelter over my head, and money into my bloviating and worthless professors' hands, and so I continued to ignore them.  But my ignoring them did make dating a lot easier.  Soon, despite my pressure for time, I had notched up over 70 dates in my junior year alone. My belligerent and iron persona got me a "friend harem" on campus which only begat more introductions to other girls.  And it almost became a non-issue as women seemingly just approached me and "fell into my lap."

But let us be clear about one thing:

NONE of this had anything to do with what I did.

It had EVERYTHING to do with my environment.  An environment that was so harsh, it forced me to push women to the back of the line and put myself first, because if I didn't, I would (frankly) die.

And this is the lesson to learn.

How a man "achieves alpha" depends.  Sometimes it is through reading blogs like this.  Sometimes it is through good leadership and guidance from a father.  Sometimes it is through sportsmanship and competition.  But if I were to gander for most men, it was accidental.

One day, you're the nerd of the world.

The next, for some odd reason, you're king shit.

The trick is to be able to learn WHY and HOW.

Consider the natural athlete or "natural alpha."  He is genetically superior.  Tall, handsome, fast reflexes.  Society is geared to practically guarantee him alpha status through sports, captainships, and highschool hierarchy. 

But what happens after high school?

He goes to college.

Learns he's not all that as he's competing against nationwide bigger, stronger and superior guys.

And soon develops a gut and gets a "BA" in "business" and works as a salesman at the local styrafoam company.  He returns to his 10 year reunion and realizes he's out of shape, no girls recognize him, and no girls want to talk to him.

The man was an "accidental alpha."  His environment made him attractive, but he was clueless as to why and thus could not maintain nor replicate his success he enjoyed for those two brief years in high school.  His "alphaness" was fleeting.

You need to be smarter than the high school jock.  You need to know WHY so you can capitalize on it and sustain it.  And thus, when you become the accidental alpha you need to have the wisdom and foresight to step back, assess the situation, and realize why everything is going your way.

In my particular case it was that my environment was so extreme it forced me to say to the women,

"Go fuck yourselves, I do not have time for you and your petty mind-games and drama and bullshit.  I need to eat and pay for rent.  And unless you're going to get naked, then you can go find an emotional tampon elsewhere."

In other men's particular cases it may have been,

"Sorry sweetie, I'm making $100 per hour.  I'm going to milk this as long as I can and no T&A is worth sacrificing this."

But whatever the case, you must realize why it is you are alpha at that moment in time, otherwise it will forever remain ACCIDENTAL.  You need to identify the traits and behavior you are exuding that is resulting in the success you have with women.  You need to pause and get your head out of the grind to take note as to the (seemingly odd) success and attention you're receiving from women.  You need to stop and identify what precisely is going on because if you don't take time to figure out why you are having that success, it will forever be gone when you;

graduate
retire
achieve your goals

because once you do, whatever it was that was attracting women to you will turn off.

And unless you did indeed identify it so you can replicate it, you will forever lose it.

In short, ensure your accidental alpha status becomes permanent.