Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Death of Health Packs

Sometimes you have to spend money to save money.

And I'm being serious about this, but I added it up once and roughly, very roughly if you are a 20 something of average income you will probably spend about $40 each night if you go out (of course this is for your average guy, whereas it would be much lower for your average 20 something girl accounting for "ladies nights" and "free drinks subsidies" subsidized to you by, ahem, men). But neither here nor there, roughly, you can expect to drop $40 each night you go out.

Which is why I fully endorse refusing to feel guilty when dropping significant money on home entertainment expenditures. Things like flat panel TV's, LCD projectors, DVD's, stereo systems and of course, video games. Some of the wisest expenditures you can make. And the reason why is that, yes, you will have to drop about $900 on that LCD projector and yes, you will have to drop $500 on the deluxe edition of X-Box 360, but in doing so you will provide a better alternative to going out, getting drunk and hitting on girls that didn't want to meet you in the first place anyway, all of which at $40 per pop will add up to more than you spend on home entertainment purchases.

And this isn't just fluff, I personally adhere to this philosophy as I recently bought the X-Box 360 "package" which included two remote controllers, a recharger and "Gears of War" the flagship video game of the 360. I also purchased "Call of Duty 3" as I like to keep my Nazi-fighting skills up just incase there is a resurgence in Nazism and I can protect the chicks.

Now doing the rough math, both games are going to require at least, LEAST 30 hours game play. That translates into 60 hours and if I divide that by the average time I spend going out on weekend nights (3 hours) that results in roughly me saving 20 $40 nights which equals a savings of $800.

Just these two games alone put me $300 ahead of the game after deducting my $500 X-box system. So men, boys and ardent video game players of all stripes all across the world, UNITE! For if anybody argues with you that video games are a waste of money, eau contraire. They are a wise use of one's money.

However, while we may rejoice in the economic efficiency of video games there is something I noticed playing the latest generation. Instead of having health packs to regenerate your health, all they have now is this "red eye gauge" thing which turns redder and redder the closer you come to dying. Get too red and you're dead. And to recover all you have to do is hide, let a little time pass and your health will recover completely on its own.

Well what the hell happened health packs????

I LIKED the health packs!

The whole concept that you could be a paper cut away from death and all you had to do was turn the corner, and BOOM! Health pack! Completely renewed you could about-face and unleash a torrent of revenge upon those AI enemies that put you so close to death in the first place.

Or if playing against your friends in multiplayer you could charge out into the battlefield blasting away at your friends knowing that if you timed it right you'd be able to get to the health pack first ensuring your victory and their death while chalking it all up to "skill."

Hell, there's been times I've left parties in a less-than-sober state half thinking and hoping to find a health pack in the alley.

Regardless, 20 years the health pack has been an integral part of the video gaming world, and now we're just going to give up on it?

Think of the pscyhological ramifications. They have become so engrained in our video gaming psyche that everytime we see one our brain is conditioned now to release serotonin. When have you ever seen a health pack and NOT smiled? Spread that across billions of people consuming trillions of health packs over the past 20 years and you're talking AT LEAST metric tons of serotonin and lot's of good fuzzy feelings being throw out the door because some Palo Alto Gen-X schmutz came up with a "cooler" way to gauge health.

But what can I do? I'm just the sole owner of an X-Box 360. So aspiring, junior and deputy economists of the video gaming strand have a drink in honor of the health pack. Something tells me it will go the way of the joystick.

3 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:37 PM

    I'm a perfectionist, and when I play a game, it really bothers me if I haven't done it to absolute perfection. I never leave a level without full health and ammo, and unless there's a great way to avoid a lot of enemies, I'll have them all killed as well. Passing a level isn't enough; I have a compulsive need to clean it out.

    Because of that, I do not share your lament over the disappearance of health packs. For me, health packs represent a speedbump on the road to the perfect finish. If I have to worry about picking up health packs, then I have to worry about getting shot every so often, and I'd rather not have that on my mind. I get agitated when I'm running around with 97% health, which I might add is clearly sub-optimal, yet I am unwilling to pick up a health pack before the level has been completely cleaned out because it would heal something along the lines of 25% of my health, so using it then would be an inexcusable waste.

    Presenting me with only two sub-optimal options creates a conflict between my power-gamer perfectionist side (who wants me to have 100% health at all times) and my economist side that can't bear the thought of wasting 90% of a health pack just to top myself off. When I have taken exactly as much damage as a health pack can restore, I happily run over it and my inner power gamer and economist share a brief, joyous celebratory hug followed by awkward silence and then fierce bickering that begins as soon as I take another scratch of damage.

    So, forget health packs. Give me natural health regeneration any day. Not only does it alleviate the suffering of the pathologically l33t such as myself, but it also has a positive impact on gameplay. Taking cover to regenerate suddenly makes sense, and there's never any need to backtrack to pick up a health pack.

    I agree about video games being a wise investment, however. Especially MMORPGs... if you're into that, you can get enough entertainment to ruin your entire life for less than $15 a month. Stories abound of people who spend every waking moment playing these games, addicted as powerfully as anyone could be to any illegal drug. And all for $15 a month. What a deal. :)

    Don't even get me started on gold-farming. Now you can turn your cheap online game addiction into a job and actually make money at it! Granted you'll be making third world wages, (because that's who your competition is) but still; crackheads don't get more drug money by smoking crack for other people.

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  2. And you wonder why I play the "I'm the god! I'M THE GOD!!!" type of games on my computer? Why worry about health packs when you can build the world to your liking and send men electronically to their deaths without a single care?

    Besides, I know if I started playing FPS-style games (especially WWII-themed ones), I'd be too inclined to start quoting "Blessed be the Lord mah strength, which teacheth mah hands to war, and mah fingers to fight". And that'd get really annoying, really quickly, even for me.

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  3. Anonymous5:55 AM

    I actually started panicking when I finally realized there were no more health packs. How was I suppose to stop the Nazi's quest for world domination without the comfort of having stockpiled packs for that final suicide run I was about to embark on? Incredible. II don't know if I'll ever be able to game the same.

    Not only have I been able to convince my wife that home entertainment expenditures are a good investment for us (mainly me: I'm more of a homebody; she's more the social butterfly), but she actually has defended it by telling her girlfriends that "he spends money on games and stuff, but it's better than him out spending it at a bar or whatever."
    And ask her now to watch one of her movies without some good surround sound or on a good TV(our first anniversary gift to each other: Bose Acoustimass II surround sound speakers. last years: 50" Phillips Ambilight), ain't gonna happen.

    She's a keeper.

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