To the 30/40 Something Woman Who Wouldn't Leave Me Alone

I heard you the first time.

It was obvious you didn't pick up on my somewhat less than subtle hint.

And therefore I had to endure your frequent commentary, obviously directed my way, which interrupted my dinner.

So let me explain to you why you are 30/40 something and sitting at a bar by yourself and I am 35 sitting at a bar by myself but why I am infinitely more happy.

I came there because I was hungry. I needed food. And since I am an alpha-male bachelor of the highest order (not to mention an outstanding economist) I have outsourced all of my food preparation to third parties, namely restaurants.

The reason I chose this particular restaurant was not because you were there, nor the score of other desperate 30 something women, but because it served four simple purposes;

1. It was open
2. It had good food
3. It also served Rumpleminze
4. It was nearby

These four simple things AND ONLY these four simple things is what made me show up.

I wanted food.

I wanted a drink.

I didn't want to prepare it.

And I wanted to go home.

However, you were there for different reasons.

And it was plainly obvious.

First off, I wore crappy khaki shorts, sandals, a crappy shirt and a cap. It was obvious I did not come there to meet anybody.

You however, still thinking it's 19-freaking-93 and you're still 21 were dolled up in a silver sequene top and black slick slacks. You were on the hunt, purposely looking to find a guy, whereas I was not looking for a girl.

(Oh, and by the way, please don't act indignant that I presupposed you were looking for a man. I'm not a naive, simple, honest 22 year old kid anymore. The truth with that clothing, you were on the hunt.)

However, much like 20 years ago when young men (who you would not doubt today give an appendage for) gave you unwelcomed advances and you poo pooed them away, your unwelcomed advances I had to endure today were incredibly hypocritical. The reason being is that those "unwelcomed" advances you had to "suffer" 20 years ago were no doubt at a bar where you were dressed the part and enticing such advances and no doubt welcoming them whilst acting appalled they occurred not to mention picking up free drinks all along the way.

Today, I was sitting by myself, warfing down food, in crappy clothes giving no such false signals to beget attention or free drinks. I wanted to be left alone, eat my food, yet you continued to harass me.

Second, I ordered a Rumpleminze.

Why?

Because I like Rumpleminze. Strong, ice cold, soothing on the throat. You can enjoy it for a while. Nice patient, enjoyable drink.

You, at the age of 40 something ordered a vodka-freaking-red bull.

Really? Is that what the "kids" are ordering today? Is that what's "hip?" Are you in with the "in crowd?" Perhaps you can find yourself a Vampire/Wolverine Boyfriend or whatever the fad is with the mentally insane teenagers of today.

Third, speaking of kids. How many do you have? Because I see that "single moms" are all the rage. See, I have no kids because instead of thinking of myself the entire time I remembered what it was like to be a kid. And I then came to the incredibly OBVIOUS conclusion that before bringing a kid into this world, maybe I ought to find a reliable, stable, loving wife before I start breeding and bringing innocent souls into this world. That they weren't "toys" or "objects" to have. That they were humans, just like you and me and had feelings, needs, requirements and demands. But I guess I'm just supposed to ignore my natural and visceral disgust for single parenthood in that obviously both parents failed to get it right the first time and I should instead go the politically correct route and cheer on the "nobility" and "courage" of "single parents."

Un-freaking-likely. There's still a victim. It's the children, and unlike when you guys invoke the term "for the children" to advance your own personal aims while cowardly hiding behind the child, I actually mean it in that I actually care about the kid, mine or not. I'm going back to enjoy my Rumpleminze while I avoid divorce if it's all the same with you.

Fourth, physically you got to be kidding me. I run 4-7 miles every other day and lift weights. I watch what I eat and I am in great shape. You look like you watch Oprah 4-7 times a day and occasionally lift your ass from the couch to get more food. I don't care what a bunch of bitter, burnt out 1960's hippie aging feminists said in the drug induced 70's and neither should you. The truth is that no matter what philosophy they lay down and tell you how things "should" be the REALITY is that men like women that are in shape.

I know.

We're evil, sexist, bigoted misogynist poopy-heads.

All of us.

But it ain't going to change and the sooner you learn that, the sooner you ACCEPT that FACT, the sooner you will start to employ strategies and techniques that are actually based in REALITY and have success.

Now, no doubt many of the female readers of this are livid.

No doubt I am evil and a horrible man for daring to lecture this slightly-aged woman about her unwelcomed behavior not to mention point out truths we all know to be true.

But for just once will you girls listen to me? Especially those of you who continue to watch dumbass movies like "Eat Pray Love" thinking somehow it relates to you and will somehow help you. Because if you listen, you will actually get some practical advice that will bring you genuine progress and happiness in your life unlike the tombs of women's magazine articles you've read which has resulted in you ended up where you are today (which is where the annoying woman was this particular night)

You are in your 30's or 40's.

You are not in your 20's.

And whereas men may have been naive and willing to fall over each other just to get a date with you when Clinton was in his first term, that is no longer the case. The game has changed.

Namely it has changed in that the men are no longer playing. They left the field. I don't know how many times I've heard late 30 something female friends of mine say, "You have to play hard to get. You have to get him to chase you."

I ask in return;

"Have you ever looked back to see that NOBODY is chasing?"

This somehow turns out to be some kind of "revolutionary" (not to mention" insulting")thought.

"WHAT!???"

"MEN, NOT CHASING!!!????"

"HOW DARE YOU!!!!"

No, how dare you.

What, you thought men were going to chase forever?

You see, men only have a finite, limited amount of energy for chasing. And you girls in your 20's were masters of exhausting it all.

Giving out your phone number, but then never returning the call.

Agreeing to a date and then canceling at the last minute.

The made up drama and land mines you laid around to keep them on their feet and never sure of where they stood.

And good lord, don't even get me started on all the complications involved with having sex.

It all worked GREAT back in the late teens and 20's, but guess what happened?

Inevitably men got smart. Men got wise. And worst of all, men just plain got some self-respect.

It wasn't an immediate flood on account different men woke up at various ages, but you throw in some divorces, the general disrespect and disregard for men and male behavior in society, and guess what?

20 years later men aren't chasing any more. They left in droves. They flooded OUT of the market.

Don't take it personally, it's not that they don't want to chase "you" any more.

They just don't want to chase period.

The "field" or the "market" has become so hostile, so hopelessly lopsided men increasingly went against their largest biological drive (women) and started enjoying life on their own. And think about that. It's become so hostile, so futile and such a waste of resources MEN HAVE LITERALLY STOPPED CHASING WOMEN.

You think I'm joking?

Why is the average age of marriage jumping?

Why are people having less kids?

And might I ask, do you know any perpetual bachelors out there who just enjoy a good Rumpleminze, some video games, or perhaps some fishing instead of trying to even entertain the idea of suffering a first date?

Do you know any 30-4o something men who regularly "go out clubbing" and "partaaaaay?"

Yeah, those ranks are thinning a bit aren't they? It's not that ALL men are quitting, just the good ones in that they have enough smarts, self-respect and sense to.

Worse still, and please don't shoot the messenger, this is just the plain truth-

Men can and usually date younger. So all those nice college boys that tried to pine for your affection back in the 90's you never called back or dared to mock infront of your girlfriends? Yeah, they're not gunning after you any more (if gunning after anybody at all). You need to chase after some Reaganauts who remember Duran Duran. Enjoy the Rogaine!

The overall point can actually be summarized with a classical supply and demand chart of economics. The "supply" women were willing to supply to the market was somewhat limited and Maureen-Dowdishly stingy (thus a supply curve that is far to the left). And in 1993 young Gen X men, quite obliviously were all desperately trying to get any kind of attention and affection they could (thus a demand curve to the far right). This resulted in an insanely high price the men had to "pay" to get a date (denoted by "P1"). This "price" manifested itself in terms of expensive dates, kindness, willing to show up, asking girls out more, general attention towards women, not to mention suffering being stood up, psychotic episodes, drama, soap opera BS and just general abuse they would endure. Over time though the sheer hell a man had to go through dating deterred him from the market (not to mention, a lot of men found lovely, kind caring women and immeidately grabbed them for themselves and left the dating market forever). This shifted the demand curve to the far left over the course of 15 years. What's interesting, given the "EAt PRay Love" and "Why You Rule and Your Boyfriend Sucks" magazines and the "cougar" fad and feminist indoctination and lord knows whatever other faux-fads the media barraged poor young women with, women were led to believe that they would always be in demand. That they owned the market. That they owned the hottest piece of property in 2006 and that there was no housing bubble. Ergo, almost unbeknownst to most 30-40 something women they never picked up on this dramatic drop in demand and held their supply incredibly low not knowing most of the buyers had left the market for substitute goods (look it up if you're interested in economics). This shift in the demand curve resulted in a huge drop in price from P1 to P2.


Now the question is (assuming you would inevitably like to get married or start a family or just plain have a guy in your life) how do you deal with this dire "market."

Well, the sad truth is it may be out of your control.

Notice the only thing that changed is demand. Men (the "buyers") left the market, not the women. Additionally it took about 15 years to drive them away, it's certainly going to take longer to get them back. They're more focused on deriving the most utility from the remaining years of their lives. They're not 25 thinking of starting a family, they're 40 and thinking about an LCD projector and Red Dead Redemption and football season and how to make up the lost income they're never going to receive from social security. Therefore you can hit the clubs all you want, but if no men are there, no men are there.

This means about the only course of action you have is to ask men out.

I remember an old female college friend of mine who had a HUGE crush on this guy. She spent an ENTIRE YEAR fretting and worrying about asking him out and tried every trick in the book to get him to ask her out. Hilariously in true male form, he never picked up the hints which compelled her to ask him out.

Did she?

Never did. She CRIED MULTIPLE TIMES PER WEEK instead of just getting it over with and asking him out. Suffered infinitely more and longer than if she had just bleeping asking the guy out.

Sorry ladies, it's the 4th quarter, you're down by 14 points and you do not have the luxury of waiting for the guy to ask you out.

When myself and my other male colleagues were told women were equal back in the 90's we actually took it to heart. We believed it and incorporated into our thought process that women are equal. And guess what, whether you like it or not, today you ARE equal which means you now have equal responsibility, not least of which in our minds back then was asking us out or making your intentions known.

Today it's not even an academic debate. It's reality. Men aren't looking, they're not asking, they're out of the market. Your only option is to take matters into your own hands and pull the trigger yourself.

Sadly, or perhaps not so sadly, the only other option is to give up like most men. I will readily admit it's not just the women that have made the courting world a nightmare (though I will defend till my death they have disproportionately done so). There are members in the males ranks that are entitled to their fair share of blame. And given this you may realize what a lot of men have already and that is life is too short to waste it on a pursuit that will never materialize. You have 82 years of life expectancy. And while you may not like playing video games or fishing, there are certainly other things you can be doing aside from "clubbing" or "looking for a guy" or just plain wasting your finite energy looking/hoping for one.

You may biologically or naturally be against this. You may say, "but I want to find a man and get married and have kids."

Well again, it's an issue of reality. Reality may be that's never going to happen. So do you want to continue wasting life pursuing something that is not going to happen? Or do you want to enjoy it doing things that are within your control, never worrying about men again?

It sounds sad and depressing at first, but when you realize the reality or at least probability of the situation you can move on and enjoy a really good life without men. Millions of men have done the exact same thing, just without women. And the freedom that comes with it to enjoy your life and do your own thing with no regard or attachment to the idea of courtship is actually quite liberating and genuine happiness can be found in such a life.

Besides which, there was only one small difference between myself and the desperate 30 something woman at the bar that explained why I was happy and she was miserable-

She's still looking.

I gave up long ago.

Who do you think has the happier life?