A Prom Night of Barack Obama Excuses

As expected, Barack Obama was elected and the republicans are now paying for their idiocy in moving to the center (and still receiving no additional votes for it). However, going forward, one has got to realize just how big of shoes Barack has made for himself to fill.

He has, more than any other politician in the world, promised everything to every one. Sociology majors who worked on his campaign will now think that “community organizer” is going to be a $60,000 per year job with benefits. The likes of Peggy Johnson will now think they don’t have to pay for their own gas of their own mortgage. The black community I speculate because of the Messiah-like nature of Obama, is expecting that by July of 2009 they will magically achieve standards of living on par with their white counterparts. The stock market is going to rally, social security and medicare (which I noticed were never mentioned in the campaign) will somehow magically take care of themselves. Guilty white liberals can finally assuage themselves of their misplaced guilt. And everybody will get a pony.

But the problem is all of his promises (or perhaps better stated – people’s expectations of him) are undeliverable as they are outside his control (if not insane to even expect in the first place). Sociology majors will never make $60,000 because the realities of the labor market prevent it. Peggy Johnson will still have to pay for her gas no matter what Obama’s charming eyes and pointless platitudes may have told her. The black community’s success is largely within their control and no matter what Obama says or does, I don’t think he will be able to deliver to them economic equality before their patience with him runs out. White liberals will never be “forgiven” by the likes of the Black Panthers, Rev. Wright and other racists, not to mention race pimps whose careers depend on perpetuating racism. And, perhaps most importantly, the economy is not going to recover as quickly as spoiled-brat Americans are accustomed to. Quite the contrary, it’s going to go into a long and harsh recession, people are going to get laid off and this says absolutely NOTHING about the economic-time-bomb known social security and medicare.

i.e. – It kind of reminds me of my senior prom where I graduated in this small, pathetic, Wisconsin town. Where the prom was the PEAK, the PINNACLE of the majority of these students’ lives. Very few were going to go onto college, very few were going to do anything in their lives. There was no hope. But, there they were, partying it up, as if life was going to continue on like that forever. And they were in for just of a rude awakening as the currently ecstatic Obama supporters are today. Quite frankly, it's all downhill from here.

Ergo, since Obama CAN’T make all these insane people’s dreams come true, and quite the contrary, the economic realities of the nation are going to turn them into nightmares, it is a practical guarantee Obama will have to start blaming other people and things and come up with excuses as to why sociology majors aren’t making $60,000 and not every girl has a pony in the back yard. Therefore, I present to you;

CAPTAIN CAPITALISM’S PREDICTIONS OF OBAMA EXCUSES;

1. I inherited a recessionary economy – This is true. Obama did inherit this economy. This will be his most truthful and honest excuse. However, he will blame it on “Bush” or “Republican” or “capitalist” policies. This is where he will be an outright liar as it was concepts like “not paying back what you owe,” “borrowing more than you can afford,” and ultimately “being irresponsible and letting other people pay for it” which are socialist in nature that are to blame for the current mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. i.e. – he will not have the gall to blame the American people for his mistakes, he will take the politically self-serving route and blame the republicans.

2. Racism still exists and is keeping minorities down. – Racism is not going away folks. The victim mentality and the race pimping industry is too big. Forget this country fought a civil war to free slaves. Forget the fact this is the first western nation to elect a minority to its primo position. And forget that it’s things like teen pregnancy, poor graduation rates/schools, absentee parents, lack of college and a broken down family that oppresses blacks and other minorities more than racism ever could. There’s no money in that. Racism will have to still be around to explain why Obama’s policies have failed to lift the black community out of poverty, and instead of growing some cajones, breaking taboos, and genuinely helping out the black community, Obama will tell them what they want to hear to stay in power…and sadly, the black community will still be no better off.

3. Obstructionist Republicans in congress – Obama is a socialist. Again, let us not try to pathetically argue against this point. The problem is Obama also got elected by what is largely ignorance. I don’t know how many friends I have, after showing them the chart showing US government spending being on par with NORWAY who tell me “Obama isn’t going to make this a socialist nation.” Regardless, inevitably these people will wake up. Not to mention 48% of the population in the US is not ignorant, know simple basic economics and did indeed vote against socialism. They won’t go quietly into the night. So what will happen (I’m predicting) is a similar repeat of the 1994 congress where Clinton and the Republicans were basically at a stand still and nothing got done (THANK GOD!) To the dismay of Pelosi, Reid and Obama, the remaining Republicans are not just going to allow them to ram socialism down the throat of America . Obama supporters will ask “what’s the hold up?” to which Obama will respond “obstructionist Republicans.”

4. Big Oil/Corporate America/Wall Street – Whether gas prices go back up, health care goes up, the economy stays in recession, unemployment skyrockets, it will not be the fact the population is becoming less and less productive thereby necessitating more dollars to buy that same gallon of gas, no, it’s because Corporate America or Big Oil are keeping you down. This will not only rationalize why Obama will increase corporate taxes by 50%, but allow him, again, to avoid putting blame where it is rightly deserved (the lazy American public) and place it on a boogey man everyone loves to hate. Taxes will increase, corporations will invest less or move offshore, jobs will be lost and Obama will again blame corporate America for having the audacity to leave. Ignorant masses too stupid to realize the downward spiral this will create will cheer as Obama increases corporate taxes, but in the very next sentence viscerally scream at corporations for daring to leave for greener pastures.

There will be other excuses, but these are just the ones off the top of my head.