The GF left for a week to visit her mother. Unencumbered, I decided I'd visit some old haunts to see if they were still lively, specifically if there was any revival in the dance scenes I left nearly a decade ago. The first was the swing dance scene which has become nothing more than a siren call for the millennial virgin-hipster-nerds to congregate and further refine their sperg together. It was a shame what I saw, with veritable 30 year old virgins, perfectly groomed bears, and rank ugly women/girls despite being in their prime years.
The salsa scene was no better. When I left it many moons ago it was a sausage fest with 3 men for every woman. The feelers, grabbers, and stalkers scaring away all the good looking girls, leaving nothing but purist salsa dancing females left, who would not dance with you unless you had already ingratiated yourself into their clique. 10 years later it was hands down the worst male-female ratio of about 10 to 1 (I am not joking), where I saw scores of self-disrespecting males chasing after only a handful of females. It was so bad I paid my cover, walked 20 yards in, turned around, walked out, and refused the doorkeep who offered to refund my cover. I then went home and played some video games.
But these two short forays only served to confirm something I've known for quite some time. I'm too old for this shit anymore, and though fun at the time, the time I spent chasing tail in hindsight was about a 60% waste. There was much better shit to do with my life, I just hadn't matured enough to realize it.
This epiphany is only natural because as the "manosphere" has aged, so too has its authors and founders. Certainly us old fogeys now in or rapidly approaching their forties have ran the gambit like any modern day 20 year old, going from a nerdy noob with absolutely no game to an accomplished player. But like Voyager 2 leaving the Oort cloud, so too will most men leave the pursuit of women, bringing on a new stage of exploration and pioneering.
The question is when do you retire from game.
There is no magical age or number. Roosh, for example in this podcast (which inspired this post) is on the later half of 30, and though attached to a girl, AND the topic of the podcast itself is "The Death of Night Game," still carries the reader through the do's and don't's of night game as if it were still a viable option. I abandoned it long ago and with the advent of texting/social media, etc., I recommend you do the same. But some people still have it going well into their 30's and 40's and choose to waste hours of their time at loud bars and nightclubs.
Others find a quality girl and either get married or get a steady girlfriend. Slings and arrows from the VirginTOW community aside, they don't care because while the fear of divorce is real, it is a healthy respect and acknowledgement of that fear that allows you to find a quality woman who will not rape you in divorce court or sperm jack you.
And then there's just plain age and tiredness. No matter how fun, no matter how successful, in the end chasing after women gets tiresome and loses it's novelty. Again I subscribe to the theory that men have a limited amount of energy and it will get exhausted, even if you are successful in slaying the ladies. But the economics of novelty also come into play. Using the same tactics on the same bimbos playing the same games with the same lines, while dealing with the same crap over and over and over again, just isn't worth the sexual pay off no matter how good.
However you come to this point, if you find yourself unable to conclusively determine that you want to go out and chase tail, and are instead rather tempted by the prospects of staying it, it is time for you, my good sir, to retire from game. And chances are it was the time anyway a long time ago.
If being out of the game for a decade has taught me anything, it's that while you're in the thick of it you don't realize the opportunity costs of investing so much of your life chasing tail. Blinded by either youthful hormones or just the echo chamber of society telling you "that's what people your age do," you don't realize how much of your time you are wasting, mal-investing it in things that just aren't going to pay off. Ask any older man whether half the lays he had were worth the time he had to invest getting them, and I'd wager 95% of them would say, "no." And further ask them what they could have achieved with that time had they not invested it in girls, and they would say "conquer the world." And it's not until you unplug yourself from the matrix, removing yourself from this environment for a while, so you can look back at it with fresh eyes, will you see just what a waste of time night clubs are, chasing tail is, and what a general time/resource sink the pursuit of women are.
This isn't to say not to pursue them, let alone pursue them wisely (setting minimal time/resource investment, insisting on high standards, timeliness, etc.). Nor am I saying you shouldn't go to a nightclub, fire up the Tinder, ask Suzie Q on a date, or run a little bit of the day game. But I am asking all men, regardless of age to occasionally stop, say once a year, not pursue women for 2 weeks and take inventory of their success, their life goals, their desires, and what makes them happy. I'm suggesting men fast from women every year for 2 weeks so they can clearly and critically look back at all their precious time they spent pursuing tail and see if that wasn't a horrendous waste of time. It's no different than sobering up from booze or drugs, clearing your mind of any chemicals or hormones, to see if they should continue to play a role in your life and if you genuinely have an interest in them.
For most men, especially the younger ones, the answer will be yes, they want to keep chasing girls. And to that I say continue the chase young man, continue the chase.
But if you go on a 2 week hiatus, and find yourself in better spirits, and perhaps start taking a stronger intellectual interest in hobbies, your career, philosophy, or just the peace and quiet time you have to yourself, it may be time to throw in the towel and retire from game. And dare I say start looking for a "girl who's good enough" to settle down with so you never have to go to the frontlines ever again.
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16 comments:
I believe, as you've noted, that the manosphere, as it matures, has come to realize the inevitable. In the long run it's just not worth it.
As much as TRP has been a Godsend to men in the sexual battlefield it also comes at a steep price in a cost benefit analysis. I don't care who you are, as a man you will eventually reach the crossover point.
TRP, in many respects, has moved that crossover point further left for the younger guys. Armed with TRP knowledge and game strategies younger men are much better able to navigate the minefield. But, there's a reason the minefield analogy exists and in today's culture the mines are being laid faster and the detectors are getting heavier.
“Perfectly groomed bears“
Heh heh heh. Sorry, couldn't resist. Excellent article all the same.
Great post. It's all about weaving that tapestry of your life story. Younger males lack the perspective (as I most certainly have) to realize the finite commodity that time really is. Your point of a finite amount of energy to engage in game pursuits that males face is well taken. Young bucks be wary!
I enjoy your blog, keep up the good work Captain!
Damn you start to sound like one of those VirginTOWs... where is the ol' captain?
Plus its hard to find a woman with this mindset:
http://www.whywork.org
Hey aging baby, want to come over to my micro-house and have some bang-bang with me? It will keep us warm. :LOL:
I am in my early 50's, have been happily married for going on twenty years and have two middle school aged sons. Life is great and I couldn't be happier. If I was single at this point in my life I don't think women would be anywhere on the horizon. As you age it becomes less and less important until it isn't important at all.
It's truly ironic that a man has to play the game of chasing women -- wasting uncounted thousands of dollars and thousands of hours of his time in the process -- in order to finally realize and understand just what an incredible waste all of it is.
Thank Heaven that men are finally realizing how much of a waste that marriage is, without having to play THAT losing game.
I appreciate this post Aaron. Depending on my circumstances, I'll probably be asking for a consult soon. At 25 years old, I've managed to fuck dozens of girls. The novelty is indeed wearing off. I went out to a bar, the girl I met up with was playing hard to get, so I just bummed a cig, and walked right back out after 20 minutes.
The only thing I'm receptive to now is booty calls from girls that are ovulating. I'd rather stay at home, save my money, and enjoy some intellectual stimulation.
Keep doing the lord's work, Mr. Clarey.
-Enlightened Millenial Dipshit
Perhaps it's time for some carbon copy captain capitalisms to grace our world?
The swing scene is ok where I live. Most of the women aren't much to look at but you get your odd group of cute girls from the local universities that wander in and then you are heads above the competition.
Have you done contra at all? I was at a university club sponsored contra event a couple of weeks ago and it was slammed wall-to-wall. Once again, not all hotties, but there are some.
I was a little young and missed out on the dancing revival heyday you talk about but it's hard for me to imagine it ever being a mainstream thing. Being surrounded by some weird people of both sexes sort of comes with the territory but it can still pay off if you overlook this.
There is no end to the game.
Ever.
You may stop chasing tail, but you will need to continue the game long term any woman in your life, until you die, or abandon the idea of having them in your life.
There is a temptation to say it is over, that you don't need to carry that burden of having to keep gaming the woman in your life, but this is not reality.
I see married men do it all the time they think now that they are married that she has said vows that its done and they can relax.
But if they do, she will at some point leave, or make his life an absolute living hell. There is nothing in Western Society that inhibits there actions except age and opportunity . . . and both of those are last far longer than men want to admit.
I definitely wish I could reclaim just a fraction of the time from my younger days that I wasted chasing women.
Well on the positive side, my weekends out have meant that I have never watched more than 1 minute of Saturday Night Live.
won't be long til all the lonely MGTOWs, game dropouts and post-wall CC riders unite in misery and shack up
IMO, you can own the game; as long as you don't need sex and are not a sucker for love.
kind of hard to live like that, but if you can start adding up the costs on average of what it costs to date and the heartache you can get, unless you are an ahole; you do not derve it and should not put up with it; even if its Jennifer aniston; there are too many attractive women out there available for decent, fit guys with drive who can earn money.
for me, everywoman I am attracted to are on interviews, not dates; because I can go without them with no problem. wish I would have learned this at 20, but at least I learned; most never do.
M/W ratio of salsa places I go to in Phoenix is more like 1.3/1. And most of the women there are decent or attractive.
It can be bit cliquish, some gals only dance with their chosen circle of men that they are comfortable with or friends with, but most are open to dancing w/you as long as you don't come off as a creeper or douche.
Go there with the intent to have fun and improve your dancing ... not with the intent to 'chase tail'. WIth that in mind, if you have some game, you'll get some #'s that will lead to dates and getting some tail that way (women who frequent these places don't put out the first time you meet them ... they dont want to be perceived as slutty especially by their female friends). If you are going to 'get lucky' the 1st time you meet a gal in this scene, she'll likely need to be 'passing through' (so she doesn't have to worry about the 'slutty perception') or somewhat drunk. Recently, I nailed an attractive, early 20's brunette in the back of my SUV in the parking lot at the end of a salsa evening -- not bad for a guy pushing into his late 40's ;)
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