Friday, March 22, 2019

The Clarey Podcast #284 - The "I Want a Big Mac" Episode

Cappy rambles as the morning gets ahead of him and he needs to post-pone his writing.  He reads three articles about women making money through dating, even posting selfies, and doesn't want to hear about "the wage gap."  He fields some superchat questions.  Explains why you should never join the Wisconsin Synod.  And more!

Podcast here.
MP3 here.
YouTube here.

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Sponsored by The Pence Principle!

Thursday, March 21, 2019

I Present Thee, a Millennial

This is mandatory listening.

The reason why is this shows you what the end result or "final stage" of development is of a millennial.  And not a millennial per se, but any kid unfortunate enough to grow up under poor parents, with marxist public school brainwashing, a worthless degree, and a world that bends over backwards for them.

It's very telling about the millennial generation, but is also very telling about raising any generation under such soft conditions in that they ultimately become a truly worthless person, only capable of self-worship and praise.

And after you're done listening to that, and you feel despair and no hope for the future, remember to purchase a copy of Enjoy the Decline, because you're going to need it.

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Older Brother Podcast #38 - The "Millennials are Zombies" Episode

The gift of Millennials keeps on giving as Cappy discusses how they:

1 - Are creating contracts for everything
2 - Get pissed off when sexual consent apps are made
3 - Are lured into banking through gimmickry and clowns
4 - Have dream jobs in cases, but seem incredibly depressed
5 - Have the most overpriced luxury apartment complexes in the world.

Elkins also joins the club and we field a couple Asshole Consulting questions.

Podcast here.
MP3 here.
YouTube here.

Support the podcast here.

Sponsored by Academic Composition!!!

The Father Could Not Be Reached for Comment

Because she was (say it with me now)

a strong
don't need no man


Too bad for Cheyenne.  I guess kids named "Cheyenne" don't have long life expectancies.

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

The Mistakeless vs. Mistakeful Economy

The Wyoming 3

Let me explain to you what I call "The Wyoming 3."

Whilst living in Wyoming you could reliably rely upon your fellow Wyomingians to never get it right the first two times.  You would order a chicken sub and the "sandwich artist" would make you a steak and cheese.  You would point out it's not a steak and cheese, return it, only to get back a turkey club.  On the third try the "sandwich artist" would finally get it right, but then you'd have the wrong bag of chips or the wrong type of bread, in which case you'd give up and just accept that you're dealing with a mental retard Wyomingian.

Or perhaps scheduling a dental appointment.  You would originally schedule your cleaning for 11AM on Thursday.  There you are at 1055AM and the secretary then informs you they didn't have you down in the book.  You would reschedule for later that afternoon at 2PM when there was an opening.  But after returning a second time, there was yet another scheduling snafu.  "Come back at 4 and I'll squeeze you in," which you did and the dentist was ready for you this time, though the cleaning job was so poor you knew you'd have to repeat this scheduling dance 3 months later.

I could go on, but the larger point is the amount of time we waste in this economy not doing things right the first ime.  And not just our time, but the time of the businesses we're trying to do business with.  Had the sandwich artist got the order right the first time, he/she would be able to immediately serve the next two customers in the same amount of time, producing thrice the GDP.  Had the dentist had his act together, he could have easily eeked out two additional paying clients.  And who knows what the customer could have done with the hours of time wasted on these peoples' mistakes?  He could have worked some more. Spent more.  Or just enjoy his life.

Now think about this.  Be it somebody getting your order wrong.  Scheduling problems.  Somebody driving slow in the left lane.  Or a woman ordering and returning a pair of shoes she "didn't like," what percent of our time (and thus economy) is wasted dealing with and remedying "mistakes?"  What percent of our time is ACTUALLY DOING NEW, PRODUCTIVE, WEALTH-PRODUCING activities versus merely cleaning up the fuck up of others?  And when you think about this, it's DEPRESSING.

In my days in banking nearly all my time was spent dealing with mistakes.  I didn't spend my time on new loans, for new businesses that had their act together and were about to reliably employ 12 new people as they produced $40 million in annual production at a new factory.  It was dealing with delinquent loans, loans in default, collateral that had never been maintained, dead beat clients, and in general "other people's fuck ups."

For you white collar workers in corporate America, AT LEAST half your time is dealing with other people's mistakes.  Your underling didn't scan the documents in right.  The data in the spreadsheet is wrong.  Your boss forces everybody to attend a meeting that only is meant for 4 people. And yes even YOU make mistakes, as we are human after all.  How much of your daily time is spent simply remedying mistakes.

And manufacturing or the trades.  Oh heaven help you if a mistake is made. The basement gets flooded because some idiot plumber didn't plumb the pipes right.  A fire ensues because a light was wired wrong. Or GM has to recall MILLIONS of cars costing BILLIONS of dollars because some idiot engineer designer never worked on a car, only designed them in his comfy white collar office.  When you add it all up, I'd say at least half of our GDP is merely a broken window fallacy.

There is, however, another problem. An cascading component of mistakes that makes their costs exponential.  For example, allow me to regale you with a tale that will be long and painful, but you'll understand why.

A 2 Second Mistake Costs the US Economy $3,000

I needed to pay a Canadian some money for some services he rendered.  All I had to do was mail him a check and it "should" work.  His Canadian bank would accept American checks.  Three weeks later we are wondering whether it was the US post office or the Canadian post office that lost the check.

Waiting on the mail wouldn't have been an issue, but my Canadian colleague had a rather large bill due that week and he needed the money.  So I decided to cancel the check, and send him a wire transfer.  Thankfully, I was traveling through Arizona at the time and my bank has branches there.  But when I pulled into the Arizona branch of my bank, they were having troubles getting the wire to go through even though I had all the correct information.  Soon it was an hour, then 2, and by the 2 and 1/2 hour that branch had THREE tellers AND the branch manager trying to get my wire to go through.  That's 10 hours of all of our time working on something that should have been done in 20 minutes total time.

I was informed they could not get it to go through so I would have to return to Phoenix the next day because I would have to physically sign the wire transfer.  I was staying in Tucson.  So I drove the 2 hours to Tucson.  Woke up the next day, DROVE BACK TO PHOENIX, and returned to the branch.

They still couldn't get it to go through.

After another hour of the entire branch trying to get the wire to go through, I figured out I could pay my friend via a combination credit-card-to-paypal technique, though it might cost me some fees.  This actually worked (because yours truly was in charge) and I told the bank to cancel the wire, cancel the check, and that I would be reconsidering my banking relationship with them.

But it doesn't end there, because they canceled the wrong check.

Fast forward a week later and a vendor of mine is wondering why my check had been canceled.  I said, "Your check shouldn't have been canceled!"  Panicking I looked up whether I had enough funds in the account.  He wasted his time going to the bank to deposit the check, and now I shamefully probably didn't have enough money in the account.  After looking up my balance, no, there was plenty of money in the account.  It was those incompetent bastards in Phoenix who canceled the wrong check.

Now, after all that, let me ask you this:

How much in total wasted time, money, and lost economic production did the ONE mistake of the post office not delivering ONE letter cost?

It's impossible to measure, but it's easily within the thousands of dollars.

One dipshit moron at either the US or Canadian post office made a 2 second error, and that 2 second error destroyed around $3,000 in GDP.  And when you consider this cascading effect, it makes you wonder if damn well near 85% of our economy is merely cleaning up other people's broken-window-fallacy-mistakes.

There's Good News

There is, however, a silver lining to this "The-Economy's-Full-of-Morons" cloud.  Because while politicians, democrats, republicans, socialists, and producers all focus on how to grow the economy and divvy it up, "mistakes" present a non-political opportunity to help grow and boost the economy.  We needn't talk about lowering taxes, or increasing spending.  We don't have to worry about deficit spending or debts.  If we can just get people to make less mistakes and do things right the first time, I argue we could make the economy boom well beyond this paltry 3-4% RGDP growth everybody seems to get excited about.

There are other examples of this where there are "non-political" ways to boost the economy.  Making American women thin again (no matter how distasteful you might find that...though men won't) would seriously make the economy boom.  Men would wake up invigorated, work more, create more, perhaps colonize Mars next week.  Eliminating worthless degrees from colleges and universities would free up trillions in spending from young people, not to mention prevent them from crippling their financial futures.  And employers allowing everybody to telecommute from home who can would save us billions in unnecessary travel, inflated rents, and money spent on bridges and roads.  But mistakes are so universal, so atomic, so endemic to the American people and American society, that if you can just get people to make 20% less mistakes, I'd argue real-non-broken-window economic production could easily go up by 40%.

And There's Bad News

But while I've just given you this glimmer of hope, this potential chance that we could solve all our economic problems by focusing on mistakes AND IT WON'T COST US A PENNY, let me snuff out that hope as I pull the rug out from underneath you.  Because while we may like to whittle the Wyoming 3 down to the Wyoming 2, or the national equivalent of "The US 2" down to "The US 1.25," the truth is our country is going in the opposite direction.  We are making more mistakes and will continue to make even more mistakes in the future.  And the reason why is that your average American is becoming dumber, lazier, and less moral.

First, dumb people breed more than smart people.  We are seeing Idiocracy in the making.  You could also look at it as "smart people are removing themselves from society," resulting in a dumber average future labor pool overall.  But whichever the case, with a dumb population comes more mistakes.  Alas, I predict the US national standard will become the "Wyoming 3" (while Wyoming no doubt will have decayed to "The Wyoming 7").

Second, immigration.  Immigrants are predominantly coming from more corrupt countries.  I understand why immigrants would like to escape corrupt countries, they themselves may not be corrupt and would like to escape the corruption for a better future.  But how did those countries become corrupt in the first place if they were democracies?  Low economic growth, high birth rates, poverty, corruption, crime are at least a partial reflection upon the culture and the people from those countries.  And when immigrants reflect their native population in terms of crime, welfare fraud, corruption, etc., in the US, well you've merely imported more mistakes.  You can expect this demographic shift to cause more mistakes in the future.

Finally, the domestic population.  Don't think that just because you were born in the Whitey-McWhite-White suburbs that you are somehow competent, sharp, and mistakeless.  Matter of fact, you're probably worse.  You're spoiled.  You're pampered.  You're lazy.  You never worked a real job in your life.  The millennials are the epitomal example of a mistake, wasting their youth on the most spectacularly stupid degrees and careers.  Worse, they're more likely to sue you for "an unsafe working environment" or false sexual harassment accusation.  You'll WISH they merely scanned the documents in wrong as you're facing a $50 million sexual discrimination suit.  And you'll beg to make all you're employees Wyomingians.

In the end my economic spidey senses put the chances of a "Mistakeless Economy" on par with American women getting thin again - zero.  You can fully expect a "Mistakeful Economy" where the US starts to represent a dysfunctional South American democracy where the people, on the granular level, are just too stupid, making too many mistakes,  for anything to get done.  You can expect corruption to increase, bribery to grow, traffic to increase, single moms to breed, talent-reality shows and everything else that comes with being California a solid, corrupt 2nd world country.  And keep in mind, none of this can be prevented through taxation, spending, or any other traditional political-economic solutions.  It's cultural and biological.  It's doomed to happen.

So I suggest you kick back, pour yourself a drink, get yourself a vasectomy, and Enjoy the Decline, because that's all you're going to be able to do.

Check out Aaron's other cool stuff below!

Sponsored by!!!

Monday, March 18, 2019

Asshole Consulting Live with Special Guest Matt Forney

Noon CST today.  Tune in!  Ask questions in da super chats.  Spread the word.  And as Matt Forney says "Give mammons."

Go Fund Me So I Don't Have to Fund My Own Damn Hobbies

A go fund me account for fat wedding dresses.


No.  Absolutely not.  That would close the wage gap.

I want to make pretty dressies for fatties!!!  Then have cappacinos with biscotti's with my girlfriends at the cafe!  Tee hee! I 'm an entrepreneur!!!

Students Get in Trouble for Creating Sexual Consent App

Students create app that gets consent to protect women from rape.

Students get in trouble.

Cappy recommends reading this book because these leftists and feminists want men dead, in jail, or slaving away for being a man.

Friday, March 15, 2019

The Clarey Podcast #283 - The "Cappy's Dream Home No More" Episode

Cappy and DT broadcast from the Hunker Bunker as they discuss

DT's framed Jennifer Aniston picture from college
AOC is not attractive.
"He'll Land on His Feet."
escaping Minnesota,
Cappy's dream home dreams destroyed,
self-loathing white people and more!

in THIS EPISODE of The Clarey Podcast!
MP3 here.

Support the show by going here. 

Buy THE BEST OF CAPPY in his latest compilation book!

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Loud, Drunk, Middle Aged Women

I'm sure they were all polite angels, behaving perfectly well, and not one of them were screeching or yelling in that painful middle aged woman cackling voice.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Revenge of the English Majors

I don't think the English language is robust or thorough enough for me to convey my hatred, despisement, and loathing of English majors.  They are first and foremost lazy people who decide to major in a language they're already fluent in by the age of 4.  They are intellectual inferiors who think studying a subject to the point of atomic levels of anal retentive detail is a legitimate endeavor.  And worst of all they are fascist tyrants who lord their technical, but impractical, knowledge of petty rules and laws of a "language" over the rest of us who use the language to live our lives, not make it our lives, because we have lives...unlike English majors.

I cannot overstate how inferior English majors are or how much I hate their loathesome and laughably inferior selves.

But they are getting their revenge.  And in a way most of you have no clue about.

Normally and in the past English majors got their revenge upon society by torturing young children in the public schools.  Completely unemployable and worthless elsewhere, America's English majors taught "English" to 100% conversant and fluent English speaking kids.  Having no real value they focused on technicalities like the difference between adverbs and adjectives (I, as a professional author, still don't know the difference) and would likely masturbate themselves as they awarded C's and D's to young 10 year old children who were smarter and superior to them but still couldn't identify "dangling participles" or other truly irrelevant and pointless shit nobody ever cared about.  Most of these teachers were females and spinsters because to be something of worth in society takes effort, and ergo it's no shock the majority of English teachers were fat, bloated, middled aged women because to be comely and attractive takes effort.  But still, they got their retaliatory pound of flesh by essentially abusing the children of those who managed to breed, grating their skin over the pointless minutiae of the rules of English.

It wasn't fair, but these (predominantly) women ended up paying for their laziness and sloth.  They were fat.  They were miserable.  No man loved them.  No man wanted them.  All students hated them.  And truly, what society appreciates a nag, constantly pointing out your technical incorrectnesses?  These women died lonely, alone, and unloved, and I cannot think of a better prison sentence than that.  But do not think just because the last baby boomer English teacher spinster may be breathing her last breath at an unvisited government funded nursing home that the scourge of English majors has left us.  They are coming back in force.  And in an area you, I, and everybody else never asked for.

Social media.

I was first tipped off to the return of the English majors when nearly every book I wrote was flagged as having "errors" when KDP (aka "Kindle") was merged with Createspace (AKA "Amazon").  Never mind some of these books have been published for over a decade.  Thoroughly and adequately gone over by my wonderful staff of editors and friends.  And never mind nobody who purchased the books had an actual complaint.  No, some nitwit got a burr in their saddle and decided to go over ALL of my books and point out, via constant e-mail reminder, that there was a missing word, a missing comma, an errant "the" in my books.  And so I had to waste precious amounts of my time going online and correcting these minor typos that nobody ever complained about except Amazon.

But then it dawned on me.  It wasn't Amazon per se.  It certainly wasn't my readers.  But the anal retentive details, the complaining and nagging had the distinct genetic mark of my most loathed and detested enemy - english teachers.  It hasn't been for 30 years I got so much lecturing, nagging, and sermoning that it dawned on me a horrific reality that Amazon is hiring English majors to go over every nook and cranny, every sentence and word, every punctuation mark and hyphen of my decade-and-change worth of literary work all to catch a mere fucking typo.  And this, sadly, is an English major's wet dream come true.

Because if every book I've ever written is now getting the 3rd degree, where will it end?  It's already well known that social media companies like Facebook and YouTube use "censors" to edit and audit nearly ALL social media posts (which I think is a pointless endeavor).  Amazon is obviously hiring people to go over every word I've published with a fine comb.  But my main concern is the caliber and type of people who they're employing and I'm afraid I have my answer. Because it isn't cool libertarian economics majors letting authors be to write what they want when they want.  It isn't engineering majors who don't care about the details as long as the logic, message, and purpose of the book is right.  It's the worst, most vile, most evil, and tyrannical group of anti-thinking people you could even put in charge of a Department of Censorship

English Majors.

And heaven help us.

Much as I appreciate Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and other social media giants being private companies, I also am aware of the damaging effects of monopolies.  And while I'm quite libertarian in allowing them to ban, prohibited or do pretty much whatever they want with their platforms, the concept of employing CENSORS is appalling and I think gives right to the government to break them up.  But when you make those censors NOT freedom-loving-libertarians who value disagreement over accord, who are usually prone to letting people say what they want to say, but put the veritable antithesis of "social-nazis" in the form of English Majors as your censors, then go straight to hell.  Because that is where your platform and company are going - straight to hell.

I would have liked to have seen nearly all English majors get what they deserve - unemployment.  Miserable unemployment while working at a cafe or bar.  Egomanics who are lazy on top of it deserve no better.  But now there is an entire industry that will gainfully employ English majors and that is the social media "Censor Industry."  The modern day STASI.  The modern day Gestapo.  You have a bunch of lazy ego maniacs who are now going to burden the rest of us productive adults, who are trying to convey concepts, ideas, thoughts, and visions, with their pointless technical knowledge of linguistic law.  Us real adults who are producing real thoughts and production now have to be burdened and bothered with our adjectives, adverbs, dangling participles and "wrong-think."  And what was once the truly great and truly open environment of the internet, self-publishing, authoring, and social media NOW we have to contend with a gestapo agent in our midst lest we have a minor typo in our book or speak something that is wrong-think and caused some precious snowflake to be "offended."

I hated my English teachers before in my K-12 education. They were truly evil women whose evil was only outdone by their worthlessness.  I'm glad most of them are dead and I'm glad most of them were never happy.  But you fucking English majoring nazis who are nothing more than modern day STASI are not only worthless, but evil on a whole new level.  At best you put your English-majoring-egos ahead of ideas and value nitpicking irrelevant typos in true genuises' works.  At worst you're anti-free speech nazis who comb over people's posts and comments on social media, eliminating them because you lack the intelligence to merely disagree with another person's opinion.  In the end though that's all you'll ever be - English majors.

Worthless, lazy, pieces of shit who could never write a book, never come up with an original idea, and can only get off by pointing out the irrelevant mistakes of others.
Check Out Aaron's Other Cool Shit!

Dick's Sporting Goods: Get Woke, Go Broke

I predict many future quarterly earnings missed.

Monday, March 11, 2019

Your Genetics Betray You

 I am not much of one to believe in fateism, destiny, or prescribed futures.  I believe in the individual.  I believe in choice.  I believe that a man is more or less in control of his own destiny as long as you don't live under tyranny.

However, this doesn't mean I don't believe in the environment, genetics, predisposition, or epigenetics.  I acknowledge our environment, our parents, and our genetic lineage set some hard rules, parameters and boundaries within our lives that we all must abide by simply because we have no choice.  I will most likely die from cancer.  My theoretical future children would be short.  But at the same time they would also be spectacularly brilliant as yours truly.  These external realities are simply the rules we must abide by and the sooner you realize, accept, and acknowledge that, the better you'll do in life over all.

But there is an interesting grey area that arises for every man out there (and perhaps women too, but I cannot testify to that).  And that is where your genetic lineage and history has sculpted into your hard-wired psyche that there is the "perfect woman."  A "true love."  Where a girl of a particular affliction, demeanor, candor, and character waltzes is, strikes you dumb, and you are all but helpless to fall for her.

So let me explain my theory as to why your genetics betray you.

I have no scientific proof. This is merely a theory.  But you, me, and everybody else is a product of millions of years of evolution, but more importantly, individual experiences of our thousands of forefathers.  Thousands of our forefathers saw saber tooth tigers and developed and honed the INCREDIBLE AND IMMEDIATE response to go into a defense mode, an attack mode, and do all that is within our ability to avoid getting killed by saber toothed tigers.  And just as those experiences repeated over time has resulted in an auto-matic genetic instinct that goes so fast we don't have the ability to understand it as it happens, so to do I argue somewhere in your lineage a great great great great grandfather of yours fell head over heels in love with some quaint, darling, dainty dame who was so beautiful, so perfect, so wonderful, your forefather had no choice to fall for her completely.

Normally, this is the point in time that we explain where the girl betrayed him.  Pulled the rug out from underneath him.  Pulled the ball out from Charlie Brown.  And thus your fore father learned his lesson.

But that didn't happen.

Somewhere, along your genetic lineage was a man who fell in true spectacular love with a woman, and even if it was a one off event, it was so powerful, so amazing, so true, that his experiences were thoroughly and forever scorched into your genetic lineage and psyche.  And if you think about the statistics and math of this nearly every single male has the genetic code of a forefather who found a true and wonderfully amazing woman.  And so powerful was that experience, 200, 500, 3,000 years later this genetic experience is now part of your psyche.  And not only part of your psyche today, but I would argue (as men are the eternal optimists) we now have part of our genetic code to go and find such a girl as they are so rare, but so valuable, we'll blow multiple generations of men to find merely one in a score of generations.

Every man reading this right now knows precisely what I'm talking about.

For example there was a redhead at a bar in St. Paul who, within the first 5 seconds of seeing her, an uncontrollable response came from my entire being saying "I need to have her." You no doubt have walked about the normal course of your day, minding your own business, when FLASH, BAAMM! ALAKAZAM! some girl who you hadn't even uttered a single word to commanded a psychological, physical, and uncontrollable emotional response from you.  And perhaps it wasn't coincidence, but a tortured circumstance where you were working with, studying next to, or otherwise placed near a girl that fired your up by her mere presence.  Not a single word needs be said. She has the traits, characteristics, and similarities to the woman your great great great forefather fell fore, and when you see said traits, his genetics fire up because that was the most enjoyable, lively, and purposed point of existence in ALL of your genetic lineage.

There's just one problem.  Your genetics betray you.

The red head I met in St. Paul no doubt had the characteristics and mannerisms that at one time fired the passions of a great great grandfather of mine somewhere in the past.  But she wasn't that amazing woman that forever scribed part of my genetic code.  She was another hipster, St. Paul "artist" who was dating a tatted up, unemployed loser who could only afford a bike in Minnesota for transportation.  She was a loser and constantly needed money from her elder sister.

The brunette you fell hard for, for reasons you can't understand, is also a single mom of three different fathers, loaded with student debt and an attitude that makes her insufferable today.  Yes, perhaps she walks the way the woman from 500 years ago walked that enthralled your great great great great great great grandfather, but that is not the same woman.

And yes, that latina goddess has the same eyes and demeanor as some woman who long ago in your genetic past made a forefather of yours slay a thousand men and truly made him happy.  But that is her eyes and demeanor.  Not her communist voting, her love for the state, or her adherence to feminism.  Like Afro-Samurai's dad, that is not your father.  That is something else.

It is a guarantee that, like me, you will meet more than one woman who shares some kind of genetic similarities to a truly amazing and wonderful woman that made a man's life in your genetic lineage one of the best lives ever.  The trick is to have your frontal cortex override your genetics and entire hindbrain and realize there is no such thing as "chemistry."  That woman that you "must have" is NOT the genetic angel and goddess from many generations past in your life, but a symbiant, a doppleganger, and nothing close.

Men today need to have the intelligence and independent thought to not let their genetics betray them.  YOu need to realize that the majority of women today are more concerned about their careers, educations, politics and themselves than you that it is nearly impossible to find the 1-in-a-million woman some past relative of yours had which prompts an idealistic epigenetic gene in you today.  The key is to immediately check yourself once you undescribably start falling for a girl when you haven't even spoken one word to her.  I'm not saying don't take the chance, but realize that what's happening is your forefathers genetics are speaking.  Not the girl.  Because once she does, you'll quickly find out she's not the goddess your genetics are screaming she is.

The trick is to be smarter than your genetics and assess her cooly and accurately.  Not emotionally.  And not genetically.
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Sunday, March 10, 2019

Asshole Consulting Live - The "We Never Got to Any Requests" Episode

Cappy and Chad never get to any actual requests as they're too busy fielding super chats questions.  It's a SUPER PROFITABLE DAY for the guys!

Podcast here.
MP3 here.
YouTube Below.