Monday, August 15, 2005

The Standard Bearer for Women Has Passed Away

I get the vast majority of my morals from dogs.

Dogs are probably the most honorable, upstanding, creatures on the face of the planet and you can learn a lot of things from dogs.

For example my first dog, Pretzel, was a proud, fierce dachshund. He would take on German Shepherds regardless of whether they took him seriously or not. He was insanely loyal. He loved his family unconditionally. And despite his physical handicap of being a wiener dog, that never stopped him from pointlessly trying to kill as many squirrels, chipmunks, badgers, raccoons, and cats (his total kill tally was 0).

His replacement was Louise, a fat, orphaned dachshund that was very motherly. So motherly she would bark in a lecturing tone if people hadn't gotten up at a certain time. Upon our first meeting when I had come back home from college and was shredded from a 24 hour shift she somehow sensed that I was weakened and tired and "protected" me all night by sleeping at the foot of the futon in case I was somehow attacked by a late night assailant. The next day I immediately got the impression that she viewed me as her son as she followed me around not in a "gee you wanna play" manner, but a very protective, authoritative, but caring manner.

Constantly wanting attention. Constantly wanting to kiss me. Constantly wanting to set at the couch next to me. Constantly excited any time I would show up.

Over the years I noticed that Louise displayed a whole bevy of characteristics that if they were to be imbedded in a human woman, it would make for the perfect girl.

She was unrivalledly sweet, kind and caring.

She had unconditional and limitless love for her family.

She was so excited to see me she could barely control herself...and many times didn't as she would wet the floor...this last aspect would not be desirable in a girl.

She was completely loyal and protective.

She wouldn't just kiss me, she'd smother me with attention.

She would always want to play and appreciated the gifts I'd bring her (her favorite of which were squeak toys)

Sadly, Louise was a dog and dogs don't live forever, and thus, she passed away today. But as all dogs before her she left me something very important; a standard by which I judge all human girls.

Alas, it's a standard very few human girls meet, but that's just how great a dog she was.

4 comments:

JTapp said...

My condolences.

Captain Capitalism said...

Well you have a very odd cat then! Most cats I find to be like most women, indifferent, uncaring, self-serving.

I'll stick with my dog-like woman.

Thanks for the condolences, but it was afterall a dog.

Captain Capitalism said...

Try dating women and you'll see why we'd take dog like women over cat like women.

Perfect example is the current paradox I got now. The Redhead versus the Russian. The Russian has now flaked out twice at the last moment. The Redhead has at the last moment and on the whim decided to go out and do stuff with earnest and eagerness.

Guess who I have more fun with and guess who is more like the dog?

Captain Capitalism said...

Well she's not throwing herself at me either. It's not like we're courting or anything. All I'm saying is on the onset I'd prefer a girl that is like a dog, happy, compassionate about life, excited.

Cats, the majority of which I've seen, not referencing yours, do not have that passion.

Now, of course the element of dogs being able to change owners and still be loyal, certainly i would not want that in a girl, but outside that it really boils down to a personal preference. I want a girl that is more like a dog than a cat, obvious pros and cons in both, but knowing my personality I want a dog, for alas, I am a dog like guy, and I want to chase cars, hunt squirrels, etc. with another dog. Not watch a cat groom itself and toy with a tassel every once in a while.