It angers me or at least annoys me when, presumably I am a free man and am allowed to live my life as I choose, I get lectured or this visceral, almost instinctive response from people when I tell them I had a vasectomy.
"WHAT!? Are you crazy? Why would you do that!"
"Well what's wrong with you? Why don't you want kids?
Some go so far as to even call it "selfish" that I don't want to endure the 18 year pain and agony that is known as a child.
But despite the obvious benefits to never having children, these benefits do not seem so obvious to the masses. And therefore as a benefit to the masses (not to mention to get these pro-children zealots off my ass) I have decided to explain, in detail why I decided not to have children so you may see there is actual rhyme and reason to such a decision and that you may really want to seriously think about it yourself.
First off there is the cost of a child. Forget it. Depending on the figures you use, a kid can run anywhere from $200,000 on the cheap to $500,000 on the average. I made a post once about the ROI of a vasectomy and basically you don't have to worry about paying for your retirement if you don't have kids. Amortized over 18 years (22 if you pay for college) you get an annualized rate of return (or technically savings) of around 47%. But forget investing it in the stock market, just think about the opportunity costs of that $500,000. A house, a boat, a car. All bought and paid for if you just refuse to have children. And if you think about that house, boat and car, isn't that why you're already an indentured slave anyway? What if you already had your house paid off by the age of 40? Retirement wouldn't be such a worry now would it? So I don't want to hear about people saying, "it's only money and you can't hug money." No, but I sure can hug a boat or a Pontiac Solstice.
Second is the issue of time. Time is empirically and economically the same thing as money, but that assumes you can choose to work. You don't have a choice when it comes to children. You have to allocate time to them. So when you are done working for 10 hours with a 2 hour commute, guess what, that kid is still going to need attention. You essentially have not only committed your personal financial resources, you've really and literally have committed yourself to becoming a slave for 18 years. And guess what? Every time you have another one, the sentence is renewed. Sorry, I get one shot at this life and it isn't going to be baby sitting a child, or multiple children. It's going to be doing what I want to do. And no that isn't being "selfish."
The reason it isn't being selfish is (third) the fact I know I would be a bad father. In knowing I don't want to have children, I spare any would be children from what would be guaranteed to be a horrible upbringing. THIS IS INFINITELY MORE COMPASSIONATE THAN SOMEBODY WHO HAS A CHILD, FINDS THE CHILD INCONVENIENT AND THEN SENDS IT TO DAY CARE OR HIRES A NANNY TO TAKE CARE OF IT. This is INFINITELY MORE COMPASSIONATE THAN THE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE TODAY WHO HAVE CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY "WANT A CHILD" JUST LIKE THEY "WANT AN SUV" OR A "EUROPEAN TRIP." AND THIS IS CERTAINLY INFINITELY MORE COMPASSIONATE AND CARRYING THAN HAVING A CHILD TO COLLECT ANOTHER WELFARE CHECK ALA OCTOMOM. Call me selfish all you want, I at least care enough about children to know that unless I would be home with them or my wife would, then I shouldn't even bring them into this world.
Fourth, along the same lines of caring enough about a child to not have one is the issue of slavery. Oh sure slavery is illegal, but I'm sorry, have you seen the entitlement spending commitments this country has burdened future generations with? That $1.4 trillion deficit the government ran? Yeah, that's just a mere fraction of the estimated $10 trillion in new debt future generations will be saddled with by the "compassionate and caring" socialists in the government. And social security and medicare? You see the commitments on those programs? What worsens it is that I adamantly refuse to have my child grow up to become anything but a productive member of society, which only guarantees he'll be a battery or host for future parasites whose parents were not so adamant about instilling an honorable work ethic, if not brainwashed them that the "man" was out to get them and they were disadvantaged and poor and were entitled to sit on their asses and achieve nothing while, essentially making my child a slave for them. Forget it. Again, my unborn child does not deserve that and will never have to face that.
Fifth, I see this more and more in Minnesota. The legal risks of having children. You can't spank them, you can't discipline them no matter how much of a beating they need. No they need "time outs." They need "stern words." I can see it now. I will be prohibited from effectively disciplining my child which will result in a mini-Kim Jong Ill dictator who, with the help of the public schools brainwashing him, will turn me in for false charges of child abuse or (give it 10 years) failing to recycle. I'll be as effective as the UN.
Finally, and this is what I don't get, is the lifestyle. What is so damn wrong with wanting to have a lifestyle of no children? Look, 6 billion people on the planet and 50 billion before them have done what we've always done and that is;
have children.
Well yipdeefreakingding.
Having children is NOT a new experience. It's NOT unique. And if people would stop and think about it for one genuine second and ask "Hey, I only get one shot at this life. What do I want to achieve?" I think more and more people would start to realize they are finite and get only one shot at this life and would start to agree more and more with me. I'm about to take a month long vacation. I get to sleep in till 10 AM everyday. I get to keep my house in whatever order I want. I get to go fossil hunting and shan't leave this planet until I go dustdevil chasing in Australia. I get to salsa dance every night. I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want and even at this early age have already achieved and lived more than most people twice my age.
And the reason why is that children, no matter how lovely or loved, still handicap your ability to go and live this life as contrasted if you were without them.
Now I know people do have children and do genuinely love them and do genuinely appreciate them and would have it no other way. But for god's sake, can society at least accept or acknowledge there are damn good reasons NOT to have children? Can society at least respect another individual's wish not to have a child? And for the love of all that is chocolates and ice cream can you people with "baby-rabies" that find it your place to lecture others about not having children back off? Besides which, we all know why you insist everybody have children just like you.
Misery loves company.
POST POST - To the ignorant people who do not understand the vasectomy procedure, I am not a eunuch. Look it up and get informed. For those regular Cappy Cap readers you have no idea how many comments I've deleted simply because morons think I'm running around without...um...'the boys." I apologize for having to explain this simple anatomical lesson.
POST POST POST - If you think this was insightful, buy my book. My bachelor pad ways needs financing. Tumblers of scotch don't pay for themselves you know!
35 comments:
Dude... re-attach your penis and have a kid so you can RAISE HIM TO BE LIKE YOU... AND THEN AMERICA IS SAVED. Wham. Please, I need you to accept my responsibility.
I agree that you have some valid points, but as with all things, you need to perform a cost/benefit analysis, and so far, you've only listed the costs. Some potential benefits:
1. Future source of financial support during retirement(which you could theoretically subtract from the $500,000).
2. Household labor. Children can clean, mow the lawn etc.
2. Perpetuating your lineage.
3. Intangibles, like happiness.
Like all things, it depends on how one determines the net benefit. For you, it must be negative.
Great write-up. I luckily have never encountered this pressure (both my parents and my girlfriend's parents have enough going on that they have no need to badger us, even after seven years) but the point about taking that expense and applying it to your retirement/lifestyle/debt is a big one.
I honestly think that a lot of people have kids because of a nagging worry in the back of their minds about who will be around to take care of them in their old age. Entirely selfish IMHO, and as you point out, they could be VERY well off if they chose not to have any kids at all.
That being said.. if I was able to stay home and dedicate the time, and the money was a small portion of my overall worth, I'd do it.
But that's a big IF.
It's true then.
The meek (and financially illiterate) will inherit the earth.
You lost all my respect today... you are not a man.
Or, when someone says you should have kids you could always reply
"Well, after I killed the first two I decided prevention was the better option."
This works especially well if you happen to be eating homemade bratwurst at the time.
Of course, my sick sense of humor may not be appropriate for your peers.
For myself, I have called my upcoming child "my revenge upon the world." People laugh, but when my kid is hauled in front of Congress for daring to make a profit from her business, she'll make sure the politicians leave the hearing in tears.
No explanations needed. I think it's worse for me, because any time I say I don't want kids people smile knowingly and say, "That'll change, just wait" because obviously if I have a uterus I must want children. They can keep their kids, I'm going backpacking around Ireland next week!
Well, form your title at first I was just thinking TMI Captain, TMI.
Then I read it, and I say "I think you made a fine choice, it is not the choice I would make (obviously) but it is your choice, and I think it is a fine choice." Might I add a VERY RESPONSIBLE one as well. At least you won't be helping to create any little being and have some chickie come tell you the news and only have you turn around and say, "here is some money, no go take yourself to the nearest clinic and get rid of it." Like some people I know. Irresponsible shits!!!!!
Anyway, I overwhelmingly approve of your choice. Good for you!
You are selfish. You live in a uniquely free society that allows you to work (or not) as you please, go where you please, and do what you please, yet you show no interest in preserving that society.
You're also shortsighted, because when you're 65 no one will want to salsa dance with you or listen to stories about what fun you had at 40. And when the government goes bankrupt (e.g. USSR, Argentina), childless old folks perish first.
So what if some parts of the world are overpopulated? People are not fungible -- a million Zulus do not equal a million Swedes, no matter what you've been taught in school.
Children are our seed corn. The only alternative is mass immigration, which is akin to leaving your cornfield fallow and hoping that some of the weeds will be edible.
1. Future source of financial support during retirement(which you could theoretically subtract from the $500,000).
Again, that's what I'm saying, slavery.
And Dave, the battle is lost. You want to tender some new soldiers who are just going to be a host for future takers and not producers. Be my guest. Unless there's a Reagan revolution, this country is down the path of "live off thy neighbor as much as possible."
Let's dig into Dave's comments:
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"You are selfish. You live in a uniquely free society that allows you to work (or not) as you please, go where you please, and do what you please, yet you show no interest in preserving that society."
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If I am required to perpetuate it through producing children, then I am not truly free.
There are many ways to preserve society, by contributing labor, writings, art, or by paying taxes.
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"You're also shortsighted, because when you're 65 no one will want to salsa dance with you or listen to stories about what fun you had at 40. And when the government goes bankrupt (e.g. USSR, Argentina), childless old folks perish first."
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First of all, there are plenty of singles that age who lead very interesting lives. Travel is still possible, plus reading, learning new hobbies, etc. Who the hell are you to tell us that offspring are the only way to make old age meaningful?
As for dying early? Is that a threat or a promise? Yeah, call me broken-hearted that there will not be infinite funds available to preserve my wrinkled old hide until I'm 90. Since I have no children to mourn my passing, I can depart in peace, with no sorrow. Preferably before the serious physical maladies start.
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"So what if some parts of the world are overpopulated? People are not fungible -- a million Zulus do not equal a million Swedes, no matter what you've been taught in school.
Children are our seed corn. The only alternative is mass immigration, which is akin to leaving your cornfield fallow and hoping that some of the weeds will be edible."
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Look around - all I see is stupid Americans with no thoughts beyond American Idol and sports events.
Shallow people, greedy, status conscious to the extreme, etc.
Maybe letting the culture die off is doing it a favor.
Sorry Dave, you're not being very convincing.
I agree with the Captain. Why should I bring a kid into the world who will be subject to leftist indoctrination in schools and who will be supporting a bunch of leftist leeches?
I get the impression that these haters would love to be able to compel everyone to breed.
Well, we choose not to, so there.
"You're also shortsighted, because when you're 65 no one will want to salsa dance with you or listen to stories about what fun you had at 40."
My parents are pushing 60, and they are out and about far more than they were a couple decades ago when they had kids at home. When I called my mom on Mothers' Day she was heading out with my dad to lead a five day nature photography tour.
More likely is that when the Captain is 65, some of his friends who can't do anything with him anymore because they had kids will finally be able to come out and play again.
But ya' live in Michigan... that place sucks... Move somewhere else.
While I agree with the comments about giving up the battle and allowing the parasites to take over, it is a free country and I'm happy that you're happy. I do question how the cost of raising a child is calculated. I raised two to adulthood and I sure as hell didn't spend $200,000 each. The big surprise is that you committed yourself to this decision 100%. No hedging your bets or diversifying your portfolio. If I were you, I would have had a few vials of insurance frozen in a secret laboratory just in case your fun filled life ever loses it's luster.
Maybe I'm a "glass half empty" guy, but I see many friends, relatives, and co-workers, who have real problems with their kids (autism, ADD, mental and emotional problems) or are disappointed in how they have turned out. I wonder how many parents are REALLY happy with their kids, as opposed to brainwashing themselves to believe they are happy and having children was a smart, rewarding choice?
Maybe its just that the parents carp louder about their kids' problems than they crow about the good things about their kids. But from my direct observation, it seems to be less than 20% are actually happy with their kids, which is not a good bet.
My husband is his parents' retirement plan. I don't wish they hadn't had him, but I do wish they would cut back on the bourbon, the wine, the cable TV, and the internet so they could pay a plumber.
They think it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to fly from Wisconsin to Florida to fix their garbage disposal. Even though they have another son living 20 minutes away. In whose business they have lost $200,000. But no, they want my husband. You know, the one who is not a disappointment to them.
Little do they know that their retirement plans have just changed. My husband is fed up. It's over.
PS My husband and I have no children. We would like to, but it won't happen because we are too old. We would be fine either way. Kids are not necessary for happiness. If I could, I would go straight to having adult children so I could skip the expensive, no-sleep hard part.
And unfortunately, if you try to raise your kids to be willing to fight to the death rather than be sucked dry by the looters, you'd probably win yourself a trumped-up charge of domestic terrorism and child abuse followed by a visit from your friendly neighborhood Child Abduction Services.
Umm, just to warn you Captain, I've heard multiple stories of swimmers ... leaping the bridge, so to speak.
Yeah, kids are like tattoos or ferrets. The minute someone gets one they think EVERYONE else should have one too, cause they are just so cool!
When the end of the world (or western society) comes, and it will (perhaps not in your,mine or those potential offspring lifetimes) blood ties are all that's left.
As much as we value friendships when it comes to who to eat first, the captain who is a life long friend or my brother, sorry captain its time to climb into the pot.
Although I don't have children yet, mainly becuase I believe in using the DINK time to reduce the costs in your analysis, I do think kids are a good hedge on the future. Who else can I force my knowledge and values on to? Instill in them the values and work ethic that made our society great so even though it may not stem the tide against "Hope and Change" but at least there will be some dogs in the fight 30, 50, 100 years from now when rebuilding needs to be done. Or should the end of the world come in my life time, its more people to man the walls against the starving arts majors at the gates.
So... there is no way to reverse the current trend America is?
I have a 1 1/2 year old son, with another child on the way. This is something that my wife and I wanted to do, yet it is exhausting. I wouldn't change my decision, but at the same time, I can't imagine having kids if I didn't want them.
You are smart to know yourself well enough to not have children. They are a big commitment in time, money and energy, and if that's not something you're willing to do, you are much better off not having them.
I have a 13 month old son, and it was hard at first with the lifestyle change. But I still get to game with my buddies and we still go out everynow and again because we have a network of childcare. I never went out alot anyways cause i was a homebody. I never cared if I had children, and I never used to like children (still don't like other peoples). But there is nothing in this world that matters to me more than my son. I have never loved someone nearly as strongly as i do my son. And I am pretty close with my family. To me my son is an investment and watching him stand up for the first time, get his learners, go on his first date and graduate from college will be memories that will be worth far more than salsa dancing nights, backing packing through Ireland or having a diversified portfolio. If a child is a burden to you than thats your decision, but others would see it as a challenge. Because I believe the hardest thing in this world is to care for another humanbeing other than your self. And I welcome the challenge of raising my son. Plus its not the end of the world for your own free time or money, and if you see spending time with your child as a waste or slavery well then you shouldn't bother having them. It ain't for everyone.
Very Brave of You. There are many good reasons not to have children. I think you did the right thing. You are right, children do need lots of time and attention. I have given up my career and many other pursuits to fulfill the role of mother because it is needed. I love it, but it is hard. I knew it was the right thing to do to stay home with my children and I get shit for it all the time. However, I accept the gifts I have been given. I have learned so much about myself from them. They are truly wonderful gifts from God. That said, I must do right by them, or at least my best. I think it is very honorable of you to decide against having children, especially if you know you could not give them the time and attention they so deserve. They are not just possesions as so many in our society treat them as today. They are human beings that need precious time and attention. Good for you for knowing your limits!
So dude, when you have a date do you like still wear a condom?
And doesn't your decision drastically cut down the number of potential women you might want to hook up with?
"So dude, when you have a date do you like still wear a condom?"
A vasectomy doesn't prevent the transmission of STDs. I'm betting the captain is smart enough to know this.
What I find interesting about your decision is the level of your conviction. Indeed, as an economist, you have to admit that there are certain elements of the future that you cannot evaluate today, the fact that you don't know what you don't know...or financially put, the beta.
Your conviction to proceed with an (almost) irreversible procedure, knowing that there is some risk of it being a poor decision in the future, speaks to a conviction beyond logic. Commonly known as "faith".
I don't feel so bad about being a religious guy who follows your blog now :)
Another viewpoint on this..
IF my girl and I were to have a child (spontaneously) tomorrow it would probably be one of the best-case scenarios that anyone has ever seen.
Reasonably intelligent and grounded parents, well-off and caring grandparents. Multiple homes in various areas, common-sense ruling the roost. No hunger, no anger, and no struggle if we were to pursue such an endeavor. We'd be on the $+ side if we went down such a road, by many multiples.
Yet we still avoid it like the plague.
Do any of you with children see the hypocrisy? I hear "perpetuating your lineage", and a general fear of wondering who will remember you after you're gone as being a reason to procreate. Most people have children precisely out of selfishness and ego, not the opposite (as they claim).
I get that you are pressured into doing it, but do any of you stop and think that maybe you shouldn't?
Anyone claiming that children will be a future source of retirement funds needs to have their head checked. Take a good, hard look at life-expectancy in the coming decades and tell me that we won't have two generations of retirees under the same roof very shortly.. It's already happening with my parents.
I am a mother of three and I totally agree with your comments, they are all justified. Society should respect the wishes fo childless by choice. There are many benefits to not having them although people may not want to admit it. I have children by choice and love it but can see why some people choose not to.
If I am required to perpetuate it through producing children, then I am not truly free.tiffany earrings
There are many ways to preserve society, by contributing labor, writings, art, or by paying taxes.
I certainly honor your decision and your discussion will prevent me from speaking out against those who choose the same path.
I was 40, have a stepson and three of my own. The stepson isn't blood. I could have done better and certainly could have done much worse with him.
The wife and I made the three from scratch. I'd die for them, no qualms at all. My life was a gift from someone. It's been passed on three fold.
I absolutely dread when they grow up and go away because in a relative sense, the house will be lifeless.
No matter what - keep writing as the words you put out are obviously thought provoking.
Children are expensive, so are ex wives, I however thrashed mine in the divorce so I am a rare character. Oh and children dont clean, or cut grass, or anything of value to the home, they complain bitterly when they cant sit on their duff's playing nintendo. Anyways, mine are in there 20's and still need infusions of cash, something their mother will NOT provide for them.
cdw
Thought provoking indeed.
Being a father in my 40's, I've been part of the feminist revolution from the start. Lucky for me, my wife and I get along and we're still married.
Today, for a man to get married is financial suiside.
If I was starting over, I would do everything he siad, except the "snip" part; condomes.
TO SPANK AND DISCIPLINE YOUR CHLDREN SO THAT THEY DON'T TURN OUT LIKE DICTATORS IS TO LOVE THEM? ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE?
DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN! EVEN IF YOU WERE IN THE RIGHT CLIMATE FOR HAVING CHILDREN, I WOULD NEVER LET MY KIDS BE WITHIN METERS OF YOUR PERSON.
I have this eerie sense that I'll be reading a post in a year or so about the fabulous woman that you met, intend to marry and spend the rest of your simple life with. Oh, and she has 3 kids of her own.
All points very true I couldn't believe the comments I get when I say I don't have children got fixed and my gf doesn't want any either. But they say she will definitely want kids when she gets older and maybe that's true and when that day comes she can leave and find a suitable bachelor. I especially can relate to your fifth point after a close friend got in a situation very similar to what you stated. Also divorce and child support, you don't see your children as much and are raped by the courts from all your funds till they are 18 or sometimes 21
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