The Perfect Woman by a Perfect Woman

Greetings all, currently trying to finish my latest book/guide on schedule which has taken time away from posting on the ole blog.  Had a reader kind enough to write a guest post in the meantime about the "perfect woman." 

The Captain is busy preparing his next literary regale, and asked me to entertain you with the woman of your dreams...

Real women are nearly extinct. But, as with the fossil record, we do know that they existed and what they are like.

Proverbs contains the full identification of the ideal woman. The book is relatively old, written around 900BC. In chapter 31, the question that plagued men in that time seems even more hopeless now: "An excellent wife, who can find?" A woman of excellence is rare; she is an asset and not a liability. The qualities Proverbs describes her with are: trustworthy, faithful, wise, kind, willing to work with her hands, productive, prepared, conscientious, a good money manager, a financial contributor to the household (yes, really!), caring for the needs of her family - and even the community. She serves her family with every attribute of her femininity - her intellect, body, hands, emotions, and strength. That woman, my dear men, is "far more precious than rubies". 

A real woman is proud of who she is - not ashamed of it or striving to be something she is not: a man. This is perhaps one of the biggest ironies of feminism. If womanhood is to be so celebrated, why do women strive so hard to be like a man?

A real woman is conscious of and takes great care of her physique, eating well and exercising for an attractive, healthy body. When I see a man with a fat unkempt woman, the first thought that runs through my mind isn't how fat and nasty she is, that's my second thought. My first thought is: "wow, she must not think very highly of him, I probably won't either".

A real woman loves and nurtures her family with the best food, medical care, and tender affection and makes each family member feel like they are the most important person in the world.

A real woman doesn't mock or degrade her husband. Ever. She builds him up, praises and encourages him in front of others whether he is present or not. 

A real woman doesn't try to change her husband. She accepts him fully, including his flaws, and even looks forward with great anticipation at what new and surprising things he can accomplish with a helpful, gorgeous, loving woman cheering him on. Look, if you don't like something about your man, remember no one held a gun to your head and made you marry him. Complaining about him only makes you look like a bitter fool.

A real woman is easily content, prods her husband to work less and encourages him to do more stuff he likes, whether it's fishing, hunting, cigar lounge with the guys, sports, model airplanes, racing, or stamp collecting. Interest, participation, and cheerleading should come from the woman he loves. Making his friends jealous isn't a bad goal either.

A real woman enables him to be efficient. She doesn't drag her feet or dig her heels in. She helps him to complete tasks, to be on time.

A real woman doesn't nag. 

A real woman is not just sexually available, she doesn't just try to find creative ways to make his eyes pop out and get him to make that face of indescribable bewitchment, she competes with him to initiate sex more frequently than be does. A man who can brag about being over-satisfied by his wife is a man who is very proud of having her.

A real woman doesn't use sex to manipulate.

A real woman doesn't cheat - she doesn't even flirt except with her husband, she doesn't fantasize with her friends about other men.

A real woman is quick to listen, quick to forgive, quick to ask for forgiveness, doesn't retain bitterness from the past, is honest, and slow to speak.

A real woman knows her husband is human and makes mistakes, just like she does. She knows God is sovereign and isn't surprised by her husband's mistakes. She doesn't expose his weaknesses, but elevates his strengths. She is on his side, is his advocate, and builds him up when the rest of the world seems to grind him down.

A real woman is joyfully submissive and doesn't argue with her husband's leadership, she doesn't see him as the enemy, but as having her best interests in mind. In Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." God is exhorting women to voluntarily and actively do this - choosing to put herself under his leadership, choosing to be subordinate in a circumstance or relationship. This is not forced upon her by the recipient. It is impossible to have two competing wills - two authoritative leaders - in a successful relationship. Take ballroom dancing for example. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers are breathtaking, not because Ginger went rogue, but because she was incredibly talented and sensitive to Fred's movement, following him flawlessly. 

A real woman always prioritizes her husband above her children and never undermines his authority in front of them.

A real woman is hospitable, kind and generous to others. Her gratitude for the kindness and generosity her husband has shown her overflows into the lives of others.

Real women aren't easily offended. Want to get beaten, sued, lose your job or reputation? Call a girl "property" or "chattel". Agree with me about what a real woman looks like or not, I live a better life than anyone I know and have no problem saying that I am my "husband's property", or he "owns me". I'm not insecure or offended knowing my husband deeply values and appreciates me and can honestly say I have never once felt unappreciated or even underappreciated by him. In fact, it's quite the contrary. Like everything else he owns, I am treated with care, attention, maintained, and given the very best of his resources to keep me running smooth. 

Real women huff their husbands farts. This is why they are extinct. Okay, just kidding...

Unfortunately, there is a depressing vastness to the ocean of feminist females in this world, and it only seems to deepen every day. They are miserable, fat, angry, demanding, selfish, and impossible to please. I feel so sorry for men. Not with disconnected sympathy, but genuine empathy. It's hard for women who love and serve their husbands to find likeminded girlfriends, I can't imagine trying to find a wife!

~

My name is Kitty and I am the luckiest girl on the planet. I married a 45 year old smoking hot Christian alpha male 16 years my senior. I get to work with him in my own home and garden, wear cute little aprons and no... shoes, research health and make nutritious meals, clean, give my husband massages and other physical therapies, and live next to & hang out on a So Cal beach with him every day. 

I admit I am not the unicorn described above, but I truly love being a woman & my husband's wife. I love making good food, seeking to perfect nutrition and flavor - I love feeding him things I know will increase his health, stamina, and longevity. I strive to be his best friend and meet his needs to the best of my ability - we fish, hunt, ride dirt bikes, camp, farm, exercise, mountain bike, spear fish, hike, boogie board, swim, etc. together. I love to save him money. I feel no entitlement to, do not want or need kids.

I love making him my priority, far above friends and family. I even loved him before we met, maintaining physical purity for marriage. In a world of infidelity, divorce, child support, alimony, etc., I love making him feel secure about my intentions in our relationship. Before he proposed, I wrote a three page mock pre-nuptial agreement absolving myself from all of his assets and finances. (We of course had a lawyer draw up a real prenup, which I *highly* recommend to every man considering marriage).

I love relieving him of the mundane "grunt" tasks he hates, and am good at doing them. I do all of our food shopping and am his liaison/buffer to the general public and all the incompetence and inefficiency in our modern equal-opportunity, affirmative action, liberal, environmental, feminist world, to help keep him sane and happy. I also occasionally accept part time jobs as long as they don't interfere with my job as a wife, and try bring an extra $15-20K/year to help with groceries and buy him gifts.

Not only do I understand and embrace the feminine qualities God designed me with, I love them! I adore my husband and cannot believe I have the privilege of being the one - the only one - who gets to serve his needs with those qualities.

Our marriage is successful (not just in tact) because we are not confused about our roles. Well, that, and we have chosen to be childless minimalists in a failed economy. 

A real man leads, protects and provides for his family, and my husband goes above and beyond. A real woman is not afraid or ashamed of her gender and understands she is her man's helpmeet. She simply discerns the painfully obvious differences between genders, and embraces her qualities without trying to be something she's not- her opposite! It's not complicated. 

~

My only request from men? Be. Picky. Be very very picky. Don't settle for loneliness abatement. If you can't find a good woman, just enjoy being single. In doing so, you'll starve the nasty women into non-existence, you won't confuse and depress the good ones, and you'll be rewarded with a good life. "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining a windstorm or grasping oil with the hands." Proverbs 27:15-16