Monday, February 12, 2007

Genius Test

So I cannot help but know that the Dixie Chicks have won 5 Emmy's because it's all over the news.

I didn't even know the Emmy's were for music, let alone what the Grammy's and the Whammy's and the Slammy's are for. I never paid attention. And the radio show host I was listening to at the time pointed out that the only people who paid attention to this and gave a damn are probably below the mean intelligence of the nation.

In other words, you may have knowledge, but if it's in particular areas, you are guaranteed to be an idiot.

Perfect example was when I was back in high school and our congressional representative came in and gave a speech. He asked the students if anybody knew how many congressional members there were. I looked around and not one student had the answer. Thus the paradox that class will last longer if we don't answer these questions, so I figured I'd better just answer so we could get out of there.

"535"

"Correct!"

So behind me was sitting this future welfare recipient who at the age of 15 tattooed a spider web surrounding his eye. He leans over and says, "heh, how many cans of beer are in a case?"

I didn't know.

"I don't know, 24?"

And literally in a Beavis and Butthead accent said, "hu hu, it's 16, shows you how much you know."

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, "yes, it actually does."

So I thought instead of testing intelligence by seeing how much you know why not test intelligence by seeing how much you DON'T know. Here are things I don't know, test yourself to see how little you know and how intelligent you are!

1. What are the Grammy's for?

2. Name one person on the current episode of Lost.

3. Where is the welfare office in your county?

4. T/F Dawsons Creek was about a guy named Dawson and the creek he owned.

5. Name one contestant on Teen Idol.

6. Sing the lyrics to a modern day song played on the teeny bopper girly station.

7. If you wanted to get meth, where would you go to get it?

8. Name any member of any present day boy band.

9. What is the rough price of a shirt at the GAP and/or Ambercrombie and Fitch?

10. If you went to college, where was the sociology department headquartered?

0-1 right? YOU'RE A GENIUS!!!

2-3 right? Congratulations, you are smarter than average!

6-4 right? Good enough that are well-rounded, arguably have a social life and are probably smart enough to vote!

7-9 right? Dude, hit Drudge Report

Perfect score? Out of the gene pool!

Sadly this also reminds me of three simple questions my male friends and I are using to screen women we may have potential romantic interests in;

1. What war was Pearl Harbor in?

2. Name a president from the 80's.

3. Point north.

We have yet to get one woman (let alone the few guys we've tested it on) answer all three correctly.

Sadly, Jay Walking with Jay Leno is not staged.

22 comments:

Mahan said...

You realize, of course, I'm going to make myself available to help any of your potential romantic interests do well on this test, right? Simply because I'm just that kind of sentimental fool who can't bear to see a woman suffer through this sort of emotional browbeating, and because everyone really should know when the United States entered...

*chuckles*

Ryan Fuller said...

I've never been so proud of not knowing anything. I've already got my genius credentials, but this was nice.

Although, that T/F question might have knocked me down a point, it's about 50/50.

You know what sucks? There's really no socially acceptable way of letting someone know that you're smarter than they are. If you're just right all the time and know the solution to any problem you come across while in their presence, they just assume you have no life and are no more intelligent than they are. This leads into the further problem of how to tell someone that you can't date them because they're stupid.

To be fair, asking a woman to point north is like asking a thermometer what time it is. I read a little study once on how men and women orient themselves differently. Women have almost no concept of cardinal direction, thinking instead in terms of landmarks and what else is near them. Men were the opposite, able to tell you exactly how to get to any store in town but were less likely to be able to tell you what store was next door to it.

Andrew L said...

1) the Grammy Awards are for music. And rap. And (I'm told) Jimmy Carter.

2) I think one of the characters on Lost is named John Locke. I only know this because I watched part of an episode and it seemed strange to me that they would name him after a political philosopher.

3) There's a welfare office located across the street from where I work. I think the second half of that sentence should mean I don't gain any points for this answer.

8) Do the Backstreet Boys count as "present day"? My sisters used to like them, and I can still name all the members.

Other than that, I didn't know any answers. That puts me at between two and four points, so I'm likely smarter than average.

Oh, and I intend to use the shorter test on my friends, just for laughs.

Peter said...

Oscars and Emmys are only good for the montage of dead people every year. Who gets the most applause?

Frank said...

Questionnaire 1 -

1. What are the Grammy's for?

Raising Gramchildren? BAAAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA!!1 :)

2. Name one person on the current episode of Lost.

Hey! I like lost! Actually, i watch Lost, 24, Prison Break and Battlestar galactica. Every time i think about a character in any of them i say "that guy" or "that chick"... Actually, names that i can think of right now are Jack Bauer, Sawyer (sp?) and Starbuck... mmmm... short hair chick :)

3. Where is the welfare office in your county?

About a couple of k's from me. I know this 'cause i drive past it a lot and like to look at it to see the people coming in/out of it.

4. T/F Dawsons Creek was about a guy named Dawson and the creek he owned.

True? Do guesses count?

5. Name one contestant on Teen Idol.

Fred?

6. Sing the lyrics to a modern day song played on the teeny bopper girly station.

Ok

7. If you wanted to get meth, where would you go to get it?

Somewhere in Footscray (inner western suburbs of Melbourne)

8. Name any member of any present day boy band.

Fred?

9. What is the rough price of a shirt at the GAP and/or Ambercrombie and Fitch?

15 camels?

10. If you went to college, where was the sociology department headquartered?

When i went to uni, all you had to do was follow where the good looking chicks went to


Questionnaire 2 -

1. What war was Pearl Harbor in?

WWII

2. Name a president from the 80's.

Saddam Hussein

3. Point north.

Ok.

Matt said...

Do I get to deduct a point for having had to go down to the county office building (which is also the county welfare facility) last week in order to submit some tax paperwork? After all, the facilities management decisions of the Lake County administration have almost certainly not made me demonstrably stupider. :)

Ah well, it's only the difference between 2 points and 1, so I guess I shouldn't get in a snit over it. But if you want to make it an accurate test, ask if they know the PHONE NUMBER of the local welfare office. Neither I nor your previous commenter who works across the street nor anyone else who might happen, for other reasons, to know its location would ever know (or if we did, we wouldn't remember) its phone number, while the folks you're actually trying to hit almost certainly would.

I do wonder how many degrees deviation from true North you consider a permissable margin of error, though.

Anonymous said...

Stupid is, as stupid does.

~Forrest Gump~

The Big Seester said...

Questionnaire 1 -

1. What are the Grammys for?
Philosophically speaking, they are yet another chance for celebrities to pat themselves on the back and gush over how much better they are than the schlumphs who buy their records/go to their movies/watch their TV shows.

2. Name one person on the current episode of Lost.
Never saw it.

3. Where is the welfare office in your county?
They're separated by county? Good to know. I'm going to make an edjumacated guess and say "in Detroit" in Wayne County. And probably "in Pontiac" in Oakland County.

4. T/F Dawsons Creek was about a guy named Dawson and the creek he owned.
Never saw it.

5. Name one contestant on Teen Idol.
There's a show called Teen Idol?

6. Sing the lyrics to a modern day song played on the teeny bopper girly station.
I'm guessing the words "Oooh Baby" are in there somewhere.

7. If you wanted to get meth, where would you go to get it?
From a meth dealer, of course! Once again, the correct answer appears to be "in Detroit".

8. Name any member of any present day boy band.
Tito.

9. What is the rough price of a shirt at the GAP and/or Ambercrombie and Fitch?
No clue.

10. If you went to college, where was the sociology department headquartered?
Next to the women's studies building?

Questionnaire 2 -

1. What war was Pearl Harbor in?
Well, actually, Pearl Harbor wasn't IN the war - Japan attacked the United States, causing the US to ENTER WW2. But since we weren't at war at the time, I don't think you can actually ask the question that way. Of course, we were at war within a day or two.

Bonus point: my great uncle was there.

2. Name a president from the 80's.
Ronald Reagan/George HW Bush.

Bonus point: the PM of GB was Margaret Thatcher.

3. Point north.
I will have you know that I DO know direction. My dad insisted, and I couldn't get a license until I could give him directions without saying "Left" or "Right".

Let me just tell you guys that, when I meet a man who can't figure out direction, it really lowers him in my estimation.

The Big Seester

Sheldon Kotyk said...

2 right.

I buy my casual wear dress shirts from the GAP when they are clearing them out, does that still count?

And Grammys are music related. Is that a complete answer or can I get that wrong for not being able to actually give a detail?

I think a bonus question:

"Are you going to email this quiz to all your friends, co-workers and everyone who has ever emailed you before? Y/N" (-1 if you say no)

That way I'd be a genius. At least, in your mind :)

Paul E. Zimmerman said...

Wow... I don't know the answers to any of those questions (the first set, I mean). Rock!

Duke said...

The only on I know for sure is that the Grammys are awards for musical endeavors. I know that because I was a professional musician back in the 60s and 70s.

The Grammys now serve to remind me why I quite being a musician and why I hate most so-called music of the day.

I live in British Columbia, Canada and there is town up North near the Alberta border called Dawson Creek. Does that count? It's currently -29 F there.

Mahan said...

A point of historical correction (har-har!): the attack on Pearl Harbor did, in fact, take place during the Second World War.

We just weren't technically involved yet with a declaration of war, as many a resident of Great Britain and the Commonwealth likes to point out. Ungrateful bums, all of them. I mean, we send them 50 old destroyers for 99-year leases in Bermuda, and all we hear is gripe, gripe, gripe...

JPatterson said...

Hey! The second question isn't fair. I have never watched "Lost" but I know that Evangeline Lilly is FINE!

Natan said...

Ok great concept and not bad questions, but you've gotta give some respect to pop culture. I personally couldn't answer the lost question but i'm going to try fix that as i see it as a successfull example of the fast growing art of tv-series action/thriller. Think of all those star wars geeks in the 70's with the highest marks in their class who went on to become millionaires (you know the stereotype). Reality tv on the other hand is the evil spawn of the devil and a perfectly suitable subject for your questionnaire.

Kasia said...

This was fun - thanks! Most of my answers aligned with The Big Seester's, since she and I ARE seesters, but here are the differences:

Quiz #1:
3. I have no idea, but I like DJ's reasoning. (Note: see www.sisterstale.blogspot.com for DJ's answers, in the combox a few posts down.)

10. Faculty/Administration building. I think it's on the second floor, near what used to be the Liberal Arts Dean's Office and is now the Humanities Center. However, the main reason I know that is that I was a student assistant and did a lot of deliveries around campus.

Quiz #2:
1. I beg to differ; Pearl Harbor *was* during World War II. WW II started on September 1, 1939. Just because we weren't in it yet, doesn't mean there wasn't a war going on!

2. I'll add that (if memory serves) Helmut Kohl was chancellor of West Germany! (Again, this builds off of not only TBS' responses, but also DJ's.)

Mahan said...

Point of gentle correction: the second quiz asked to name presidents from the 1980's, not heads of government. Therefore, chief ministers such as Mrs. Thatcher and Herr Kohl cannot be counted as answers.

I am certain the Captain will gladly confirm that I am truly this pedantic. It comes from College Bowl.

zephyr said...

Captain, You are definitely on to something here. Stupid people know stupid stuff (and not much else).

Kasia said...

Mahan, you're quite correct. It's just that TBS covered the bases so well, and it went from there (over on her blog, DJ went on to discuss PMs of Canada). Just being nerdy. Not as pedantic as you yet, but we're trying. ;-)

Urban_Infidel said...

I scored a 1. It was the clothing price question. Being a woman, it was unavoidable.

You could have asked instead:

-Name a film being nominated for an Oscar.

Mahan said...

Oh, please don't worry about it. I knew all too well where the Captain wanted to go, as I know him of old, but I have a sneaking suspicion I could catch him out on, say, presidents of African nations, for example.

And I am now imagining the Captain either saying "Why would I CARE?" (likely), or scrambling for a web-based encyclopedia to try to name at least three to show off his newfound knowledge to me.

The fact that there was discussion of Canadian PMs is impressive enough, in all honesty.

Incognito said...

one's memory and not remembering who was prez in the 80s is more indicative of what one *used* in the 70s and 80s rather than one's current intellectual capacity.

I don't remember much bout those years.
But interesting, nonetheless

JUSTIN said...

bro you were right about the beer theres 24 beers in a case haa