Saturday, January 26, 2008

The 2 Cylinder Mustang Convertible

I am posting from Camp Verde, AZ. And the only reason, the SOLE ONLY REASON I PULLED OVER WAS IN HOPES THE GAS STATION WOULD HAVE INTERNET ACCESS SO I COULD SHARE THIS INGENIOUS IDEA I JUST HAD!

The 2 cylinder Ford Mustang!

Yes!

You see, I think there's a HUGE market for a 2 cylinder Ford Mustang. For while driving out of Phoenix, I've spent the past 2 hours getting behind no less than 30 of those new Ford Mustangs. And the reason I'm behind them is because they're always in the left lane, driving next to a semi-truck, going the exact same speed which is usually 5 miles per hour UNDER the speed limit.

Inevitably we hit a mountain and the SEMI-TRUCK usually pulls ahead of the Ford Mustang,, allowing me the chance to pass. And when you pass people who clog up the left lane, you almost have this biological urge to look over and see what they look like. As if you're going to see some physical ailment that would explain why they're such retards for driving 10 MPH below the speed limit in the left lane.

Half expecting to see a 12 year old child at the wheel, the only thing I visually noticed that was out of the 30 or so Mustangs I passed, 25 we're occupied by normal looking, gray-haired middle aged couples with big smiles on their face. Not because they were vindictive and knew they had held me and half of the northbound traffic out of Phoenix up for the past 8 hours, but because they were driving a really cool and sweet Ford Mustang and just enjoying the cruise on a beautiful day, completely ignorant of the Rule of the Left Lane.

And this is a tragedy. For I don't think that I saw one Mustang that was using all 6 or 8 of its cylinders. I did not see one Mustang even pushed to 1/2 of its performance limits. If I was in that car, I'd not be in Camp Verde, I'd be in Canada right now.

Thus, since it is obvious that the slightly elder generation wants to buy the classical looking Mustangs that have come out in the past year, but don't want an actual sports car, I recommend the Ford Motor Corporation develop the 2 cylinder Ford Mustang, because that's about all the cylinders they're going to need.

"Yes, the 2 cylinder Ford Mustang. It looks cool, but drives slow! Are you in no particular rush to be anywhere? Want to take up precious traffic space in the left lane? Looking to get great fuel efficiency, but absolutely no performance whatsoever? Then get the 2 Cylinder Ford Mustang! It just looks cool, but it's not!"

And for all of you folk that have already bought Mustangs with all those nasty cylinders, don't worry you can donate it me and the younger folk. We'll take them off your hands and drive them like they were intended to be driven.

Now I must go. I think in the past 30 minutes of typing and eating and fueling, the Mustang Caravan might be catching up to me.

9 comments:

CapitalBabs said...

that always drives me nuts when I am behind a very fun car and the person behind the wheel obviously has absolutely no idea how to drive it.

I go bonkers.

Dr. Bob said...

Captain, I wholeheartedly agree on both the Mustangs in the wrong hands issue and the morons obliviously cruising at 5 under in the left lane.

The original Mustang was good, inexpensive and fun.

The new Mustang is not-so-much fun, is not anywhere near inexpensive and quality, well we won't go there, all of which is why older folks having a second childhood or mid-life crisis get them.

BTW, It's not coincidence that you noticed this phenomenon near Phoenix.

Forget the Mustang... I want a Corvette in my garage.

Anonymous said...

I don't suppose the rude greater NYC city solution will work?

A combination of fast approaches unto their bumper and then backing off, usinf the turn signal, flashing high beams, the horn and then wild gestication that involves both hands leaving the wheel.

Not that I bother, but around here they try it even when I'm boxed in front and sides and they are crawling up my tail pipe, which I always saw as somewhat slow onthe uptake.

Steve said...

I am a strong believer in the 8 cylinder Mustang and feel that if you are going to wrap yourself around a tree, you need to do it right. If you could accomplish this with a 2 cylinder Mustang, the obituary would be funny to read plus you might make the Darwin awards. 2 cylinders might still be too much for people who are afraid to unleash the horsepower.

Capitalist Pig said...

Be careful what you wish for Capt, with the way fuel prices are and regulations, the automakers are cancelling plans for certain big engines:

http://www.motorauthority.com/news/supercars/cafe-puts-next-generation-chevrolet-c7-POS-on-hold/

http://www.motorauthority.com/news/industry/cafe-wont-kill-the-POS-will-go-green-instead/

http://www.motorauthority.com/cars/mercedes-benz/amg-declares-the-horsepower-war-over/

http://www.autoexpress.co.uk/news/autoexpressnews/215295/amg_next_to_turn_to_diesel_engines.html

http://www.motorauthority.com/cars/chrysler/legendary-hemi-not-part-of-chrysler%e2%80%99s-future-powertrains/

Capitalist Pig said...

Regarding those five links I posted, for the first two, replace in the URL the world "POS" with "Corvette." The reason for this is because on the car forum I got the links off of, they made it where anytime the word "Corvette" is typed, it gets changed to "POS." So when the person on the forum posted those links which I just copy-pasted, the word "Corvette" was replaced by "POS" in them.

.-∙° Nick °∙-. said...

what about an in-line 3 cyl 1 litre engine? The size of a smartcar or maybe a little bigger? could have a topspeed of 55 miles per hour making it street legal anywhere really.

Fat Bastard said...

Fat people like me would bog it down!

GT Convertible Mustang said...

Mustang is one of the best car I owned.