Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Starbucks Solution

Starbucks is closing 600 stores and so their customers are signing petitions now to keep them open.

1. Anybody want to point out the OBVIOUS freaking solution to this problem then?
2. This speaks volumes of the mentality of (predominantly) liberal thinking of the clientele that goes to Starbucks. The solution lays in protesting, not a free-market solution like BUYING MORE FREAKING COFFEE!!!!
3. The tone these people have as if this is some kind of major trauma or problem. There are times I wish we had another Great Depression to put these idiots' minds in perspective.
4. HOW MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS DO YOU HAVE AND HOW KITCHY-KOO IS YOUR LIFE YOU CALL UP STARBUCKS BECAUSE THEY CLOSED A BRANCH??? I just want to see their daily planners and one day in those planners;

9AM - Wake up
10AM - Go to Starbucks and talk to other locals who have a lifestyle that allows us to go to Starbucks and not have a real job like the people in "Friends."
11AM - Shop at the local whole/organic foods market.
Noon - Afternoon Starbucks serving as a pre-game show to "The View."
1PM - Watch "The View" and then go back to Starbucks to discuss with friends how insightful the people on The View are.
3PM - Return home to work on local community initiative to ban smoking in private homes. Then start new initiatives to not only ban smoking, but drinking and thinking and talking.
4PM - Whew, is it 4PM already? I need Starbucks!
5PM - Go home to change for an interpretive dance/play at the local theater put on by the local unemployed actors guild - thank god they serve Starbucks!
8PM - Time for my power-hip-hop-infused-pilates-yoga class!
9PM - Feed the cats
10PM - Decaf Starbucks!

I can only imagine what John Wayne and George Patton would think of America today.

5 comments:

Ryan said...

Wow...it's hard to be shocked with the self-limiting mentality of most socialists *ahem* I mean liberals, but after reading that I actually am. How long do you think before Starbucks recieves some sort of government subsidy or tax break in order to make some of those stores profitable? I mean, they did have quotes from a mayor and another city official basically saying that they need a Starbucks in their town. It's hard to remain optimistic for the future in the face of such blatant idiocy.

Anonymous said...

"I can only imagine what John Wayne and George Patton would think of America today."

I'm thinking that Patton might reconsider the idea that making these poor bastards die for their country could be considered "winning" for everyone involved. Except them. :)

Starbucks Closure List said...

What is the use of a petition when the reasons for closures are: duplicate adn low traffic stores?

VH said...

Captain, that was the funniest post I have read all week! Excellent!

JMK said...

Another great post!

It is very telling of he Liberal/socialist mindset. They can't seem to grasp the idea that businesses function to solve problems (ie deliver goods/services) but exist they require profits.

They seem to get the services ideas, they're just a little fuzzy on the whole profit end of things.