Sorry, friend sent this to me and I find it hilarious not one man was consulted on this.
No, seriously ladies, keep reading what other ladies write about men without even asking a single guy what he thinks. It's very cute watching the blind leading the blind.
13 comments:
I'd like to focus on one of the author's points: "Men Dread the Big Day". What the author doesn't mention, and I bet most women don't really get, is that quite a few women (perhaps even most) don't want a marriage, they want a wedding. When the former fails to live up to the expectations created by the latter, they're going to bail and blame the husband for it.
Or maybe he's just not that into you.
Maybe he really, truly enjoys your company and affection for a limited amount of time, but he wants the freedom to pursue his other interests without encumbrance. In other words, he has a rapidly Diminishing Marginal Utility of You.
Maybe "you and him" are compatible with "here and now" but not with "there and then."
Perhaps you put out too easily and compromised your self-respect for a few moments of comfort. You thought about it as love and commitment and he saw it as a mutual exchange for a one-time deal which is repeated occasionally for the same benefit. Why should he value it any more than that?
"That which is obtained too cheaply is esteemed too lightly."
Dating, engagement, license, marriage, expensive ceremony, the "merge", picking the drapes, taking out garbage, putting up with "that time of the month", assuaging your easily bruised emotions, being a cuddle pillow, hanging out with your family, giving up hobbies...
Then children. Screaming infants, poopy diapers, bills, soccer practice, ballet class, PTA...
and after all that...
separation, divorce, legal bills, alimony, child support, supervised visitation, long-distance parenthood.
Why?!
What is the real reason then?
Divorce. lol
In defense (hee hee) of the columnnist, it should be remembered that about half of men, including most available single men, I'd guess, have no discernable net worth to lose. :^) So I'd guess that it's not as big a factor as one might ordinarily think.
So Smart*ss,
Your telling me that if you and Natasha hit Vegas and got hitched tomorrow you would instantly lose 1/2 your net worth and your life would become crap?
Cause we are all alike you know, us money-grubbing non-working leeches with two x chromosomes.
Allllllllll the same. Oh, except for our lipstick shade, of course.
Ok, we're dealing with groups in this discussion (and in the cited link), so MTGIrl take it easy - if the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.
I'm beyond this myself, but I am the parent of two single young men ages 26 and 28, and frankly most of the girls they've brought home have been, well girls. Not maturing young women, but juvenile, manipulative, exploitive and spoiled rotten. One was literally looking for a "sugar daddy" to take care of her.
I think many young men these days are waiting longer to gain personal maturity, career stability and to find partners that are also somewhat mature and have stable careers. I know my sons are.
Personally, I don't think most singles are mature enough for marriage until their late 20's/early 30's. There are of course exceptions. I'd also recommend that a couple date for no less than 3 years before getting married.
That's the story the advise columnist should have offered
This is the point that bothered me. Under "Men Want To Be Prepared" she suggests, "Figure out if your life plans are on the same track by casually mentioning your own future goals, . . ."
Instead of dropping hints (which you cannot count on men to pick up), a much better choice would be to be upfront.
Just like a man. You speak your mind and they criticize your footwear.
Marriage isn't for everyone just like joining the military isn't for everyone. Sometimes you're induced by the hype, the glamor and the benefits but you either weren't shown or turned a blind eye to the mundane realities.
My wife isn't a gold digger. After 5 years of dating and marriage we still split checks at restaurants. You came with assets, I came with debts, a car and furniture. I had income, education and experience and she had less. It's basically a 50/50 contribution. If we got divorced though the judge would rip my furniture and car in half. She'd pay none of my student loans but would get alimony from my high income. I might get half her assets which is far less the the PV of the alimony stream.
The bottom line and the Capt's point is that the legal system is patently unfair to men, based on centuries old notions that women have no sources of income or property. This idea is obviously obsolete. Women almost always get the kids and whomever gets the kids gets the house and often the car.
People just need to do a lot more thinking before getting into marriage. Every marriage should have a pre-nup. I think it should also have an expiration date with an option for renewal at years 1, 3, 5, and 10
Waiting until you're mature/grown-up to get married is wishful thinking. You might as well wait until your done with all that darn learnin' before you get a job. Go get the job now! You'll learn buddy.
Here is what hit me literally on the wedding day:
http://xkcd.com/
Just change "lease" to "marriage license" and "building" to "marriage". Oh, and batman to x-men movie.
So you can tell how mature and prepared I was. And no divorce proceedings in the wind so far.
My larger point was that NONE of those things the lady listed ever pop into a guys mind.
The article is not only worthless, it's worse, it's misleading. I now know, after years of reading women's magazines why women are as successful as they are in the dating world, or to a lesser extent "understanding guys."
Let me, a prematurely crotchety young man, explain what I think most of us want, but are now increasingly cautious in expecting, and it is out of this caution that men are hesitating more and more to get married.
1) Someone who won't divorce out of frivolity or malice. Someone who, if a divorce eventually does happen, won't treat children as a bargaining chip or try to squeeze me for every dime I can spare. The last thing we want is to be strung along to be eventually suddenly sucked dry and tossed aside like a cheap towel.
2) A partnership with someone who can admire and cooperate with my life goals, and to whom I can do the same. I don't expect to "DO ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING TOGETHAR! <3". I expect only some of my pursuits and hobbies to be shared, but all of them at least respected. I want a balanced exchange, not eventual emotional or financial exhaustion for either of us.
3) Someone on the same page with regard to having a family. I have my conclusions about how I'd want to raise kids if I have any, the approximate number of kids I want, and I don't see any good reason to marry someone who can't agree with me on those points. For example, I don't consider tossing the kids in daycare and then shuffling them through 193 different after-school activities is an acceptable substitute for parenting, and I don't consider public school an acceptable quality education.
4) Sex. The reason why this isn't #1 is not because it is not important, but because it does not require being married, especially these days. But if I do get married I'd want there to be an understanding that sex is not a reward/punishment tool for trying to modify my behavior, just as it is not something I am automatically entitled to whenever I feel like it, but something to be done at least somewhat regularly with no strings attached.
As for me right now, I just need to find a better job and get out of the parents' house.
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