I have returned from a small vacation I took up north where there was
Grilling!
Fishing!
Cliff jumping into old mine pits!
Shooting guns
And other manly activities as well!
However, within our platoon of fearless vacationeers were none other than (dun dun dunnnn!!!!)
GIRLS!
Yes, females in our midst!
Originally we think they snuck onboard without our knowing as they were dressed kind of like us, wearing jeans and baseball caps and participated in our arm-pit farting contest that usually denotes the beginning of the vacation.
In any case, given all the activities we engaged in, it was only inevitable that we would have to do a load of laundry as we would dirty up our clothes mighty quick.
So I threw a load in the wash. Transferred it to the drier.
Hopped in the shower, and upon exiting the shower, there they were!
Women!
FOLDING MY CLOTHES!
Now I tried to rationalize with them about the fact that I was only going to put them back on again, thereby obsoleting the need to fold them in the first place.
But oh, no. They were adamant that the clothes be folded.
I pointed to the fact that I was standing in nothing but a towel and would be putting on the shirt that one of them had just folded, but oh no, they just kept on folding.
Now ladies, we men do appreciate everything you do for us. We know you do this because you love us. But there is no point in folding clothes in that they are only going to get wrinkled up again.
Making beds is the same thing.
There is NO earthly, godly or economic reason for making the bed.
You will just sleep in it again that same very night.
Thus, ladies, please permit us to make your lives easier.
Do no spend any time folding our dirty nasty clothes!
Opening a beer or pouring a martini is much less time consuming and much more appreciated!
13 comments:
There's probably a corollary between women's desire to play the yenta to every aspect of domestic life and an increasingly feminized population's desire to have the government do the same. It's not about any real benefit to have your clothes folded and the bed made; rather, it's about the control she can exercise in training you to do it every day, so that she'll find it easier to make you do her other whims (also, the appearance of a problem solved, even when it necessarily precipitates a later problem, is preferred over a workable solution that doesn't expend unnecessary resources that could better be exerted to useful sectors of society).
Folding the clothes that you're not going to put on in five minutes keeps them from getting wrinkled while you're wearing them. Jeans are fine piled up on the floor, but shirts at least require some attention. (Note that throwing them over the back of a chair works just as well as folding them)
Why people fold underwear or socks is completely beyond me. Making the bed is the same kind of thing. I think there's some kind of biological imperative at work here.
You may win this argument. You may remain unmarried for the rest of your life.
On the other hand, you may accept that this is called Civilization, and should you decide that one does that best, eventually you may find yourself old, fat and happy still in the company of She Who Decided to Stay.
Your choice, bub.
One thing is certain -- a woman who agrees with the present you will be never be so useful, nor so instructive. This becomes particularly important should you somehow spawn a few would-be capitalists.
Would you also say putting on a skimpy teddy is of no value because it's only coming off in a couple minutes??
No, I actually let my girlfriend walk around in outfits such as that and can control myself not to take it off.
Capt,
Folded clothes fit in a smaller space and can also be stacked in a fairly stable manner that protects the middle clothes from getting dog hair all over them. Also, they are easier to carry if there are very many of them.
Making the bed prevents mud, dirt, small rocks, and chewsticks from getting between the sheets when the dog(s) jump on the bed.
What? It's the dogs' house too!
There are many reasons to make the bed. It keeps dust and spiders out of the sheets. It also forces you to tighten the fitted sheet to remove uncomfortable wrinkles and to realign the top sheet and blanket after being kicked around the previous night. This prevents the tug o war over sheets and blankets the subsequent night. To some people, a neat home is a source of serenity. Straightening and fluffing the blanket also airs it out and helps retain its insulating quality for many years - just like shaking out stuffing instead of folding a sleeping bag.
If you're going to immediately put outdoorsy clothing on, there's no sense in folding. But if it's going in a bag, folding helps things fit better. Rolling them is even better since it removes air.
Or, perhaps, the reason the girls were folding the clothes for you was that they care about your well being and would like your life to be a little easier. Therefore, folding your clothes would keep them less wrinkled, easier to find (in a house full of other people and their clothing), and subsequently, easier to pack.
Not because they want to control you, not because they don't think you are capable, but because, inherently, they appreciate you and do want you to be comfortable.
Regarding "There's no point in"...
Is this anything like the issue of people fertilizing and watering their lawns?
Of course when they do this, they end up having to mow it every 2-3 days which wastes time, energy and money. Then they complain about having to mow it.
Surely they want to their yards to look nice. And perhaps there's a turf war in the neighborhood to have the greenest and lushest yard. But once the lawn is reasonably acceptable, why is there this all-powerful attraction to go way overboard.
I just want to yell at them and say "ESCAPE THE TYRANNY OF YARD MAINTENANCE!!! LET IT GO, BRO!!"
The "four step lawn care program" needs to be banned immediately to save men from themselves. Scotts Co. becomes "Public Enemy #1".
Now, I live on a 3 acre rural farmplace which I have to mow. It takes about 6 hours - if the grass isn't too high and is dry and the tractor and mower don't have any mechanical maladies.
Now, why in my right mind would I want to fertilize and water - which makes things grow faster, so I have to mow more often???
I also own a vacant lot in a small town. It has a mix of weeds and grass - I make the annual pilgrimage to attempt to commit mass herbicide. Now, I deliberately force the grass to go dormant in the summer by cutting it as short as I can. That saves mowing, and a smooth dormant lot looks better than the alternative given the mix of weeds, fast growing rough grasses and slow growth fine grasses.
Last week in a flyer I saw an ad for a fertilizer that claims to not make the grass grow faster. Now why would you go to all the effort and expense putting on fertilizer that DOESN'T WORK???
I have a "million-dollar idea". I'd like an ANTI-FERTILIZER to put on the lawn so it stays green, but slows growth. The objective would be to mow once a year whether the lawn needed it or not.
First, this is why I read your blog. The thinking and logic behind such a post is pretty dam close to my thinking on this and many other subjects.
Second, never forward the Captians posts like this to your wife, turns out she doesn't care about Captians views on such subjects any more then mine.
Finally, I just spent over 2 weeks island hoping in French Polynesia living out of a duffel bag, I forced my wife to do the same as I refused to be the dumb ass lugging around a giant wheelie suitcase. Turns out women can pack less then they normally do if pressed to do so. I swear she has packed larger bags for an over night stay across town. The bad news is I've discovered the likelihood of changing a woman's packing habits is directly related to the cube of the price of the trip, so one must spend 8 times the coin to save half the luggage argument (not mass)
"There is NO earthly, godly or economic reason for making the bed."
Well, depends where your bed is. Sometimes it helps keep the ticks out.
But I get your point. I've seen my wife take dishes out of the dishwasher and wash them. Oh well, making sense is not really the purpose she serves.
@Tony "Would you also say putting on a skimpy teddy is of no value because it's only coming off in a couple minutes??"
I would say that whole heartedly. I would much rather the nakedness in the first place. You would't?
There is no point in folding clothes if you just going to unfold them again and put them on. And also you going have to fold them again and again and again and again
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