A short one and then I must go.
This one is for the ladies out there who I occasionally like to dispense courting/dating advice to. However, unlike advice you find in Cosmo or Oprah, my advice actually works.
When it comes to your man making a decision (of things that are NOT vital in nature or vital to your relationship) you have five options in how you're going to respond or react to his decision;
Of these five options, only two are acceptable, support and indifference.
Support is preferable in that your man has already made up his mind and is going to take action regardless of whether you agree with him or not. And I want you to understand that statement
- he has already made up his mind and is going to take action regardless
This is what real men do. And if you want a real man, and not some compliant beta type who always asks, "well what do you want dear????," then you have to understand that you are not going to always agree with him 100%, and therefore whether you agree with him or not, he's going to do it. Therefore, you may as well support him.
The man (or at least real men) will be thankful for your support and love you that much more knowing you condone his actions and will therefore brag to his friends, "My god, I have the most supportive wife/girlfriend. She BOUGHT ME ammo for our hunting trip!"
Indifference is also acceptable. This is where your man says, "I'm going to play poker with the guys and smoke cigars." And you, completely indifferent, if not thankful you'll get him out of the house for a couple hours dismiss him nonchalantly saying, "Yeah, yeah, go, have fun."
Then we get into the unacceptable responses.
Nagging - NOT ACCEPTABLE. Again, going back to the premise he is going to carry out his mission regardless, all nagging achieves is raising his blood pressure. It's not even that you are contesting or questioning his decision, as much as you are interrogating him about all the nuances and details that are irrelevant. Not to mention, the more you nag him about it, the more he is delayed from finishing his mission. This only agitates men and does not help you on account he will now entertain thoughts of greener, non-nagging pastures.
Complaining - Again, complaining is acceptable when you are talking about decisions of importance. For example do you want children? Where should you live? But for decisions of not-importance complaining not only has the annoying benefits of nagging, but you now have guilt added to it. The man now has to worry and wonder (while he's carrying out his mission because he was going to carrying it out regardless) as to whether "going fishing with the guys" is angering you and now damaging the relationship. And while he's working the extra hours at work to make ends meet, he now gets the unnecessary and unneeded stress of having to worry about his home/social life. Congratulations! You've now made him plan his next vacation to Greener Pastures!
Tantrum - Your beloved Captain hasn't ran into this one in about 4 or 5 years on account it really is more of a 20 something phenomenon, but he has ran into the occasional 30 something woman that still resorts to this unacceptable response. Tantrum is where you morph into a child and go psychotic. This happens. You Captain remembers starkly having an ex girlfriend throw a tantrum on I-35 in downtown Minneapolis so violent, he had to threaten her that he'd dump her out on the side of the rush hour interstate. Another ex threw one while in the Lowry tunnel on I-94 (what is it with women throwing tantrums on the interstate???). Why were they throwing tantrums? The first one because I had to cancel a date that night so I could work to put food on the table. The second one because I failed to purchase her a soda when we filled up for gas.
Obviously tantrum is not only not acceptable, but understand ladies, it is so vile that you have not upshot at all. The man now will be re-enforced to carry out his mission simply to annoy you. Also, in displaying this drama queen behavior, any real man will dump your psychotic ass and have purchased a condo in Greener Pastures.
Thankfully I've aged to the point this is no longer a semi-annual event, but I mention it for the benefit of the younger 20 somethings out there who through poor parental upbringing, reading too many Cosmo magazines or watching too many movies have been led to believe this is somehow acceptable behavior.
Now go and enjoy a much improved courting life!