Monday, March 14, 2011

Why Gru Trumps "Mars Needs Moms"

Gru, the villain/hero from "Despicable Me" does not like children. In the movie he adopts three young girls only to use them to help him carry out his diabolical plot to "steal the moon." Invariably and accidentally, he ends up caring about and loving the children and finds out he gained something more important than stealing the moon.




"Mars Needs Moms." Good god, do I even have to bother explaining why this bombed?



Dalrock (or rather, should I say, Dalrock's wife) predicted this would happen (though I should warn you Mr. Dalrock himself makes some ...um....additional "vulgar" observations). Meanwhile Disney's executives are "scratching their heads" about why Mars Needs Moms has bombed.

Hmmm....what does the public want?

Politically correct stories, the theme/morals of which have been beaten into our heads by the media, government and schools that we're all sick of hearing about day in and day out?

OR

Heroic funny stories where

(GASP)

a

(NO, DON'T SAY IT!!!!)

FATHER FIGURE

(OH, NO! YOU SAID IT!)

will come in and save the day?

(NO DAMN YOU! HE MUST BE A SENSITIVE, ABSENT, NON-ENTITY. AND IF PRESENT AT ALL MUST BE AN OAFISH, MORON WHOSE CHILDREN MOCK HIM AND DON'T RESPECT HIM!)

Anybody remember Hartigan from Sin City and how he protects the poor little girl?

Or John Creasy?

Or are these just too obscure of references and I'm just dreaming about what kind of role men should play in society?

Honest to Pete. And they wonder why men just sit at home and Netflix/Gamefly instead of flock to movies.

Enjoy the decline folks. Enjoy the decline.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of how there was some surprise that the movie "Taken" did so well at the box office.

Anonymous said...

Cap buddy,I gave up on movies a while back. Lets face it, anyone over the age of 12, will not be very impressed by today`s movie listings. On the flip side, for kids this is a great movie era. Back when Pirates of the Caribbean was playing, my 4 year old thought it was the best movie of all time.
I was also recently forced out to watch The Tourist, with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. The acting was beyond terrible, and the movie itself was DOA.
Perhaps in the future, Hollywood will once again make movies for people over the age of 12. In the meantime forget about it.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, the decline isn't all that enjoyable.

On the plus side, my Mrs. watched Love Eat Pray on Netflix the other night. She said "it was a really stupid movie, not what it was advertised as." I love my wife.

TW: bropa. Really? Paging Dr. Freud...

Anonymous said...

I remember the "Good Ol Days" when Disney would bump off the mom like they did Bambi... ..Good Times..

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I was just watching "After the Thin Man" - Myrna Loy, William powell, and young James Stewart...

It's a sweet confection of a "dramatic" movie, amusing, adult ( in the non-XXX way), no special effects of note, no demonic evil people, no supermen or women with 12 hours in the gym every day bodies able to leap tall buildings, survive multiple gunshot wounds...


A nice fluffy way to spend 1.5 hours for some adults. The older I get the older my movies are too.

God knows, it's better than reality.

Anonymous said...

With four children, my family is the target demographic for this movie, and the previews never resonated with me or my kids.
3d movies are ok occasionally, but I find it too much of a distraction in most movies and its definitely not a fix for a otherwise poor movie like the studios think it is. I also don't like 3d for the kids, because its too hard for the younger ones to use the glasses.
No one likes the psuedo realistic animation used in this movie. The characters look weird, a little more cartoony would be better.

Nate said...

Nice reference to Man of Fire, Cap.
That is one damn fine movie.

Captain Capitalism said...

Hombre en Fuego is arguably one of my top 5 movies. One of the few I own. OUtstanding movie.