Monday, June 11, 2012

The Smith and Wesson Retirement Plan

I love truth.  It's such a wonderful thing.  It makes you sane, helps you make better, more effective decisions and it irks all the right people.  But what I really love about truth is how some people seem to have a huge problem with it.  How they'll desperately try to ignore it, rationalize it away, or just plain deny it as if they had a choice.

"The sky is blue."

"No it's not."

"Communism and socialism has failed."

"No it hasn't."

"Children need fathers."

"No they don't - sexist!"

I take great entertainment value in watching people lie to themselves as day after day, night after night, the real world delivers anything from minor cuts to crushing blows to their fragile "reality" and how they desperately scramble to find some some kind of explanation, ANY explanation or rationalization why they're still right, and the real world is wrong.

Now we could go on for hours about the many and varied people who choose to ignore reality and mock them mercilessly:

-Liberal arts majors who voted for Obama, joined the OWS movement and still can't understand why they don't have jobs.

-All the aging women who KNEW they could "have it all," with mocking boys in their youth to boot, who sing in chorus "Where have all the good men gone."

-The union members of now bankrupt cities and municipalities who won't be getting everythign they were promised in terms of pension, because, well, the money just plain ain't there.

But today I'm going to talk to you about something that affects all of us, is very important, and only the smart people will realize what I say is deadly serious and very much real, while the delusionals of the world caught up in American Idol or how thin Michelle Obama's arms are, will be aghast at what I have to say and will no doubt pull from the inventory of "ist" names to call me.

The Smith and Wesson Retirement Plan.

"What is the Smith and Wesson Retirement Plan" you ask?

Well, it's a very simple plan.

Instead of socking away $400 a month into your IRA or 401k, spending hours of your life managing it, spending thousands of dollars on various managerial and advisory fees, only to have the government either outright confiscate it or inflate it away you instead spend the small nominal fee of...

33 cents.

Why 33 cents?

Because 33 cents is the price of a single 45 caliber bullet.  And with that bullet you can permanently retire yourself.

Now a lot of people will be shocked with such a statement.  How dare I suggest euthanasia (which, when I was younger thought was "youth in Asia" and had NO idea what people were all up in arms about) as a viable retirement plan.  But, if you're so open minded (as I know many of you liberals claim to be) perhaps you can read on and realize that The Smith and Wesson Retirement Plan is probably a much better plan than your 401k.

First, consider the fact that the VAST majority of people are just plain not saving up enough for retirement.  In the consulting I do, I have a never-ending line of 58 year old people coming up to me and saying,

"I'm 58 and just finished paying off my 4th child's doctorate in French Literature.  I have a house that's underwater, and I'd like to start planning for retirement.  I'd like to retire at 62.  What should I invest in?"

I tell them the politically correct thing (you'll have to work till you're 80), and then they go to Edward Jones or Charles Schwab to see if they can find somebody to lie to them (remember what I told you about how distasteful truth was to some people?)

And forget old people, young people don't stand much of a chance either.  With no employment prospects, $50,000 in student debts, and an unemployment rate of 8%, even if they wanted to save for retirement they can't.  They need all of their money NOW to simply make ends meet.  And (to add further mockery to this stupid retirement system we have) even if they did have the money, what?  They're going to invest in an overpriced stock market with a P/E of 24 because TRILLIONS of dollars of baby boomer money has flooded the market, making it a bad deal to begin with?

Regardless of the reasons why, most people will PLAIN NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR RETIREMENT and THEY NEVER WILL.  So why bother saving up in the first place?

Second, don't think Big Daddy government is going to come and bail you out.  I don't know if you've noticed this whole Greece thing going on, but no matter what previous generations of Greeks promised themselves in terms of retirement or medical benefits, if the money ain't there (guess what!)

IT AIN'T THERE!  (curse you evil truth!!!!)

Did you see any of the articles about how the hospitals are running short on vital drugs?  Funny how that works given the government "decreed" they were "entitled" to all that free health care.  Let me let you in on another little tidbit of "uncomfortable truth."  If there's no money in it for the private sector to create those drugs (say like you regulate or tax pharmaceuticals to death), then it don't matter what who promised who what - there ain't no drugs and you're going to die no matter what you were promised.

Third, let's put a very positive spin on this (and I am not exaggerating or being facetious).  Realize the majority of your expenses you incur (or more likely, the taxpayer incurs) in terms of your living and health care expenses come in the last 6 months of your life.  The premise of The Smith and Wesson Retirement Plan is that you would us the 45 caliber bullet to off yourself before then, saving society hundreds of thousands of dollars NOT TO MENTION saving you the 6 most miserable months of your life.  Now macroeconomic benefits aside (like  no government debt, booming economic growth, improved health care through innovation, and yes, dare I say it, longer life expectancies, but don't let this concept confuse you), there is a huge advantage to this - the fact you don't have to save up for retirement in the first place if you're willing to work as long as you can and participate in The Smith and Wesson Retirement Plan when the time comes.  That money can instead be spent on the years of your life WHEN YOU CAN ENJOY IT!

I remember, VERY CLEARLY, trying to save money into a IRA when I was making $23,000, commuting 120 miles every day for work and living downtown.  Now I'm cheap, but my life had NO FRILLS.

Once I realized that having lifelong employment in America like a 1960's Japanese Keiretsu was laughably impossible, I forgave myself of the responsibility to "do the right thing" and invest in a 401k.  For the first time in my life I "let go," went out, got drunk, tried sushi, stay at hotels (as opposed to sleeping in my car at a wayside) went on trips and enjoyed life.  The other option was to continue to live in poverty, have no fun, and have what meager savings I had stored up in a 401k confiscated in "2020 National Wealth Redistribution Financial Solvency Patriotism Act."

The single best thing about The Smith and Wesson Retirement Plan is you get to enjoy the ONE life you're given on this planet and don't have to worry about spending the resources to extend your life when you can't enjoy it.

Fourth, you will not be a burden on society.  I know hippies who never studied economics love to sit there and yell from their Depends,

"I contributed to the system and I deserve my government benefits!!!"

epically failing to realize they voted in things like "The Great Society" and other programs that blew away the money they "socked away" for retirement, and now literally demand future generations to become their slaves.

You don't have to become such ignorant hypocrites.  You can live your life, contribute as long as you can, and the second you realize you might become a parasite upon society, take yourself out.  I know that sounds harsh (because we've all been told to ignore the 600 Pound Reality Gorilla in the room), but it IS altruistic.  Certainly more altruistic in demanding and voting that OTHER people pay for the charities you wanted them too over your live and then voting to have other people take care of you.

Finally (and here's that damn truth and reality getting in the way of things again), you really don't have a choice.  Bar some spectacular economic growth and a true revolution of the economy, the money and resources plain isn't going to be there to make good on all the promises pot smoking commies back in the 50's, 60's and 70's made to themselves, future generations, all humans in the world, not to mention, pay back the debts we've currently accrued.  This once again revisits our buddies in Greece who are "entitled" to "Zymorgopentothol (tm)," but the fine men and women were taxed so much to death at Zymorgopentothol, Inc, they decided no longer to supply Greece with that life-saving drug.  You will have to make the choice to continue living in a desperate, painful state, or ending it mercifully (and cost-effectively) yourself.  I do not wish to be so pessimistic, cynical or macabre, but I'm not.  I'm really not.  That's going to be the REALITY for a lot of people.  And if you don't believe me, or think I'm just engaging in sensationalism how about for once YOU do the leg work and look up the finances of social security, medicare, medicaid, the federal government and general economic statistics of the US?  YOU run projections, make calculations and theorize and predict where the economy will go.  YOU prove me wrong and tell me where the magical money is going to come from to pay for everything everyone promised themselves.

Because again, I thoroughly enjoy and anticipate the crazy rationalizations, excuses and explanations delusional people come up with so they can keep believing in Lala-Land.  And until I execute my own Smith and Wesson Retirement Plan, one of the main forms of entertainment I'll have (in addition to hiking mountains, smoking cigars, playing video games, riding motorcycles and working as little as I can) is watching you fans of socialism, communism and "free" health care blow trillions of your own dollars on private retirement programs that will not only be confiscated later, but never compare to my 33 cent program.

And you wouldn't want to deprive me of that entertainment, would you?

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, you also have to purchase a firearm to put your 33 cent round in...

Anonymous said...

Not to quibble with your logic, CC, but as a former correctional officer I was taught two important things:

"A man who will kill himself has no compunction about killing you"
"A man who will kill someone else has no compunction about killing himself."

For slightly more money, say, a box of S&W ammunition, I can kill a lot of producers, take their shit, live good for a while, then turn myself in, cop a plea bargain, and have free medical and dental for the rest of my life. I'm too old to be too attractive for anal sex, and I don't miss women.

I would miss non-prison food, though.

Anonymous said...

The Greeks are way ahead of you, Cap:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-17620421

http://articles.cnn.com/2012-04-06/world/world_europe_greece-austerity-suicide_1_pharmacist-dimitris-christoulas-shot-suicide-note-anti-austerity?_s=PM:EUROPE

The Great and Powerful Oz said...

Funny, that's my retirement plan.

Before I get there, I'm trying to change careers into something that is more easily sustained in old age, where wisdom and experience count for more.

When I die, there will be no one to mourn me or even anyone who will miss me. That's the society we have created or maybe destroyed.

Izanpo said...

Cappy's S&W Retirement Plan
...I like it!

Simple. Practical.

@Anon 5:43 AM...

That's about as deep as a puddle of piss on a marble floor. I can make up brilliant axioms like that too all day long....

"A hammer is not a toilet because a toilet is not a hammer"

Aurini said...

I was just discussing with a friend how the Left seems to have no concept of tanscendence; how they seem to be motivated by a materialistic fear o death, and incredible risk aversion. They'll do anything to hold onto five more minutes of life, desperately collecting as many toys as they can, since they have nothing greater to live for.

The 9mm-heater plan - which I've been saving as a backup for ages - is utterly beyond them. Real Men live life with a higher purpose - concepts such as love, adventure, exploring new horizons both mentally and physically - are utterly foreign to the Left. They'd rather live on dog food, while losing their mind to parkinson's, than admit that the ride is over, and it's time to get out of your seat.

It baffles me that people can survive in such a tawdry mind-state.

James Wolfe said...

Both of my parents scrimped and saved all their lives. They never bought anything on credit. Everything we owned was second hand. They saved for their retirement and for us kids to go to college. I'm the only one who went to college and am a successful software / web developer. My brother and sister are poor and pitiful. Both of my parents died before they even reached 60. The lessons they tried to teach us are not the lessons I learned. What I learned was not to put off being happy because tomorrow will never come. Enjoy what you have today.

My retirement plan is not quite as harsh as yours, but it is similar. If I need some expensive drug or surgery to survive then I will opt out. If whatever is going to kill me is painful just give me morphine. I eat what I want and don't over exercise to extend my life. I'm no slouch but who wants to live forever, eating grass and sticks just to be healthy? I'm truely enjoying the decline.

Anonymous said...

DAM!! looks like i might have to look into a career as a street pharmaceutical sales to make a living in my old age. lol

Elusive Wapiti said...

The trouble I think is knowing with precision which 6 months will be your last.

Anonymous said...

This worked for Hunter S. Thompson. If it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me!

Professor Hale said...

EW,
If you are the one selecting it, ANY 6 months can be your last.

Aaron said...

Me do legwork? No way! I am entitled to the economic analyses you produce. You're may slave dammit!

Matt Strictland said...

valar morghulis

Suicide is fine for certain kinds of injuries or illnesses when you do it to save your kinfolk from an untenable burden or in warfare on the case of capture and torture.

A suicide mission is also fine, making sure that your peoples, ideology or units goals are handled no matter the cost.

Beyond that? Nah.

I slightly disagree with the bad guys here though. The parasites are not the poor . J-Random Welfare Bum is a master of industry compared to the rent seeking leeches and globalists Those are your bad guys.

Bob Wallace said...

Where have all the good men gone."

Right where you left them, sweetheart -- back in your 20's.

wizardpc said...

What a load of crap.

Under your "spend everything now and off yourself when you're out of money because the world is headed for financial ruin and it's already too late" plan, if you're wrong or if you're right--you still have to kill yourself.

Under the "save money for the future" plan, if you're wrong you're a millionaire. Boo effing hoo. If you're right and the government just ups and takes your money, you still have the option of offing yourself.

Brilliant plan you got there, not giving yourself options.

Anonymous said...

The only downside is you may stroke- out (or otherwise wait just a little too long) and be unable to execute on your plans.

Also, while the S&W solution can be reliable it's amazing how many people foul it up. So do your research and do it right. The alternative is worse than death.
(Also, messy, please do it somewhere where your family and small kids won't be the first responders.)

That being said there are a plethora of other ways that seem more reliable, less painful and un-survivable if you have the self discipline and do your homework.

Finally, many of them will let you back down in case you decide today was not the day.

Anonymous said...

good plan as long as you don't botch it and your relatives end up having to take care of a vegetable

Chemist said...

This plan is all fine and dandy when you are in your 30's and still have many years ahead of you. I suspect it might seem different when you are facing your planned final day. On that day, will you really be willing to take away your entire future?

operatingomega said...

If society begins to see suicide in the coming era as virtuous, will they eventually discover that creating new life is nefarious?

“If children were brought into the world by an act of pure reason alone, would the human race continue to exist? Would not a man rather have so much sympathy with the coming generation as to spare it the burden of existence, or at any rate not take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood?” - Arthur Schopenhauer

Difficult to say. Although I have seen being a "Man" defined as simply being a boy who no longer fears death.

Captain Capitalism said...

Oh, I plan on milking the system as much as I can. PLUNDER! Once the government can't pay for my surgeries OR even with said surgeries I would be in pain/impaired to the point life would suck, yeah, then I'm taking the (ahem) "silver pill."

Anonymous said...

Suicide correlated with intelligence. Dumb animals never do suicide.

Anonymous said...

We used to have a system that worked really well. for the last 100 thousand years, then we threw it all away and tried to get the government to look after us. First, you work until you are no longer able to do so, and if you are smart, you find a way to do something that is less physically demanding as you get older. And as you get older, and you have saved some money. and your expenses go down, you might work part time. You do this until you die unless you are really lucky. It did help that most of us didn't live as long but that's another issue.

Second, when you get old you could move in with your children, and help look after your grand kids, so that your children can be more productive, and not sub contract the raising of their children. Your children will have children who will repeat the cycle.

Third, when you are bed ridden and terminally ill, you call the dr who makes a house call and doses you up with morphine to relieve your pain and see you off, rather than sending you to a hospital and hooking you up to machines and having someone else pay for it. - minuteman

Dave said...

Self reliant people take steps throughout their lives to lessen the encroachment of well meaning family and friends in their personal affairs.

Why would they approach their deaths any differently?

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bolger/message/60397

Borepatch said...

Well, a different S&W retirement plan is to save each month, and then go to the gun show every 2-3 months. Smithy and Wesson revolvers are collectable, and adding 3-4 to your safe every year means building a collection.

They're not making any new M1917s.

maxx said...

Chemist said...
"This plan is all fine and dandy when you are in your 30's and still have many years ahead of you. I suspect it might seem different when you are facing your planned final day. On that day, will you really be willing to take away your entire future?"

***

Too true, my grandfather was for many years a member of the Euthanasia Society until one day he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, at that point he resigned.

Seerak said...

I was just discussing with a friend how the Left seems to have no concept of tanscendence

You are evidently unfamiliar with the Left's concept of the group as transcending the individual. It's just like any cult, except that they substitute society (or the race, or economic class) for God.

If you understand that, it should take care of that "bafflement".

Anonymous said...

Dr. Jack Kevorkian is not available for comment.

sick, i know ;-)

Well, I'm approaching retirement and even with the economic downturn, I'm in good shape financially. No bullets for a while for me, but not ruling it out either.

No guarantees about the future with all the economic turbulence, QE1, QE2 and the rumored QE3, financial shenanigans and the unrelenting movement of US jobs overseas.

Considering that the current problems are so bad that solution will require massive spending cuts, widening the tax base and massive tax increases to fix - and even that may not be enough.

As much as life can suck, death sucks too.

Anonymous said...

This is very sad.

I am on the "18th Century" retirement plan, and it works like this:

1) Took half my cash and bought farmland out in the middle of nowhere. Cut all costs drastically.

2) Moved my extended family here so they have a place to live when SS dies

3) Rest of the money went into property for rental income, so when SS stops there is still an income stream

4) When I get too old to work the farm and need help, move in much younger family members to take care of us, in return for the left-over money and property when I die.

Just like it's supposed to be...

Anonymous said...

I think there may be a few laying around...

dustydog said...

You got it all wrong. The new retirement plan is the same as the old retirement plan: Slavery.

Enslave other people, keep them enslaved, and you can retire on their hard work.

Social Security, and 401Ks, and everything else are going to fail if the old rich people can't keep the young people enslaved. Only slaves work hard for strangers.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the greatest evil which socialist feminists have worked is the destruction of the family. We talk, patronizingly, of "family values" - how cute!

In contrast is the Asian approach (once purse, as well): the family is your unemployment insurance; the family is your old age pension; the family is your hospitalization program. If you are without work in, say, Korea, and have no family, you will starve. And it will be the same with us

Anonymous said...

I am 68 years old, have a good income, and Type II diabetes. It is most probable that I will go from a job to a grave in about a year, when the time comes. Not quite Smith and Wesson, but almost as effective.

Anonymous said...

"A hammer is not a toilet because a toilet is not a hammer"

A hammer is certainly not a toilet because a toilet is not a hammer. However, if you have a toilet problem, with your hammer, you can hammer your toilet and you no longer have toilet problems. The hammer wins.

HA HA HA HA HA.

paulmurray said...

Another solution is to find a job of honest work that you can contentedly work away at until you keel over at 80.

Anonymous said...

I never looked at it from a retirement standpoint. I always looked at it from the sense that I don't want to live to the point where I can't even wipe myself. That's why I am an advocate of assisted suicide. We have the RIGHT to life, not the OBLIGATION to life.

Grateful to My Ancestors said...

You know, all this, and everything from the economy to culture and all in between, make me reaaaaaaallly happy I got re-acquainted and back in touch with my roots.

I'm half Indian and there was a certain period in my life where I ignored or downplayed the great values that the Indian side of my family instilled in me.

Traditional Hindu culture has the best retirement plan. Parents work and provide for their children and in old age those adult children work and provide for their aging parents.

There is less independence and "rugged individualism" (or wugged indiwwwwiiiiiduuuaaaaaliiiism" much like the "haaaaaaapiness" that is so important to the Manosphere's women) but there are a whole helluva lot more family ties, family values and bonded co-existence.

And people act their age. You won't find middle aged single parents trying to get laid in India. Over here, you walk into the typical American household and both the kids AND their parents are doing the same damn things: video games, porn, dating sites, trying to get laid.

What the hell?

No wonder kids are so disgustingly disrespectful of adults here. There's nothing to respect!

In traditional Hindu culture middle age is the time to enter into the "wise elder" stage of life and take up the occupation of philosopher and guide to the under 40 set.

Over here you've got old men trying to be PUAs and "game" women.

So undignified.


I don't know what I'd do if BOTH of my parents had been Anglo-Americans. Probably go the Wesson-Smith route and off myself by 29!

I didn't appreciate it when young but boy am I ever appreciative of the cultural and philosophical values that the Indian half of my family instilled in me now.

Plus, the yogis have their own Wesson-Smith strategy but it doesn't require money to buy a gun or any self inflicted violence or pain.

Conscious breath control.

The breath is the link between mind and body.