Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Why You Never Want to Work for BMO Harris

Kids, you paying attention?

Are you?

OK kids, lookie here.

I want you to read through this job description and answer yourself honest and truthfully:

Does this sound like a sane organization?

Does this sound like a company that wants to hire the best, the brightest, and has its shit together?

Does it sound like a genuine and honest meritocracy?

Or does it sound like a political bureaucratic organization that just reeks of asskissing, brown-nosing, HR-bullshiting, and cock-sucking as the only means to get ahead?

Look, kids, I can't make it any more clear for you.  These companies are exposing themselves for the worthless, opportunity-less bureaucracies they are.  They're showing their true natures.

You will NEVER be successful in an environment like this.  Not at least if you have any ounce of intellectual honesty, veracity and desire to perform.  You need to sell your soul, lie, cheat, and obey.  And what makes it great is if you take the micro-calorie of energy to just stand back, clear your brain, and look at that advertisement for a job for what it is, you'll realize just how far gone these corporations are when it comes to employing the "best and the brightest."

BMO is nothing more than a political, bureaucractic organization that does not care to be a profitable, productive company.  It have been co-opted and corrupted by outside political organizations that it is so removed from it's original charter of profit, that it need to hire a "diversity recruiter."

Have fun working there kids.  Have fun working there.

14 comments:

Richard said...

That wasn't a good link to post. Bugger! It's going to take 8 fifths of whiskey to recover from the buzz-word blindness!

Anonymous said...

The job description reads like a proprietary software End User License Agreement.

It's way too long, it's way too complicated. Full of legalese, full of gobble-dy-gook.

Anonymous said...

"Monitor industry strategies, and develop innovative ideas and initiatives to distinguish [Dark Satanic Bank] from the competition ..."

Would that they could eliminate the position as well as the positions of the people who thought this was what it would take to distinguish themselves from the competition ...

But what's a poor HR girl to do when busting other people's balls with the DeSade MK II Ball Stretcher isn't enough?

Faithless Cynic said...

I worked for a ####hole like this. The company had a rigid " no blue jeans" policy. I caught Hell for sending a temp home for showing up in jeans. The real problem was she was female and black. After three years I decided to go play with adults. The good ship First USA Bank crashed into a financial iceberg and was bought by a competitor :-)

Steve Parker, M.D. said...

That job ad mentioned "diverse" and "diversity" 11 times. I'm surprised one of the qualifications for applicants isn't "black lesbian with English as non-primary language."

-Steve

Merlin said...

*Chuckle* Sounds like Corpspeak alright. Unfortunately, they all sound like that these days.

Jane the Grad Student said...

Crazy, yeah, but based on what I've seen in the university environment, the guy (or gal) who lands the job is going to be making a crap-ton of money...

Anonymous said...

BMO Harris? It's just to give BMO direct access to the American market, and allow BMO's customers accounts in US$. It's not the sort of place an enterprising person could go anywhere in.

Kiss ass and stamp papers, in other words.

GregMan said...

All I see is "White Males Need Not Apply".

kurt9 said...

This is one of the reasons why I went back into engineering, doing PLC-based industrial automation for OEM's and as system integrator for larger customers. The real (not internet or IT) engineering field is, largely uncontaminated by this "white collar" BS.

Phil Galt said...

Kurt:

Don't worry...we are getting there. :(

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Oh BMO, how'd you get so pregnant?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixXU1fngoyI

Anonymous said...

Why did you have to do this to me! I now have a headache due to the incredible stupidity. I'm so glad I went into engineering. The job descriptions usually have one line about "clear communication/writing skills" and the rest involve technical knowledge.

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