I know we've had our troubles in the past, especially you kicking me out of your life for a 72 hour probationary period. However, thankfully, in those 72 hours without you it gave me time to pause, think, and reflect upon our relationship.
You see, while I love interacting online with my friends, engaging in conversation, and provoking new thought and emotions in others, in the end I find that about 90% of my time spent with you is ultimately wasted. I've been conditioned to automatically click on my Facebook App icon if I see there's a new notification, only to realize it's a picture or a comment that neither advances nor genuinely improves my life. When I hear that "ding" on my phone my heart has palpitations, thinking it may be something of genuine intellectual interest, only to see it's another, of increasingly common, articles about refugees raping their "Refugees Welcome" hosts or Donald Trump p'wnding the media. And instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour, you keep me up at night in the vain hopes you might just say something useful, inspiring, or intelligent to me...and you just don't. When I add it up, I waste a full 2 hours a day with you that is just unrewarding.
Also, to be honest, you're just a bit too controlling. When I'm having a private conversation with friends about sensitive political topics, you seem to think you have the authority to come in and ban me out of your life because of my views. And I fear it isn't even my views as much as it is my language, which makes you even more invasive and tyrannical! My use of the word "faggot" (which I can only surmise is why you wanted to not see me for those ponderous 72 hours, but you won't tell me) wasn't a slander against gays (of which you KNOW I'm pro-gay and pro-gay marriage), as much as it was leftist faggoty pussies that are destroying our nation. And my BFF Chris? You banned him too for equally unknown reasons! Of course, I know I'm under your house and your rules, and you can make up whatever rules you want, but I just thought you were more progressive and open-minded than that, especially for somebody from San Francisco.
Considering all this, I agree with you. I think we do need a break. But unlike your 72 hour probation period, I don't want to see you for 2 weeks. I miss my real friends in the real world. I want it to be like the 80's again where we met in meatspace, played baseball, had lunch, and biked all over town. I want to find myself again so I don't lose myself to a digital world of kitty pics, Daily Mail tabloid articles, and Donald Trump hashtags. I want to go and fish and ride my motorcycle and live life. And truthfully, I want to end my addiction to clicking on the Facebook app everytime I hear a "ding" or see a notification.
I know this may be hard for you...and heaven help you if millions of other people were to do the same thing. Because, unlike "boycotting big oil for one day" if millions of people didn't check into Facebook for two weeks, that might actually have an effect...but I think we both need more than 72 hours off to find ourselves. Me, so I'm not wasting the two hours a day on unrewarding clickbait...and you so you can realize that expending shareholder resources lording over and snooping in on people's conversations probably isn't a good idea.
I'll only be calling when I need to post articles I've written or post a new episode on my podcast. Until then....