The Best of Captain Capitalism - Support Your Local Cynic

This was sent to me by a reader and reminded me not of the playboy post, but this one, support your local cynic. I caught a lot of flak for this post from women, but (as is many of the times) they don't realize my main aim in this post was to save future women (and men as well) from wasting their precious time and money on such worthless degrees. Oh well, tough fatherly love is out of fashion in today's DesperatehousewivesDawsonsCreekTeenIdol America.

Often I have been accused of being a cynic. And not necessarily in a positive light either. No, usually it is followed by some commentary that I should “let go” or “loosen up” otherwise I shall “blow a gasket” and my “blood pressure will skyrocket” and “do I really want to live life this way?”

So to disprove the doubting Thomases and to help us once again advance our understanding about economics I shall demonstrate why cynicism and those that participate in it, cynics, are necessary and right in their insistence on being cynical.

First off, the majority of people you view to be “cynics” are not really cynics at all. No, those of us who seem to have a negative outlook on life and pummel those that come up to us with their brainwashed ignorant smiles saying, “Hey, don’t worry be happy” are in reality REALISTS.

The reason for this is instead of being placated by Desperate Housewives or Teen Idol and satiated by marrying and having the 2.2 kids in the suburbs as our cookie-cutter American counterparts have done, we think ahead. We survey the land. We ask ourselves questions, “what do we want in life and what will happen in the future and what action should be taken to best navigate that future.” This leads any independent-thinking individual to study and take note of various sociological and economic factors, some of which will certainly be; the pathetic savings rates we have, the impending social security crisis that is looming, not to mention the Medicare/Medicaid crisis, all under the shadow of a property market bubble, and an increasing parasite class nudging the US ever closer towards socialism.

And no, don’t tell me to loosen up.

However, the deteriorating economic fundamentals of the future US is not the reason for my bringing up cynicism. The reason is a talking point that I have heard now one too many times in the talk radio world and that is somehow that men, or rather, boys, are being neglected in schools and this results in (ready for the sound byte???) women earning the majority of college degrees.

Usually this is set in the context of reverse discrimination where boys are forced out of their traditional male role models at school and then usually an accusation of some leftist policy that heralds girls over boys, and then the ensuing “woe are we poor men/boys being discriminated against by the leftist educational machine.”

I have two major points of contention with this;

One, we on the right are not whiners. It’s one of the key things that separates us from the left. You want to call us names? Fine. You want to make the playing field unfair? Fine. But we are not going to bitch and whine and feel sorry for ourselves. That’s the job of the left, liberals, and their bevy of political allies. We on the right get up off the ground and go back into the fight, regardless of the odds. So cut as many men jokes as you want. Post as many oafish, tail-behing-the-legs Ray Romanos on TV as you want. We don’t care, because frankly men know better and we are actually secure with ourselves and needn’t any pity or affirmative action hand out and can let whatever unfair practices in the schools roll off our backs for that is what makes us men. And radio talk show hosts should know better.

My second point of contention was started when a little voice in the back of my head said, “something ain’t right about that” when I heard Michael Medved complaining about how men were trailing women in earning college degrees. Certainly he was right, women do earn the majority of college degrees, but something was amiss. Something didn’t add up. Something I couldn’t put my finger on.

Fortunately, I have that trait that all people seemingly are hell-bent on hating and beating out of me, cynicism. And whilst many of you want to just “let go” and be blissfully happy, ignorant to the realities around you whilst you hold hands around the camp fire singing Kumbya and participate in candle-light vigils, some of us were being vigilant.

For as a cynic I remember college and I remember the majority of the women I dated were frankly, morons. Now one could make the argument, this was a sample bias since only morons would go out with me, but I contend another theory. That the majority of girls I dated in college were morons not because only morons would go out with me, but rather because the majority of women majored in what I call “crap studies.” Fields such as “sociology,” “communications” and my all-time favorite, because you’ve only been speaking it for 18 years, “english.”

In other words, the reason why more women are earning more degrees than men is because they major in subjects that are easier.

“WHY, HOW DARE YOU!!!! YOU CYNICAL ASS YOU!!!!”

Yeah, well, like I said, the majority of cynics aren’t pessimistic, but realists. For you see, to test my theory I called up the University of Minnesota with its some 50,000 students and asked them if they could send me a breakdown between the types of degrees awarded and gender. And after a little number crunching it seems my theory was not a theory at all, but reality.

When broken down the majority graduate degrees that are awarded to women are in “fluff” or since I’m subsidizing their education, I call them “crap” fields such as psychology, women’s studies, urban studies, etc., while the majority of real degrees in fields such as engineering, medicine, accounting, etc., with practical applications to the real world are awarded to men.


Similar statistics are shown in undergraduate degrees, where again the majority of “crap” degrees are earned by women and the majority of real degrees are earned by men.

As an economist I have a particular respect for engineers since they compose not only the majority of my friends, but I deem it the field most productive to society (and the labor market agrees with me based on their starting salaries). Alas, men outdo women 5 to 1 in these fields.

Now you can go ahead can contest that I’ve tainted the data. That somehow the University of Minnesota is not a representative sample of an American college, and who am I to say degrees in Chicano Studies are not as warranted as chemical engineering (you racist cynic you!). All I can say is that if you are offended, well you should be, because it’s not the falsities of life that are truly insulting, but rather the truth. The question is whether you want to deal with it, or go watch some more Desperate Housewives.

"Your are a cynical person, Rick, if you forgive me for saying so."
"Oh, I forgive you."