Thursday, December 31, 2009
Boost my bench press to 175.
Keep Natasha's cooking off my waist and keep under 145 lbs.
Get Cisco certified.
Increase revenues for my various ventures by 20%.
However, sadly the Captain has another one.
The Captain will be scaling back Captain Capitalism.
This is not an end of the blog, but rather a drastic reduction in posts. The reasons are multiple but basically boil down to two things;
1. I've made a conscious decision to spend more time with Natasha. Fun as this blog is, it doesn't really pay the mortgage, plus you have to have your priorities straight. And as much as I all love you, Natasha is that special kind of dame.
2. The blog has already achieved what I wanted it to and that was to establish the empirical data that proves whether capitalism or socialism is the optimal economic system. After 5 years I now find myself simply updating charts or reiterating topics I've already written at length about. The posts are just simply short posts or links to other posts that highlight either the proof that capitalism works or the inanity of liberals and leftists.
This of course does not mean there won't be any posts, but the posts I do make will basically be one of three things;
1. Long, more substantive postings that could be considered essays that will tackle larger concepts than simple correlations between economic growth and taxes.
2. Short, quick charts where there will be little, if any commentary in that I trust you are all smart enough junior, deputy, aspiring, official or otherwise economists to figure it out on your own.
3. Video/audio of some speeches/seminars I plan on putting together which I think is the new way blogging/media in general are going.
I certainly welcome any links you guys want to send that you think are post worthy, and as always, all Cappy Cap readers are allowed to contribute their own writing if they so desire (CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com). However, posts on my own will be of no particular frequency, probably averaging around one per month.
Regardless, I wish you all the best in 2010 and the best for capitalism. However, if there's one thing I've learned about capitalism it's that it doesn't need luck. It's reality. It's the people that need the luck if they ever decide to abandon it.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I would go on my regular tirade about how the sciences and what not, not only gets people out of poverty if you study and major in them, but is also the primary factor in what drives the wealth producing capacity of a nation. I would also point out this is the bonafide definition of racism. I would also point out some saying about "socialism" being "equal misery and poverty for everyone" but why bother. It's Berkeley. Self-prescribed medicine couldn't have happened to a more deserving people.
Three men, three of my buddies, all three of them got me nothing.
And I'm being sincere when I say I appreciate nothing. And the reason why is this;
Nothing necessitates nothing in return.
It reminds me of the scene in Donny Brasco where Al Pacino and Johnny Depp are exchaning gifts. Both work for the same mafia so they basically just give each other handfuls of cash. Never mind this is essentially what happens on Christmas anyway (except there is a loss of efficiency and utility when cash is traded via goods). What I'm talking about is they effectively gave each other nothing.
This is why nothing is the best gift. You are not compelled to get a gift in return. Not only does this save you the hassle and the money, it alleviates you of the guilt or the compunction to get somebody something because they're probably going to get something for you.
I looked at one of my buddies who got me nothing and I said, "hey, thanks for the nothing." And with a sincere face and retort he said, "Hey, no THANK YOU for getting me nothing."
Now in general girls have a hard time understanding this. They seem compelled to get SOMETHING for every one. Can be the most worthless freaking crap trinket on the face of the planet, but they still feel compelled to get their far-removed acquaintences something. And the reason why is they think that if they don't display some kind of action or show some kind of affection for their friends via buying them gifts, their friends are going to somehow think they don't like them anymore.
But men have this unspoken understanding that we basically don't like spending money and our true gift to our true friends is to make it so they don't have to spend money either.
Even on birthdays. I don't know when my dad's birthday is, and he knows mine is sometime in July, but he doesn't know the day. We don't exchange gifts either on birthdays or Christmas and we're fine with that. The true gift is the convenience of not having to worry about it, nor compelling one another to do something about it.
Ergo my fellow junior, deputy, aspiring and otherwise official economists, take it from the Captain. The best thing to give your fellow chum is nothing. Nothing is the greatest gift an economist can give. I wouldn't recommend giving "nothing" to a female loved one, but for the guys nothing is as good as it gets.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The world's worst can more or less be sourced from the upper classes where they are brought up rich, have everything handed to them, and then find some kind of religion or cause by which they can go on a crusade that makes them feel better and allows them to become a hero.
What is the epitome of evil (and listen to me VERY carefully now because this is a gem) IS WHEN THESE PEOPLE PUT THEIR DESIRE AND EGO AHEAD OF THE LIVES OF OTHERS EITHER BY KILLING OTHER PEOPLE OR FORCING THEM TO DO SOMETHING THE EGOMANIAC WANTS THEM TO DO.
Karl Marx was a rich spoiled brat kid of a lawyer.
Lenin a physicist.
Castro the son of a plantation owner.
It is only kids who have everything paid for whose minds get idle and concoct grandiose ideas about what they're going to do with their lives. And it never involves real work. It never involves real production. It invariably involves finding a way to criminalize the current system, so they can heroically "rally" against it, inflating their egos, while silently living off of daddy's dime while they try to bring down the system that puts money in their bank accounts.
Adam Gadahn, though not terribly wealthy, is another perfect example of a idle-minded spoiled brat from the suburbs who was too fat to kiss a girl and instead of making something of himself joined Al Qaeda because it was instant celebrityship, "heroism" and attention/meaning in his worthless meaningless life.
Why is this relevant?
Well not that they're going to try to bomb planes or carry out terrorist attacks, but one group of people I do know have no problems avoiding real jobs and make careers by telling people what kind of lives they're going to live as if they're on a life-long crusade;
Tell me, does anybody know one person in congress that paid their own way through college?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
And sadly, that is not a simplification of the argument they use.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
People who bitch about socialism taking over the US
and in general those who would like to see the US in its former 1940's greatness should put their money where their mouths are and not see this movie.
I was immediately skeptical of the movie when I saw obviously "Americanized" forces landing on a "undisrupted, virgin" land to take over "people who didn't look like us humans."
Sure enough Avatar is nothing more than a political statement.
Oh, sure, glitzed up with lots of special effects, but my economic spidey senses were tingling and I deep down inside knew this was going to be some kind of lecturing speech about either evil Europeans invading America in the 1500's or some kind of "Gaia" Earthy, feeling, enviro kind of thing.
Rumor has it is the "hero" is a Marine who decides to defect and some "planet nature force" helps the natives win against an obviously superior technological force. I really don't care to back this speculation up because I'm going to go out on a "crazy" limb here and take it for truth until I'm proven wrong, kind of like straddling a Texas Hold 'Em bet in that I'm supremely confident these rumors will be proven true because that's just the slant of Hollywood, and of course if I'm proven wrong, please let me know and I will take down this post. Until then, I'm going to take a wild guess and predict this Hollywood movie is going to prove my cynicism right.
Regardless, so for all you people who are all upset about socialized medicine being passed you have a choice.
Continue to throw your money at this political/propoganda machine or for once, truly boycott something that is nothing more than leftist propoganda.
I have a nice LCD projector with no children, no lines and no parking hassles in my basement. I fully intend on watching it at my house, Rumpleminze in hand, knowing I've denied these leftists sales and attendance...not to mention who in God's name actually enjoys going to the theater nowadays?
PS- I will be burning lots of wood to counter the fact I did not emit carbon driving to the theater so as to continue my contribution to global warming.
Monday, December 21, 2009
What I love though is how they make it seem that Google "avoided" paying a British tax bill.
No, Google looked at corporate tax rates in the EU and said, "To hell with all you high-tax socialist places, we're going to Ireland where it's 12.5%." Google set up its subsidiary in Ireland and "avoided, schemed, side-stepped" nothing.
Google PAID the Irish government its taxes. It never owe or was behooved to Britain for anything.
Welcome to "capital flight." The leftist's worst nightmare.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Right? Because that's all that matters, right?
I mean, forget whether it works or not. It's just that a bunch of rich spoiled brats in the west who never worked a real job in their lives "meant" to do good and that's all that matters.
You leftists mock and ridicule capitalists and free marketers all you want. In the end capitalism has done more to eliminate poverty than any government program. But of course, it's never been about ending poverty with you people, now has it? It's been about making you feel good and finding you a cushy job at a non-profit so you can feign like you care and can fake like you actually are doing something of worth in this world, just as long as you can avoid having a real job and avoid doing real work.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Sadly we did not reach the 1 million sales mark, even though she is obviously deserving more along the lines of 10 millions in sales.
However, even more deserving than that is this chart right here, which I am now ordering you to forward to people because it is that important of a chart. Forward it to Glenn Beck, forward it to Rush Limbaugh, forward it to liberals who just plain don't get it, but forward it because it is very important.
What this chart shows you is America's economic production over time. It is the rolling 20 year average of RGDP growth and the reason it is a rolling 20 year average is because GDP growth is very volatile and no discernible trend can be seen with the naked eye. However, when you average it out over generations you see essentially a HALVING of our ability to produce.
The ramifications of this are so severe that I am literally stunned so little commentary was made about this and it got such little traffic, thus behooving my re-posting this chart with a little eye candy and basically a direct order you forward this.
1. The obvious fact our ability to enrich ourselves has been halved should be of immediate shock-and-ponder value. This chart alone should trigger people across all political spectrums to ask "Why is this happening" because if it keeps going you can expect the country to not just plateau, but decline. This means we will suffer a decline in our standards of living per capita over the long term.
2. This speaks volumes about the future of Obama-Ponies-and-Puppies-for-All government entitlement programs. Where, precisely, is the economic production going to come from to fund these government programs that are growing faster than the economy. There will come a point that ALL economic production will go to finance medicare and social security, not to mention the debt servicing of our national debt.
3. Pensions? 401k's? IRA's? I dated a rather rich girl one time. She got her job due to her grand-daddy and by no intellectual merit or skill on her own. She make insane amount of coin, kept getting promoted and had banked more money in her 401k plan than I could ever hope to dream. Well the jokes on you guys who have been banking on your pensions and 401k plans. Unless they're invested in gold or foreign countries or something where economic growth is actually occurring, you can expect your pensions to go unfunded when you need to retire. Who knows, by that time rolling RGDP growth will be 0% and you'll then really start to ask about the methods of discounted cash flow to value stocks.
4. Can we please lower the freaking taxes already? You want to spurn economic growth and all you can do is think about spending more government money? Where do you think the real production in this economy comes from? ACORN employees? Government funded art projects? Rebuilding roads that needed to repairing?
5. Can we also please knock it off with the worthless liberal arts degrees and start channelling our children into studies that actually produce stuff? What ever happened to that big push into the sciences back in the 1950's to keep up with the Ruskies? You want to have a nice nursing home? Well too bad, you let your kid major in "art history" on the grounds that "we don't interrupt, we're hands off parents, whatever our child thinks is gold" and now he can't even afford the rent on his coffee barrista income let alone the gas to come pay you a visit because he's taxed at a 60% rate on a dwindling $27,000 per year income.
Sorry, sorry. I have to keep telling myself, I don't control this. I can't get excited about this. There's nothing I can do when the masses are so ignorant. All I can do is play video games, drink heavily and listen to some Lawrence Welk.
But how now brown cow?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Friend recommended it to me and I won't lie;
It's great reading about all the California municipalities and counties who did absolutely NO actuarial study about just how much their pensions would cost. And not just California, but just people, counties, municipalities etc., of other states who promised themselves the world and are now facing a bankrupt pension.
Call it economic Schadenfreude, it's comeuppance for those who refused to be financially literate.
We'd just do it.
The Interstate system.
You name it.
We wanted to build it, and BAAMM!!! There it was!
But now, good luck trying to even get windmills up with all the environmental regulations, not to mention protests by groups like Greenpeace or the Sierra Club. Heck, Minnesota is just trying to get a much needed bridge across the St. Croix. A whopping 1/2 mile long and the Sierra Club has held it up for the past 10 years forcing everybody in the eastern metro to wait cumulatively decades worth of human time in traffic. We can't even get a 1/2 mile bridge up, while the Chinese in a paleo-American way "just do it" with a bridge 60 times as long!
Ah, and you wonder why economic growth is decreasing over time.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
However, in economics, just like a car engine starting, there are many different individual actions and movements of car parts that occur between turning the key on and the engine actually igniting. So to the layperson, they may not understand why increasing property taxes may turn Minneapolis into a cold Detroit because they don't understand how higher property taxes, lower property values, lower profits and drive capital and labor away.
So I shall test all you junior, deputy and aspiring economics. Link this:
to the value of the dollar.
Many thanks to Elizabeth for the link!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Therefore to see if there's any kind of trend you need to average it out over longer periods of time. I did this on a 10 and 20 year trailing average, where I simply took the past 10 and 20 years worth of economic growth and averaged it out into a "rolling average."
I like to call this figure, especially the 20 year rolling average RGDP growth, "Generational RGDP Growth" because the 20 years spans a generation, economic booms and busts included, and shows their overall economic productive capacity over those years.
Now what I'm going to do is very simple, because that's what economics is. It's very simple (plus i don't want to confuse any leftists and socialists).
I took Generational RGDP growth and compared it to government spending (state and federal) as a percent of GDP. And wonders upon wonder, guess what? The relationship is inverted.
What this means is that as government spending has gone up, economic growth has gone down.
This simple chart has many economic ramifications, most of my readers already intuitively understand. But, for those of you who vote for your presidents based on their pecs, let me spell it out for you.
1. This is why the stimulus and by large Keynesian economics won't work. Understand the government DOES NOT PRODUCE ANYTHING. It does NOT PRODUCE WEALTH. It doesn't make X-Boxes. It doesn't make food. It merely TRANSFERS WEALTH FROM ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE TO ANOTHER. Now there are some genuine services that the government provides that helps society and does show up on GDP. BUT STIMULUS MONEY TO ART INSTITUTES, ACADEMIA AND WHATEVER OTHER FLOWERS AND PUPPIES POPPYCOCK HAVE YOU DOES NOT PRODUCE ANYTHING. The reason why is that even if an Obama-fanatic sculptor produces a worthless and sinfully ugly government piece of art for the local building, the money used to pay him came from somebody else, ergo a net production increase of ZERO.
2. The government is less efficient than the private sector.
Do you want growth?
Do you want jobs?
Do you want food on the table?
Then you better let the people have the majority of the money and not put it into the government. History has shown you this via this chart. Your eyes are not deceiving you. Look at the chart again. And no, I'm not Michael Mann or Phil Jones. The data has not been tainted and comes directly from the FRED Database at the St. Louis Fed. You can recreate this very same chart on your own, whereas I cannot recreate the hockey stick chart, so if you believe in global warming, you better damn well believe this chart.
3. No, majoring in sociology or planning on becoming a government worker will not help this situation.
See, I know what a lot of you are thinking. "I want to help people because it sounds like an easier job than engineering...errr....I mean, because I am noble and moral. Ergo I will go and work for the government as a social worker, a professor or run for public office."
The problem is none of these jobs PRODUCE ANYTHING THE POPULATION NEEDS NOR REALLY WANTS. And as a higher and higher percentage of the population goes and majors in worthless subjects in the hopes of a cushy job that doesn't produce anything, but merely transfers wealth, you can expect GDP to drop further.
4. If growth keeps dropping, then where precisely are you people going to come up with the money to pay for...
nationalized health care
government financed day care
not to mention the extra money we'll need to pay back the national debt?
You see, the governments combined (state, local and federal) already spend about 45% of GDP, leaving only 55% left to be taxed (difference in revenue vs. spending duly noted), how much more do you think the economy will take before people just stop working altogether?
Is everybody supposed to work in government?
Who, might I ask, is going to produce the I-Pod you want?
Who, might I ask, is going to produce the Wii you want?
Who, might I ask, is going to produce the computer networking system so you can e-mail your friends, let alone put the food on your table?
Or are we supposed to be like the Pelosi's, the Bush's and the Gore's. Generation after generation of losers who never worked a real job in the private sector?
Of course, I know all of my regular readers understand this. My regular readers get this simple logic. Not to mention before they form opinions, they get the facts first. Not form opinions and then find facts.
But good lord, to the 60% of the population who voted for Obama, when does reality sink in? What does it take to get you people to grow the hell up, drop it with your naive, college-age thinking and idealism, and intellectually and honestly admit you have no FREAKING clue how the real world and economy works. LET ALONE take the time to study the federal effing budget and do some simple mathematical calculations much like you would your own personal finances to see if any of this socialism BS is even affordable, let alone feasible. Let alone (and this group really confuses me) for those of you with children, start to stop and really think about what you're doing to your childrens' financial future? When do you wake up?
Alas, what can I do aside from make a record of it here on this blog so that a thousand years from now historians will look back and say, "Wow, look how insane the population was. There was this one guy over here that saw it coming, but the rest of them were all doped up on REality TV, Obama's pecks, bread and circuses, they couldn't even understand how everybody working as a social worker and nobody farming the fields would result in a collapse of society!"
I'll be long dead by that time, and I'm supremely confident I'll be proven right, but in the meantime, good lord, why would anybody invest in America?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
The irony is that though I loathe children and find them more or less the root of most problems that plague society today, I do actually remember being one and come to bat for them more often than not. For while I think they may bring in communicable diseases from day care to the home, and while I think they cost roughly $500,000 to bring up, and while I think too many children too early in life is the primary cause of poverty, they are human beings. And not just human beings, but INNOCENT human beings that are all too often the victim of parents who forgot what it was like to be a child.
Ergo, a lesson in the “Christmas Present Game.”
Since the beginning of time, it has been a tradition where the children and parents battle it out over the determining of “what am I going to get for Christmas.” The parents, on the side of patience and discipline would say, “No, you must wait till Christmas,” while the children just being plain children would take whatever means was necessary to find out what they got for Christmas BEFORE the 25th (unless of course you were one of those cheating Catholic types that open their gifts on the 24th) This entailed a whole host of tactics including simple things such as shaking and studying the box, to sly, coy interrogative tactics used to coax valuable clues unconsciously from the parent opposition, to night-time clandestine operations with a Swiss Army knife to surgically cut key pieces of tape and grab a peek of what lay underneath the wrapping paper, only to reseal the presents with identical lengths of tape to cover one’s tracks (none of which I ever engaged in).
This time-honored battle has been a cornerstone of parent-child relationships and should be a much-looked-forward to event during the month of December.
However, as peers in my generation start breeding, I am sad to hear what some of them are doing. And that is
DENYING THEIR CHILDREN THEIR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO FIND OUT WHAT THEY GOT FOR CHRISTMAS BEFORE THE 25TH!
They actually refuse to let their children try to guess what they got for Christmas!
How do their cold, callous, oppressor parents do this?
By threatening their children that if they catch them trying to sneak a peak of their Christmas gifts then they will TAKE THE GIFTS BACK TO THE STORE!
I had thought we defeated nazi
Now what is really going on here is half-hearted parenting. Parents who are either too lazy or just plain don’t have enough of the Christmas spirit to realize just how important the Christmas Present Game is.
First you must realize that half the fun of gifts is the receiver not just trying to guess what they are, but the giver doing all in their power to confuse and throw off the receiver. My mom inevitably had to resort to the dirty underhanded tactic of wrapping my gifts in multiple boxes with styrafoam and papers. This game, the constant battle between the parent and the child, the child scheming and crafting ways to identify his gifts, the parent always keeping a watchful eye over their shoulder is what makes the Christmas gifts all that more exciting. And for you just to not participate in it is throwing all this fun away.
Second, come on, don’t be a sore loser. If you’re so bad at hiding gifts, lying about the gifts, or crafting a propaganda campaign to mislead your 4 year old into what he got for Christmas, then you just have to up your game. I know it’s embarrassing that a little toddler has outdone you, but that doesn’t give you the right to end the game. You must be a gracious loser and look forward to next year’s battle.
Third, if you’re too damn lazy to play the game, well then shoot, why did you have kids then in the first place? Why don’t you just store the gifts offsite and then truck them in Christmas Day? Heck, why even do that, just get the little varmints gift cards then. Better yet, become one of those people that makes a donation to a charity in their honor. Or even better still, just cut them a check the day of. That takes the least effort. Of course if you fall into this category you no doubt buy your children sweaters for Christmas instead of toys which is a violation of the game. Regardless, if you can’t play the game, then don’t even rile them up in the first place with presents.
The larger point is that if you have children and you are going to put gifts in plain site, then there IS going to be a battle regardless. Kids are kids and they will be curious and the Christmas Present Game is on. And you have a choice. You can either have fun and play this game, counter-scheming their schemes. Wrapping fake gifts and hiding the real ones. Or going so far as to tie off the gifts with a perimeter of fishing wire tied to a bell (it has been done). OR you can be a party pooper and never play the game in the first place and tell them if they find out what they got for Christmas BEFORE the 25th then you take the gifts back home.
Which one has more Christmas cheer?
Thank you very much for your destruction of the dollar.
Though, I wistfully acknowledge that it really isn't the other currencies going up in value as much as it is the dollar just tanking. Ergo, no real gains.
Friday, December 11, 2009
But hey, at least we have "walk ambassadors."
And don't forget those $50,000 drinking fountains!
Now let's do the math. 10 $50,000 drinking fountains is $500,000.
Would Minneapolis been able to keep those 7 officers on the payroll with $500,000?
Liberals? Leftists? Repsonse please? Rationale? Explanation?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009
Though, permit me a cynical question or two;
1. What percentage of the Americans that were asked this even know what GDP stands for? and
2. What percentage of them even know what percent of GDP is left after government taxes?
Boy, Russia with a flat tax and what are presumably sane people is starting to look more and more attractive every day.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
However, what I cannot abide is when people who believe in global warming use the "Won't somebody PUH-leeeeeeze think of the chilllllldren!?" schtick. That our future generations will be swimming in a Water World and dying of future global-warming induced diseases. That our "children" will suffer due to our greed and inability to deal with global warming today.
The reason I cannot abide this, is these are the same people who voted to do something much worse and MUCH more real;
Indebt their children and grandchildren to the tune of 300% GDP when you include household and government debt.
Man-caused global warming, for whatever side you're on, is at MINIMUM not an established fact. And in light of the e-mails showing the fraudsters hidding data and manipulating data, at MINIMUM we should launch investigations that determine precisely what is happening in the scientific community and the climate BEFORE we go ahead and implement law or taxation based on the assumption man made global warming is real.
However, there is no debate that we've just enslaved our children to the tune of another $10 trillion (depending on whose estimates you want to use). That's not a theory, that's a fact. But the intellectual dishonesty or perhaps, just the complete inability of these people to link or see their hypocrisy makes my stomach churn.
You're so worried about your children and grandchildren?
Fine, how about you start rallying against the much more real and guaranteed threat of economic collapse instead of a theory that the globe is warming based on human activities? How about you voluntarily vote to increase the retirement age to 80 to shore up social security and medicare. How about you make it a constitutional amendment to have a balanced budget except for times of war?
Stewards of the environment???
My sweet, little perfectly sculpted Irish ass that you can bounce frozen peas off of with a pinging noise.
How about being stewards of the economy?
But then again, I know, I know. You all know me to be even more cynical than that. That I can't really believe that people are that dumb.
Sadly my honest opinion or actually fear is that these people care more about ideology than their own children. The "children" are just a chess piece to advance and implement an ideology. I seriously wonder whether parents who advocate cap and trade, but have no problems indebting the country to the tune of $10 trillion even care what happens to their children after they're dead.
Friday, December 04, 2009
No doubt the jobs summit will fail because I doubt;
1. They're going to lower corporate taxes
2. The jobs they want to create must adhere to their socialist, leftist ideology, which by it's nature prevents jobs from being created. The jobs come SECOND to their politics.
And if you think their ideology doesn't supercede Americans' desire to have jobs, think again.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
At his website he has all the articles and information about "Climatgate" you need and if you really want to make a difference and convince the brainwashed zealots of the western world that this is indeed a scam and they better get their heads out of their asses, his web site is indispensible. Liberals and leftists may not agree now, but when their children grow up not having to fork over 10% of their income while suffering a house "warmed" to 40 degrees due to government mandated temperature control, they will inevitably, though reluctantly, thank him.
Of course, Downfall parodies always are fun to send to leftists, but regardless the entire blogosphere owes a hat tip to James.
You can also file this under;
"Why your child will come back to live with you after they graduate from college."
"Why the Chinese will inevitably dominate over the US."
"Why social security and medicare will go unfunded as nobody is producing anything of real worth in this country."
"Why you are unemployed or flipping burgers with your bachelors degree in music."
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
So there I sat and the representative, who was good, was obviously dumbing it down for his audience. He then asked a simple question that every high schooler should know;
“How many members are there in congress?”
I looked around and saw that out of the roughly 500 students NOBODY was raising their hands. I thought to myself, “Good Christ, NOBODY KNOWS????” I soon realized we’d be stuck there longer if somebody didn’t move the speech along and answer the man’s question.
I raised my hand. He called on me and I said, “535.”
He said, “correct” and then continued on with his speech.
There was then a tap on my shoulder from the seat behind me.
It was this young punk freshman who was already notorious because at the wise age of 14 he decided he would get a REAL tattoo of a spider web EXPANDING FROM HIS EYE. He looked like an even more idiotic version of Adam Lambert.
He asked me in a Beavis and Butthead tone, “Heh, heh, how many beers are in a case?”
I didn’t know, so I said, “I don’t know, 6? 12?”
“Heh heh, it’s 24! Shows you how much you know, stupid!”
And I sat there and thought in utter irony, “Yes, actually IT DOES SHOW me how much I know!”
Fast forward many years and there I am substitute teaching. I was subbing for an unnamed school in a district that was rapidly turning from inner suburb to ghetto. Kids, accustomed to having no authority or discipline meted out upon them were running rampant. Nobody sitting in their seat. Talking blatantly while the teacher was trying to lecture. But my favorite was when I was waiting for students to get to class before the bell and this kid comes in with a radio blasting some worthless rap. We had some time before the class started so I asked him, “what the heck is that you’re listening to?”
“DJ Dayz and something or other” I couldn’t remember what it was.
I said, “Dude, how does that materially sound any different than any other rap group out there?”
Thinking I was some how insulting him he said, “Well what do you listen to?”
I said, “Jazz, some rock and roll, lounge, but primarily talk radio if I’m just listening to the radio.”
“Pfa! Talk radio???” and he then turned back to his music.
At recess that day I was to chaperone the students, and as I was outside just standing around I hear in a blurred together saying, “TALKRADIOSUCKSZAAAA!”
And then three middle school idiots, sniveling and snorking, looking at me as if I;
1. Didn’t know who they were.
2. Could not deduce who it could have possibly been given I only had ONE conversation about talk radio with ONE student in my entire life.
Now it has been some time since I was in high school.
And actually it has been quite some time since I substitute taught.
But I have a couple questions.
1. Where are these idiots now? And
2. Politics set aside, would they not be better off listening to talk radio?
There is no larger point I wish to make. It’s just a very simple point. Idiots, which are readily and easily identifiable in high school and middle school, would benefit immensely from talk radio.
First, they are punished for being idiots by being forced to listen to talk radio. Second, they might actually learn something if forced to listen to it. But (and here’s the kicker) third, talk radio is arguably the ideal “punishment” in that it is addictive. There’s an actual plot or point to it. It’s not just some idiot cursing and swearing about pimps and hoes, there’s a story AND it’s real life. The kid, I would gander, would not only have to sheepishly admit he/she listens to talk radio, they would learn something AND it would definitely set them on a better track than the one they were on before.
Heck, you could even have the kid listen to NPR, though Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage would certain engage their attention better. But the larger point is could not the schools (public and private) be using this advanced weaponry to help discipline and educate the kids at the same time too? Let alone inoculate them against future poverty and strife? Mayhaps even set them on the road towards success?