Fast forward to the present and while enjoying a cigar over a bonfire with some friends, the conversation turns to appropriate behaviors in dating. A friend of mine says, "Yeah, don't you remember that 300 is NOT a date movie?"
I looked at him quizzically because I remembered hearing that before.
Where did I hear that before?
So I asked, "Where did I hear that before?"
He replied, "Don't you remember? The cousin of the girl that sent you that e-mail listing all the things you did wrong on the date?"
I said, "Yeah, but I recall getting lectured for having an older car. Not taking her to 300. You don't still have the e-mail, do you?"
And for the luck of all my readers, my good friend still DID have the e-mail and forwarded it to me so that I may share it with all of you.
Understand this is a treasure trove of insight into the psychology poor men have to deal with. It is empirical evidence of everything you see in the dating world and the socio-psychological observations made in the mano-sphere such as the Rationlization Hamster, entitlement princesses and delusional expectations of themselves and others. It's been about 4, maybe 5 years since I've read this, but my gosh, re-reading it again only provides vindication, if not great insight and wisdom to any poor schlep still having to deal with this insanity. Please enjoy;
First, I want to tell you I have this thing about dating. I can predict pretty much anything that a guy is going to do. I guessed within 2 hours of when you'd call Terri. Guys are predictable. Not just you. So to have an advantage you need to be different. I think a lot of guys got bad advise from married guys who have no clue what it is like to date in the 30's or from a girl that really doesn't want you to find someone so they can use you as their back up if they can't find anyone else.
This being said Terri has not told me all that much information. I just pick up on a lot more than people usually say. So do not judge her for what she may have said because I am just picking out the things that can help you. Plus, I have been prompting her for details.
I really hate to see people single. When life is so much more enjoyable with the right person. If my thoughts are unfinished or grammar is incorrect you need to bare with me because I am having contractions that are a little distracting. I am sure it is not the real labor as this baby seems to not want to come out:)
-You date like you are 20. Dating in your 30's changes/matures. You can take a 20 year old to Applebee's and it is fine but a 30 year old has had time to eat at nicer restaurants and expects more. I am not saying your choice of a restaurant was cheap just showing an example of what is acceptable. Also, the type of person you date expects different things. A waitress who still lives at home probably is fine with a movie for the first date. A woman that has a career, her own house and is indepedant expects more because they give themselves more and will give you more. I am not just talking money things I am talking taking time to think of good things to do. Taking time to do nice things.
- Phone conversations are a great way to get to know people. You should only call when you have time to talk. And after a few dates call just to talk.
-Group dates are for once you have established you do indeed know you like each other and will continue to date.
-After a first date if you want to ask the girl out again you need to call within 24 hours, best if it within 12 hours the sooner the better in most cases. No likes to wait around and figure out if you like them or not.
-Feedback at the end of the date is good. Like I had fun I'd like to do this again.
-Movie dates are for once you are dating (like a month). You can not get to know someone over a movie. Plus 300 is not a date movie!
-First and second dates should be spent getting to know the person so you will know if it is a waste of time for a 3rd date. Personal things should be talked about. What personal things do you know about Terri after a date and couple phone conversations? In 30's if marriage is the goal by date 3 deal breakers should be brought up. Like if there is something you are not ever willing to compremise on. Kids, religion etc. Which I think most things you should be willing to compremise on. Since you really can not predict your feelings in 10 years or how you will feel once you are madly in love with this new person.
-Don't imply you have your whole life planned out already. A woman wants to feel like she can be part of the planning if you were to be together. Not just fit into your plan.
-I am not sure how you are on this one or not but here's some advise if case. Sleep is something that can be put aside to get to know a girl. Girls love when a guy is willing to stay up getting to know them (over the phone or in person). This is an investment in your future happiness. It should be taken seriously.
-Always offer to pick the girl up at her house/work. Let her be the one that decides that you should meet at the place instead of drive together.
-Make a lady feel like a lady. I don't know any woman who are over 30 and single that don't want to be treated like lady. Open doors, pick them up, walk them to their doors, etc. Like the guys in the romantic movies. Women over 30 who are single have had a lot of time to think about "how" they want a man to treat them.
-My husband told me about your cheap car. I think it is great but definitely not for dates.
-Practical and cheap are not for dates. They can be brought into a relationship later once you are actually dating but not for dates.
-The date you have lined up for Thursday sounds bad for a couple reason. It's like well I am already going to be there so just meet me there. There is no room for the date to go long if you have a commitment right after dinner. It sounds like you are just fitting her into your schedule not opening your schedule for her. Woman do not want to feel like you are fitting them it. I am going to suggest you rethink the date and plan something else. Make it special. With no time limits. You only get a couple chances before a woman makes up her mind and you need to use those dates to your benefit. Make her feel like she is a priority.
-Dating is work. It does not come naturally to most people. You need to put time and effort into it since a good relationship could last you a life time. And bring you more happiness than everything else on this earth.