Thursday, May 26, 2011

"300 is NOT a Date Movie"

Many years ago the Captain was set up by a listener of his radio show with this listener's cousin. Our first of only two dates was a very innocent and kind one on my part because I was simply that. Innocent and nice. I asked her if I could take her out for sushi during lunch.

Fast forward to the present and while enjoying a cigar over a bonfire with some friends, the conversation turns to appropriate behaviors in dating. A friend of mine says, "Yeah, don't you remember that 300 is NOT a date movie?"

I looked at him quizzically because I remembered hearing that before.

Where did I hear that before?

So I asked, "Where did I hear that before?"

He replied, "Don't you remember? The cousin of the girl that sent you that e-mail listing all the things you did wrong on the date?"

I said, "Yeah, but I recall getting lectured for having an older car. Not taking her to 300. You don't still have the e-mail, do you?"

And for the luck of all my readers, my good friend still DID have the e-mail and forwarded it to me so that I may share it with all of you.

Understand this is a treasure trove of insight into the psychology poor men have to deal with. It is empirical evidence of everything you see in the dating world and the socio-psychological observations made in the mano-sphere such as the Rationlization Hamster, entitlement princesses and delusional expectations of themselves and others. It's been about 4, maybe 5 years since I've read this, but my gosh, re-reading it again only provides vindication, if not great insight and wisdom to any poor schlep still having to deal with this insanity. Please enjoy;


First, I want to tell you I have this thing about dating. I can predict pretty much anything that a guy is going to do. I guessed within 2 hours of when you'd call Terri. Guys are predictable. Not just you. So to have an advantage you need to be different. I think a lot of guys got bad advise from married guys who have no clue what it is like to date in the 30's or from a girl that really doesn't want you to find someone so they can use you as their back up if they can't find anyone else.
This being said Terri has not told me all that much information. I just pick up on a lot more than people usually say. So do not judge her for what she may have said because I am just picking out the things that can help you. Plus, I have been prompting her for details.
I really hate to see people single. When life is so much more enjoyable with the right person. If my thoughts are unfinished or grammar is incorrect you need to bare with me because I am having contractions that are a little distracting. I am sure it is not the real labor as this baby seems to not want to come out:)

-You date like you are 20. Dating in your 30's changes/matures. You can take a 20 year old to Applebee's and it is fine but a 30 year old has had time to eat at nicer restaurants and expects more. I am not saying your choice of a restaurant was cheap just showing an example of what is acceptable. Also, the type of person you date expects different things. A waitress who still lives at home probably is fine with a movie for the first date. A woman that has a career, her own house and is indepedant expects more because they give themselves more and will give you more. I am not just talking money things I am talking taking time to think of good things to do. Taking time to do nice things.
- Phone conversations are a great way to get to know people. You should only call when you have time to talk. And after a few dates call just to talk.
-Group dates are for once you have established you do indeed know you like each other and will continue to date.
-After a first date if you want to ask the girl out again you need to call within 24 hours, best if it within 12 hours the sooner the better in most cases. No likes to wait around and figure out if you like them or not.
-Feedback at the end of the date is good. Like I had fun I'd like to do this again.
-Movie dates are for once you are dating (like a month). You can not get to know someone over a movie. Plus 300 is not a date movie!
-First and second dates should be spent getting to know the person so you will know if it is a waste of time for a 3rd date. Personal things should be talked about. What personal things do you know about Terri after a date and couple phone conversations? In 30's if marriage is the goal by date 3 deal breakers should be brought up. Like if there is something you are not ever willing to compremise on. Kids, religion etc. Which I think most things you should be willing to compremise on. Since you really can not predict your feelings in 10 years or how you will feel once you are madly in love with this new person.
-Don't imply you have your whole life planned out already. A woman wants to feel like she can be part of the planning if you were to be together. Not just fit into your plan.
-I am not sure how you are on this one or not but here's some advise if case. Sleep is something that can be put aside to get to know a girl. Girls love when a guy is willing to stay up getting to know them (over the phone or in person). This is an investment in your future happiness. It should be taken seriously.
-Always offer to pick the girl up at her house/work. Let her be the one that decides that you should meet at the place instead of drive together.
-Make a lady feel like a lady. I don't know any woman who are over 30 and single that don't want to be treated like lady. Open doors, pick them up, walk them to their doors, etc. Like the guys in the romantic movies. Women over 30 who are single have had a lot of time to think about "how" they want a man to treat them.
-My husband told me about your cheap car. I think it is great but definitely not for dates.
-Practical and cheap are not for dates. They can be brought into a relationship later once you are actually dating but not for dates.
-The date you have lined up for Thursday sounds bad for a couple reason. It's like well I am already going to be there so just meet me there. There is no room for the date to go long if you have a commitment right after dinner. It sounds like you are just fitting her into your schedule not opening your schedule for her. Woman do not want to feel like you are fitting them it. I am going to suggest you rethink the date and plan something else. Make it special. With no time limits. You only get a couple chances before a woman makes up her mind and you need to use those dates to your benefit. Make her feel like she is a priority.
-Dating is work. It does not come naturally to most people. You need to put time and effort into it since a good relationship could last you a life time. And bring you more happiness than everything else on this earth.

30 comments:

Jose said...

"-Practical and cheap are not for dates. They can be brought into a relationship later once you are actually dating but not for dates."

I blogged about an acquaintance who fell for this idea here (mocking the expenditure):

http://josecamoessilva.tumblr.com/post/3391690025/whats-a-date-worth

and got so much email flak from [female] correspondents that I blogged a strategy post:

http://josecamoessilva.tumblr.com/post/3713444673/my-first-date-strategy-better-life-through-screening

The idea is to turn the screening on itself; finding a good woman by using a "I'm not even going to try any game on you" approach. Which, conveniently, is even more game-like than most game that guys run.

Being older and wiser helps; wisdom = sum of all mistakes I made and all I observed in other guys.

JCS

randian said...

After reading that email I can't help but wonder what a woman brings to the table. What does she have to do on the date besides show up and demand to be entertained?

S. Harvey said...

Girl/Lady doesn't want to see 300? speak up before the ticket is purchased.

Don't like my car? I'll ride my motorcycle almost anytime if given enough cause, but be prepared for a cold ride when its below freezing...

Men are simple creatures, attempting to convince us that we need to do something more than the simple is fighting a loosing battle. Frankly it's the women out there that create the demand for dating, not the men. If left to our own vices we'd drink, smoke and video game away the hours between work and riding our motorcycles.

ColeMocha said...

Wow, just wow.

The sad part was she thought she was helping you.

I've gotten my choice for not having a car pointed out to me as being completely wrong. I live within a 3 block radius of everything I need and places where I need to go. If I need to go outside a 5 block range, I can always take a cab or rent a car. The potential insurance, gas costs and car payments of owning a car are much more than the costs are when I rent a car or take a cab.

However pointing out my substantial savings of not a having a car makes me the bad guy. I can easily afford a car, I just don't need one.

Anonymous said...

Im seriously debating on being MGTOW or single forever. I don't have the energy or sex drive to be PUA Im 31, is this wrong? I don't know what to do

Captain Capitalism said...

Anon,

MGTOW doesn't mean celebacy. It means indifference. PUA, eh...I could do without them. Don't have much against them, but the idea you put so much effort into it, let alone waste time going to bars...eh...if you're still in your 20's. Do what you want and you are guaranteed to have at least the same amount of success with the ladies as you did before, but this time you get to do what you want.

Aynsley said...

What's wrong with 300?

Anonymous said...

all you needed to point out was that you were well beyond the age to be lectured or given advice,

I AM WHAT I AM

Anonymous said...

Capt-

although I find that I have the lowest sex drive around.I just find women to be a waste of time. I dont hate them, but other than sex they have no purpose. I find that because I am chronically single (and it doesnt bother me at all) people think Im gay. But Im straight single , not looking and dont care. I cant be the only guy out there like this

NMH said...

Anonymous- you are not alone. I was dateless through HS and college and was in my first sexual relationship when I was 29. I was a nice looking guy, but incredibly shy, introverted, and had anti-game. And yes, everybody thought I was gay, which really bothered me.

Cant blame any guy who does not care to date. In general women's expectations are ridiculously high, their personalities are too difficult, and they get fatter and fatter by the day. They really have no reward for men in general.

My advice is to be highly selective and if you are blaming yourself, dont. There are plenty of good men out there who dont need to be weighted (literally) down by a nagging hag.

Rowan said...

Hello Captain, really enjoy the blog and was hoping I could ask a question.

You've stated a number of times to never earn more than $30,000 a year. I'm British and have decided to never pay tax in the UK for the same reasons. But, my greatest dream is to create a great advanced manufacturing equipment company.

What are my choices to pursue this? I don't think it would be possible in the West today and after looking into it, I can't just turn up in an Asian country with no capital and get to work in a garden shed.

I worked for an engineering company for over a year until 2008 when anyone younger than 45 was made redundant. At the moment I'm bumming around in Australia on a temporary visa, having fun, paying NO taxes, but it can't last forever and I can't help but feel the drive to do something.

Should I just accept this is the best life is going to be? I can bum around several more countries, plenty of easy sex, booze, no stress jobs, plenty of time to keep fit and get lots of hiking in?

grerp said...

Wow. What an amazing list. "Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog."

So, you're supposed to jump through all those hoops in the first 2 dates so she can determine quickly if she's wasting her time with you and, if so, efficiently terminate the "relationship?" What's in it for you? Or does that matter?

When I met my husband, he was still in school, had no money, lived with his brother, drove a really crappy car and couldn't afford to take me somewhere "nice" on the first date. So we went wherever and I suggested we just do the cheap date thing because I didn't have any money either and it would take at least a little pressure off the getting-to-know-you process. At least half the time I cooked him dinner in my tiny little kitchenette and we ate in my apartment. But then, I'm frugal.

A year and a half later we both graduated, then got married, got real jobs, bought a house, lived the dream, etc., etc. If I'd evaluated my husband and other men the way your letter writer did, I'd still be single. Is she still married, by the way?

Sonny Ortega said...

"Don't imply you have your whole life planned out already. A woman wants to feel like she can be part of the planning if you were to be together." Whoa, I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. Planning together? "Oh, honey, as soon as I get that promotion, we'll get a mortgage and buy a house!" Yack. I'll have to kill myself if I ever find myself letting a woman plan and control my life (directly or indirectly).

Even thinking about planning anything after one date with her cousin is batshit crazy. Also, absolutely normal for single women over 30. Anyway, I have to wonder, who will I date in my 40s and 50s? I can't date women in their 30s! They're all either (a) creepy as hell because of their insane desire to marry or (b) annoying as hell with their hamsters running full speed, powering their jaws as they blabber on about how there are no decent guys anymore, effectively repulsing all the decent guys within earshot.

Richard said...

Captain, you should have responded to her email with the following paragraph:

-Proper grammar and spelling is work. It does not come naturally to most people. You need to put time and effort into it since proper grammar and spelling could last you a life time. And bring you more happiness than everything else on this earth.

^BTW, I was being sarcastic with that last sentence because you should never start a sentence with the word 'and.'


I don't think I could have tolerated such asinine patronizing from some bimbo.

eljay said...

I have a friend. He has a car. He's not that good looking so I would say he can't be picky. His car is pretty new. He picked up a woman for a first date and the first thing out of her mouth was "Wow, at least you don't have a shitty car!" The first thing out of his mouth was "Get out!" I never felt so proud of him in my life.

Anonymous said...

Yeah what exactly does a woman bring to the table? They seem to be a constant drain on a man`s finance.
I am sure she had enough "men" by 30 to know who she wants to marry haha. Keep on the dream baby.
I always say marrying/dating anyone over 24 is like buying a used public toilet seat for a new 4 bedroom house

Captain Capitalism said...

Rowan,

I am not familiar with the tax rates in the UK, but I presume you're in worse shape than "US".

Let go of any ideas of becoming a great entreprenuer.

That being said, if you "can" become a great entreprenuer and make millions (even though half will be confiscated to support the parasites of your country) I say go for it. But I presume the reality is that any unique individual such as yourself who has an idea that would genuinely benefit society will simply be squashed.

Sorry to sound so negative, but I don't really see any kind of change in the western world, and (no matter how much you and I protest against it) most people in our democracies believe in global warming and have a genuine hatred towards industrial industries.

MarkyMark said...

Dude,

I could only get 1/4 the way through that before crying uncle! Since THAT is what I have to choose from out there, I'll stay single, thank you very much. Dating just doesn't seem to be worth the effort if women like the e-mailer are the 'prize'...

MarkyMark

Dalrock said...

This line is pure gold:

Women over 30 who are single have had a lot of time to think about "how" they want a man to treat them.

Having failed in their quest to find a man for over a decade, they of course spend their time contemplating... what men should do differently.

See also: Any blog by an unmarried woman.

Rowan said...

Thanks Captain. I will continue to learn and watch for now, this train may derail before it goes over the cliff.

Anonymous said...

"I am not saying your choice of a restaurant was cheap just showing an example of what is acceptable."

Bitch doesn't like Applebees? NEXT!

"Don't imply you have your whole life planned out already. A woman wants to feel like she can be part of the planning if you were to be together."

And yet she'd whine if the guy had NO life plan, and she rightly wouldn't respect a "man" who was a void waiting for her to fill him with her own agenda.

Your JOB as a woman is to fit into my plan, baby!

"Women over 30 who are single have had a lot of time to think about "how" they want a man to treat them."

Ever realize that that's WHY they are single -- the huge list of demands men must meet?

Aging cougars with a lot of demands better get used to being around cats.

"It's like well I am already going to be there so just meet me there... It sounds like you are just fitting her into your schedule not opening your schedule for her."

Exactly how it should be.

dragnet said...

The hamster is strong in this one.

amcz said...

And we laughed at the Japanese for playing dating sims...

Anonymous said...

So. She wants to date someone who doesn't save any money, so that when they reach retirement age she could be on the streets with her husband or be forced to never retire.

Hmm.

Yeah, I can't imagine why practical and cheap is so bad....

MDarcy said...

Thank you for reminding me why it's good to be in the s&m community sometimes. While there is still some BS (and entitlement princesses) something about seems to cut down on the irrationality.

Kurt said...

I love this line:

A woman that has a career, her own house and is indepedant expects more because they give themselves more and will give you more.

I am going to go out on a limb and assume that the woman who wrote this "helpful" email is a career woman herself! Is she assuming that career women are more likely to pay for dates? I don't even think that is true of a lot of women - in my own experience, the career women don't seem to want to pay for a damn thing on a date, at least on an early date.

Anonymous said...

"And we laughed at the Japanese for playing dating sims..."


Funny!!

John McGuinness said...

My favorite is how it combines "put on a show" with "be yourself."

If you're frugal, like certain kinds of movies, need sleep for your job, etc., you should pretend not to, at least for the first couple dates. You should also pretend you have no particular plans for the future, other than whatever your date may want.

But, the first couple of dates should be a time for the couple to get to know each other deeply, so you need to put all your dirty laundry out there so she gets to know you.

Um, is that the "fake you" that throws money around, has a fancy car and no particular plans for the future, or the "real you?"

John McGuinness said...

My favorite is how it combines "put on a show" with "be yourself."

If you're frugal, like certain kinds of movies, need sleep for your job, etc., you should pretend not to, at least for the first couple dates. You should also pretend you have no particular plans for the future, other than whatever your date may want.

But, the first couple of dates should be a time for the couple to get to know each other deeply, so you need to put all your dirty laundry out there so she gets to know you.

Um, is that the "fake you" that throws money around, has a fancy car and no particular plans for the future, or the "real you?"

Anonymous said...

"300 is not a date movie"
Guy: This is madness.
Girl: Madness? THIS IS DAATTTING!!!!"