Monday, August 12, 2013

Forget the Night Club, Go to the Fabric Store

I'm working on a youtube video that, in all honesty and bias set aside, I believe will go viral.  It's extremely clever and witty, however, the cleverness and wittiness requires a costume as a gimmick.  So there your Captain was today at Joann Fabrics in the suburbs, completely out of his element, looking sad, pitiful and hopeless as he meandered in a clueless pattern trying to find the materiel he needed to make his costume. 

However, as I stumbled through Joann Fabrics I started to notice that not only was I the ONLY man in the place, but about half the women were young and good looking.  Some, drop dead gorgeous.  While I appreciated the scenery, I was on a mission and wanted to get back home before rush hour started.  And so, for one of the rare times in my life, I decided to ask for help.  And shucks howdy, as luck would have it, the first girl that physically came within a reasonable distance to politely ask for help was a 9.6 20 something babe with a wedding ring the size of a Buick.

"Excuse me," I said, "but can you help me?"

She said with a smile on her face AND WITHOUT HESITATION, "Sure!"

"I'm looking for some velcro that can adhere to both fabric and cloth, but don't know what kind of adhesive to get.  Glue?  Sticky back?  Should I just sew it?"

"Well what are you making?" she asked.

I said, "I'm making a costume for a video I'm putting together."

"Really!?  What kind of video?" she inquired.

And it is here that I must interrupt the story and point out a sad fact.

I wasn't there to hit on women, I was there on a mission.  AND I had only a finite time to accomplish my mission before the suburbanite idiotic driving masses clogged the streets.

Could I have continued to converse with this pretty lady?


Could I have laid on the charm?

Of course.

But I wasn't there for that, and thus, when she asked, "What kind of video?" I must sadly admit I aborted the mission I was NOT on and said, "Oh, it's very boring.  It's about economics, you wouldn't like it.  So would you recommend one adhesive over another?"

She recommended a fabric glue and so I was on my way to the cloth counter.

At the cloth counter I realized that Joann Fabrics is indeed a store for women.  It's clientele is women.  It's staff is women. And I'd gather the majority of its shareholders are women.  Consequently, this meant standing in a long and unnecessary line as women would take numbers, line up, and when it was their turn to get their cloth cut, they would gab with the seamstress about the world's most inconsequential shit.

"Oh that is a NICE pattern!  What are you using it for?"

"Oh, my son likes trucks, it's for his bedroom."

"You know there are more truck patterns in aisle 7."

"I didn't know that.  Is there any flanel?"

"Oh my yes!"

I sat there for at least 30 minutes while the staff managed only to serve THREE PEOPLE in that time, thus further advocating my call for bachelor lanes.

Regardless, during that 30 minutes I was able to study the environment a little more.  Yes, the women were definitely very attractive, but they were also alone.  Very few came there with somebody else, if it there was somebody else it was usually a child.  Obesity was not an issue.  There was the occasional fat woman, but it reminded me of the 1980's where the vast MINORITY of people were over weight.  ie- women there seemed to be the traditional types.  And the only other man in the place was staff, and matter of fact, I think most women noticed that too.  They were all looking at me as I caught them stealing glances.  I mayhaps would have had more sociological observations, but my number was called and in a mere fraction of the time it took my predecessors, I had my cloth cut and was off to the check out lane.

Now while the above may sound like a cute little anecdote about a man stumbling about in a woman's world, what it really is, is a huge advance in the study of "day game."  For there are elements and lessons within that can be of benefit to all men.

First, if you don't know what "day game" is, it's simply approaching women during the day time and not at night.  The reasons for doing so are many.  Night clubs have largely deteriorated to attention-fests for women where they score as many free drinks and covers from the naive, 20 something male populace.  They have no intention of meeting a guy and are there simply to extract resources and boost their egos.  Social media has further relegated night game to obsolescence as more and more people flirt and score over facebook or  Women are also more approachable during the day time as they usually are alone, without the herd there to run interference/cockblock.  And they also do not have the mentality and confidence/arrogance at the book store that they would at the night club.  It is because of this many men recommend replacing night game with day game (and also why I predict night clubs will go the way of the dinosaur).  Regardless, as you age and gain wisdom, you'll probably want to deploy day game instead of dropping $50 a night to maybe, potentially, hopefully, sort of get a number.

Second, just like night clubs or "night game" there are also different strategies for "day game."  While there is no "official list" and playing it by ear seems to be as far as the study has advanced, Roosh V's book "Day Bang" extrapolates some strategics based on the basic and pioneering principles of day game.  A lot of these strategies exploit the obvious advantages of approaching during the day:
  • The girl is usually alone at the coffee store.
  • You can engage in conversation better, and thus display your charm, because there isn't loud music blaring as there is at the bar.
  • The girl doesn't have her "bitch shield" up while at the library, matter of fact, she's completely off guard
  • You feign "ignorance" and ask the girl to help you with a task to open her up to conversation
  • You feign "helplessness" to assuage the girl of any concerns that you're a masher, and perhaps beget pity
There's more to it than that obviously, but those are the basic tenets of "day game" strategy.

So riddle me this, riddle me that, Batman, how is the fabric store not the IDEAL set up for day game.  How is it not "day game heaven?"

While Roosh recommends pretty much any place to exercise day game (coffee store, grocery store, library, gas station), the fabric store I contend is the OPTIMAL place to deploy day game because it not only has all of the qualities above, but has three additional and distinct advantages.

One, the ratio of men to women.  You go to the library, the coffee shop, etc., you will have roughly a 1:1 ratio of men to women.  You go to the fabric store, you are VERY LIKELY to be the only guy there. You have NO competition whatsover.  You will have a ratio of 40:1, 50:1 if you include staff.  You will stand out and immediately have high comparative value (for example, I was on my motorcycle today, and thus looked completely bad ass. The one other guy was staff with a mandatory polo shirt and khakis).

Two, you don't have to "feign" anything.  A brilliant tactic Roosh recommends is asking girls where the closest pet store is.  It is ambiguous, can tangent into the discussion of pets (which is "cute" and safe), and shows you are "hopeless" and need help.  But you have to fake it.  However, when you are in a fabric store, you don't have to fake helplessness and hopelessness, you REALLY ARE helpless and hopeless.  You will be COMPLETELY clueless as to what you're doing in such an environment and thus your pitifulness will be sincere.  Women will take pity on you.  And when you ask for help, you're not doing so to hit on the girl, you're doing so because you REALLY NEED HELP.  Thus, you should at minimum have a certain amount of performance anxiety reduced because you aren't performing.  Your a being genuine.

Three, whatever craft project you're working on (make one up) becomes a NATURAL and IMMEDIATE topic of discussion.  The women there were all genuinely curious about each other's projects and it was completely normal to inquire and ask.

Got yourself a nephew?  Make him a "truck blanket."

Got yourself a niece?  Make her some "Barbie Pajamas."

Don't got either?  Lie and make it up, so when you approach the cutesie near the "flannel" department you can ask, "I'm sorry, but I'm trying to sew some pajamas for my new born niece.  Do you recommend wool, flannel or some other material?  I'm afraid I don't remember as I was an infant last time this decision came up, not to mention don't know what little girls like today."

The crafts and in's are not only natural, but limitless.


Anonymous said...

Men who dabble in some traditionally "female" pursuits can pull but ONLY if you have solid game. The female-to-male ratio will be in your favor and women will enjoy having a hottie to flirt with rather than just being surrounded by women and manginas.

Even better if you actually like the thing you are doing and can do it in a way that demonstrates high value.

Aurini said...

This is so obvious - I didn't notice, because last time I was at a fabric shop I had a girlfriend.

Okay, here's what you do, Men: go up to the young lady and ask about fabric dye. Tell her you have an old, favourite shirt that's faded. The stuff costs $10, it's easy to use, and it's a great opener into a conversation.

Reluctant Paladin said...

Also, in the fabric store you will be dealing with women who already have traditional inclinations which means they are a somewhat higher caliber of woman.

Anonymous said...

At the cloth counter I realized that Joann Fabrics is indeed a store for women. It's clientele is women. It's staff is women. And I'd gather the majority of its shareholders are women. Consequently, this meant standing in a long and unnecessary line as women would take numbers, line up, and when it was their turn to get their cloth cut, they would gab with the seamstress about the world's most inconsequential shit.

"Oh that is a NICE pattern! What are you using it for?"

"Oh, my son likes trucks, it's for his bedroom."

"You know there are more truck patterns in aisle 7."

"I didn't know that. Is there any flanel?"

"Oh my yes!"

OH get off yer high horse already! As if men talk about "consequential stuff" when they are in their consumerist spaces.

(And yes, that stuff above is indeed relevant to what they are in the store in the first place for. And these conversations take place while the staff are working, cutting or stocking or checking people out so its not like time is taken off just to lean on the counter and shoot the shit).

But the reason why stores like JoAnn's and Office Depot take so long to navigate and get out is because they are under staffed.

I remember years ago when they OVER staffed and you couldn't just meandering around them taking your own sweet time to find what you wanted. You'd be "bugged" by 2 or 3 "can I help you's".

Now? There is no floor staff walking around to ask people if they need help finding something.

One extreme to another.

adiaforon said...

The key is to enjoy the "female" pursuit and not come across as someone who does it just to pick up chicks. That will smell of inauthenticity.

LoneWolf said...

Why bother with the whole charade... at all?

For the great conversation?

A telephone number, perhaps?

What is the end-game here?

What is the ROI?

Mark L said...

Well . . .

If you want a "guy" pursuit that gives you an excuse to go to fabric stores, take up making model sailing ships. Can't get much manlier than that. (Well, making duck decoys maybe.)

Lot of the tools and materials I use come from fabric and quilting stores. For example -- you want a jib sail bellowing out rather than lying flat along the centerline of the ship. Stiffen the jib sail sheet with fabric stiffener. (You can't push a rope, but you can turn it into a pole.) And you get that at a fabric store. So, you have lots of opportunities to meet the gals, while impressing them with a degree of manliness (especially if you can use nautical terms with a degree of authenticity).

Actually, I ended up marrying a quilter, which is some sort of proof. (We now have three adult sons, all engineers, and a house full of model ships and quilts.)

Amethyst Dominica said...

To be fair,(as a person who used to work at JoAnns,) the reason the staff people act all interested in your projects is because they're hoping to sell you more crap. Suggestive selling and the like.

At least half of the workers are avid sewers themselves. (It's a lonely hobby and finding others to talk to about it in person isn't all that easy. Hence the motormouthing. You think nerdy BOYS aren't any less verbose when they finally find someone who can relate to their obscure, unpopular geek hobby?)

For the record, you CAN buy velcro that already has adhesive on the back, if you don't feel like buying a separate glue for it.

Bob Wallace said...

I worked in a fabric store for three months. 98% of the clientele were women, the vast majority of whom were morons. They'd line up a half-an-hour before the door opened and pound on the door if it opened 10 seconds late.

The other two percent of customers were flamers.

80% of the employees were women, and I only met one smart one.

Go ahead and try to pick up girls there. You'll learn.

Captain Capitalism said...

Anon 357.

I am not on a high horse.

I am speaking the truth.

Women take longer in lines. They also talk more in lines.

This is not an "opinion" it is fact.

Instead of me getting off my high horse, how about you act like an adult and accept criticism? Hell, you do even have to personally accept it. YOu may be lightning fast through the lines. MOST WOMEN AREN'T.

I will continue to speak truths no matter how politically incorrect. And if it pisses you off, then it is you who has the problem.

Bob Wallace said...

Also, if you want to see women at their most disgusting herd mentality, try a fabric store.

Once a woman put down a bolt of cloth and another picked up it. They came to me to arbitrate. I just stared at them like they were a pair of idiots, and told them if one of them put it down and another picked it up, it belonged to the one who picked it up. I quite not long after.

And if you want to see just how nasty women are to each other, try a fabric store during a sale. No wonder women prefer to work for men.

Anonymous said...

Man...What am I gonna do when all the bookstores go out of business...

BA said...

You could combine that with the SCA (medieval re-enacting).

Now you have a project, i.e. making your 'garb' so must go to the fabric store.

Both activities put you in proximity to women in a non-bar environment.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about the PJs for your niece - that borders on creepy uncle, but I understand the direction you are going in. Dying the faded T-shirt is MUCH, MUCH better!

Other possibilities are:
recovering the fabric on your kitchen chairs (it is a no sew project and involves screwdrivers to remove the seats and a staple gun - all manly tools);
making a set of cloth napkins for your mom's birthday (particularly if you bring in a tablecloth to find a fabric that will match - shows concerns for your mom which is always a winner);
replacing a zipper on a coat/jacket (shows you are economical rather than just replace the jacket).

Donttreadonmatt said...

Michaels is pretty much a chick zone too, and you've got more arts and crafts options to choose from for your project to make it legit.

LoneWolf said...


.... no ROI; no significant reason to subjugate oneself to this particular process. Noted.

Rex Little said...

Cap mentioned the huge wedding ring on the one he talked to, and that's no coincidence. Nearly all the women in a store like that are married. Or widowed.

Anonymous said...

You know our electronic gaming is bigger than Hollywood and caters 90% to men ages 20 to 45 or such?

(I once read an article for women, suggesting the Home Depot, et al, were good for the same reasons: mostly guys, most able to suss out which end of the hammer to whack their finger with.)

Crafting (& Sewing) caters 90+% to women and it's a big deal too. i generally find when I've gone in there looking for stuff, that the women tend towards middle aged. i.e the demographic is more like 35-60.

YMMV, void where prohibited.

Anonymous said...

.....But what is the costume you are making????? And why does it need velcro?

Anonymous said...

P.S., Joann Fabrics is a ripoff. Ebay is the best place to get cloth. You don't need any help with your costume, do you? -SQUEAK- :D

Badger said...

A buddy of mine suggested going to Home Depot. He said any woman who is alone at a hardware store outside of working hours (when only stay-at-home moms are shopping) is probably:

1. Single (or her boyfriend would be there picking stuff out with her)
2. Mechanically inclined which is just plain cool