Monday, August 19, 2013

The Work Place Post Baby Boomers

Dear Baby Boomer Bosses,

This is now officially my new office.

I know you suffered the past 40 years of your career in a sunless cubicle, the destination of which you aimed for with countless hours in traffic during a stroke-inducing commute,

and then, after you were a good little boy/girl, foregoing your children, outsourcing them to daycare, so you could chase the almighty dollar, maybe, hopefully, after enough brown nosing, ass kissing and "networking" got promoted to the office WITH A DOOR (giggity!),

but technology has advanced enough that offices, cubicles, and massive office tower skyscrapers are officially obsolete.

Notice that rectangular looking thing to the right?  That's what we "youngin's" call a "laptop."  These "laptops" are also computers and serve the same function as those "desktop computers" you keep insisting me and my generation ball and chain ourselves to.

It has all of the functionality, but with the added benefit of PORTABILITY meaning we can work from anywhere.

Also notice it's seemingly not hooked up to anything?

Well, that's where the wonders of this thing called the "INTERNET" come in.  You see, the "INTERNET" is this...well, you know what, it's too damn complicated for people who listened to too much Jim Morrison.  The short version is that I can do work from anywhere.  I'm able to send e-mails, make pointless MS Word and Excel documents that impress you, but do nothing to boost profitability for the firm.  I can do EVERYTHING you want me to, but I don't have to be indoors AND I can e-mail those TPS reports to you just the same.

Oh, you noticed that snifter glass did you?

No, that's not water.  That's Rumpleminze.

You see, I'm what's called an "adult."  It's a foreign concept, so let me explain.  You see, I can get my work done, I can do it in a very high quality manner, and I can do it, not only without you looking over my shoulder, but I can do it while imbibing a bit.  I know, crazy, huh?  You thought with your social security, medicare, multi-trillion dollar deficits, and the destruction of the world's greatest country, YOU were the only *COUGH COUGH WHEEZE WHEEZE PHLEGM PHLEGM HEAVY FREAKING QUOTES* "adults" in this country, but no, apparently not.  Us youngin's can do what you did, but better, cheaper, faster, and at a fraction of the cost, while drunk, outdoors and part time.

I know, I know, you weren't able to enjoy this during your 40 years of work experience, and therefore, illogically, and quite vindictively of you, you think I and every other successive generation should suffer your same shitty fate, but, again, technology has allowed us to do our work, with quality, and if you would make the HUGE jump of faith to assume that I am an adult and can get my work done, regardless of how you THINK it should be done, then we're all going to get along much better.

But wait, now that I think about it.  In order to work for you, I have to do all the same shit you did for the past 40 years.  Kiss ass, brown nose, buck for promotion, "put in my dues."  Hmmm....that seems to inefficient, corrupt, nepositist, cronyistic, and well...stupid.

You know what.  I think instead, I'm just going to go and start my own business and market it through the internet.  I don't need to go to college because your academian bretheren are charging too much, and well, they wouldn't teach me anything practical anyway.  Certainly not with all those prerequisite classes and fees and bloated tuition classes all steeped in leftist indoctrination.

No, I think I have a much simpler idea and business model.  I have a skill/product, I will market that skill/product over the internet, I will get paid over the internet, and my clients will pay me.  And you know something, here's the real crazy bit.  They won't care

how the work gets done
where the work gets done
or what I was doing when the work gets done

because  (and this is the shocker)

the work got done.

I know RIGHT?

I mean, you boomers just "KNOW" unless you see people working, then they aren't working, right?  I mean, you can't trust any generation other than yourselves to get shit done, right?  Why take advantage of the internet to lower costs like eliminating rent and corporate office buildings and leases while people work from home because you need to have control over those good for nothing "loafers" who insist on working from home.  I mean micro-managing and never delegating is the GREATEST way to ensure profitability, robust growth, higher employment, and prosperity for all, right?

You enjoy your visitless-nursing homes and the well-deserved reputation as the generation that destroyed the US.

I'm going to enjoy my new office and I'm going to enjoy the decline.


Roberto Severino said...

Congratulations, Cap. That's the way to live life. In the end, I realized that we all rot into the ground anyway no matter what we do, so until then, it's best sit back and enjoy the decline and all of life's pleasures because there aren't many alternatives.

Anonymous said...

Why so angry? What miss the 20 percent return on stocks in the last 6 months? Work a little some capital and you too can play with the big boys.

Anonymous said...

You have nailed it. Corporate structures are dinosaurs. They are big, dumb, lumbering around without purpose except continued existence. They no longer are efficient ways to create wealth, but are instead extensions of the Cathedral. Job programs supported by crony capitalism crutches.

The only way anyone succeeds in corporates is by either being a sociopath or a slave. Forget hard work, bright ideas or commitment. You're a sucker if you think those values are held in any regard these days.

Captain Capitalism said...


20% rally????

Big boys????

Why don't you pitch your Merrill Lynch bullshit right now to my readership so we can mock and ridicule you while you lease your Mercedes?

Captain Capitalism said...

Oh, and Anon, 448, why don't you send a picture proof positive of your cubicle, err....cell...err...prison...errr... "office?"

I'm really curious.

And even if it is a nice office, we all know what cost it came at.

Anonymous said...

Sweet! Where is that airport?

Anonymous said...

When the Baby Boomers are in the nursing home, being 'cared' for by their non-english speaking illegal-immigrant diaper changer who sexually assaults them for 'fun', it may finally occur to them that God wasn't kidding when he said: "you reap what you sow".

Anonymous said...

Tiny little screen way too small for my taste with an uncomfortable chair, a poor choice of beverage, and too much glare - but ok if it works for you.

I go the opposite extreme --- a wall of 6 monitors driven by a workstation with 16 processor cores, 64GB ram, SSD, 2 CAD-grade graphics cards in my home office in my basement that is setup the way I like (including a chair that doesn't hurt my back). I get more done in an hour or two than most of the corporate drones get done in a day. I laugh at the corporations that waste millions of dollars worth of salary compensation saving a few insignificant dollars giving obsolete under-powered computers to knowledge workers who they then stick in noisy cube farms filled with productivity killers. I did a financial modeling chore last night and today that would have taken several months not too long ago and most corporate drones would have taken weeks. And I also had an adult beverage of my choice while doing the work :-)

Aside from this minor critique, you nailed this one. I have spent one year out of the past twenty working in big corporate structures. I have a better quality of life and plenty of tax advantages doing it my way.

Anonymous said...

I confess I'm a boomer. Been working remote for most of my life. Got a nice view of the forest and mountains from my office at the ranch. I don't imbibe anymore, but otherwise am enjoying the decline from the comfort of wherever I feel like working. Carry on, sir.

Jimmy don\'t play that

Glen Filthie said...

All the more power to ya Cap.

For me, I choose not to enjoy the decline - I am going to defy it.

My CEO is not old school - he is OLD old school. When he was a kid he was jumping out of airplanes and into occupied France. He is 89 years old, he works on an electric typewriter and paper - and his mind is as sharp as yours. He rewards loyalty and will bend over backward to help employees with personal problems - I have seen him do it. If you work for him your job is secure and he leaves you alone to do it.

If I ever lose my job I will start my own damn company and I will run it exactly like he does. While the competition's engines flame out as their men go Galt - there will be a lot of opportunity ahead.

See ya in the winners circle Cap.

Anonymous said...

I recently turned 60 and the thought of rotting in a frickin' cubicle inside a big, stupid, gigantic, depraved and incompetently led multinational corporation that is dying due to self-inflicted severe cost-cutting is just ghastly.

Only reasons I stay are:

- I like my job.

- I like the people I work with.

- My boss treats me better than my wife would when I retire.

- I haven't found my next great passion to take on.

- I want to fill the time gap between now and Medicare.

I work one day a week from the "dog house" here at home, the rest I work onsite. The problem is that if you work remotely all the time, there's no reason your job can be off-shored to some idiot in India or commie in China or loony in Latvia.

I know that I could get RAed at anytime simply because I got between a selfish executive and his/her bonus.

Ten years from now, my company will be a case study for how to ruin a successful company.

Remo said...

Do remember that the old way of doing things did bring us the internet, computers, etc. I'm not a boomer but I do see where they went right and where they went horribly, horribly wrong.

Back when they did the cubicle dwelling there were still positive incentives for doing so. Now not so much. Everything is taxed, taken, or demanded for the 0.01% and there is no glint of the brass ring to be had unless you were born to it. A 44 year old divorced man with 2 child support payments, an alimony payment, 42% taxation before this, and the beginning of major health problems as he can't quit or take any time off under penalty of prison - what's in it for him? Why should anyone want to follow his example?

His type is needed to continue civilization but the parasite has grown too greedy, too fat. Enjoy the decline!

Anonymous said...

Much of the corporate world in thrall to the so called management consultants like McKinsey and others of their ilk. From what I've seen first hand, the improvements these consultants advise is little more than the casting out of evil spirits, or the lifting of a curse. Much of the advice is so a$$i9 that you just shake your head and wonder who on earth could be so stupid as to implement some of this stuff. Of course it's the CEO and the senior management team who invariably drive the company into the ground and then walk away with golden parachutes. Where I currently work, McKinsey came in, studied God knows what, and then made recommendations that denuded the company of valuable staff through downsizing, all when trying to grow market share. I should add that these consultants did not even ask the people on the ground what was going on and as a result, the advice to senior management was fanciful at best, and destructive at worst.

Perhaps that is a business we should get into, i.e. we will drive out evil spirits and restore a company's mojo. We'll sacrifice a chicken to seal the deal but to get extra mojo, we'll sacrifice an ox.

Buddy said...

"Investment bank intern, 21, on £45,000 worked 'until 6am for three nights in a row' before he was found dead in his London flat"

I used to be ticked off that I never got a chance to be one of those high flying wall street investment interns.

Now I realize that I dodged a bullet.

Anonymous said...

Lots of generalizations flying around here. Having been in the corporate world for over 30 years, I like it. And the money.

But then again, I'm a mathematician, and never had too much trouble finding a high paying job.

I'll pay some 20 something hottie to wipe my butt in the nursing home with all that money I made. Using a moist towelette will be my version of a "happy ending".

Oh yeah, I drive a truck, always have. Just because you make it doesn't mean you have to spend it.

og said...

I'm at the tail end of "Boomers" but I never was anyones boss but my own, and I have always been that. People I work with fight NOT to be my boss, because I do what I want how I want and always get the expected results- or better. That generation of boss has, thankfully, been recognized as the flock of dodos it is, and it is very nice to see them go away.

I have never run my own business because I prefer to let others deal with the burocracy of my employemnt, and they compensate me well, and I don't have to do a damned thing but show up in the shit, and spin straw into gold.

My office sometimes looks like that. Sometimes it's a hotel. SOmetimes it's a cabin in the woods or on a beach. I don't drink because I'm allergic to alcohol (I break out in handcuffs) but I have issues disagreeing with most of this- so long as you read the inscription: "Dear Baby Boomer Bosses" The boomers themselves, well, they built the infrastructure that allow the "Post baby boomers" to live that life. The bosses were, for the most part, the problem. A powerful lot of them still are.

Anonymous said...

Yup, nice, except for the fact that when 'real' work has to be done, you cant just do it where/when you please and at a whim.
Somebody has to build those airplanes and the airport to house them. The airport and airplanes also require maintenance as does all things that are tangible, like infrastructure etc.
I also like my job, I get to work with my hands AND my brain! My skills can carry over to other tangible things, like being able to fabricate, repair, invent and create, grow and hunt for food, etc.
I can't wait for the collapse of society either, I won't be the one worried about how to do the things I need to do in order to survive, because I already know how!
All this financial and banking crap won't mean a damn thing once the shit has hit the fan!

Anonymous said...

Having lived both ways, there are clearly only a handful of people who will work without supervision. They aren't even smart enough to do their job without constant training from others who actually know what they are doing. I am all for telecommuting but it is a rare breed that can continually grow in the isolation of working from home or where ever.