Tuesday, August 21, 2018

The Authoritative "How to Get Girls"

Eliminating a Disease

Deep down inside, despite all my cynicism, nihilism, defeatism and indifference, a small piece of me idealistically yearns for one thing and one thing only - progress.  Not necessarily in my own personal life, but in humanity for that is all we have.  Whether we're alive today, or after we're gone tomorrow, humanity continues its march forward into eternity and I would (at least in theory) like its future to be better than its past.

The problem with progress is it just doesn't seem to stick.  Matter of fact, people seem outright hostile towards it, commonly preferring to believe lies, often reacting violently against truth, damning us all to regress instead of progress.  This then forces me to "let go" of my care for humanity, and often times turn against it, logically concluding that if I'm going to get punished for telling the truth, it's at least profitable to capitalize on humanity's addiction for lies and therefore, well, frankly... fuck progress.  This is why the majority of my future work will be dedicated to selling lies to the naive masses, because not only do they NOT deserve progress, they deserve to be punished.
However, there is one bit of progress I am going to hold out for.  One small morsel of good I hope to leave society before I die.  And it is a bit of progress that like eradicating Small Pox or Polio can do the world a world of good.  And that simple tidbit of progress is to get you boys to understand WHY you should stop chasing women.

There is already a library of work on this subject ranging from videos, articles, discussion forums, even books.  Even in the embryonic days of the Red Pill community the phrase "stop putting pussy on the pedestal" identified the risks and costs associated with dedicating your entire life towards chasing girls.  However, like Polio it's not so much the fact the disease hasn't been identified (it has), it's how few men are inoculated against it and just how poorly the vaccine has been distributed.  Because for every guy who knows WHY you should not dedicate your entire life towards chasing girls, there's at least a thousand out there who don't, condemning them to waste their lives.  So I implore you to read this article thoroughly, put in the effort to comprehend and understand it completely, forward it to any men who need it, and then you will not only learn why you should not chase women, but in an ironic sense how you can actually get them.


It is now nearly a monthly event I get the same damn, tiring request at my consultancy:

"How do I get girls?"

And nearly every time it comes from a man with very distinct and specific characteristics.
First, he is 100% invariably some kind of STEM or IT professional.  An engineer, a computer programmer, an accountant.  He has worked hard, in a hard field, and is consequently gainfully employed and successful at his career.

Second, because of his choice in education he is consequently financially successful.  None of my clients had any lingering student loans.  None of them have any foolish debts.  Most are making over six figures and most are sitting on six figures in cash and cash equivalents.  Money is the least of their problems and they would make exceptional providers for any woman interested in dating them.

Third, they are methodical and logical in all things.  Their career.  Their finances.  Their education.  Everything.  Any problem, hurdle, or challenge they approach in a logical and thoughtful manner.  However, they also approach women and their romantic life in the same robotic manner.  I had one client create an Excel spreadsheet model where he would record various variables and characteristics of women and run probability statistics on whether she'd would go out with him.  I had another take stand up comedy to learn a routine (not to be "funny", BUT A GOD DAMNED ROUTINE) he could use to make women laugh.  More than one wanted to know "statistically where the highest ratio of women to men were in large American towns."  And another looked for the lowest divorce rates amongst various religions to find a quality woman (never mind whether he actually believed in the religion or not).

Fourth, most (but not all) were ugly and/or short.  There were a smattering of well-built, very attractive young men who hit the gym regularly, but nearly 85% of the men were short and/or ugly.
Fifth, uncomfortable as it may be, a majority of them were Asian.  Some were immigrants, others were domestics, but nearly all of them were Asian.  And by "Asian" I do not necessarily mean the ethnicity, as much as I mean their culture.  They could be raised in America, but by East Indian parents, under East Indian values.  Or they could be fresh from the University of Shenzhen working their first job in the US.  There were culturally Asian trying to unlock the algorithm of western dating and western women.

Finally, they were all at some level obsessed about women.  This is somewhat understandable as nearly everything else in life was going their way.  Only women remained.  And it is also understandable in that all men are supposed to be obsessed about women at some level.  But here their level of obsession was above the industrial average.  If the American average male's obsession with women was an 8, these guys were turned up to a 12.

You combine all these traits and you may have the ingredients for success when it comes to your career, your education, and your finances, but it is a DISASTER when it comes to chasing women and your dating life.  First, most of these men are used to success and achieving what they set out to do.  "Not being good with girls" could very well be the first time they failed at something in life.  This only makes successful men want to try harder in that they're doubly obsessed with not failing.  Second, their lesser physique and shortness does nothing to help them, making it nearly impossible they'll get a girl no matter how hard they try.  Third, their cultural upbringing (Asian, nerd, or whatever) hands them a heavy social/romantic handicap as if their physique was not bad enough.  But perhaps the death-blow is their methodical and logical nature.  All problems, challenges, and hurdles in their pasts they've solved through math, engineering, programming or some other kind of logic.  They always approach women the same way, as if solving their romantic problems was like solving a quadratic equation.  This not only won't work, but condemns them to failure because women are humans, not robots nor algebraic formulae.

"We're All a Nerdy, Formulaic-Obsessed, Engineer, Asian a Little Bit"

But before we pick on these men, let's admit we either currently are, or were, a little bit like them at one time.  The question of "how to get girls" has plagued all of mankind since forever and we've still yet to arrive at an answer (cough cough...until now).  It's only natural men would use their logical, statistical, and mathematical brains to help increase their chances of meeting women.  Additionally Pick Up Artistry does hold some valid truths and lessons that can be learned and will increase your chances.  And there's certainly nothing wrong with being a financially successful engineer, doctor, actuary or accountant.

The problem lies in misdiagnosing the problem as a 100% scientific one with no artistic component.  We think the problem of "getting girls" can be solved logically, mathematically, and with concrete finite answers.  We view the problem of courting women as a chemist does a formula.  If I just hit the gym, and am above 6' tall, and earn 6 figures, and "neg them" then I can approach them using "game" and they'll give me a number, which I'll wait 4.39 days to text back, giving her exactly 36 hours to agree to meet me at a bar where I will only buy her alcoholics drinks.  Failing to account for the artistic and human side of women damns nearly all of your pursuits to failure, and much, much, worse, a wasting of your precious and finite life.  And if men started putting forth the effort to understanding this artistic component we'd all have a lot more success in "getting da gurlz"...and I would get to stop answering that damn infernal question.

You're a Bland Drink


To understand this artistic component to the pursuit of women every young man needs to view himself as a bland drink.  An empty hard drive.  An empty canvas.  This doesn't mean you have no value, nor that you don't bring anything to the table, but it is simply to say you are young, inexperienced, and thus pretty boring.  You do not have the life experiences that makes you interesting, enables you to tell engaging stories, or tickle the fancies of women with charm, wit, interesting anecdotes, nor impressive life achievements.  Yes, you may luckily stumble across a young 21 year old girl in college, inebriated to the point she'd go home with you.  And yes, there's a chance you'll meet a nice 19 year old who is completely taken by your personality.  But these are statistical oddities, not industry standards.  The vast majority of women are looking for interesting men who stand out from the rest with their own record of accomplishments, achievements, and success.  They are looking for a fine, aged scotch.  A rare vintage of wine.  Heck they're looking for a Jack and Coke.  Not a glass of water.

So how does one become an interesting drink?

Simple, you don't waste your time chasing women and instead invest it in yourself.
The paradox male biology presents to every young man is that your primary goal is women, but chasing women does NOT improve your chances with them since it does not improve you as a man.  There is nothing special about going to a night club.  There is nothing special about painfully and awkwardly approaching a girl at a party.  Merely pursuing women does not make you stand out from the literally billions of every other man out there who do that everyday.  And for every second you're chasing a girl at a club, that's one less second you could spend on self-improvement.

This is why spending three hours at the gym is an infinitely better investment than three hours at a club.
This is why hitch-hiking across Asia for a month is better than taking some cockamamie PUA seminar packed with nerds.
This is why becoming a semi-pro fisherman, working at the CERN labs, or riding motorcycles across the world is better than "swiping left" on Tinder.

These life experiences are the ingredients by which you ultimately create the best version-drink of yourself.  These life experiences are the flavors that make you an interesting man.  And though you may not be every girls' cup of tea, you will certainly be more appealing than a mere glass of common water.

There is, however, a much more important reason to invest in self-improvement than merely chasing girls - yourself.  Life is finite.  You are going to die.

Do you want to be the balding, beer gut guy at the middle aged singles bar?
Or the world's most interesting man?
Do you want to be the washed up dude-bro attending divorced, Christian singles meetups at 50?
Or have a quality, reliable woman and perhaps family at 40?
Do you want to be the desperate man who mail-ordered his bride from Russia and gets divorced once she gets her green card?
Or do you want to be Indiana Jones pursuing archeology and having his students throw themselves at him?

The true cost of chasing after women at the expense of improving yourself is a life wasted.  Everything you could have achieved had you committed those trillions of calories of energy into a doctorate degree, carpentry and trades, hiking and adventuring, or health and working out is gone when you put women as the number one priority in life.  And the real kicker in the nuts is if you had invested in yourself and become the best version of you you ever could, you would have gotten more high quality girls in the long run than you'd find in a thousand years gaming at night clubs.  You simply cannot afford to waste your time chasing women - your life and success with women depends on it.

Impatience, Cowardice, and Laziness

Now you would think that like a vaccine for Polio or a cure for cancer there would be great rejoicing and celebration.  We have ultimately unlocked the secret of women.  We have finally figured out "how do I get da gurls?"  Quite literally millions of men's lives both today and into the future will be saved and better-invested.  And quite literally millions of men both today and into the future will get more women than they ever were going to had they not had this epiphany.  However, here is where the analogy between using self-improvement to get girls and using a vaccine to cure a disease ends.  Because whereas getting a vaccine is easy and simple, self-improvement is arduous and hard.  And this is where the REAL problem in "getting da gurls" lays because most of you will fail on a combination of three fronts - Impatience, Cowardice, and Laziness.

The reason I keep getting this question, the reason the entire Red Pill community keeps going around in circles about "getting da gurlz," and the reason PUA's can continue to fleece you for the lie that women are solvable, algorithmic robots is because deep down inside most of you just plain don't want to put forth the work that is required in self-improvement.  We have the answer. We have the key.  We unlocked the secret.  You just don't want to go through with it.

First, you must be patient.  The forgiveable paradox is that you are most interested in women when you're young and therefore have nothing really to offer women.  Self-improvement takes time, at least a decade of hard, dedicated work, and when you throw on a college degree with its commensurate college debt most young men are working at a significant handicap against their more-experienced, financially better-off, 30 and 40 something peers.  However, most young men are too impatient, incapable of the delayed gratification that is required to become an interesting drink, and are at some level going to waste significant amounts of time and resources chasing the girls, meeting the same fate many of our forefathers did throwing themselves at Omaha Beach.  Again, this is forgiveable as every man has done this to some extent.  But most fail by letting women dictate their entire lives instead of themselves.

Second, cowardice.  While I understand your biological hard-wiring makes you impatient, I have absolutely no tolerance for cowardice and the "fear of rejection."  Every man worth his salt has overcome his fear of rejection by courageously and indifferently asking out as many women as it took to build a callous, and therefore indifference, to rejection.  Most real men I know laugh when a girl shoots him down because they are such an interesting drink they know that woman is losing out.  However, no matter how many times I answer the question, "How do I get da Gurlz?," I know what lies at the core of my clients' and most men's preference to rely on a scientific methodologies to meet women is a cowardice of putting yourself out there and getting rejected.  A fear of getting on the mat and sparring with your partner.  A refusal to go out there and get your nose bloodied up.  Alas, if you can't take a life-saving vaccine because you're afraid of needles, you're not going to "get da gurlz" if you're too much of a coward to face rejection.

And finally, laziness.  Self-improvement is hard.  It requires work and sacrifice in nearly all fronts of life.  Educational, intellectual, career, physical, and financial.  If you wish to be an exceptional man with exceptional chances of meeting exceptional girls, you need to put in an exceptional amount of work.  STEM degrees, hard careers, a life-long commitment to working out, proper dieting, engaging hobbies, advancing your understanding of philosophy, frugality and good financial management.  Nearly every aspect of your life must be geared towards excellence.  The problem is most men don't want to put this level of work and effort into their lives.  Most men already have this pre-existing expectation of how hard life will be.  And when you throw in all the added, life-long requirements and responsibilities it will take to become an interesting man, the majority of men opt for video games and an easy life:

They hope their mom was right and that girls will like them for their personalities.
They hope being a leftist or male-feminist will get them laid.
They hope an over-priced luxury car they leased will make girls magically fall from the sky and land on their dick.
They hope Slicky McSlickerson's $5,000 Advanced PUA Course will "finally" unlock the secrets of women.

Anything to avoid the gym.  Anything to avoid rigor.  Anything to keep your sedentary life style.

The Real Question

The real question facing men today is not "how do I get da gurlz?"  It's "Are you willing to put forth the effort to become an interesting man and consequently get the girls?"  I can understand just how daunting the requirements to become a real man and get the girls can be.  I can see choosing more of a monk lifestyle where you focus on yourself and have a "women-worries-free" life.  And I can sympathize with those of you who were lied to about how all you had to do was be a "nice guy" and girls would like you for your "personality."  I merely ask for that modicum of progress I requested before.  That we stop chasing this canard around that there is some magical short cut to getting women that does not require work and excellence on our part.  And that if you are not willing to put forth that work and effort, to stop asking that damn infernal question, and accept your girl-less fate.
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blueguitar said...

Great article - thanks!

Tucanae Services said...

If one is short, fat, & bald just hang it up.

If you are well toughen up then find something different that interests the other sex. Travel some, amazing how it opens up your own viewpoints. Gives you something to talk about to boot. Engineering can be fun, I did it for 40 years. But I went in to permaculture as a release from the grind. Interesting that a lot of women are into it.

Anonymous said...

Cappy, from my own experience and observations of others it is clear to me that face and race matter deeply in the dating game, the statistics publicized by dating site OK-Cupid proves this. Having a great physique won't help if your face is ugly, on top of this globalism has allowed for women to also select by race, whereas in times gone by they were limited to males within their country of origin. The end game is that large numbers of males from certain ethnic groups will now end up incel.

With women now able to earn their own money the beta provider angle no longer works like it used to.

Anonymous said...


You're not joining the dots up here with your previous posts on the subject of men opting out.

Men try when young & naïve, then give up & develop themselves, what results years later is an interesting man who is too busy for women & it's not an act to get women - he's not interested!

This is a natural cycle & the younger guys simply must go through this forging process where only the few get through the net without being caught by marriage & kids.

Women are the only ones who can break the deadlock - they're the ones who make the first move by having selecting power & must chose quality men while young & demand more otherwise the downward spiral will continue.

Wandering man said...

I'm not even gonna bother dating untill no fault divorce is off the table.

Anonymous said...

Half of it is women's expectations are way too high, and wait way too long to commit. They are busy with careers and they think they will have men interested in them forever. Then when the wall comes their attitude changes. There is some truth to what you're saying Cappy. Much love from a patreon supporter.

Anonymous said...

While Aaron has very good intentions in mind, I respectfully disagree with some aspects of the particular angle he has offered and would like to add some nuance/another angle to view this area of life. I'd also like to agree with some aspects and want to thank Aaron for showing me a new way of looking at this. I've been studying how to improve my dating life ["Pickup Artistry" for lack of a better term] for over ten years (started when I was 17 years old).

Let's look at what I agree with: some of his clients are fucking NERDS who have high IQ's, but low Emotional Quotient (EQ). There is a gentlemen named Eben Pagan who has a pseudonym of "David DeAngelo" whole line of dating advice products called Double Your Dating who has material that will really resonate with this kind of client.

My main disagreement with what Aaron wrote is his comments towards what is a better investment of time. Three hours at the gym vs. three hours at the club is comparing apples to oranges, provided that you're approaching both activities in a focused, goal-oriented manner. Three hours at the gym is useless if you're just floating around with a plan of action, and the same with going to a nightclub for three hours. The purpose of going to a nightclub is to expose yourself to a bunch of social interactions quickly, learn the lessons, and then be able to apply them outside of the environment. Similar to how pilots will use simulators to train for flight. Same thing with using online dating; although it's often a wasteland, it's a great place to hone your ability to write engaging messages to women. Hitchhiking through Asia is definitely going to provide you with life experience; as will a PUA seminar. You CAN do both, and you CAN benefit from them, although again, you need to be focused and ready to learn.

The nuance I'm trying to make is that there's a balance to be had. And I think Aaron is at the cusp of realizing that.

Patrick Byron said...

Watching this video helped and put things into perspective.
But don't become "The world's most interesting man" just to get girls. Make sure you enjoy whatever awesome hobby your having. Make money to support it.

If you just want to get laid, hire an escort. After a while of doing that, you'll learn that sex isn't all that great and you'll be more motivated to pursue other things outside of women.

Alex Bogatiryov said...

Isn't it ironic that for Roosh-chasing girls is what led to his self-development. Since you linked him, do you consider daygame (approaching girls in cafes, steer and malls) a waste of time?