Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Captain's Carbon Emissions

I am not bragging, I'm just making a record so that if anybody is so anally-rententive enough to calculate the carbon emissions on this they may be able to calculate how many leftist, brainwashed, nutjobs I countered in terms of carbon emissions. On this Anti-Earth Day I;

Drove 132 miles in an 8 cylinder car that gets 17 MPG.

Smoked 2 cigars.

Burned 4 2x4's of 3 foot lengths of painted wood.

Burned 5 plastic bags

Burned 1 styrofoam container

Burned 4 plastic bottles

Grilled 4 steaks and 4 brats with CHARCOAL

Ran the shower for 20 minutes pointlessly

Ran the heat at 80 degrees with an outside temp of 37 degrees

Mowed the lawn (1400 ft squared) though there was no grass.

Used 1/2 of a can of spray paint to initialize the bonfire.

I don't know what that translates into in terms of carbon emission, but I'm sure I've countered 100,000 dumbasses "turning off their lights" in terms of "saving the planet."

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I got ya beat. Did a ground run on an aircraft "for training purposes". Burned roughly 1,800 liters of fuel. Of course, it had some practical use too, but it was still a good way to spend earth-hour.

Anonymous said...

Well done, sir. I drove around pointlessly, smoking in my car (in southern California, NB), ran the AC all day and left the TV and lights on. I couldn't burn anything because I live in an apartment, but somehow I'll find a way to vaporize a few plastic bags and styro cups.

Just doing my part, you know.

--Chris

Paul E. Zimmerman said...

I watched a 2.5 hour long movie on my 50" plasma screen, right through the whole event.

The film was set in a time when people didn't have electricity though, so I think that makes up for it.

Doug said...

Captain, I applaud your Anti-Earth Hour accomplishments.

I cannot say I did as well. I took my wife out to dinner, so I managed to burn a bit of fuel, plus we got to sit next to the gas-log fireplace at the restaurant.

However, my activities during the day made up for my lack of carbon emissions that evening. A new house means we need / want some new stuff. Like a washing machine and dryer. And living room furniture.

So, I helped out some miners who mined the metal to make the appliances, and helped some loggers who cut down the trees that made my furniture.

On top of that, we drove to three different places to look for the furniture, so more dead dinosaurs sacrificed their remains so that I could provide my wife with a comfortable place to live.

Don't worry, though. I fully intend to use non-organic fertilizer on my garden this year. That should help keep some environmentalist's panties in a bunch.

Keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

Nu, you are bragging.

Anonymous said...

I poured bleach down my kitchen sink.