Monday, December 14, 2020

Why Normal People Can't Play Dungeons and Dragons

Regular readers will remember a couple years back I tried my best to find a local D&D game in Las Vegas and Minneapolis.  What transpired instead was a long and futile search for a game that was not infested with dysfunctional retards, Autists, and Asperger sufferers.

And I wasn't joking, nor am I now.  

A normal person cannot go into their local comic shop, sign up for the open D&D game and NOT suffer the presence of LITERALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL adult children, incapable of playing the game.  Admittedly, D&D was always a haven to the socially impaired, but at least in my day you could show up on time, know the rules of the game, respect other people's turn, and not get so lost in the game that you made it your life.  

That is no longer the case as now two full generations of children - legitimately with mental disorders or faking it for attention or their parents lied to them - that have made a physical, local game of D&D or any other RPG impossible.

Thankfully we have the internet which has allowed me and my normal, functional adult buddies (who don't live at home, btw) play D&D online.  And though not the real thing, we can still get our D&D fix.  But while talking about this among my functional, employed, not-living-at-home adult D&D buddies, we came up with a song to the Burl Ives tune of "Silver and Gold" about "Spergs and Retards."  Our colleague TJ wrote lyrics to it, and has since been hounding me to link to the song.  

So here it is.

I often wonder if TJ himself has a touch of the tism, because he and the rest of the Masculine Geeks were all very upset that I didn't link to it immediately, thinking I was like an actual sperg at a D&D shop with nothing else going on in my life.  I tried to explain to them I had a job, but the concept was seemingly lost on them.  Regardless, it would be very nice if you could click on the link above so my spergy tardy friends stop hounding me about linking to it.


David said...

Anytime I want to waste a little time and browse through online dating and come across an ad from a woman who claims that she "loves to laugh", I test her by telling the most offensive joke I can come up with and see if she really does.

daniel_ream said...

I've been playing tabletop RPGs for 36 years (although I quit playing D&D after only three years):

at least in my day you could show up on time, know the rules of the game, respect other people's turn, and not get so lost in the game that you made it your life.

That's never been true. If that was your experience you were extremely lucky.

AuricTech Shipyards said...

Here's a good, offensive, very short joke to try:

"A baby seal runs into a club...."

Anonymous said...

The D&D group I was in consisted of emotionally normal people. But with outlying occupations. Some lawyers, IT professionals, actuaries and a cinematographer. Of course I might be biased. Maybe we were all weirder than normal and I never figured that out.

We stopped playing when the oldest children of some of the players started Middle School.

It was impossible to schedule a Saturday or Sunday when most of us were free to play.