Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Things Economists Don't Do

I'm getting enough guff from my friends so I've decided to make my case here.

Look, there are just some things that make no economic sense in doing and the rest of you are just going to have to admit that you do it out of anal retentive habit, ergo I'm not the one with the problem, you are.

Here are a list of things that economists don't do, because, well...it's just not economical.

1. Make our beds - please, seriously, do I have to explain this? There is no point in making a bed. Why make it, you will just unmake it once you sleep in it, which is a practical guarantee, unless you are like me and sleep most of the time on a couch despite there being a perfectly functional bed upstairs.

2. Folding clothes - UGH!!! You have got to be kidding me?! I can understand hanging up your suits or ironing your clothes if you have some important function. But folding a sweatshirt????? Come on (cough couch, CHICO!!!)!!! What is the point of folding clothes aside from purposely wasting precious moments of your finite lives? Just smoosh them into the dresser and pull them out as needed.

3. 1 fork, 1 spoon, 1 bowl, 1 cup, 1 martini glass. This is all I have for "dishes" and I don't care, if you're a bachelor that's all you need too. The reason why is that I found out when I had a lot of dishes, a lot of dirty dishes piled up. When you throw away all your dishes except for what you need, then you only have this token amount of dirty dishes to wash once every three months. Simply because you go out and eat most of the time. But be aware, women, notably of the mother and aunt persuasion will try to unload their excess dishes on you. Remember to say no and stick with the "one of each" rule.

4. "I have to clean." No you don't. You have to clean the bathroom. You have to clean the sinks. You have to clean places where bacteria and other biohazards may form, but you do not have to clean every aspect of every room of every house. Seriously, papers astrew about do not carry bacteria. Clothes hanging over the chairs do not carry ebola. You can leave the place as is and as long as you clean out places where the plague will grow you'll be alright. Putting everything in its place only means you'll have to disjar it from its place to use it. Best leave it out on the counter where it's easily accessible.

5. The car is a perfect place for storage. Especially during the winter months of Minnesota. Why I don't know how many times I've availed myself of a great deal on Healthy Choice entrees to the point there wasn't enough room in the freezer. Fortunately it's 20 below in Minnesota making the trunk or back seat of a car an excellent substitute for a freezer.

6. While we're talking about cars, "clean out the car."


Unless I have a date the car substitutes as a great freezer during winter and a great aluminum collector during the rest of the year. I can just toss finished cans of Red Bull into the back and when necessary collect them convienently when I decide to cash them in for coin.

7. Pick up after yourself. What, am I a freaking kid??? You never, EVER pick up after yourself. That's the benefit of being an adult. You can live like a kid and not have a nagging parent over you. Only unless you host company, which if you're smart, you'll just rent the local American Legion, you can leave the place astrew with all your toys. You can leave your comic books on the floor, your video games in a pile, the suits you don't care to wear in the corner and the papers you have yet to organize spread out all over the place. And as long as you know roughly where you placed everything, then it's still considered "organized" and it isn't a mess. Only to the untrained, non-economist, conformist eye is it a mess.

I hope this has helped all you non-conformists in fighting the obvious communist plot to unnecessarily force us to make our beds.


amcz said...

Coathangers are undoubtedly the easiest way of keeping clean clothes wrinkle-free. Folding creates a high risk of introducing wrinkles.

All unseen clothes (socks, underwear, undershirts, etc.) can be safely crammed in a box. Plastic bins are probably the best alternative to a heavy wood dresser. Or even cardboard boxes.

Anonymous said...

Compute and report the depreciation of durable consumer goods.


Thomas Blair said...

Much of this is nonsense. Ascribing to all "Economists" (and implicitly to everyone) your personal valuations on the marginal costs and benefits of any of these activities is silly.

1. It literally takes 30 seconds and for some there is value in the sight of a kempt bedroom.

2. Similarly with 1., some people attach value to wearing non-wrinkled clothing.

3. If you cook dishes more complicated than ramen or entertain friends, as many do, it is necessary to have more than one plate. The rest of the reasoning is just rationalizing laziness on your part (dirty dishes piling up).

4. For some, the benefit of having a clean home the other 23 hours, 15 minutes each day is worth the cost of cleaning and straightening up for the other 15 minutes.

5. I'd agree that using naturally refrigerated space in your trunk during winter to take advantage of BOGO frozen dinners is perfectly rational.

6. Unless you rinse them out, sugary drinks attract bugs, so taking the minimal time it takes to throw out an empty soda can is worth it to me. Others valuations vary, and there's nothing wrong with this.

7. Same as 1, 2, 4.