Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Dating in America


Yep, that about sums it up.

Though, Pepe Le Pew would get hit with a sexual harassment suit by today's standards.

Ah, amore! Both that and chivalry are dead.

Give Obama a Grade

Looks like MSNBC has a little poll on Obama's performance.

Take the poll, not that it's going to affect what he does.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Current Account Deficit as a Percentage of GDP

The US of course has some severe economic problems. But on one of my regular economic statistic check ups I noticed that if you contrast the US versus say, Iceland, we don't look so bad (which is like comparing me versus Michael Moore). We are "only" spending 6% more than we make (and I don't think the OECD has updated their stats, this, considering the Federal Budget for 2009 should be more like 12%). Hairs split aside, Norway which has consistently managed a surplus in the teens is like the Daniel Craig of the current account world (I'm just assuming Daniel Craig because all the girls in the Captain's life swoon when you mention his name).


In any case, I predict we'll see a current account deficit in the upper teens before this is all over. Don't worry ladies, the US will look just like you've wanted him to become economically all these years; Michael Moore.

Entrant #3 for Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest

From Qeej


He couldn't find a relationship between RGDP growth and the marginal tax rate for millionaires.

Oh, but he forgot to do something. Does anybody see what he failed to do?

Remember YOU TOO can enter the Captain's annual chart contest.

Just e-mail your charts to CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com

Super happy fun prizes await!!!!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Captain's Carbon Emissions

I am not bragging, I'm just making a record so that if anybody is so anally-rententive enough to calculate the carbon emissions on this they may be able to calculate how many leftist, brainwashed, nutjobs I countered in terms of carbon emissions. On this Anti-Earth Day I;

Drove 132 miles in an 8 cylinder car that gets 17 MPG.

Smoked 2 cigars.

Burned 4 2x4's of 3 foot lengths of painted wood.

Burned 5 plastic bags

Burned 1 styrofoam container

Burned 4 plastic bottles

Grilled 4 steaks and 4 brats with CHARCOAL

Ran the shower for 20 minutes pointlessly

Ran the heat at 80 degrees with an outside temp of 37 degrees

Mowed the lawn (1400 ft squared) though there was no grass.

Used 1/2 of a can of spray paint to initialize the bonfire.

I don't know what that translates into in terms of carbon emission, but I'm sure I've countered 100,000 dumbasses "turning off their lights" in terms of "saving the planet."

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Anti-Earth Day

Remember today is Anti-Earth Day.

Undo all the work the pyscho crazies have been doing to "save" the environment.

I have already pointlessly driven over 50 miles today and plan a bonfire of treated wood, magazine paper and plastics (if I can find any).

Remember to flush multiple times and perhaps heat up your house with the shower running.

Smoke a lot, and if you don't smoke, make up for it in taking beautiful Saturday afternoon drives.

Oh, and fire up those grills!!!!

Friday, March 27, 2009

South Park Margaritaville

This is what I like about economics. It is so simple it can be explained by a cartoon. You will watch these cartoons. You will also BUY THE BOOK as it goes into slightly more detail than the cartoons.




Go After the People, Not the Banks

I made a post a while ago about the revolving doors here at the banks in Minnesota. How one person (true story) ran a bank into the ground with such bad commercial lending, ended up becoming the CHIEF CREDIT OFFCIER of a bank just down the road.

Another “president” was heralded for her “great” tenure at a local bank here in Minnesota as she left for greener pastures at a bank out east, only to find out the bank she left was left in shambles after reckless and galactically stupid lending practices.

The stories go on and on.

However, this brings up a very important point if we are ever to improve our financial system and stop another such debacle from happening again. The regulators have to go after the people who did this, not the banks.

I don’t know of one bank in Minnesota that hasn’t purged itself of its senior and executive management in the past 3 years. The problem is they just replaced their incredibly shitty (I only use the crass term as it is the only term that conveys the true shittiness of their managerial ability) management team, with other shitty management teams from other shitty banks.

The consequences can reliably be predicted to be, of course, shitty.

Since we’re not targeting the problem (the people who caused this), but rather the entities or shells they used to cause this economic crisis (the banks), the problem will continue and there will be no genuine justice.

I asked an insider in the regulatory world who shall remain nameless if they authorities were going after the people or the banks and s/he said, unfortunately they’re going after the banks, not the people.

Grand. The OTS, the NCUA, the OCC and the FDIC are not targeting the cancerous scumbags who are corrupting the system, but the vehicles or legal entities they infect. It seems banks will be forever in perpetuity, shitty.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

University of Delaware

Never attend it. Never even move to Delaware, never hire somebody from there. What a worthless and pathetic waste of resources.

Part I


Part II


ht

Switzerland Really Isn't a Sovereign Nation

Because you know, they're not like a real country like Germany or the US. I mean, those Swiss are like terrorists and should be arrested for operating within their own laws should they dare set foot in socialist nations like Germany the US.

I don't know about you guys, but this is reason enough to not buy German or French goods, CERTAINLY reason enough not to set up shop in those countries.

Counter-Earth Hour

As you guys all know I suggested environmentalists whackos start paying me to NOT pollute the environment. And as a means by which to give these nutjobs the proverbial finger suggested we hold a celebration of sorts where we pollute as much as possible.

Well it turns out via SDA (click and scroll down, you'll see several postings) already such a celebration is planned AND it is coming up March 28th.

Now understand the purpose of the counter rally is to not only counter what minuscule and pointless amount of energy these hypocrites save, but to outdo them and make it worse for the environment. Not because we don't like the environment, but we want to show them their arrogance and conceitedness in daring to lecture the normal people of this society about the "ills" of global warming will be counter productive.

Thus, instead of their paltry, pathetic hour, we will engage in carbon spewing behavior for the entire day, and night if necessary.

Now I know what you're asking; "Captain, what can I do to help shut these losers up and make them think twice about joining a pathetic crusade just because it makes them feel good and gives them their jollies because they get to tell other people what to do?"

Well I figured why not look up what the "10 best things to do for the environment" was and then do the opposite!

1. Run lots and lots of water. Water is cheap and so you should flush your toilet several times. Matter of fact if you can parcel out your bathroom going into multiple trips that will increase the number of flushes you have to use. You can help increase water usage by drinking lots of water. This not only consumes it, but forces you to flush more times.

2. DRIVE A LOT. The Captain fully intends on getting his 8 cylinder car and driving pointlessly to Hutchinson while smoking not one, but TWO cigars. Also, don't combine errands. Make a separate trip for each errand and maybe take a nice detour. See, driving actually IS fun and is calm and relaxing. I personally find enjoyment just driving around listening to jazz or talk radio. You should do the same and treat yourself to a nice quiet, LONG drive. Better yet, if you don't have to drive, go out and drive around during rush hour. Help clog the interstates more than they already are by needlessly making your presence there.

3. The #3 on their list is to bike/cycle/walk. Forget that, see #2.

4. Do not recycle. Throw everything away. Make sure paper and bottles (with the caps on so they don't compress, but rather stay inflated taking up more volume) are thrown out. Keep aluminum. That you can actually make money on. If you can't throw it away, burn it. The downside of this is it doesn't help fill land fills, but it does emit carbon.

5. Composting. HEY instead of having the garbage in the landfill, have it in a stinky pile in your back yard. Instead, I suggest doing what #4 recommends and throwing everything away, UNLESS you have extra chemicals and cleaners you need to get rid of. Pour that on the ground where you're not planting anything or using. Preferably around the perimeter of the house as that will keep critters and weeds away.

6. Change lightbulbs. Well, if you have to change lightbulbs, they better burn out. Make sure you keep all your lights on. Matter of fact if changing lightbulbs is good for the environment, then you should break out the ole Christmas lights and fire those babies up. Remember, if they burn out, you get to replace them. And replacing bulbs is good for the environment.

7. Run the furnace AND air conditioner full blast. SDA has the rights to this one, as they call it a "match" to see which one wins. This is kind of expensive however, so you can easily unnecessarily heat up your house by burning wood in a fireplace or just having a bonfire outside. Make sure to use gasoline to get her started.

8. They recommend increasing the pressure in your tires. I recommend just going to the air pump and running it non-stop so the air compressor works overtime. That consumes electricity and that helps destroy the planet.

9. #9 on their list is driving again. Notice a hatred for the car here? This time they want you to drive REALLY slow. Ef that. That's for neo-pansified-Americans who drive Priuses and find members of the opposite sex based on the mileage their car gets. Go out and hit the interstate. Don't speed, but just hit the interstate and go 5 over the limit as that will not get you a ticket, but increase the amount of emissions you're emitting. If you can find one, attach a parachute to the back of your car for better draft.

10. Run all your appliances and lights at the same time. The great thing about video games is they have a pause function. You can leave all the electronics on, get a burger (via car), come back and watch the beautifully paused screen as you eat your burger and throw out/burn the garbage.

Now these were just the opposite of the best things you could do for the environment. I'd like to add a couple;

1. Aerosol cans. I don't use them, but they sure are fun to burn like a torch. Reminisce about your childhood youth and buy a can of deodorant and have a torch fest.

2. Bonfires. You can burn pretty much everything and you should. Plastic, painted wood, treated wood. You'd be amazed how much junk you can clean out of your house if you have a good ole fashioned bonfire. Just make sure you don't breathe in the smoke.

3. Cigars. I know what you're saying, "how much damage could a single petty cigar possibly cause the environment?" Well how much GOOD can driving 55 instead of 60 do for the environment. You have to understand, it's all symbolism over substance. Be just as hypocritical as they are and have that symbolic cigar. Besides, leftists hate cigar smokers.

4. Grill out with charcoal. Gas is good as you're still emitting carbon, but what is better than eating the meat of poor little helpless animals over sizzling coals? Make sure to use a LOT of lighter fluid. Matter of fact, better get two bottles.

5. LAUNDRY DAY! Might as well do it today. Make sure you use that dryer.

6. Go out on a date. While everybody is in the dark, holding a candle light vigil for the environment, grab your girl/guy, go to town and enjoy life. Lord knows these people don't and never will.

Entrant #2 to the Captain's 2009 Annual Chart Competition

From Mr. Martin;


A good chronology of the stock market and Obama's action, does not however include this latest sucker's rally.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Pepe Le Pew, Foghorn Leghorn and East Indians

East Indians do not account for even a slight percentage of the population of Minnesota, yet they are here and they do exist. And the reason I know this is because a disproportionate amount of them attend my dance classes, for which I am certainly grateful.

However, in my dance classes I often use anecdotes or references to Looney Tunes, which they (among the Gen y generation) have no freaking clue what I'm talking about.

And this is a travesty.

How one can go throughout life without knowing who Pepe Le Pew is or Foghorn Leghorn is, is unacceptable. It's like going through life without eating ice cream.

Thus, for my East Indian and Gen Y students, as well as those looking for a bit of a pick me up in these harsh economics times, I present to you Foghorn Leghorn and Pepe Le Pew. Enjoy:

"PAY ATTENTION WHEN I'M TALKING TO YA BOY!!!"


Heh heh. I have been called Pepe many times by many femme fatales;

Tax "Cooperation"

This should scare you.


And the reason this should scare you is that what ultimately guarantees your freedom, what ultimately forces the socialists and leftists of the world to spend within their means, what ultimately keeps governments from stealing everything you own is that there are...

OTHER GOVERNMENTS.

In other words the productive people can just decide to move, or even more easily, invest in other countries.

You tax us at 40% corporate tax rate? Well we'll move.

You want to take 50% of GDP to bribe the lazy masses into voting for you so you can have life long employment at the express of the integrity and future of the country? We'll invest elsewhere.

And now those good ol "developed western nations" are doing nothing short of forming a cartel to normalize and standardize tax rates. I don't care about the military, if this happens you will have effectively a one world government and no natural forces of competition to force these countries to spend within their means.

This does however bring up an interesting development I've noticed. Countries like China and Russian, for god's sake, are going to be the ones who are more free than the "free world." Russia already has a flat tax, China has a corporate tax of only 20%.

Any industrious individual would be wise to sow some seeds in these countries.

And any industrious country would be wise to tell the OECD and this tax cartel of nations to ef off.

Ask Obama

A reader requested that I post this here and is typically the case I usually try to make my readers happy. Apparently Obama will answer any questions you have if you just send them in over the internet.

The problem is, aside from the obvious volume Obama will receive will make it impossible to answer all questions, is that like any other politician he will choose the ones that are easiest to answer or the ones politically favorable towards him. You could ask a simple question;

"Why should I work if you're making everything for free?"

or

"I'm young, I voted for you, and now you've essentially made me an indentured slave with all this future debt."

But he won't answer it.

Though I wish all of you the best of luck.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Jesus-Freaking-H

Christ.

I finally found a unique and identifying term for these "millennials."

"The Obama Generation."

Dancing Etiquette for Married Women

I got a multi-tiered question that in order to respond fully requires a post in itself.

The question was what was the proper etiquette for married women who want to dance but their husbands don't want to.

In general, albeit dancing is ensconced in a very general environment that would lead towards dating, dancing itself is not an action of flirting or romance. In other words it can be totally platonic and just a fun activity no different than playing volleyball. Of course it certainly has the potential to lead towards some kind of romance, but if Joe Schmoe asks Jane Schmoe at bar x to dance (ballroom) then yeah, they guy might have an interest, but he isn't proposing marriage.

This is arguably one of the largest complaints men have when women are sitting on the edge of their seats, bouncing up and down to a great salsa or swing band at the edge of the dance floor and then when somebody comes up and asks them to dance, they giggle and laugh and point at their friends and tell them "no, you dance with him!" "No! *giggle, giggle* YOU dance with him!"

It isn't a proposal of marriage.

It isn't a sexual proposition.

It isn't even asking if he could buy you a drink because that would cost money.

He's asking for a dance, so married or not, it's pretty safe.

Now that being said, I cannot think of a more adroit and classy way to meet a girl besides dancing. So naturally most men will approach dancing as primarily a means to have fun, but a close second to meet a girl.

This is where the married women have to do one simple thing;

Wear your wedding ring.

A slightly skilled dancer will even have the savvy to feel that large hunk of rock on your left hand, saving you the embarrassment of asking you out. So as long as you're married and have that ring, you're not going to run into any trouble, at least on the ballroom scene.

Now where married women run into trouble is when THEY TAKE OFF THE RING or play a game some female friends of mine called "Testing Our Market Value."

To simplify things (a lot) women want attention, men want sex. And whereas it's socially poo-pooed to go out and just ask for sex, to get attention is perfectly acceptable. This creates a conundrum, especially for married women who are not getting enough love or attention back at home. They some how feel the need to go out and doll themselves up and "test their market value" and get attention, ie- sit at a bar and see how many men buy them drinks as they're all dolled up and *oops* did they happen to "forget" to wear their wedding ring?

No doubt there are enough veteran males in my readership who could regale you with tales of going to a club/bar/party, meeting a really nice gal WITHOUT A RING and only after spending 4 hours getting to know this one girl, finding out she was married. This is not only deceitful, but it's disrespectful as the woman has not only led the guy on, but wasted his time which he might as otherwise used to meet an available (and might I add, more secure) woman.

This happens more often than you might think and to a severity of more than you might imagine.

The Captain had one experience where a drop dead gorgeous woman was dancing with him with long sleeve gloves (couldn't tell if she was married). I asked her if there was a ring under the gloves and she said yes - ergo "thanks for the dance, no harm done."

On the other extreme was the drop dead gorgeous redheaded economist he met in his dance class and dated for about 2 months. As you can imagine after two months, several dates, her having red hair AND being an economist, the young Captain was smitten. That was of course until we were salsa dancing late one night and whilst on the dance floor the poor ole Captain's hand got lacerated by huge chunk of diamond he hadn't noticed her wearing before. After changing his dance grip he had the shocking realization that she was married this entire time and just forgot to take her ring off.

Regardless the whole point is whether it's an hour or two months, don't be a tease. If you want to dance, go out and dance and wear your wedding ring. I find nothing wrong with dressing up a little fancy. But if you're going to slut yourself up and take off the ring and "test your market value" and lead a guy on so you can get your fill of attention-jollies at his expense, that's where women start to earn a bad reputation and make men long for the likes of Sophia Loren or Audrey Hepburn, or at least join the marriage strike.

Entrant #1 to Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Competition

From Mr. Penner;


A good visual showing the basic cause of inflated housing prices and homeownership was historically low interest rates.

REMEMBER

You too can enter the annual chart contest and win

a signed book from the Captain
a signed photo of the Captain (that one was thrown in there for the ladies ;)
an instructional dance video (starring the Captain)
and 10 whole US dollars (the currency about to catch leprosy)

E-mail your charts to CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

State of Play

I am a blogger.

And in admitting that I fully accept the connotations and stereotypes that come with it, much of which is similar to admitting you play Dungeons and Dragons.

In other words I fully admit that being a blogger is not "cool" but rather "nerdy."

That being a blogger is not going to impress women, but most likely deter them (I tried using it as a pick up line at a bar once, it was hilarious, you should try it just to see the girls' looks on their faces).

That in being a blogger people will roll their eyes and dismiss me as some kind of living-at-home-at-the-age-of-40 freak.

But at least when I admit this, at least I am being intellectually honest, if not sane about the social standing of a blogger.

The same cannot be said for members of the press, particularly the main stream media. And the reason why I say this is the seemingly limitless number of movies where the "press" is made out to be some kind of hero. What triggered my memory of this observation was when I saw the preview below for the movie "State of Play" where the "heroic" reporter is about to uncover some grandiose conspiracy;


Let's be blunt about this. This nothing more than people in media and the press day dreaming about their existence and (pardon the vulgarity of the term, but it's the most appropriate term I can find) masturbating about their profession. Their profession is so boring and unfulfilling that they have to make up stories to make themselves feel like their profession is somehow on par with Jack Bauer or soldiers or doctors or cops. And instead of just doing their job and reporting the news, no they have to "change society" or "save the world" or "stop some major corruption" or something epic and saga like, and State of Play is one such tale from Mr. Roger's Imagination Land.

Now there have been movies like this before. Nixon/Frost. All the President's Men. Erin Brochovich. No doubt many of you could name more because I just can't bother going to see them, but the theme is the same:

"nerds uncover plot WITH EVIL MEN IN GUNS CHASING AFTER THEM AND THE JOURNALIST MAGICALLY SAVES THE WORLD!!!! YEA FOR US!!!!"

At least with Nixon/Frost and Brochovic they were based in reality and real journalists.

But the likes of "State of Play?" Come on.

Finally, there is just one hilarious aspect of State of Play. I think it's Meryl Streep in there and she says, "the newspaper can't help you."

NEWSPAPER?

Did you say "PAPER?"

You mean to suggest TODAY, 2009, newsPAPERS have some kind of pull?

Now you KNOW this is a work of fiction.

The dinosaurs known as newspapers are dying out if you haven't noticed and have nowhere near the pull or power they once did. Additionally with them rolling over on their back for Barack Obama, good lord, and now this movie is to have us believe a dying industry has STANDARDS too?

I'd rather watch Pravda-propaganda circa 1950.

No, seriously, if hollywood wanted to make a realistic movie or the modern day incarnation of "All the President's Men" then they should do a movie about Powerline and Little Green Footballs for busting Dan Rather.

In the meantime enjoy playing make-believe.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Can't Find a Job? Get a Husband

You see we're prohibited in the developed world from saying women seek out men with money.

It's politically incorrect.

We're prohibited in the developed world to point to the countless marriages where the wife has her degree in community service, works 15 hours a week at the local charity, brings in $10,000, but spends $50,000 per year because her engineering husband makes $80,000, because that would imply she isn't an independent woman.

It's politically incorrect.

We're prohibited, if not lectured in the developed world if we dare suggest marriage is not in a bachelor's best interest and being single forever is actually a pretty good life, especially for the bachelor.

It's politically incorrect AND non-conformatory.

But jeezus-h-hosephats-cripes, "The recession is on, I can't make as much money as I want. So now I'm looking for a husband?"

I am so not moving nor investing in Japan.

Remember, it is cheaper to lease than to buy.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Captain's Really Quick Week In Review Re-"Cap"

As some of you may have noticed, I am a little lackluster in the posts. This is due to this time of year being tax season and dance season which consumes the majority of my time. Ergo, allow me to give you the insight, wit and criticism of the important issues of today before the weekend starts and I have to go back to the grind to (sigh) teach single ladies how to dance;

1. This slamming on Obama making a joke about the special olympics? I'm sorry, everybody should shut the hell up and leave him alone. I will not tolerate hypocrisy in this ideology. If we want to be able to talk freely in this nation and banish politically correct speech, then the first thing we on the capitalist side of the force must do is allow those on the communist side of the force those same freedoms of speech. I heard it on talk radio and all you middle aged women who have no lives, no purpose and no point in your existence who call into talk radio and FEIGN indignation against Barack Obama cutting an innocent joke should shut the hell up. I am NO supporter of Barack Obama, but what I hold in higher regard is principle and how dare you criticize him for something as innocent as that while you bitch and moan in the same breathe about being suffocated by politically correct speech on our end. This is what separates us from them, intellectual honesty. Learn it, adhere to it, or go join the other side Arianna Huffington.

2. In a related note; YES congress should tax AIG and any other bailout recipient at a 90% tax rate for their bonuses. You see, again, we get back to this intellectual honesty. There is a parallel here between the war against corporate corruption and the war against terrorism. We (on the RIGHT side of the force) complained when there was petty complaints about torture, lack of due process, and rights being granted to what were essentially terrorists. We saw these evil people for who they were, and realized that the law has to be bent, if not broken to deal with these terrorists. How many of you complained because leftists were complaining about Ackbar's cell phone being traced because he was calling Afghanistan before every terrorist attack? Well it's the same thing here people. Treat these corporate exectuive schmucks and parasites as the enemy. And here is Obama and the (god, I can't believe I'm standing up for these people) Democrat congress saying, "OH yeah, AIG??? Well F%CK YOU! We're taking it anyway!"

It's the ballsy leadership we need.

Criticize Obama for destroying the economy with unfinanceable bailouts.

Criticize Obama for basically making slavery legal again by enslaving our children to pay for a lazy parental generation.

Criticize Obama for being a pathetic, preppy, wanna be, mama's boy who isn't a real man and never paid his way through college.

But for cripes sake, when he targets aggressively the assholes who got us into this economic crisis, don't be so intellectually dishonest and bitch about procedure just like the left did about the treatment of terrorists at Gitmo.

3. Just finished teaching a dance class at a local high school. I told the kids to partner up. There are three young guys standing by themselves and 6 extra girls. Guess what happens!

The 6 girls partner up with EACH OTHER and leave the three guys by themselves.

Now I don't have children, but it seems to me I'd be an infinitely better parent than most out there. Whoever you parents are that bring up your daughter to the point they'd rather dance with one another and not the honorable young man who had the courage to attend a dance class should be ashamed because you failed.

Let me tell you what is the most insulting and pathetic behavior of young women today; when a MAN asks you to dance and you not only turn him down BUT THEN DANCE WITH A FEMALE FRIEND. Now I could forgive this if you were genuinely homosexual, and that's fine, but when it's nothing more than sophomoric, childish, girly behavior because you're too god damned insecure to interact with the opposite sex because your parents failed to bring you up right, then this behavior will ensure you're 40, single, beleaguered with cats as children-subsitutes, and wondering why you don't have children yet and why no man will date you.

I think it's high time fathers quit being the Ray Romano's of the world, man up, stand up to their wives, start drawing lines in the sand, and hold daily lessons in manhood with their daughters and teach them the proper etiquette of how to interact with men when they get older. That's you're GD fathers for. To teach your daughters how to interact with MEN.

But, of course, you don't have to listen to me. But you will have to listen to your daughter complain when she's 39, has passed up on 17 grand and wonderful men who would have made great son-in-laws, and cries and cries and cries about why "Sex in the City" didn't turn out to be a reality for her, and then you will say, "oh, why oh why, didn't I listen to the Captain on this one? Despite being so young, he was so wise."

Thus concludes my super fast analysis of this week's newsworthy events.

Your mission for this weekend;

Fathers - have the father daughter talk. The real one. Not the "ponies and princesses" one.

Mothers - Let the fathers do this so that your daughter may actually meet a real and nice man and bring you a couple grandkids.

Men - Go buy your DAME some flowers and ice cream or something and while you're at it write her a poem, not matter how goofy, they like the effort. Start with the phrase "Your kisses are sweeter than beer" and go from there.

Women - Go put on something sexy before your man comes home, fix him up a martini and light him up a cigar. Don't give me your complaints, just do it, I'm trying to help you.

Children - Play video games and watch Saturday morning cartoons (even though they suck compared to the Bugs Bunny cartoons we had back in the 80's). Then get off your lazy asses and go play outside.

Eveyrbody- buy the damn book already. Geez, I got to put table of food guys. I know,you can procrastinate and put it off till later, but you've been doing that for 8 months. What makes you think you're going to actually pull the trigger? Do it now already!

The Captain has spoken.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Debt Star

HAR!!!

Can You Say, "Capital Flight?"

Today's term boys and girls is "capital flight."

You see, when a government treats corporations and companies like an abused wive or whipping boy, those companies have a tendency to want to leave. So if you tax them at, oh I don't know, 40% and villify them, like, oh, I don't know, THE OIL INDUSTRY, they will simply leave.

Say it with me now; C-A-P-I-T-A-L F-L-I-G-H-T

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Premature Celebration

So housing starts were HIGHER than expected, driving the Dow Jones up to 7,300.

Wow! Isn't that great! Housing starts were higher than economists expected.

Let me put this into perspective for you.


See that little blip that I highlighted in the red circle? Yeah, that liiiiiiittle, teeny weenie, blip. Yeah, the one that looks like all the other minor blips before it? Yeah, that's what people are all getting excited about.

Let me explain something to the idiots on Wall Street who, despite their Ivy League degrees and cash from their mommy and daddies, are still idiots.

THE HOUSING MARKET IS STILL OVER SUPPLIED WITH HOUSING.

Now I know Minneapolis isn't the same as the nation, but I gander it's roughly the same. Months supply of housing is at 7 months. This is 2 months HIGHER than what is deemed to be balanced. The market is STILL OVERSUPPLIED.


And now builders are going to BUILD MORE OF IT????

Now, let's put on our economic thinking caps, and try really really hard and ask ourselves what we learned at Harvard's economics 101 class about supply and its affect on prices. If supply goes up, then PRICES GO DOWN. And this is just housing starts, doesn't even include all the foreclosures now hitting the market, let alone the phantom inventory of homes that once there's a hint of prices recovering will flood the market keeping prices low for a long time.

Additionally, let me tell you something about real estate developers and home builders. The dirty little secret is they're not economists. They're actually galactically retarded when it comes to economics. They never looked at supply figures before hand and they certainly aren't looking at them now. They're making the same mistake they made back in 2007 and flooding an already flooded market with more housing. The reason they do this is because developers are in it for the same thing bankers are;

The size of the deal and bragging rights, not profit.

They have no real skill or trade outside home building and with their egos inflated during the housing boom, why they have to keep up their faux "multi-million dollar real estate developer" image and therefore are itching to start the latest multi-million dollar development just to save their bloated egos (even though it will be guaranteed to lose money). The "City Center" project in Las Vegas is a perfect example of just what idiotic egomanics these schmucks are.

And the stock market so optimistically shooting up on this paltry and pathetic data is just proof how addicted, desirous, if not demanding the market has become of inflating asset prices and asset bubbles instead of solid economic growth and corporate earnings.

Give Me $1,000,000 or the Environment Gets It

The thing I don't like about global warming (aside from the fact it's completely fabricated) is the pompousness of it all. That those who "go green" are some how good and noble people and those of us who don't bring a freaking reusable cloth shopping bag when we go grocery shopping are evil. The reality of it is that "going green" is the perfect "crusade" leftists like because it requires no real work, makes not real difference, yet it makes them feel like they're doing something and gives them something to point to to say, "SEE, SEE!!!! I'M RECYCLING! YOU'RE NOT!!! OH SURE, YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER WHO DESIGNED A MEDICAL DEVICE THAT SAVED THOUSANDS AND I'M JUST THIS WORTHLESS COMMUNITY ORGANIZER, BUT I PICKED UP A PLASTIC BOTTLE! I'M JUST AS GOOD AS YOU ARE!"

Somehow, deep down inside, I don't think even they believe it.

Regardless, society bends over and grabs their ankles to accommodate this insanity and thus I get lectured every day by inane commercials;

"We here at Chipolte are concerned about the environment, that's why our beef is organic."

"We here at Wells Fargo have gone green, saving three sheets of paper per week."

"We here at GM have made flex-fuel vehicles even though ethanol really produces more carbon emissions than gas."

How in god's name does a freaking bank "go green."

Ergo, I came up with something we all can do on the right/sane/capitalist/non-brainwashed side of the force;

Do whatever we can to COUNTER-pollute.

For example, when I'm at the grocery store they ask me "paper or plastic." I say, "both."

Do I recycle them?

Heck no, I burn them, both.

If it's a beautiful day I do go for Sunday drives with my 8 cylinder Dodge that gets 16 MPG.

Styrofoam?

Don't know what the chemicals are when you burn it, but I'm sure it's bad for the environment. That's why when I have a grill out (using charcoal) I buy styrofoam plates and not paper.

Now there are many things we can yet still legally do, to basically undo all the faux environmentalism crap these frauds do just to make themselves feel better. But the best thing to do is be intellectually honest and give them a proposition;

"OK, you are so concerned about the environment and you TELL me to do all these things? How about this? Not only are you going to quit TELLING me to do all these things, you're going to pay me not to do these things. Matter of fact, I'll have an annual gallon o' gasoline burn off every month until you pay me $25,000. Better yet, you think global warming is going to harm the polar bears? How much will you pay me NOT to go and hunt five of them down? You don't like my 8 cylinder car and my Sunday drives while I smoke a cigar? Well, why don't you make a contribution to my environmental fund?"

The solution to this stupidity was so simple, it was easy to miss. Just do the opposite of what these nutjobs say and when somebody says, "Do you recycle? Do you drive a Prius?"

Say, "No, I undo all the "good" you did by doing the opposite. And I will continue to do three times as many damage as you do, until you quit lecturing me or pay me $25,000."

Thus, I think what we should do is set an "Global Warming Day" where we purposely try to emit as much carbon and greenhouse gases up into the atmosphere until my fund receives (Dr. Evil accent)

$1 MILLION DOLLERRRZZZZZ!


How's June 1st sound? Nothing going on June 1st? Let me know. I'll make the more official rules. "JUNE FIRST, GLOBAL WARMING DAY!!!!"

Collapse Predicted a Long Time Ago

Yeah, it's called "Social Security."

I Love It When I'm Right

For those of you who read the book, I just had this forwarded to me.

It's the destination resort out in the middle of nowhere.

Wow, who would have guessed it would have gone under.

Oh, wait, I did, about 4 freaking years ago!

Monday, March 16, 2009

What You Find on Patrol on the Washington Avenue Bridge

Many years ago, when the Captain was just a rookie private in this grand scheme of life, he worked at the police department at the U of MN for their campus security program. And kind of a hobby I wish I was more thorough about was that I would grab various fliers and posters on the limitless poster boards that piqued my interest or I found interesting. As I said I wished I did it more, because there were some really interesting fliers/posters not from an intellectual sense but from an artistic sense, yet I only grabbed a handful.

Regardless, on all of the U of MN campus, the most common place you'd find posters and fliers would be the Washington Avenue bridge which spanned the Mississippi and connected the East and West banks of campus. And that's where I found this one below (recently rediscovered as I am cleaning out my house);



I certainly hope Tom found the girl. A very Cappy Cap salute to Tom, wherever he may be.

I'll be uploading more, no so much for economic commentary, but more to have a digital record of what I found.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

So I'm Watching MANSWERS...

And they ask the question;

"How much can a pimp make?"

Among the many interesting statistics (women pull an average of .7 tricks per hour, roughly translating into $560/day in earnings), the most interesting was the average cut the pimp takes.

25%?

33%?

50%?

No, they take on average 80% of the earnings.

I personally have a hard time believing it, but given it's the black market and thus no government intervention and thus a truly free market, there has to be a logical reason for an 80% cut.

I'm think the women need to form a union.

Jimmy Hoffa, where are you?

Obama Wish List

I think this was from Michelle Malkin's blog, but I'm not sure. Just wanted to throw it up here in case people hadn't seen it yet (click on it to enlarge):

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Classic Case Against the Quants

Today the Captain conducts his job search kind of half heartedly.

He sees little reason to earn more than what he makes on book sales, DVD sales, online classes and rental income in that if he were to get a full time job the majority of that money would be taxed away and sent to bribe the parasitic masses who voted for Obama via social program, government jobs, etc., etc. In other words, does the Captain commit to waking up at 7AM every morning, work all day, teach dance at night, and then somewhere in there continue managing this awesome blog, only to have 50% of that money taken away, or does he just cut back on spending and live the ole college life, keep the majority of his money and sleep till 11AM every morning and keep the majority of his money?

It's a real tough choice.

But, still, out of habit I apply for jobs and look for speaking gigs whenever I can get them.

This being the case I came across a job that perked my interest, not because it looked like an interesting job, but because I had interviewed at the company many times before for similar jobs and it's one you and I and everybody else all knows;

GMAC.

And the reason it perked my interest is that it's a "senior model validation analyst."

Now let me tell you why it should not only pique my interest, but also yours. You see, GMAC received a $6 billion bailout from you, the taxpayer. The reason they received the bailout is because they got in head over heels on the sub prime mortgage debacle.

Now where this gets interesting is that while I applied for many of GMAC's analyst/statistician/modeler type jobs, I was summarily shot down for all of them. And presumably these jobs were given to people who were better qualified. You know, people who are better qualified enough to predict and shield GMAC from, oh, I don't know, A HOUSING CRASH?

Yet, despite these presumed better qualifications, could they have potentially screwed up any more? I mean, come on, these are "big time PhD's and masters degrees economists and statisticians. Why, we're so smart, we have incredibly powerful models that will predict the next time you'll have flatulence."

Yet despite all these genius quants and econometricians, they failed to predict something as easy as the sun rising; the housing crash.

Now I know quants like to brag about their models. Yes, you managed to use all the letters in the Greek alphabet in your model. Congratulations. Wonderful, that will impress the girls and allow you to brag in front of other nerds. Sadly though, these models, no matter how complex are finite and will inevitably fail in the fact the market is dynamic. Just ask the geniuses at Long Term Capital Management.

In the meantime, do you think maybe, just maybe, like girls you should approach the problem with a little bit less math and a little more common sense? A little bit of independent thinking? You know, like how girls like the individual guy, not the droves of Amber Crombie and Fitch wearing drones, maybe your "model" should include only half the letters of the Greek alphabet and maybe a little more "gut instinct?"

Never mind, large multi-billion dollar corporation that just received a $6 billion bailout? Right, try righting that ship. Who am I kidding?

I'll just continue to sleep in till 11AM.

Krugman Mankiw Bet

This is how much of a genius I am. I said this BEFORE MANY TIMES. 2006.

Now Mankiw is getting it.

Come on KRUGMAN, you pathetic excuse for an economist. TAKE THE BET!!!!!

His Nobel Prize would be worthless if he doesn't.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Time for Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest!

Hurray!!!!!

I almost forgot! It's already March and we haven't had our annual chart contest!

Yes, a contest where Cappy Cap readers submit their bestest and greatest charts in the hopes of winning luxurious prizes!!!!

"What prizes?" you ask, well I'll tell you.

The winner of the 2009 Annual Captain Capitalism Chart Contest will win;

A SIGNED BOOK OF BEHIND THE HOUSING CRASH BY EL CAPITAIN HIMSELF

An instructional dance video of your choosing (Salsa, Latin, Swing or Ballroom - a different girl for every dance!)

A signed photo of the Captain!

AND

$10 US dollars (which depending on the exchange rate, may very well be worthless in a couple weeks)

How can you possibly resist to participate and compete in this contest!?

Send your charts to;

CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com

ALL charts will be posted (assuming they're aren't completely lame or perverted) and the winner will be announced whenever I feel like it!

Go, do it now! NOW! QUICKLY! DO IT!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Chart More Beautiful Than Denise Richards

Denise Richards is in the Captain's humble opinion the most attractive woman in the world. I would perhaps even forgive her if she were the typical Hollywood liberal.



However, again, I have updated my favorite chart, and I'm sorry, the chart is just a smidgen better looking that Denise.



Look at the inverse relationship between housing starts and unemployment. AND also note the exponential change to both. What makes it even better is the quant drone that e-mailed me one day saying there was no statistical relationship between housing and I should leave the real economics to real economists.

Oh, silly little quants. Go start some Long Term Credit Management company or something.

In the mean time go to your right and donate cash or something for Sindi and Natsha's "Heels and Ammo Fund" -------->

Blame Capitalism

Interesting chart showing the progressive march towards higher standards of living in China IN JUST 20 SHORT YEARS;



And you want to know how they did it? They "stimulated" their economy by pursuing capitalism.

I know, I know, it's falling on deaf ears. Maybe when those ears can no longer hear because of malnutrition because cap and trade put all the farmers out of business they might pay attention. In the meantime enjoy watching the US' bell curves shift to the left.

"Dame" is NOT Sexist

Dear feminists who have no skill and make their living by criminalizing normal behavior as since you have no real skill, you are otherwise unemployable and need to shake people down.

The term "dame" is not a derogatory remark. It is used by old fashioned classy men to describe old fashioned classy women.

If you are so foolish as to lecture me or any one else about the "improper" use of this term, then you can enjoy the life you've chosen of shaking people down for made up crimes which is nothing more than a parasitic existence, as long as you know FULL WELL YOU WILL SACRIFICE A REAL LIFE WITH A REAL GUY AND ANY SEMBLANCE OF REAL LOVE OR AT LEAST FRIENDSHIP.

Jesus Freaking A. Christ.

How do you people live life?

Seriously. Do you stay awake at night trying to find reasons to be insulted? What kind of a life is that? Is it you have no social abilities, no qualities or traits that attract members of the opposite sex, or heck, just no qualities and traits that make people want to be your friend that you have to engage in such childish and pathetic behavior?

DAME?

DAME?

South Pacific had a song. It was heralding dames.

Humphrey Bogart used the term frequently and in high regard.

Men in WWII just wanted and spilled blood for dames.

And it's every American males God given right to use the term "dame."

And all you schleps can do is bitch and whine about it when a guy says TO SOME OTHER WOMAN WHO ISN"T YOU, "you're a cute dame?"

Go to hell.

Although, something tells me you're so screwed up you're already in your own personal hell.

In the meantime, I officially decree all men shall continue to use the word "dame" if only to compliment the true classy women who are smart enough to appreciate the endearing moniker and to piss off those that are so childish and pathetic that they truly deserve to be pissed off.

I can't believe I have to write about this stuff.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

One Simple Question

This will be one of my shortest, but most poignant posts.

If it was just a simple matter of causing economic growth through "stimulus" programs, then by default why haven't we just "stimulated" ourselves via government action to income per capitas of $250,000 per year?

When you answer that question you'll not only have debunked all of Keynesianism and Obamanomics, but set a leftist on the path towards becoming an adult (ie-a capitalist).

Suckers Rally

Today's term is "suckers rally."

Can you say that kids? "Suckers rally."

Japan, the path the US has paralleled on a nearly 100% genetically identical manner, had several of them after their big bubble went poof. And in the end is still down 75% from its high nearly 20 years ago. If we followed the Japanese Nikkei, the Dow Jones would be roughly 3,500 by 2030.



Can you say, "I'm working past 65?"

I knew you could.

Footloose

When I was a whopping 9 years old my siblings and I got to see "Footloose" in 1984 which given the make out scene was about the closest to a rated X movie we had ever seen.

Didn't pay much attention to the plot. Knew there was some kid who could dance and was a good fighter. Then there was some guy with a truck and some antlers. Totally grossed out by the french kissing. And there was this angry pastor who I was later to find out was John Lithgow.

Now fast forward 20 odd years and all of the sudden I'm starting to appreciate the political statement of Footloose, not because of being a pastor's kid and being banned from dancing in the Wisconsin synod, not because of going to parochial school where they guarantee to make your kid hate religion, and not because of the nightmares I endured of dating a just a mere handful of born again Christians, but because today

2009

I at the age of 34

have lost not one,

but three private dance gigs this spring alone because.....(are you ready for this?)

THE ELDERS OF THE CHURCH WHERE THE WEDDINGS WERE TO BE HELD VOTED AGAINST HAVING A BALLROOM DANCE IN THE CHURCH.

Now I am not an expert on love or marriage. I am not an expert on weddings nor receptions. But from what I can tell since when the f%ck has the wedding been about people other than the bride and groom? And if the bride and groom would like to have something as sinful as BALLROOM-FREAKING-DANCING could the god damned (pun intended) church be so kind as to accommodate them on this simple and innocent request?

No, apparently not, apparently it is 1984 in more ways than one.

Now I'm going to say it again, as I've said before, if religions around the world would like to bolster their enrollment (particularly Christian ones) and not drive people away then maybe they ought to loosen up and ditch their outmoded, obsolete and outright insane and pointless rules.

I'm by no means telling them to ditch the fire and brimstone or the morality and laws, but the sects or strains of Christianity where they criminalize and villainize sex and attraction to the opposite sex to guilt trip and control the masses are going to do nothing but hasten their demise. Sex is meant only for procreation (dated one gal that believed that)?

Kissing should only occur after engagement (dated another gal that believed that)?

Dressing sexy for her husband would be considered immoral (guilty again in dating a girl that believed that)?

Are you freaking kidding me?

And now, ballroom dancing is a sin and should be banned.

It's kind of like watching the stock market crash as Obama implements (or even mentions) his socialist fiscal policies. The people wondering why the market is crashing and the economy tanking are just as clueless as the heads of the churches watching their enrollments drop and congregations shrink.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Books Sales of Atlas Shrugged

Via The Economist, ironic they endorsed Obama.

I'm a Loser Baby, So Why Don't You Kill Me?

How Much Debt is Enough Debt

The parallels between the US and Japan circa 1990 are unbelievable.


Hello 200% gov't debt to GDP.

Has Anybody Ever Get a Good Review?

Just a curiosity, but has anybody ever gotten a good review? I ask because as the recession takes hold, I am curious whether companies are going to be intellectually honest and say, "You know, Joe, you've done great, but we just can't afford a raise this year because of the recession."

Or are we going to get the same ole same old;

"Gee Joe, we know you raised revenues by 40%, cut costs by 20%, single handedly solved our pension crisis, but you have some personal managerial issues where people are uncomfortable with your presence. Amy, in accounting, for example said when you wore a blue tie, it was a little loud and she was intimidated by it. Therefore, we're giving you a 2 out of 5 and you'll have to submit your "improvement plan" for the year to see how you are going to help contribute more to the corporation."

Just wondering.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Norwegian Banks

An obscure question, but I figured I'd find out sooner asking all my readers than searching for it on the internet, but does anybody know of any Norwegian banks you'd recommend?

I've gone online and tried to find different banks in Norway, but they're either all in Norwegian and I can't read it or they have offices in the US. Looking for a 100% Norwegian bank. Any recommendations/contacts/links?

Thanks,

El Capitan

Down and Down I Go

Play "That Old Black Magic" below;



And listen to the lovely lyrics as the stock market tanks;

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Feeding the Poor So that They Might Be Able to Afford Nicer Cell Phones Than Mine

Again, I have no pity for our "poor."

I pity the poor people in third world countries. But not ours.

Link.

Ht

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Obama Mug Shots

HAR!!!!!

I would love to see the McCain mugshots...though that might take a while longer to find.

Friday, March 06, 2009

My "Pigtail Day" Story

Many years ago if you had ran into the Captain, you would have seen an idealistic, happy young man. Eyes would have been wide open and hopeful like a young and energetic puppy. Of course, life has a tendency to turn even the most innocent and happy of boys into the dark and sinister men that we've become today, but back then the Captain was just a fresh-off-the-assembly-line happy private. And during those days the Captain would entertain foolish notions of coming up with little romantic and charming gimmicks to woo girls into courting him.

Things like bad poetry;


"I like you babe, I like you lots
It's for you I've got da hots

Date a man, for get the tots.
I like you babe, I like you lots."

Taking girls to look out points to awe them with the awe-inspiring views of the city with a bottle of wine tucked in the back pack.

Buying them corsages that matched their dresses if we made it to the fourth or fifth date.

And other stupid things I inevitably learned were futile and were simply just a waste of good beer money.


Of course, now "wooing" girls is no longer priority number one and currently ranks somewhere behind "cleaning the house" and "going to church," but allow me to share with you one of the more charming little gimmicks I came up with;


The (True) Story of Pigtail Day.

You see, when in my youth I was chasing after this young lass and I let it slipped that I had a soft spot for pigtails. Not the "catholic school girl" pigtail thing, but I just liked pigtails and still do to this day because they look cute and girly. Sure enough the girl I was trying to woo started sporting pigtails and I, foolishly, thought this was a good sign. Ergo, to capitalize on this preliminary-successful wooing, I wrote The TRUE Story of Pigtail Day.

Of course, despite its genius it failed and I had since forgotten that I wrote it, BUT upon cleaning out my computer files I rediscovered it and deemed it worthy of a little more attention. Thus, I give you The TRUE Story of Pigtail Day:

--------------
While most people believe Pigtail Day to be some sort of ruse or trick to get girls to put their hair in pigtails, simply for the amusement of men, the origins of Pigtail Day can be traced back to ancient Rome where all truly great holidays come from.

The success of the Roman empire is largely attributed to great military might and conquests, however, this is only partly true. Savvy historians and experts on Rome point to a strong and efficient economy as the backbone to the Roman empire’s success. Preceding the peak or glory years of the Roman empire, a military excursion into the northern isles, now known as Ireland, brought back an Irish slave called Eringobrough McClarey. Seemingly an ordinary sort of fellow, he was quickly assigned to poo shoveling at the Caesar’s greenhouse. But how misjudged he was, for McClarey was an insanely intelligent man, and soon he soared through the ranks to become Chief Poo Shoveller.

The Ceasar noted that his plants were doing much better, better than ever in the greenhouse and so he asked his aide,

“Aide, why are my plants so green and lush.”

The aide said, “Sire, it is the renowned poo-shoveling talent of an Irish slave, we brought back a couple years ago.”

“Bring him to me,” said Ceasar, “for I wish to speak with him.”

And so McClarey went to see Ceasar. And upon his arrival, the Ceasar awarded him not only a legion of poo-shovellers, but citizenship and a new title.

“From hence on, Eringobrough McClarey, you are now known as…

And the chicks did dig him.

And so Clarius Maximus and his poo shovellers set out to conquer many lands for the Roman Empire. And the empire grew under his command.

But while conquering, the insanely intelligent (and good looking) Clarius noticed all the logistics and management involved of transporting, feeding, supplying and quartering troops. Soon he developed a new science to help achieve the maximum effectiveness with his limited resources; economics.

The battle of Liberalius Pansius (a town full of artists, counselors, and public sector employees) is a perfect example of the ruthless efficiency of Clarius’ economics.

With no more than 20 poo shovellers, armed with potatoes, he managed to topple the city of 60,000 in 15 minutes and bring it under the heel of the Roman Empire.

Soon, rumor (and fear spread) of Clarius Maximus’ economic tactics. And when the results of his military campaign reached the Ceasar, the Ceasar said, “Bring him to me! I wish to apply this “economics” to matters here at Rome.”

Upon his return to Rome, the Ceasar awarded Clarius the much coveted Leather Gauntlets, which he donned upon his hands and thus made him 110% sexy.

Soon, in addition to waging war with his poo-shovelling legionnaires, Clarius was made “Grand Pooba of all Things Economic” in Rome. And under his wise leadership, GDP per capita increased 800%, unemployment dropped to record levels and Alanus Greenspanicus was put in charge of the newly created Roman Federal Reserve.

But something bothered Clarius. For despite all his success, he had no time for chicks.

And the Ceasar noticed something was wrong, so he said, “Clarius, why do you look so down?”

And Clarius said, “I have no time for chicks and video games have not been invented yet.”

And the Ceasar said, “Well, you’re in luck, because for all your service to the Roman Empire I will allow you to choose any girl from the entire Roman Empire.”

And so a decree went out that all totally hot and fine babes journey to Rome so that they may have the honor of courting the former poo-shoveller.

Millions came and were put under great scrutiny for Clarius Maximus wanted not only looks, but intelligence too! And after months of interviews and discussion, he had limited it down to 40,000 totally hot babes.

He then said, “All chicks who majored in engineering, physics, accounting, economics, or some other subject requiring math may stay.”

39,990 left, leaving only 10 of the hottest and most intelligent Roman babes. But sadly, Clarius was unable to tell who was the hottest one, they were all totally hot.

But then, out of nowhere, came two dirty Massachusetts senators, with the intent of absconding with one of the totally hot Roman chicks. Unfortunately, they chose the same girl and a tug of war match ensued. Each senator grabbed one half of the girl’s hair, pulling in opposite directions. They tugged and tugged, until Clarius Maximus dispatched his highly trained and tippy top secret elite poo-shovelling legionnaire ninjas! Within a millisecond the two senators dropped under the heavy hits of ninja shovels.

And what was left after the ruckus was a totally hot roman chick with her hair pointing in opposite directions, exactly like what today’s pigtails look like!

Clarius Maximus was stunned, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen!!! And he saw a million of them, so this babe was like totally fine! He said, “You, chick with the pigtails. You’re hot! Let’s go out.”

And how could she refuse, for he was wearing his 110% sexy leather gauntlets.

The Ceasar, upon seeing this totally gorgeous babe with the pigtails, immediately said,

“I declare this day, January the 29th to be Pigtail Day. And I decree that every January 29th all women should put their hair in Pigtails!”

And the people were jovial and happy and the chicks were like totally hot…but not quite as hot as Clarius Maximus.

"Heaven, I'm in Heaven."

Open this in separate window and read the article below whilst listening to the music.

Article.

Is it wrong for me to be taking such joy in the collapse?

To quote Jason Lewis "You give me 6 months and I'll have us out of this recession."

Of course, nobody wants to take the medicine those evil free marketer economists recommend. They just want to pop the Obama-socialism pill and "POOF!" the recession will end!

Oh, you people have no idea how much emergency invasive surgery the economy needs.

And what's beautiful is you think there's some kind of "option" or "choice" in the matter.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Why the Stock Market is Crashing

As you know, I like to make economics simple, because frankly, that's how economics is.

It's not complicated.

It's not difficult.

It's simple.

And those that try to make it difficult or complicated are just trying to make it look like they're smart.

So let me explain to you why the stock market is collapsing.

Aside from Obama pursuing nothing short of a socialist agenda, there is an overall and more "overriding" reason the market is collapsing;

People and investors are starting to realize the true potential economic productivity of this nation and it's pathetic.

Now I don't know how many times I've explained why sociology degrees or liberal art degrees are worthless. I don't know how many times I've explained that if you want economic productivity you have to first incentive people to be productive by allowing them to keep the vast majority of the fruits of their labor. I don't know how many times I've explained how a critical mass of the population of the US has basically become spoiled, corrupted, individual labor units or cells of society akin to cancer to the point they produce nothing and will thus trigger organ failure. And I don't know how many times I've highlighted the risks of relying on increasing asset prices for retirement, especially if their underlying rents or profits do not keep pace. But it seems now the market is finally starting to realize this and the consequences are the near 60% drop in stock prices.

You see, stock prices are basically a barometer of people's expectations of the future. If the future looks bright, the economy is humming along, prospects look good, and people believe they will be free in the future, then profits will probably increase in the future, thus increasing stock prices. But if the future looks bleak, people lie around and expect to be taken care of, corporations are vilified and their profits are threatened to be taken away, and in short economic freedoms are taken away from both individuals and corporations, then not only do you disincentive people to start companies and pursue profit, but stocks drop in response because there it is unlikely the economy will produce anything of value or wealth in the future.

The second scenario is the case we face today. Nobody wants to work for a living anymore. People expect a hand out from the government. The concept that self-supportation is laughed at as the children (both of the adult and child variety) of this society not expect, but demand to be at minimum taken care of and paid for by the government. America has become so far removed from the principles of independence, individuality, rugged individualism, excellence, achievement and freedom that made it great and drove the stock market up to 14,000, that it is now suffering what can only be described as the natural consequences of pursuing the opposite and the economic reality of it is a Dow Jones trading at 6,500 (soon to be 5,000 by my estimates).

Now America does have a choice. We can go back to the roots of freedom, capitalism, independence, innovation and individuality to restart the massive economic engine that made America great, or continue going down the road of collectivism, parasiticism, conformity and totalitarianism which has TIME AND TIME AGAIN ruined nations before our very eyes. However, sadly this choice is really more of an "academic" one than one we will really have to make in that the cancerous masses have become so corrupted and so numerous that the choice has already been made.

Alas, until those masses get their heads out of their asses their 401k plans will still be worthless and a Dow Jones of 10,000 will be the stuff of social security and Obama's stimulus plan; a fairy tale.

Big Oil Didn't Require a Bailout

The thing I love about the left is that the hypocrisy inevitably catches up with them.

No doubt they are livid (as am I) over the bailouts the finance, insurance and auto industries are receiving. Ergo, by default this means leftists do not like it when corporations are run so poorly that they lose money and therefore require a taxpayer bailout. By default then, they would prefer companies that make enough money so as not to parasite off the taxpayer. Companies like, oh, I don't know, the big oil firms maybe perhaps?



You see, Big Oil is coming out looking stellar doing what corporations are supposed to do; run a profitable operation. Not one penny in bailout money has been given to big oil, because, well they have their heads out of their asses. And unlike pretty much every other industry with a cup in their hand begging the taxpayer for money, good ole big oil has more or less stayed away from parasiting off the taxpayer.

Of course, if we were to be logical and INTELLECTUALLY HONEST about it, the left would love Big Oil. But of course they don't because they MAKE MONEY.

Thus, what is big oil to do?

If they make a profit they're evil. If they lose money and get a bail out, they're evil. Perhaps they should just aim to break even and that would make the left happy?

You know what I think? I think big oil should just move their corporate headquarters overseas as their operations truly are global and not deal with the left anymore. They could HQ in a tax haven, and instead of pay 40% taxes (not to mention deal with incessant bitching and whining) pay 0% and actually boost the value of the stock and the value of millions of peoples' 401ks...of course they could stick around like Bacardi did back in Cuba....and realize they should have moved to Bermuda a long time ago.

But then what do I know? I'm just a dumb video game playing economist.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Now THAT'S Funny!


Yeah, move your business to DETROIT!

North Korea might as well have placed an ad in the same paper.

U2 Sucks

Yes, sorry to inform you, U2, does indeed suck.

I realized this NOT after the US Bureau of Labor Statistics came out with a study that empirically proves that U2 sucks, but after having to listen to it non-stop for 30 minutes in an Irish bar.

"SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!

SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAYYYYYYY!!!!"

Please, somebody out there tell me how in god's name U2 became so damn popular? Is it the bland suburbanite masses who find Ruby Tuesday's chicken quesadillas too spicy the same people that somehow think this incessant, non-stop blathering, droning of whinny Irishmen (and just so you know I'm Irish, and yes, they are whinny) is "unique" sounding? Or is it just the socio-political standing of U2 that compels people to "say" they like U2, when deep down inside they know they suck. Their singing is about as good as their ability to stay poverty in Africa.

I remember being in middle school I think and there being advertisements for "Rattle and Hum." Truly, and I mean this, Huey Lewis and the News was way better.

Now, if you want an aging band of boomers that still has some talent left in them, I'll give you Aerosmith. But come on, U freaking 2? Hang on while I watch this Viva Viagra commercial.

Link Fest Extravaganza!

OK folks, time for another round of link fest. Again, I DO genuinely and sincerely appreciate everybody that links to me and in return I make an attempt to link back to them. So if you like Cappy Cap, then you should at least pay these hombres (and hombrettes) a visit;

Excellent and sometimes dark/cynical cartoons. I wouldn't say "cynical" because in today's America where everything is peachyhappykeendaddybuysmeanAudiletsgotoapplebeesandmajorincommunications, no doubt society has strayed from reality. And reality is much more harsh and ergo what is "cynical" in America passes for SOP in most other countries;

http://benjamin-politix.blogspot.com/

Then there is Save Capitalism. I disagree with the premise that "capitalism" needs saving. It's like saying "save gravity." Capitalism, as you will find out, IS A NATURAL LAW. It is more powerful than gravity. It is more powerful than light. It is the strongest most basic operating law of human nature. And (PLEASE PAY ATTENTION, BECAUSE THIS IS GOLD I'M GIVING YOU HERE) the simple secret to success for societies and nations is that the more you abide by this natural law the better you will do. The more you try to institute an economic system that is not capitalist, the worse you will do. Look at North Korea vs. Bermuda or the Cayman Islands. Wow, "crazy." Who ever thought letting people be free and keeping the majority of the fruits of their labor would result in the masses going out, day in day out, kicking ass to produce GDP because it would be to their own benefit. Of course, Obama doesn't realize this, but that's because he's a moron when it comes to basic economics (and oh yes, all of you who voted for him are going to realize how crushing this natural law of capitalism is) In the meantime enjoy his bailouts, flowers, puppies and ponies. I'm sure it will turn around the economy.

I appreciate capitalists who come to America and wish to produce and carry their own weight. Ergo, visit David, a Ukranian immigrant who (sadly) I think is going to be let down by the road America is going down. He may actually decide to head back to the Ukraine and I frankly wouldn't blame him. Regardless, if any of you are employers, hire this guy. What more do you want than somebody willing to contribute to GDP and hates socialists (simply because unlike most of the socialists here, he's actually lived through socialism).

I don't speak Spanish, some of you might. But capitalists abound no matter where you go. Support them.

There's also Joie.

Look, you all know me. I hate kids. I hate sappy sh!t. But all that being said, the yin that must counter the yang is Joie. She's a nice mother and has children and though not socially the same, we're on the same team. Visit her because she visits me.

There's also the Gay Patriot. It's not because I loathe religion. It's not because I try to score points to seem more "moderate" and gain favor amongst those across the isle. It's because of principle I support gay marriage. Who in god's name is anybody else to tell two people what to do? You want to smoke cigars? You want to be able to kiss blonds, brunettes or redheads? You want to do whatever YOU please as an individual and NOT have your preferences dictated to you by the state? Well, stay the hell out of other people's business as long as they're not hurting you and expect people to expect the same from you. The gay issue is in my opinion one of the least political issues in that it really has nothing to do with the government, nor should it. End of discussion, topic over, no it has nothing to do with you.

And then there's working class conservative. You see, we all don't drink cognac and oppress minorities and women daily (perhaps weekly, but not daily). Matter of fact, if you're a minority, you'll find you have more in common with a blue collar conservative than Barack Obama because aside from skin color, you really have nothing in common. Did you have everything paid for since you were born? No? Oh, wow, 1 for the working class conservative and 0 for Obama. Did you have to work in high school to build the funds for college? Yes? Oh, 2 for working class conservative and still 0 for Obama. Did you have mommy pay your way through Harvard? No? Oh, well, 3 for working class conservative and 0 for Obama. You can keep going and you'll find the score to be about 483 to 0. Do yourself a favor and visit people who actually care about you and not your skin color.

Finally, because he sent it and reminded me (my book marks are not that greatly organized) the British Columbian Iconoclast.

Visit him, now, do it, NOW!

That there be all dem der links. Visit them and do it now!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Municipal Poverty Pimps



Now you know why cities insist on having such poor public schools;

Because only morons would vote people in time and time again believing it's "outside forces" keeping them poor and not piss poor management on the part of inept socialist mayors and city councils.

Such a simple solution to the poorest people in America and they won't have any of it simply because they've been brainwashed to hate capitalism, free markets and independence.

Sad.

Monday, March 02, 2009

My Pot Rack Story

Let me tell you my pot rack story and then I’m heading out to teach dance class for the day.

I was about 24 or 25, I can’t remember which. I was a younger guy and had met this older guy, all of 29, who was also into finance and economics. I looked up to him as he was also conservative, much more successful than I was and kind of tolerated my younger, cocky ass.

Through the course of the next year we became good friends. We’d all go out swing dancing, we talk shop, he was a runner and so was I, all in all a great guy and everybody loved his company.

Then he found himself a girl.

She was a neurotic grad student, getting her doctorate in psychology not to go into practice, of course, but to go and re-teach what she learned 2 years previous to presumably girls in her exact same situation. Obsessed with her looks she was constantly working out, eating sticks and twigs, forcing my buddy to do the same and basically sank her teeth into this guy immediately. He lasted about a whopping 3 months before she moved into his house and then the metamorphosis began.

I saw my friend go from a carefree bachelor guy, to a guy who was otherwise spoken for, to a guy who was committed, to a guy who was condemned. And whereas previously I could call him up and say,

“Hey, John, let’s go for a run.”

Or

“Hey, John, let’s all go out dancing and scope out some chicks.”

Or

“Hey, John, let’s get the crew together and go see a movie.”

I found myself progressively running into “scheduling conflicts” he had that prevented him from going out with his old chums.

The end came on a Saturday evening. It wasn’t late. It wasn’t too early and I called him up. I said, “Hey, John, let’s go down to the Dubliner and get a beer.”

The Dubliner being an Irish joint literally 3 blocks from his house.

Over the phone he said, “I don’t know, it’s Saturday night and I’m pretty busy.”

“Busy!?” I said, “What do you mean busy?! Come on, it’s 3 blocks from your house, it’ll take all of 30 minutes to have a beer. Let’s go.”

“Hang on, let me ask my fiancĂ© (he liked to call her his fiancĂ©)”

So in the background I hear his lower toned male voice mumbling, asking his beloved if he could go out and get a beer, “Murmur murmur murmur murmur?”

And in return I heard her Beaker-eqsue (from the Muppets) high pitch voice respond;

“Neener neerner neener neneer neen?”

Then I heard my friend say,

“The Captain.”

And then in vehement response the girl saying;

“THE CAPTAIN! NEENER NEENER NEENER NEENER NEERNER NEEEEEEE!!!!”

Soon he came back on the phone and said, “I’m sorry, we’re hanging a pot rack tonight.”

I sat there thinking to myself, “Woooooow. This guy is completely 100% castrated.”

I said, “Pot rack? A pot rack? Can you postpone the great hanging of the pot rack?”

“No, we’ve been meaning to hang this for a while, and you know how long these projects take.”

I decided it was futile to try to get him to go and get a beer. I also concluded it was pointless to even try to maintain a friendship anymore.

I never knew what happened to them thereafter. They moved somewhere and that was the last I heard of them, but this taught me a very valuable lesson;

Friends are not there to bide the time away until you find somebody to marry, by which you dispose of your friends like you do used toilet paper. Your friends are arguably more important than your spouse as they hang out with you for you and all your faults and don’t give a damn what you do or how much money you make and never lay aim or have ulterior motives in hanging out with you. They are the most pure and decent people you will ever run into which can only be rivaled by the loyalty and friendship provided by dogs. And to shed them like you would an old skin once a cute piece of tail walks by is a testament not to their disposability but to your personal caliber.

Now I know that women are just as prone to do this as men, my story is only about a guy, but regardless of sex, it angers me how people just drop their friends once they find, not even somebody they’re going to marry, but somebody they just become romantically involved with. And sure as Obama destroying the US economy, once they dump your sorry ass, who do you go crawling back to? Your friends.

Ergo, I think a “repatriation of friends” tax should be in order. Not necessarily some kind of monetary tax, but like a celebrity roasting or hazing where you make the traitor beg and plead for re-acceptance back into the fold of friends. Where you make your buddy profess to the guys why you and the guys were infinitely better than the girl he ran off with who took him for half, left him with a kid that wasn’t his and made off with his house. Or the girlfriends make the girl admit that dating the loser who took her money to buy drugs, ended up getting another girl pregnant and racked up $40,000 in credit card debt was indeed the most boneheaded move she could have ever possibly made. I would also go so far as to enforce a level of “indentured servitude” upon them where they have to go and buy the beer, they have to be sober cab and they have to help friends move for a period of a year to earn their way back into the system.

Of course, this is all dreaming and poppycock, but when I am king. Ohhhhhhh, when I am king. There are going to be some really new and weird laws being made.