Monday, May 20, 2013


BASDSMTOT (Bachelors Against SUV Driving Soccer Moms Texting or Talking While Driving) is a new crusade I want to pursue because I'm bored and want to tell other people what to do with their lives so I can feel better about myself campaign I want to start to protect society from a genuine scourge that threatens us all

Soccer moms who drive SUV's and don't pay attention because they're too busy talking on their phone, texting, or are just plain lousy drivers.

Many a bachelor and motorcycle riders would have been killed had it not been for our superior reflexes and defensive driving that compensates for the general poor driving ability of this group, but we here at MADD, BASDSMTOTWD want to be just as aloof, unaware and indifferent about our driving ability as the texting talking soccer moms.  I want to be able to do my make up, text, talk on my phone and try to discipline my child while crashing into and totaling a bachelor's convertible (that actually happened to me) with no consequence of legal punishment.

So what I suggest is limiting the ability of normal, responsible adults to have a drink and enjoy life soccer moms to drive because I'm a unproductive member of society, and like Mayor Bloomberg have nothing better to do, I care about society.  therefore I'm asking the legislature to limit the NODUITSUV (Number Of Distracting Units In The SUV) to 2.  NODUITSUV would be any object or entity that is capable of distraction such as:

1.  cell phone
2.  child
3.  make up
4.  magazine
5.  on star
6.  another person


So if you have your cell phone, three chidlren, and your husband.  Too bad, you can't take all 5.  You need to make three separate trips hauling only 2 NODUITSUV's each to abide by this law.

And I don't care how much it inconveniences you, because "if it just saves one life, then it's worth it."


Anonymous said...

If moms want to take their beta husband with them he had to walk in front of the SUV with a red hand lantern.

Eric Mueller said...

Absolutely. Give it back to them.

I complained because I couldn't buy Nyquil without ID, even though I have grey hair and a grey beard and most obviously am not underage. A leftist friend of mine gave me that pseudo-enlightened "I don't mind a little inconvenience if it saves just one life".

I was given a response of total horror when I said that anybody who could kill themselves with Nyquil is too stupid to live anyway, and I should be able to buy it based on the fact that I am obviously an adult and a paying customer.

So yes, let the soccer mom make 3 trips to the soccer field. If it saves just one responsible male member of society's life, it's worth watching her suffer this obviously minor inconvenience. I'm sure she supported the policies that make it harder for me to buy OFF THE FREAKING SHELF cold medicine anyway.

Joe Bar said...

I certainly like this better than the current proposal to lowere the legal ethanol limit to .05%.

Doktor Bill said...

Encountering and having to actively avoid crashes at the hands of these bitches is a Daily Struggle for me. I cringe when I see one in my rearview mirror and I have nowhere to go.

Anonymous said...

Right on the target, Cappy! These bitches have long been a scourge to society and I'm more than fine with all of them losing their right to drive. Let them walk or be driven by their beta hubbies. We need them driving like we need cancer.