As most of you know I am spoken for. Took a while, but the benefits of it taking a while and dating 300+ of America's...COUGH COUGH...WHEEZE WHEEZE...PHLEGM PHLEGM...
"finest"
kind of puts things into perspective so that when a quality candidate comes along (one every eight years) you know to capitalize on it.
However, that being said, there is a thing called "euphoric recall," a term an alcoholic friend of mine taught me about. It means that your brain tends to remember only the good things or good times and forgets the bad ones. I believe it is a survival mechanism in that if your brain remembered all the bad stuff in your life, you'd become depressed and suicidal. But that aside, the principle applies in the same regard when it comes to courting and playing the field - your brain will remember only the good times of your single swingin' bachelor/ette days.
Because of this, after some time men (and women) will tend to only fondly remember the good aspects of dating and playing the field. They will then start to wonder about their current spouse/boy/girlfriend/lover, or just the concept of settling down in the first place. But what they forget is the sheer hell and pain-in-the-assery those "good ole times" were.
Thus, why I recommend "revisiting the meat market."
As I sit here now typing, my pilot-bachelor-millionaire friend and I just returned from "Friday Night" in St. Petersburg, Florida. Every Friday night they section off the bar area of downtown and the night clubs, cigar lounges, and bars open up. We headed out to the cigar lounge to smoke, but as luck would have it, I also found a salsa club just a block south of the "Friday Night" festivities.
However, when we reconnoitered the salsa club there were practically no women to dance with, prompting us to think we'd surely be able to convince some women to come dance with us back at the "Friday Night" festival. I thought this would be a breeze given the levity of the festival and figured it would only be a matter of approaches to convince a couple girls to join us, but, ahhhhh yes.... euphoric recall.
The first group of girls "didn't know how to dance."
The second group, "no thank you, nice try."
And the third group! Mercy, a veritable 23 year old bitch told me "nice try, it's time for you to leave."
(And to dissuade any arguments that I was dejected or butt hurt, no, in all honesty I was merely, literally, and honestly asking girls if they wanted to join me and my buddy at a salsa club. And to further address any additional arguments, yes, I was on my game, was charming, wasn't creepy, etc, etc, etc.and my approach was one of NOT hitting on, but a genuine and friendly request that some girls come dancing with us (for example, I asked no one particular girl, but GROUPS to join us) Also the approaches were aloof, indifference and nonchalant.)
Regardless, my point is the responses were just so hostile and arrogant that it reminded me of just what a pain in the ass it was trying to play the field, when in fact we WEREN'T EVEN TRYING TO PLAY THE FIELD! We were just trying to get dance partners. And thus, there is a lesson for both those of you who are spoken for and those of you who are single.
For those of you (men) who are single, my god. I don't envy you. I've been off the market for a while, but not that long. And even in that short time the arrogance and hubris of women has increased 2-3 fold. To see someone as young as 23 dare to have the rudeness to dismiss a request to dance with "time for you to go" only tells me they have been approached so many times their courtesy and etiquette has been obliterated by their egos. And while admittedly this is a sample pulled from St. Petersburg and is not representative of all girls in America, it is once again further proof the wisdom us old fogies have is needed more than ever.
For those of you men who are spoken for, I HIGHLY recommend revisiting the meat market. Not so much to hit on girls, but to be reminded as to just what a pain in the ass it was suffering such brats in your youth, and what a catch you have back at home. I have the benefit of being able to use a platonic vehicle in the form of dancing to test the attitudes of women today, but simply revisiting a meat market or a bar and faux talking to a girl will more than make you appreciate the attitudeless woman who entertained your offer to take her to a movie 10 years ago.
I'll say it again for the cheap seats. I ALWAYS and CONSTANTLY worry that the wisdom we gained from our experiences 10-20 years ago will not apply to the current generation, and in no longer being applicable, turn out to be erroneous, misleading, and thus, detrimental. But the situation has WORSENED, NOT IMPROVED making our advice and experiences all that much more important for the young boys of today.
Stay frosty, boys. Stay the freak frosty.
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28 comments:
Don't worry, Cap! In fifteen years, "Time For You To Go" Bitch Lady will turn into this chick:
http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/3774932999.html
Ah! The sweet smell of sweaty, overworked hamster.....
For the luv of gawd, learn some game ...
Dont ask women to come dancing with you ... Lead them ...
Strike some conversation, & walk them outside while talking
If they ask where theyre going, tell them you know a cool spot
Once you get to the spot, theyre surprised
Women dont enjoy having to deal with logic
To the point they'll say no to a decent man, if a man forces her to think with logic
By asking a woman, you're asking her to think logically & even worse you're asking for her permission
According to women logic, using logic & asking for permission, arent demonstrations of a man ...
Lead as always ...
Why would I revisit the meat market, put up with the abuse, only to have a bitchy, obnoxious woman living with me and messing up my life? Why would I go through that BULLSHIT? How does that make my life better? I think I'll stay single and dateless, thank you very much...
Mack,
trust me, my game is fine as well as refined over 15 years of dancing. I did not want to go into details about my approaches detracting from the larger post.
Cpt.
Hey Cap, welcome to St Pete. I live downtown just a few blocks from where you were last night.
What you experienced was called "first Friday" and thankfully only occurs the first Friday of every month were the area's "finest" re: the trashiest and most thuggish of the city descends on downtown.
I generally try to avoid it at all cost as everyone's shields are at the highest which makes dancing or meeting girls much more difficult.
Hope you have some more time to enjoy the rest of the city, parks restaurants, cafes, etc as it is actually a pretty good quality of life here
There is an a acronym called:Can't Understand Normal Thinking. Some poor guy is going to end up marrying this girl and being miserable unless he reads manosphere. Posts like yours and becomes aware of reality...
At least you didn't get this treatment:
Me: walks up and just says hi.
Her: fuck off bitch.
That one hurt.
I'll speak to the Captain's game; even in a bar with the most terrible music playing he's still charismatic as all hell. He and I managed to pretty much dominate the social scene there, had the whole bar clapping as we Russian kick-danced to the worst techno you've ever heard.
If you want to pick up one of these brats, some tight, razor-edge game might work, but personally I consider "Basic Civility" on my list of must-haves.
First comment here, I've been following your blog past couple month and find it very interesting.
I would like to comment on the subject of dancing and asking girls to dance. When I was a young man many years ago younger I rarely danced with women. I really didn't know how to dance and the whole thing was too stressful. It was all part of a courting ritual with a woman sizing you up from the moment you approached her. There was always a high probability of being rejected or not getting second dance. Plus the dancing was often awkward with a certain distance required and both just dancing in the general vicinity of the other. No touching! Nothing about it was fun.
About 12 years ago I went to live in South America for several years. What a wonderful change! There, people DO dance for fun and they do it a lot and everywhere: at clubs, parties, get togethers at home, even lunch cafe's. Yes there was some part of the courtship ritual but for the most part it was just for fun. Girls wanted to be asked to dance and I was almost never turned down. I quickly learned how to dance and often did so women of all ages, from teenage girls up to grandmothers and believe me there is no of this "hands-off" garbage required. Men are expected to dance like men and women like women, none of this gender neutral shaking and strutting that passes for dancing here. In three years and many dozens(hundreds?) of dance occasions I was turned down maybe twice. On the other hand I was also asked to dance many dozens of time as well. In short dancing was fun and stress free.
Shortly after returning here I was at a party. Some lively music was on and forgetting myself, I acted as I did in South America and said to the American Womyn next to me "Lets dance" and took her hand. I was given a glare that cut through me and a put down that quickly reminded me I was back in the US with. Sigh. I have not asked a stranger to dance since, although occasional I go dancing with my wife (who I brought back with me from South America)but is just not the same here.
In short, men if you want to dance, forget these uptight self-absorbed American Womyn. Most of them are beyond salvation and not worth the effort. If you ever have the opportunity, go to South America, enjoy yourself and find a hot latina. You will not regret it.
As a man who has put off dating throughout his early twenties (I'm 26, about to be 27 and I've never really dated) this does not make me look forward to dating.
1. You don't have enough visible tattoos
2. Your wardrobe is too nice
3. You speak middle America English.
4. You were honest about your intentions.
This does not surprise me in the least. I entirely gave up on the "market" more than 10 years ago, started salsa dancing as well. The difference between women who simply want to be on display at a market and those who actually want to interact with men on a level playing field is night-and-day.
There is an option for men who don't feel like jumping through endless hoops - ghosting.
Personally, I was never so miserable as when I tried to game and pick up girls.
Disappearing from the scene all-together has done wonders for my mental health. Modern, American women are toxic.
I'm in the same boat as Reluctant Paladin and I'm 25 going onto 26.
Why are they so rude? Even if they get hit on all the time, why not just a polite, "Not this time, thank you."?
I think I shall show this post to my husband and tell him, "See! Aren't you glad to have me??"
James, for me it was conversation and not dancing, but like you I had lived overseas for a while (Germany) and got used to being relaxed and a little flirty in a "cheeky monkey" way more than a pick-up way, and they ate it up. Telling a girl (call her a woman and you're insinuating she's a tank of an old grandma - call a woman a girl, even into middle age, and she blushes and gets all fidgety with the compliment) that her new hair-do really compliments her, or compliment some personality trait or the way she does something, and you got a fast friend, even if you're just stopping in a town square for lunch and making conversation with the waitress for self-entertainment. Then I leave the Army and am back home, and tell a customer her new hair style really looks nice on her. She calls my boss and complains of sexual harassment. Luckily, I had a dude of a boss who just told me to re-Americanize how I talk with women. He had to give "the talk" to a co-worker who had the same thing happen, who hired in a couple of months before me after having been in the Navy in Italy for his enlistment.
Matt, Paladin, etc., I feel your pain. Women make a loud speech on how they're through with relationships or they're sick of men and want to switch teams for decent companionship, but they keep dating and having train wrecks. With no announcement, in 1995 I just stopped chasing. I was exhausted. Even when I won, the prize just wasn't worth the mountain climb to win. It reminds me of a scene in "Everybody Loves Raymond" where the mother cries to the father, "Sometimes I think I'm just your trophy wife" to which he responded, "What contest in hell did I win for you to be the trophy?" I got to where, when I saw an ex with her new boyfriend, instead of getting upset and envious, I'd just think, "I put in my time; it's your turn on the drama-coaster."
The only thing that keeps me even wanting to get back on that horse is the all encompassing, all consuming drive to have children. Then I observe the women around me, and see one mom forever married to me with me as the full time dad is as reasonable to expect as going into a car dealership and asking for a car with stick shift and manual brakes and steering. It just don't happen anymore. I'd rather not have a family scattered to the 4 winds NBA player style, but that's all that's around me, baby-mamas and baby-daddies instead of mothers and fathers.
I blame social media. We need to realize that it's an entirely different animal for women than it is for men.
Men use things like FB and Twitter to make points or connect. Women use it to put out pics and get ego strokes. This is generalizing, of course, but enough women now have guys salivating over them in the virtual world that they can behave like b*tches in real life, since approval is right around the corner no matter what they do.
I have dozens of female friends on Facebook that have their minions of male followers championing every picture and status update, no matter how lame.
I really see this as having an effect well beyond what people realize. We've all seen how unearned praise in schools turns children into little brats. Well, the same thing is happening to women.
-- Days of Broken Arrows
I am not saying that they are much better this side of the pond, but damn.
That is not right.
sunshinemary: "Why are they so rude?..."
Because they can be. And they are never made to face the consequences for such boorish behavior.
Why do we men (when we get tired of this abuse from over-pampered, over-entitled, over-privileged, over-indulged children) finally say "screw you and the horse you rode in on, too" and Go Our Own Way?
Because WE can.
And we don't give a damn about what over-the-hill ex-carousel riders have to say.
@Capt
I was referring to you asking the women to do something ...
Asking a woman isnt leading
I know your post isnt about game, & about obnoxious women
I was just pointing out how to deal with most women who're obnoxious in public surroundings ...
Just maneuver them to the spot you want to goto, engross them in conversation
Anyway i'm sure you've got great macking skills & I hope my advice helps
Cheers
Maybe you are ugly and have a repulsive personality!
"Maybe you are ugly and have a repulsive personality!"
Even if he was, that's no excuse for that kind of rudeness.
It isn't "just how American women are", its bad breeding. Poor social skills. She wasn't taught manners, like a lot of people her age with parents that are completely out to lunch. I've had plenty of encounters with men my age (23) like this too, it manifests in a different way though.
"my pilot-bachelor-millionaire friend"
Is there such a thing? I know pilot was considered a glamorous career in the 1960s, but ever since the 80s their pay has been decreasing, isn't it? Now I hear its barely a middle class job.
Is your friend doing some side work?
"
1. You don't have enough visible tattoos
2. Your wardrobe is too nice
3. You speak middle America English.
4. You were honest about your intentions.
"
Being a thug only works on a certain type of low class woman. You have to be suave, not an ex-con. Also, LOL at the Captain speaking "middle America English". Dude could be put in a textbook for a Minnesota accent.
I sent this to hopeless (CL ad near the top of the comments):
"There is no hope, you have aged into sexual irrelevance. Where the introverted, nerdy, good guys you spurned were to you when you were 18-27 is exactly where you are to your same age peer group. It is no wonder that nature's norm of 3-10 years age difference, with the man older, is expressed. Whereas women peak in their beauty when they're in their 15-30 bracket, men peak at 27-43. Careerism and shunning marriage is a foolhardy position to take for a woman in the game of sex and life, as it leaves such a woman exactly where you are: alone and invisible.
"The best thing you can do, instead of deriding Rob on w4m, is to post on m4w and warn all those 18-27 year olds not to screw around. Beauty will only last so long.
"Of course, you won't because you're deluded. You'll likely attack me instead, which is fine, because you know you're ahead when you're getting bitten in the ass.
"Warn as many young women you care about as you can: family, THEN career! Steinem and MacKinney did not love you, they in fact hated you more than the men and led you down this path!"
MackPUA's advice is incredibly disturbing. I would think most women see those kinds of actions as incredibly creepy (body-parts-in-the-freezer creepy). A sensible woman would run very quickly in the other direction. Maybe the women who stick around have such low self-esteem that they are willing to put up with being shepherded and being treated so abysmally. I can only feel sorry for such poor girls.
I dance a lot. I've not seen much rude behavior by women at clubs which have substantial dance floors. Generally, women are grateful to have dance partners. They often hug me after dancing with them, especially if they are inexperienced.
Women in groups are sometimes intimidated by the hyena with the longest clit. You have to face her down, holding her gaze and do the same with her wingmen; you might see some of the women smiling at you even after the bitch hyena nukes you. I did that once and one of the women in the group smiling at the back asked me to dance as I was walking away still smiling. I was totally unfazed by the nuclear rejection and maintained my frame. It's going to be a lot harder to get women to break away if they have to change locations, but it's probably doable if you can demonstrate some dancing skill--maybe with one of your wingmen. That would show massive confidence--dancing with another man.
I dance in the States a lot.
An understanding of group dynamics is often helpful. Women in a herd are sometimes run by a bitch hyena--you have to scatter the herd by facing down the bitch and her wingmen, holding their gazes while smiling. Look for women around the edges who are smiling. Make eye contact with them, smiling, then walk away. Good chance they will join you. I did that at a club after asking if any in the group knew how to dance and as I was walking away, pretty young gal at the back called out and asked me to dance with her even though she didn't know how to dance. She hugged me afterwards and invested in convo.
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