Monday, November 25, 2013

Proof American Girls are Dumb: One Directions

Never heard of them.

The reason I never heard of them is because they did not exist until 48 hours ago.

But since some media and marketing executives create them, I have had nothing but an annoying and constant barrage of Yahoo "News" (COUGH COUGH PHLEGM PHLEGM) and other media outlets about

"One Directions"

Look, girls.  Don't you think it's about time you "girl up" to your presumed "independent" and "intelligent" reputations American media constantly shoves down my throat?

I mean, you're all so independent.
You're all so smart.
You're all so everything.

And yet, the money in Hollywood is you're so stupid, you're going to swallow whole (pun intended until they take down Miley Ray Syphilis) the latest dumbass boy band.

And you know what, you most likely will.

For once, I find myself aligned with my sworn enemies - the feminists.  EVEN THEY can see through this corporatist pablum.  They'll tell you the same thing I am, which means (for once) we can't possibly be wrong. 

Oh, I know, I know, Hollywood has figured out the magic formula for tweens and teens.  And this is merely hypothesizing (look it up, it's word dearies) on my part you're capable of being smart enough to ignore this blatant placation (look up both words dearies) to your genetics.  But something tells me you're going to ignore this anyway because "they're so hot" or "they're so cute."

And something tells me the canard (look it up dearies) that "girls mature faster than boys" will continue.

You kids enjoy the decline....never mind, you'll never get the pun.


SM777 said...

A quick question, was there some sort of link that was supposed to go with this posting?

Phil Galt said...

One direction? About a year ago, they made local news when tween girls were injured in a stampede at a local mall to get tickets after waiting all night in the parking lot.

Twenty years ago, these kids would have been shilling Honeycomb cereal in a treehouse....

Anonymous said...

Cap, I'm asking here because I don't know where else to. In this article, as in all others, you say "enjoy the decline". But when do you think the decline is going to actually happen? When will we see it?

Pete Brewster said...


Once again, once women are forced to live on what men consider them to have earned---which is precisely what men have always had to do---we'll finally be rid of boy bands for good. People who understand that money doesn't grow on trees tend not to spend it on crap unless forced to by people who don't.

Anonymous said...

A guy at my school was walking around telling college students (boys and girls) that he would give them $5 if they could tell him what simple acronyms stood for (e-mail, D.C., etc)

I watched him for awhile - I don't think he gave away more than $20 to guys and probably not even $5 to the girls.

Anonymous said...

Anon 8:39, we're living the decline right now. Our purchasing power is dwindling, our job prospects poor, our ability to build a family nearly gone, our life expectancy decreasing. Rome wasn't built in a day, but neither did it fall in a day.

Anonymous said...

Well at least from personal experience, 99.99% of American Girls will just swallow whatever gets thrown down the pop-chute. Until she started working in music, my sister was. But remember this comic

Anonymous said...